gwyn: (hearts wizzicons)
To all the people who've helped me out with the cost of the hard drive repair--thank you so, so much. It means a lot to me, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Especially since I was the dumbass who never did a better backup system than, you know, using this drive in the first place till it was too late.

My hope is that at some point soon I can start identifying a place to host the digitzed vids (i'm not necessarily thrilled with my vids site host and have been talking with Mrs. Killabeez about migrating my personal and professional web sites elsewhere), and then start putting things online and maybe with the help of some of the other cannibals, put the handful of vids that are digitally remastered onto Critical Commons. I have an account there, but have never actually taken action on using it--not enough spoons, etc. etc.--but I can do that because I think it'll be a good place for those things to exist, since they're a part of fannish vidding history. And then I don't have to worry about stupid YouTube blocking them or whatever.

Now I just have to find the…energy and ability to do these things. When you can't even get out of bed in the morning, it's hard sometimes to look at this stuff and want to do it, but I know that as the unintentional and unelected keeper of these things, it's something I gotta do.

Heavy sigh

Apr. 24th, 2017 04:10 pm
gwyn: (8ball wizzicons)
Back in January, during the Snowflake Challenge, I mentioned that one of the things I've avoided doing for a couple years now was taking a dead hard drive with all the Media Cannibals vid remasters and digital copies in to a data recovery service, because I couldn't really handle the cost and still do any of the things I wanted to do, like take a vacation. And I floated the idea of crowdfunding it, but it makes me squirmy, asking people for financial help when so many are in serious need. An anonymous benefactor contacted me and offered to pay for the whole thing as long as the vids would make their way online, and I was really humbled and grateful, so I finally took it in to a data recovery service because of their generosity.

It turned out the service said they could have the manufacturer repair the thing that went bad inside the drive without sending it to one of those clean facilities, so they sent it off to the drive manufacturer and it was a simple repair (that took, inexplicably, 2 months of back and forthing with the local company I worked with and driving those guys crazy because they'd ping them at, like, three a.m.), and I got it back today. I haven't hooked it up yet, but I plan to soon, and pull everything off that drive.

Unfortunately…in the meantime, I must have said something that pissed my anonymous benefactor off, or done something, because they recently unfriended me (uncircled? what do we call it on DW?) and haven't responded to the private email I sent about the update. I could contact them again, but I feel kind of uncomfortable about it, I feel like they've made it clear they don't necessarily want to deal with me anymore, although they've been cordial to me when I've commented in their journal or others' journals. (Look, there's a reason Lit's My Own Worst Enemy is my theme song.)

And I also did the commission of the art I posted the other day, which, while not very much money at all, makes me feel even weirder about crowdfund help for the cost of the hard drive repair. So I'm really feeling…stupid and embarrassed about all of this, but hey, the drive's here, yay. I figured I'd at least just float my PayPal address out here, I guess, and if anyone feels like throwing a few bucks my way toward the $300 and change the drive cost to repair, I'll embarrassedly offer you my profuse thanks and also start trying to figure a way to get the vids digitized and hosted somewhere so that people can access them once again. My PP address is gwynethr at gmail dot com, and note that r on the end of gwynethr --you'd be amazed how many times people have left that out and things vanish into the ether (or someone else's email inbox). I guess if it's sent as a gift there's no fee? I'm not sure, really, I've never done this before.

ETA: You guys are so generous and thoughtful, seriously, but I really mean it when I say A COUPLE BUCKS. I know things are hard for a lot of people right now and a big chunk of change is not required, I don't want anyone to use funds they could put to something else more necessary!

Squeeeee

Apr. 22nd, 2017 03:46 pm
gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
A while ago, the artist who made the three incredible pieces for my Stucky Big Bang story opened up a few commissions slots, and even though I had to dip into the "sell a few things for funds" pot, I really wanted to work with her again. I gave her a couple of fics that she could use for the commission idea, if she wanted, and she really liked my Christmas fluff piece War Dogs, so she arted the first scene in that fic. I am just so thrilled with this, I can't say, it captures the way Bucky befriended the guard dog and their connection together, and I'm all flaily.

bucky and gretel


There's a tumblr post here if you prefer that sort of thing, and after a lot of hair-tearing I finally figured out how to put the image in the fic (the instructions in the AO3 FAQ are completely utterly useless).
gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
One of the things I'm really enjoying about writing Celluloid Hero, my Steve Rogers Goes to Golden Age Hollywood and Makes Some Movies, is the research and figuring out which real people to bring in and which to make up. I always love research, anyway, especially in the film world and WWII because I have a fuckton of books and articles and whatnot to flip through, but it's particularly fun with this story because I get to bring back all those memories from my teenage years, when I was a raging film buff and think about the different types of actors and films I responded to most.

It's fun getting to slip little nods to this or that into it--I'm not sure if anyone but me is watching Feud: Bette and Joan on FX right now, but it's been a riot seeing all these little elements I've turned up in my own research for my silly little story also turning up in the series at the same time. Like, when I was talking about which actress would punch Steve's v-card with [personal profile] dorinda and she mentioned the rumor that Joan Crawford had done stag films, I was almost bouncing in my seat at the restaurant--I knew that was gonna have to go in, some way. And then this week that rumor became a major plot point in Feud and I was squealing with delight. In, I think it might have been the first or second ep they had Hedda Hopper referring to Louella Parsons as an incontinent cow, which delighted me no end because that's something that comes up in a future part of the story, something I found when trying to decide which gossip columnist would terrify Steve--I'd never known that about her despite having read what I'd thought at the time were some pretty detailed articles. If you ever wanted to know about the feud between Hopper and Parsons, there's a Vanity Fair article from quite a few years back in their archives that is magnificent.

Harder, though, has been writing like Louella Parsons wrote for the little tidbits in the story. Not only is there a distinctive style to reporting back in those days, but she had a…quirky voice, let's just say, to begin with, and her fame and power to ruin people's lives amped that up quite a few notches. Copying someone's style--especially one so idiosyncratic--is the hardest parts of these chapters, but it's also kinda fun.

And then there are the people whose histories have been so manipulated by their estates or by themselves that you don't have anything to really work with, so you have piece together enough of a picture to write a real person who seems believable yet true to their image. Cary Grant and Randolph Scott's long-term relationship is so whitewashed and edited, and their families and homophobic fans so adamant in their denial that they loved each other for decades, is heartbreaking and infuriating, but it also means you have to create things out of the ether because outside of first person memories that are few and far between and some photo shoots of the two of them together, there's next to nothing to work with. And Grant never gave interviews or did press; very little exists out in the world except a few small recordings of him talking on tape--it's almost all people who seem to have a vested interest in maintaining the fictions about him.

But I admit I kind of love this stuff, at the same time, figuring out all the different interpretations or making small nods to real-life people or bringing in places and people that can represent them. In one chapter I mentioned Gene Tierney being super good friends with Howard Stark--in real life, Howard Hughes (who Stark is modeled after) had tried to seduce her but she rejected him, though they stayed friends for the rest of their lives, so I figured why not have the same situation happen for her and Howard Stark? And it was really fun in this latest chapter to bring in Betty Carver from Agent Carter, the damsel in distress version of Peggy she hated so very much. I figured Betty had to come from somewhere, and why not the comics first before she was used in the radio show Peggy loathes.

I do tend to lose myself down a rabbit hole of reading, though, that right now I can't really afford: I need to work on my Cap Reverse Big Bang fic very badly, and I have less than two weeks to make my Club Vivid vid, which I haven't started on because I've had so much trouble conceptualizing it. Plus there's work, and a friend's birthday coming up I'd like to write a fic for that would be literally only us who know and like these characters together, which somehow makes it feel more important since that's a gift that only I could give to only them.

But it's just…kind of all I want to think about, the various ways poor fish out of water Steve would become so disillusioned with this insane place, and the people he would meet, while he makes those films we see in The First Avenger. I figured there had to be at least two, since the Red Skull says "I am a great fan of your films" plural. That would definitely require time there, or wherever he made them, and it offers such a great, sprawling cast of potential characters or people to use as a model for original characters. Plus you can add in all kinds of wartime hijinks and shenanigans or pathos or what have you--it's wide open.

And as much fun as I'm having, I'll be sad when the story ends. But I hope to write a couple of…I don't know, sequels or timestamps or whatever the kids are calling them these days, to show both Steve and Peggy once he sees her again and her reactions to everything, and Steve and Bucky once Bucky finds out about all the things Steve wrote to him about that he never got to see, and maybe even a modern-day story with Steve and Sam about his big Hollywood lifestyle Sam never knew anything about.
gwyn: (skinny steve helmet)
Celluloid Hero (24399 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 5/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Golden Age Hollywood Actors
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, Bette Davis, John Garfield, USO Tour Dancers (Marvel), Original Characters, Barbara Stanwyck, Gene Tierney, William Powell, Cary Grant, Randolph Scott
Additional Tags: Golden Age Hollywood, Hollywood Canteen, World War II, The Star-Making Machinery, Propaganda, someone's going to get his V-card punched, and by someone I mean Steve, Letters, Period Typical Attitudes, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, First Motion Picture Unit
Summary:


The talk of the town last night was Captain America’s star-spangled appearance at the Hollywood Canteen, where the ladies swooned and the gentlemen cheered. Rumor has it he will be meeting with studio heads to discuss bringing his patriotic man with a plan to the silver screen.



Chapter 5: in which Steve sees himself on film for the first time, avoids gossip columnists, attends big Hollywood parties, and notices something suspicious.
gwyn: (abed spaceman grosserpepper)
I constantly tell myself I will post more than just fic and vid announcements, and then I don't, because reasons. But the foofaraw with LJ means I feel like I have to at least say that DW is my primary choice for journaling interaction these days, and if we're not already following each other, my user name over there is [personal profile] gwyn.

My plans are vague: I think I will do what a couple people have said they're doing, and lock all previous posts to friends lists. I think most of the gay porn horses are out the barn, but the fact that I can't actually read the new TOS but the journal is held hostage to it anyway bothers me. I also plan to stop crossposting after this one, but I will probably keep reading because there are a few communities that won't migrate that I don't really want to lose. I'm pretty sure at some point they will be disappeared by the new overlords, but for now having an LJ still, even if I don't use it myself, means I can communicate with them.

I had an interesting experience in the last go-round with the servers--as an experiment, I made a password that was basically an alphabet/numbers version of fucktheR******* and immediately I could no longer crosspost, I couldn't even post directly from LJ, but I could get into it. So I changed it to something benign, and suddenly I was able to crosspost and post directly again. Sure, maybe it's coincidence, but that sat really badly with me, and the fact that you can't securely browse the site left me pretty convinced they are paying attention to what people do. You can't have that much of a mass exodus of users and not pay attention. I deliberately don't support businesses and agencies that have agendas in opposition to my own, so I'm not going to support this one just because I won't be arrested in the Russian federation, or whatever the other mocking things people have said about those uncomfortable doing business with the new overlords. (Just for the record--it wasn't my friends list/people here on DW doing the mocking, it was some really hostile comments in a community I watch.)

And considering what happened with Syria, I just want to hunker down with people on DW and curl into a ball of anxiety and despair. I know everyone talks about how creating art in times like this is so important, but it is harder and harder to do that, you know? I have a lot on my plate: the Cap Reverse Big Bang, a WIP that needs a chapter update soon, a vid for Club Vivid and then figuring out some kind of vid for premieres at VVC, and work. Procrastination seems to be the order of the day for me, followed by a chaser of hopeless misery.

For some reason, I don't know why, I'm having a lot of…I don't even know what to call it. I can't stop thinking about my sister lately, having flashbacks to the last few days of her life and watching her die. I'm just going about my day and it's there suddenly. I was in California on the anniversary of her death, trying to just…enjoy myself and keeping it inside so I didn't bring anyone else down, but usually by now it eases off. It's so weird that Bucky's birthday is the day my sister died, I have emotional whiplash whenever I post a story for his birthday.

Anyways, hopefully I'll still be able to comment on LJ posts for as long as the journal is still there, but I'm signing off on new posts there for now.
gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
Celluloid Hero (18494 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 4/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Golden Age Hollywood Actors
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, Bette Davis, John Garfield, USO Tour Dancers (Marvel), Original Characters, Barbara Stanwyck, Gene Tierney, William Powell, Cary Grant, Randolph Scott
Additional Tags: Golden Age Hollywood, Hollywood Canteen, World War II, The Star-Making Machinery, Propaganda, someone's going to get his V-card punched, and by someone I mean Steve, Letters, Period Typical Attitudes, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, First Motion Picture Unit
Summary:


The talk of the town last night was Captain America’s star-spangled appearance at the Hollywood Canteen, where the ladies swooned and the gentlemen cheered. Rumor has it he will be meeting with studio heads to discuss bringing his patriotic man with a plan to the silver screen.

gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
Sorry it's taken me so long to get all my ducks in a row for posting my vid from Escapade: my laptop refused to work on any of the hotels' wi-fi while I was traveling, I guess the OS is just too old or something, so I couldn't post it to all the usual places. Anyway, at some point soon I hope to have this it's now up on my vids site (gwynethr.net) for a HQ download, but in the meantime streaming's all I got.



All We Do
Artist: Oh Wonder
Fandom: Political Animals (and let's be real, Sebastian Stan)
On AO3 on Tumblr


I've always wanted to do a TJ Hammond vid, and I'd originally planned to do this song for Jack Benjamin in Kings, but chatting with vidder Secretlytodream, it really did seem to belong to TJ. I was roundly mocked for my interest in Sebastian's different roles this weekend, but you know, whatever, I like his face. Anyway, thanks especially to przed for the helpful beta!
gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
To the Rescue (4360 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Timothy "Dum Dum" Dugan, Gabe Jones, Jim Morita, Jacques Dernier, James Montgomery Falsworth, Chester Phillips
Additional Tags: Dogs, Military Dogs, Bucky Barnes the Dog Whisperer, the Further Adventures of Bucky and Gretel the Howling Commando, Rescue Missions, World War II
Series: Part 2 of War Dogs
Summary:

“You never kiss me like that,” Monty commented.


“That’s because you never lick me like that,” Bucky said with a smirk, as Gretel did just that, licking his hand and his neck.

gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
Celluloid Hero (13688 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 3/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, Bette Davis, John Garfield, USO Tour Dancers (Marvel), Original Characters, Barbara Stanwyck, Gene Tierney, William Powell, Cary Grant, Randolph Scott
Additional Tags: Golden Age Hollywood, Hollywood Canteen, World War II, The Star-Making Machinery, Propaganda, someone's going to get his V-card punched, and by someone I mean Steve, Letters, Period Typical Attitudes, Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, First Motion Picture Unit
Summary:


The talk of the town last night was Captain America’s star-spangled appearance at the Hollywood Canteen, where the ladies swooned and the gentlemen cheered. Rumor has it he will be meeting with studio heads to discuss bringing his patriotic man with a plan to the silver screen.

Snow day

Feb. 6th, 2017 11:46 am
gwyn: (walken wonderland)
It snowed last night, but while I was up it was "wintry mix" snrain, mostly, and I'm so used to the snow they keep promising us not appearing, but nope, when I got up to take care of the terrors and nightmare mum, there was lots more white stuff, and when I woke up there was about three inches--a rarity in Seattle. We do get snow, sometimes lots of it, but then we'll have a couple years like these past ones where nothing happens. It's still coming down in fluffy wet flakes. All my bamboo is bent over, and I just made a perimeter check to make sure nothing looked like it would snap any lines.

I took mama out in a little jacket, just to show her the snow and see if she'd go under the trees to potty, but she didn't like it and went under the deck. If she peed there, I don't know, but then she came out and whined because she didn't want to walk through it to get to the stairs.

The babies are getting so big, and they are strong enough now to pull the potty pads out from under the pen, and then eat them. I'm afraid one of them will get an obstruction in their belly. The rescue group has pretty much abandoned me--tough shit, I guess, if they need to be split up and I'm overwhelmed. There's a potential the mama had ringworm, which means a lot of people won't take the babies, but the culture takes TWO FUCKING WEEKS and so here I am, in this nightmare scenario with potentially ringwormy babies no one will want. The other foster fell through because of that. They need to be split up badly, they are overwhelming at this point--they're awake a lot more, playing and fighting, and being seriously desctructive. They also should stop nursing, but they haven't, and that's a problem in its own right.

And now with snow I'm even more a prisoner in my own house. I'm so depressed sometimes I with I could just walk out and leave and never come back. But all the animals need me, so here I am.

Anyway. It's pretty outside.




ETA: This is what happens when we get snow or windstorms, or super heavy rain, especially in my area where there is tons of old-growth parkland or greenbelts--this is the street over from me, heading downhill toward the water, which is my primary walking route when I have time to do that.


Vid beta?

Feb. 3rd, 2017 05:30 pm
gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
Would anyone be willing/able to beta a Political Animals TJ Hammond vid? I need someone who has at least a passing familiarity with the series, can do it super fast (because I still have a bit to work on tonight but the deadline for the Escapade show is the 5th), and is okay with vid feedback, at least a little more than just "nice use of video clips" in this case. You can contact me off list if you want at gwynethr at gmail.
gwyn: (skinny steve)
Celluloid Hero (7806 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 2/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, Bette Davis, John Garfield, USO Tour Dancers (Marvel), Original Characters
Additional Tags: Golden Age Hollywood, Hollywood Canteen, World War II, Actors, Movie Studios, The Star-Making Machinery, Propaganda, someone's going to get his V-card punched, and by someone I mean Steve, Letters, Implied Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers - Freeform
Summary:


The talk of the town last night was Captain America’s star-spangled appearance at the Hollywood Canteen, where the ladies swooned and the gentlemen cheered. Rumor has it he will be meeting with studio heads to discuss bringing his patriotic man with a plan to the silver screen.



Oh look, it's another stupid WIP. Brought to you by my obsessions with Old Hollywood and thinking about what kind of actor Steve would be in the movie we see him in briefly in Cap 1.
gwyn: (penguinsucks infinitemonkeys)
I am in that fugue state where you have had so little sleep for the past however many days (in my case, since Thursday) that everything seems kind of trippy and weird, and people talk to you and you have no idea what they're saying, and your body aches and you're exhausted yet you can't, paradoxically, sleep.

All of this brought to me by puppies. If I ever try to sign up to foster a puppy litter again, shoot me. Just put me down before I even get close. I am numb with exhaustion, and I keep trying to find time to just write or do something other than clean up shit and pee, but it never happens. A lot of it is because the mama is not housetrained, and she will use potty pads but she misses more often than not, or tries to poop in strange places like she's upset and doesn't know what else to do. Always at the wee hours of the morning, too, and then first thing when I get up I'm cleaning poo off the little kiddie pool the puppies reside in, and I'm cleaning up her poo and puddles of pee, and oh my god, it hasn't been a week and already I am at the end of my rope. The laundry is never ending, because they pee and poop on the blankets of course, they're babies, and now that they're eating mush they are pooping real poo.

And then they're super cute and mouth on my fingers and lick my arms and hands and get all excited when they hear my voice and I'm like "oooooo" and almost all is forgiven. Mama will go outside during the day, but she has to eat pretty much all day long to nurse the pups so she poops constantly and that means at night, when I can't take her out all the time--or at least, I take her out at night, but she often just wanders around and doesn't do anything--I end up having to clean it up, and let me tell you, for a tiny, skinny, undernourished little 10 pound doggo, she poops for a dog about six times her size. And of course, there is, to me, no worse smell in the world than dog crap.

The babies also seem to love being active at night, and they whine and wail because Mum has taken to hanging out in her crate away from them as she gets closer to weaning, and they're like "whyyyyy have you forsaken us?" So far one of them--I think it's Kara Danvers, or it could be Winn Schott--has escaped the pool and I've had to go rescue them, you'd have thought they were being murdered. And Blues is hostile, of course, to Mum and so she's in a constant state of terror about coming out to the living room or office and she's already super, super timid and afraid, but when he's gone after her there hasn't been any contact though from the screaming you'd have thought he had cut her throat. I am just stressed the fuck out.

[profile] blackbird777 came down on Saturday and actually stayed with them all for an hour so I could go out and run some errands. It's tough to be away for long, what with all the problems and the fucking drama. Tomorrow I'll probably have to move them into a pen, which will be harder for the mother to get into and out of, meaning I'll have to be standing by a lot more. Ugh.

They are cute as hell and funny and their personalities are coming out, but wow, is this killing me. I'm trying to post at least a pic a day, if not video, on Tumblr and Instagram. Hopefully if I'm ever stupid enough to try this again, I'll look at my feed and remember this.
gwyn: (pete sdwolfpup)
I don't have a lot of joy today, much as I'm trying to feel the spirit. But I do have something to share that I think a lot of people will enjoy--I'm fostering a litter of four-week-old chihuahua puppies and their mum for Motley Zoo Animal Rescue, the group I sometimes foster dogs with. This is the first time as an adult I've been around puppies full time and let me tell you, it is…not as much fun as it seems. :-D There's the wonderful stuff: snuggling little babies as big as you palm and that have that delish puppy smell, and having them mouthing on your fingers and hands is a trip. But there is also a lot of pee and tons of poop now that they're eating puppy mush, and they are indiscriminate about where they go.

So is mum, to a certain degree, as she isn't really housetrained and has a lot of issues, which is typical for rescue dogs. She's been through a lot--emergency c-section, shelter, and may have come from a hoarder so of course has a skin condition and other serious problems. She's terrified of me because I had to give her a medicated bath first thing. And I need to bathe the pups too, but haven't yet.

Still--there is cuteness! And it might give you Joy!

I can never figure out how to put anything up on DW (this is still my biggest grrrr about the site), so I'm linking here:

Minute long video of no-holds-barred puppy fight at 3:30 a.m. : http://teatotally.tumblr.com/post/156135774205/for-more-joy-day-i-give-you-a-minute-of-wild

Short video of snuggles plus Mom: http://teatotally.tumblr.com/post/156056355785/im-fostering-a-litter-of-four-week-old-puppies

Sleepytimes pic: http://teatotally.tumblr.com/post/156103318125/post-prandial-sleepytimes-puppies-pupsters

My instagram and my tumblr are both under "teatotally" and I'm sure I will be posting more puppy and mom related joy in the near future. I am going to try to avoid the pics of me having poo and barf and pee related meltdowns or things like my pounding headaches and severe lack of sleep. Oh, wait…I guess I did. :-D

If you're in the Seattle area and would like to meet them, they will need socializing. I can't let them come in contact with other dogs until they get their vaccines in a couple weeks, but they are snugglable and need the socialization!

ETA: I keep forgetting to add: the best part of this is that it's the Supergirl litter! Mum is Cat Grant, and the babies are "Males = Tan male (Winn Schott) and black male (James Olsen) Females = Tan female (Kara Danvers), black and white female (Lucy Lane), black female with little white (Lena Luthor)"
gwyn: (Default)
Skipping ahead again, because I'm so behind:

Day 13
In your own space, write about a moment in fandom that meant a lot to you. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


A long, long time ago, when tapes were still the norm for people trading vids and there really was no viable streaming medium (and anything you put online had to be super low quality and the size of a postage stamp), [personal profile] feochadn and I were finishing up compiling a bunch of vids for what would become our first collection together, primarily because I really wanted a way to get our Magnificent 7 vids out there and Jo's Band of Brothers vid to Ebben? Ne andro lontana. I'd posted asking if people would be interested in a collection, and because she is one of the kindest people on the planet, [personal profile] killabeez offered to make us a DVD if anyone would prefer that instead of videotape. The times, they were a-changing, but there were still just as many people who had no way to play discs as had no way to play VHS tapes, and I was so blown away that not only could someone take our VCR-made vids and make a playable DVD but that she was volunteering to do so.

I made a poll to see how many people would prefer discs and there were enough, so we put together a master tape with all the vids, and sent them off to killa, and she sent me a test disc and I couldn't believe my eyes! It was magic! Sorcery! I had only just gotten a computer that was capable of vidding, but here were vids on a lossless medium! It was amazing. And then on top of that she created the title cards for each of the vids and I think if I recall correctly duplicated them for us so we could mail them out to people who had purchased them. It was amazing! And all I could do really was write fic with a pairing she liked, which still feels wholly inadequate. But it meant so much to me--I didn't have the technology, but I knew people were interested in the vids, and I wanted to move into the 21st century, but I didn't know how, and like so many times since then, killa's been my guiding light about how to do that, has helped me through tech problems that I don't know how to solve myself. ♥ ♥
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
I'm skipping a few and yet, somehow, still behind. I've either been doing what the challenge was about, or it's something I can't do, like name three things you like about yourself.

Day 10

In your own space, share your love for a trope, cliché, kink, motif, or theme. (More than one is okay, too.) Tell us about it, tell us why you love it, give us some examples and recs. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I've talked a lot before about my predilection for found families, how much I love friends to lovers, and a lot of other tropes. So this time I thought I'd go with a kink--I do not have a bulletproof kink, because writing quality is my overall dealbreaker and I will gladly forgive a lot for the things I love but not that much, you know? But the closest I can come is hair washing and shaving. I mean, I suppose any kind of ablutions given from one character to another--I have only very rarely indulged my kink in writing, or at least, in more than passing mentions, but I loooove to read it, especially if one character is injured and it's the other character doing the hair washing or the shaving or helping them bathe or whatever. But god, give me one character shaving the other (head, face…other things…) and I will probably melt if you have even the slightest writing skills, and if they're washing their hair I will squeal with joy.

I suppose that has something to do with why I've been more passionate about Steve and Bucky than almost anything I can remember, and why they've lasted so long for me: there's an inherent quality about Bucky post-Winter Soldier that gives Steve the opportunity to show his love through that kind of caretaking, plus Bucky has long locks that need tending and lots of stubble. :-D And pre-serum Steve is a great chance for Bucky's caretaking, too, although I can absolutely see that as a quality that brings out Bucky's personality--Steve's attraction to danger, getting injured, needing care, and Bucky being able to give that to him. Ack, now I almost feel a story coming on post-Civil War where Bucky has to work around being one-handed but taking care of Steve… (And if you have any good, well written hair washing or shaving recs in Cap fandom let me know!)

It's incredibly intimate to rely on someone to do those things for you, and it often leads to make-outs and/or sex, but I also love it when it's platonic, or at least not acted upon as sexual. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think washing someone's hair or shaving them is feckin' HOT, but I've also read it as platonic or familial and been super happy about it. It pairs well with a nice hurt/comfort, which I love too (see above re: someone being injured), or for people who are into sex kinks, aftercare.

One of my favorites that I could recommend is [archiveofourown.org profile] devilpiglet's Rock of Ages

I was trying to remember the times I've used it prominently, and I think that it's only been in a few: Don't Wait Up for Me for Steve/Bucky, Ciudad de Estrellas in The Fast and The Furious, and Broken-Hearted Savior in X-Files. I'm probably forgetting some (I can't remember most of my stories, it's sad, and possibly there was something in Buffy or Mag 7, but…who knows!).
gwyn: (bumble _hellsbelles)
So I've changed my password yet again, and put it in the DW settings, and…I guess I'll see if at some point this fucking LJ thing decides to allow me to crosspost again. ::fights urge to kill::

Day 06

In your own space, create a list of at least three fannish things you'd love to receive, something you've wanted but were afraid to ask for - a fannish wish-list of sorts. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your wish-list if you feel comfortable doing so. Maybe someone will grant a wish. Check out other people's posts. Maybe you will grant a wish. If any wishes are granted, we'd love it if you link them to this post.


1. This is a hard thing for me, and something I've been fighting with myself over talking about for a long time. But I guess I might as well bring it up here. A few years ago, I had a hard drive crash and lost all the video files for the digitally remastered Media Cannibals vids, not to mention a lot of media I had ripped or downloaded for my own vids, and the originals of a number of my own vids that I only have less than stellar copies of, and can't replace with better copies now. The only way I can get those files (at least the MC ones, I can live without the other stuff even though it would be nice to have it), is to give it to a data recovery service. There's one near me, and I know from experience and people who do this that it'll cost somewhere in the range of $1,000-2,000, which I don't have. Or at least, I might be able to eventually pay for it, but the truth is, that's all I have for stuff I want to do, like go to a con or on a vacation, or stuff I need to do, like the animals or the house or whatever. If it comes to that, I'm not gonna spend money on data recovery, you know? Which is why it's sat there for years.

So I've talked about this with people and a lot of folks have said that for the MC vids and the possibility of us putting up a site with all the old MC vids (not remastered, just digitized and put online), they'd be willing to contribute to the data recovery, but I don't know that enough people would be interested to make it actually happen. I suppose any little bit would help, and I could try to make up the rest. We'd need those files if we're ever going to build a Cannibals vid space (a WHOLE other issue, which makes me cry, but I'll deal with that later), but something that might help me now is just having a sense of whether it's even worth starting a funding-help campaign or something--because things are hard for almost everyone I know now, and it's probably just going to keep getting worse, and I feel like this is a lot to ask people when people are losing homes, not able to pay vet bills or their own medical care, and so on. But just knowing it might be feasible would help me make a decision, before it becomes impossible to get any data off the drive. (And yes, I now have my external hard drives backed up to a service, but that drive WAS my backup, at that time, rather hilariously.)

2. Since that's a big ask, I guess the other thing is just the standard that I think most fan writers ask for: I'd love to see translations or podfics or artwork or fanmixes of any of my stories. It's just such a kick when someone makes a fanwork of your fanwork.

3. I'm trying to work on a vid where I'd like some external source. I got some stuff from a friend but I still can't find anything like what I'm looking for, and so maybe someone reading this might be able to direct me toward some media. I'd love some video footage that shows what looks like two (white) guy's hands together--holding hands, twining fingers, or just touching each other. This, close-ups of hands, is a thing that seems to be difficult to find in moving images that I can use and manipulate a little for the vid (it always seems to be what's identifiably male and female hands). I'd also love some atmospheric shots of maybe a white guy with dark hair walking or sitting alone, doing something that could seem melancholy, or even just landscape shots of like windswept beaches or cliffs or walkiing on a city street and brooding or something. Anything that conveys that sense of isolation or melancholy, that could be used to intersperse with the footage of the source material as a way to build atmosphere. Recs from YouTube or Vimeo are fine, music videos, clips from films, or trailers, or things that a person might be able to get hold of in the US would be great.
gwyn: (bucky  & steve alley purple)
from Dreamwidth, after changing my password on LJ like everyone was advising us to. I'm really not inclined to do a lot of manual copypasting just to keep crossposting--I hadn't intended to take this page down, just crosspost, but I guess LJ is forcing my hand. If future crossposts don't work (yes, I've changed the password on "Other Sites" on DW), you can find me at [personal profile] gwyn just gwyn over on DW. Add me and I'll add you back!

This whole thing really blows, man. It's so frigging annoying and I hate losing all this history.
gwyn: (annie screaming grosserpepper)
So apparently I can't crosspost to LJ anymore from DW. Anyone else have this problem? I dutifully changed my password (I'm not necessarily removing my LJ or planning to stop crossposting for the foreseeable future, but I did change the password) on LJ, and I have changed it now about five times over on the Dreamwidth "other sites" settings with the new password, but every time I try to crosspost the entries that haven't posted, it won't do it. Won't even keep the boxes checked when I go in and edit them again. And again.

I don't even know if it's actually using the new password, because I can't see it when I type it in, the box just stays blank. I know I'm using a really old browser, but the nice thing about DW was that that never seemed to matter; maybe it's mattering in the password part, but I can't tell.

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