somniloquence

I owe many of you emails; I will respond, I promise, I've just been kind of hunkered down, trying to finish all the work that was giving me so much stress. I sent the last book off yesterday and spent the rest of the day screwing around. Wednesday was a month since Dad died, and it's starting to really feel bad; in the first few weeks, I didn't have time to feel the loss, but now it's really hitting me. It also doesn't help that Dad and I always checked in with each other when it snowed, and we've had major snow here in the Northwest, along with serious ice storm damage, and it was something we always talked about. I kept reaching for the phone, and I find myself doing that every day.

The service was really nice; thanks to everyone who provided me with music or ideas. I think it worked out really well. It was small and very few people said much, everyone was shy, I guess, but afterward we were there for a really long time talking to people. I saw some cousins I haven't seen in decades.

All I've really done, though, is start the balls rolling for all the paperwork and legal stuff, but with the somewhat paralyzing snow (I swear to god if I hear one more smug asshole transplant from some other part of the country go on about how stupid Seattleites are in snow I will cut a bitch; you cannot drive in half a foot of snow and ice up 16% grade hills and over frozen bridges, you dumbass hillbillies, and you should just go back where you came from) many people haven't been in offices. It feels like when he died -- the holidays then, with all the attendant excuses. It's just taking forever to get anything done. At least I finally got the death certificates so I could notify some people.

I'm glad that I'm finished with some of the work, so I can concentrate on other things. My house is a sty because of all the work not allowing me to clean, it's actually reached a (for me) gross stage. One of the nice things that happened was I had to get a new washer/dryer -- no, really, that was a good thing. When we did the remodel, they put in a utility closet room which they built to house my all in one unit, the little Euro combination washer/dryer in one.

I like them when I've used them in Europe, and I liked my friend's a lot, but the model I got, an Asko from Sweden, was one of the worst purchases I've ever made. At first it was plagued with problems from installation and bad information; then over time when it was settled, it just turned out to have so many problems, so many things going wrong, but I couldn't justify spending the money on something new and there were very, very limited options for what would fit in there. I was happy when it started really malfunctioning in the past year; well, not happy because it was burning my things in the drying cycle, but satisfied that I would have an excuse to get something new. I settled on the Bosch Axxis washer and condensing dryer (because they didn't put in a dryer duct when they put in the utility room), and they installed it ten days ago and all I want to do is laundry. I love it so, so much! It has changed my life. I can now put in heavy things without having to sit by the machine the whole hour or so to make sure it doesn't leap across the room! I don't have to worry that it's going to catch on fire! And I got the stacking kit that has a pullout shelf, so I can sort the things I want to line dry before I put something in the dryer.

The convenience of the all in one was lost on me, because I realized that as much as I often leave clothes in the washer till they mold, if I just stay on top of that more, it's better for me because I line dry most clothing, and only use the dryer for a few things. I'll save on everything, which means a lot to me. I'm always amazed at people who go to great lengths to live green, and will spend a lot of money to buy things that are ecological, but they won't update their appliances. Next up is a more efficient fridge, so I'm going to start saving for that.

So yeah, that's how sad my life is. I'm excited by a washer and dryer. There is seriously nothing else going on. Well, except Festivids. I'm really looking forward to the vids tomorrow. I'm especially hopeful for Southland and Justified vids -- with the series starting up this past week, I'm just more into them than ever and I really want to see some vids for them! Also, WHY is everything on AT THE SAME FRIGGIN' TIME? Justified, Southland, White Collar, and Tabatha Takes Over (which, with the new title, I almost missed because it wasn't on my season pass) are all on at the same time. My season passes are all fucked up and apparently the DirecTV tifaux doesn't know how to grab the second airing on cable shows, because they were all fucked up and weren't going to record Tabatha at all. I just don't get it. It used to be Thursdays, now apparently it's Tuesday night. I felt sad, too, because I dropped White Collar down on my priority list; I thought the new season started out with a whimper. There were some good moments, but it just fell flat, especially at the end. The bloom is off the rose, unfortunately, because of the plunder storyline, and I just want to punch Mozzie in the face instead of hug him, and don't care anymore. Bleh. Why did they do that? I hate them for making the show less appealing to me.

I spent a really nice day with Sandy's partner B last Saturday and we went to the eco home design place, and poked around at an antique mall. Man, I'm just missing Sandy so much. We have a Cannibals bash tomorrow, and they just feel so surreal to me now, without her there. B feels her presence, has visitation dreams and the like, and I never have had that with my sister or either of my parents, but I told her to please tell Snady to come visit me. I want to talk to her again, hear her hysterical laugh. The last email she sent me was about a story that she told me about in great shame; I told her to send me the link and she wrote in the subject line, "This is it: the most embarrassing fusion ever," and then the link, with the comment "I have to admit I adored it, but I don't think that speaks well of me..." I keep reading the email, but I don't want to read the story, because then it will be over and I won't have her to respond back to.

Augh. Nevermind me. I'm just a sad old worn out thing.

Hey, everyone, thanks so much for the music suggestions. I don't have much time right now or I'd send individual notes, but I found some lovely stuff and I think I'm all set for the service. I appreciate all your kind words, as well.

So for Yuletide this year, I wrote only one story, again (I'd love to get back to writing at least a couple):
The Outward Gift (3635 words) by gwyneth rhys
Fandom: Deadwood
Rating: Not Rated
Warning: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Jane Cannary/Joanie Stubbs
Characters: Joanie Stubbs, Jane Cannary, Charlie Utter
Summary:

An unusual gift changes everything for Joanie.

I've wanted to write a Joanie/Jane story for quite a few years, so I was really happy to get this assignment. I also matched on another fandom with my recipient, and it was delightful to get to write for someone with so many shared interests in awesome women.

You guys, I got the most unexpected present for Yuletide -- an MDs story! My little fandom of one actually piqued the interest of my author, and she wrote me a slashy story of hijinx & shenanigans with a little porn thrown in for good measure. And I mean, what's better on Christmas morning than a little porn? Nothing, that's what. Also there is bonus gay biker gang!!! I am so happy. You can read it here (even the description is cute!)

Of Cheeseburgers and Stolen Cars (3674 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: MDs (TV)
Summary:

Dr. Kellerman wants dinner after a crappy day, but gets strippers and Dr. Dalgety instead. Not that he's complaining.

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Thank you to everyone for the condolences about my dad. It's been a hard week, most notably because I'm incredibly stressed about making my deadline on this huge guidebook I'm working on, and it's amazing how much time the details of Stuff You Have to Do When Someone Dies take. THere is a lot more still to come, and I'm kind of freaking about making all my commitments. And I'm not going to be able to DL ALL the YULETIDE like I'd planned onto my Nook Color and read to my heart's content away from the computer. I was all excite about that this year but I guess my plans will have to wait a while.

It really helps having Miss Tilda here. She's so sweet and funny. Pugs are good therapy. Tonight I'm just going to make this fabulous goat cheese and chard pie that I love, and stay here and put some movies on in the background and continue to work on my book, and my Festivid.

I've been joking with my dad that his anniversary is coming up -- last year he fell a couple days before Christmas, and I spent the holidays in the worst hospital in the world, trying desperately to finish a book that I was behind on. Well, ha fuckin' ha -- here I am again. I got a call from the nursing facility and they were freaking out because he was all swollen up again and not breathing well and they sent him to the hospital. I hate this place with every fiber of my being, they are hands-down the worst hospital I've ever dealt with (and I've dealt with a lot).

So what did they do with the 87-year-old guy who can't breathe and has depleted kidney numbers and looks like he's been in a fight with Dolph Lundgren? They sent him home. Which I will have to pay for. And the staff called me from his residence and were all, OMG he's getting worse, we have to send him to the hospital and you have to tell them to keep him because if he codes we're not able to give him measures and DNR and blah blah. No one called me from the hospital to tell me they were sending him home, or why. Fuckers.

So now I'm sitting in the ER room again, desperately working on both my Yuletide fic and this fucking book, and hoping Tilda doesn't poop in the house, because she's living with me again for a few weeks while her new family goes on a trip. I keep thinking things can't get worse, and then they do! The thing is, I always liked Christmas, I love the lights and the sparkle and songs and such. But if this keeps up, I'm going to hate it.

Happy birthday, killabeez!! I am so glad that you are here (both on earth and in Seattle!!). It's a privilege to know you.

And thanks for the birthday wishes of my own this past week. I didn't get to go to Portland like I'd hoped, but we may still go down next weekend if things work out. I'm not sure what I'm going to be able to do with the dog, but hopefully somehow she'll be taken care of. I had a lovely lunch on my birthday with killabeez and Mr. Killabeez and kerithwyn up at Cafe Presse, and went from there to dinner at this new Irish pub & restaurant in my neighborhood with my neighbor ladies. By the time I got home, I'd had more than too much to drink from the day, so I just plonked down on the couch and watched TV. A good birthday, all things considered.

I have, though, been thinking so much of Sandy and my sister. It's the time of year, and just the feeling of missing them both so horribly. Of how unfair it all is. It was so bizarre to have our annual turkey bash with the Cannibals, and not see Sandy there, chomping on a turkey leg, being the life of the party as always. And every year, not getting the phone calls all day from sis_r, if she wasn't here already to have our birthday together. Life feels very empty.

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Yesterday I took TIlda all the way up to Woodinville to meet a woman who wanted to adopt her. Not only was she incredibly late and I had to wait around for 45 minutes, but then she dithered for another couple hours while I tried to answer all the questions and let her walk Tilda with her blind, geriatric Bichon who didn't seem to be interested in Tilda much. But honestly, it's a terrible place for the dogs to meet -- a busy adoption event at a pet store, full of barking dogs and people. So three hours later she decided to pass because her dog wasn't bouncing with joy, and I was grumbling about having too much work to do to deal with that. Poor Tilda was so confused and tired and thirsty and hungry. I was secretly hoping she wouldn't get adopted, so it doesn't bother me, but it bothered me a lot that I had to spend that much time and drive that far if she was already unsure and the whole thing was hanging on a very elderly dog bonding immediately with her, in a strange and challenging environment. At least we met a woman in the parking lot who loves pugs and she said she would check the web site to see if the adoption went through or not, because she was instantly in love with Tilda when we ran across her.

It's so weird that this poor kid has been passed over so much. I get people being wary about the kennel cough, but man, she is so adorbs, I would have waited on her if that was the case. She is a wonderful dog and if my life weren't so freaking stressful, I would keep her, no doubt. We've really only had one bad day, and one potty accident, and that's it for behavior problems. There are things I'm working on, for sure, like her maniacal barking and caroming off the dash and windows and seats when she's left in the car if I go into the store, but everything is really small compared to the kinds of behavior issues most dogs have who've been in difficult situations like hers. Her barking is so funny, though -- it sounds like... well, I don't have anything to compare it to, it's so crazy. We stopped at a 7-Eleven yesterday on the way home for liquids, and this guy was eating something in his truck, parked next to me. He said out the window, "I have to say, I've never heard a bark like that. It's really something." And I laughed, and said, yeah, and sometimes she sounds like a Wookiee, too.

This morning the guys from the crew that put in my new back yard came to winterize things and to cut down my beloved golden chain tree. It looks naked back there now. The trunk was so rotted that there were sections where it was hollow in the middle. And they didn't even have to grind out the roots much -- most of them were already rotten. I guess I'm glad it won't fall over on the new garage or the new addition or the new deck. But I really miss it and the birds it brings, not to mention no bees come April. I'm considering planting a new one out front, and putting in a mimosa out back in its spot. But that's not till spring. Which, at this juncture, feels terribly, terribly far away.

Now I have to start posting my latest job to the client so it'll be there for her Monday morning, and then I have to get started on Festividding and Yuletiding, OMG. [insert PANIC here]

I'm going to see Christian Kane tonight at the Tractor Tavern in Ballard. I've never been to either before -- to see him live, or to the Tractor. Seems like his kind of place. Of course it's raining in the most miserable way and is completely shitty out. Yay. He's playing a show in Portland tomorrow, too. So close and yet so far! Which is why it's great to get a chance to see him live here -- and thanks to blackbird for pushing me on going.

I am intrigued by my Yuletide assignment. I actually have no idea which one I was matched on -- I offered two of the recipient's three fandoms, with those characters and few others, and I don't know which one was the match! It makes me curious about the algorithm -- is it more likely to match you with someone if there are two possible matches rather than just the one you're guaranteed? I mean, does it increase the odds of matching, I guess is what I'm asking, if you have two matches? I know nothing about algorithms, obviously.

I can't decide which one to write (yes, I mean, both would be great, ha ha, but I'm drowning in work and just got a new offer for a book, plus there's Festivids, so...). I've wanted to write the one for a couple years but never got matched on it before, so that's a plus; however, I've kind of forgotten the story I had in my head.

For my Due South and Homeland-watching peeps: An interview with David Marciano, including talk of his role on Homeland, The Shield, and Due South. Ray V FTW!!!

Homeland's David Marciano on Virgil, The Shield, and the Psychology of Acting

I am still trying to process Homeland from this week. I was just... blown away is putting it mildly. At some point I may try to post about it, but at this point all I can do is flail and go OMGOMGOMG.

I always love the dates that are palindromes, and it's especially nice that it's Veteran's/Armistice Day. I wish my dad wasn't in such a state; I would have loved to take him to the special dinner at the VFW.

I am exhausted this morning. I took my new foster dog, Tilda, to the vet yesterday because she was supposed to have surgery for luxating patellas, but she has kennel cough, so they won't do it on her for at least a month. They gave me a shit ton of medication for her, and she also has tapeworms, so I had to give her that, on top of the other stuff and the eye drops she came with. I don't know what happened last night -- if the meds in combination did it, if one of them has this side effect, or what, but she was a nightmare and would not stop making noise and banging on her crate and whining and just generally being obnoxious. She's been really good all week about sleeping in her crate (so the kitties can move around and get used to her without being afraid), she likes to go in it, but she wouldn't stop till after 3, and then started up around 8. She may still have been whining all night, but I think I passed out from sheer exhaustion (I was at the vet -- I hate this place, but it's where the rescue group goes --for more than two and a half hours). And now, of course, she's sleeping soundly, whereas I have to work because I have two concurrent jobs going on.

I have to say, there's nothing in this world quite as gross as tapeworm in dog crap. I already hate picking up dog poo anyway, but then that... I don't know why the deworming didn't take, but it didn't, so I'm the lucky foster mom who gets to deal with it. Kennel cough is pretty bad, too -- they immediately started wiping everything and mopping everything with disinfectant, and now I feel bad because she's met a lot of dogs on our walks, and I pray she hasn't passed it on -- it's very contagious. She came to me with the undignified and demeaning name Toadette, and I said, no way, and immediately remonikered her. She answers to it just fine. And I make her sound like she's terrible, but she's actually quite lovely and completely ridiculous in the way only pugs can be. I have always loved pugs, and she's very much a pug in every possible way. There have already been quite a few applications for her, so I might be handing her off as early as tomorrow, which means I won't have had her for a full week -- this has been the case lately for all my dogs. It's rewarding, but the cats never have time to fully adjust to them, which makes it pretty stressful for them.

( Pics of miss Tilda )

Now that I have an iPhone, I'm playing around with my apps way too much considering how much work I have to do. So I've DLed a couple of free apps, but I don't know what else to pick up (and I already have Angry Birds on my Nook Color, so I don't want to spend the money to get that again). If you use an iPhone, what do you like? I was wondering about those photo doctoring apps, especially -- I see all these interesting treatments of pictures, and I assume they're apps, but I don't know which one's best or coolest or what have you. I'm also interested in some GPS apps -- do you use one you like? It seems the best ones are very expensive in the long run, and you have to re-up your service annually or semi-annually.

Anything else that's cool? I'm not a games player, but you could possibly sell me on something intellectually focused.

I'm trying to get better at the texting thing, but I don't really have anyone to text with, so it seems kind of moot. The onscreen keyboard is nice, but wow, am I bad with it. I always hit the wrong keys. I think it's a matter of time before I end up on one of those autofill joke pages.

Hello, my Festividding friend! This is my first year participating, though I am a looooong-time vidder. So I am very excited about this! As you can probably tell from my grotesque overuse of exclamation points!

I honestly don't have a lot to add to my information on the fandoms that I haven't already included in the details. I hope that the information about music ideas or the kinds of things I like in that fandom will be helpful, but most importantly, I hope you will have fun and put your squee for the fandom in the vid. That's what will make both of us happy! I am excite!

( Some stuff about me and vids and my fandoms in case you want it )