gwyn: (bucky confusedface)
[personal profile] gwyn
Keep meaning to post, but haven't had the spoons. I saw the surgeon on Thursday, and she seems pretty cool, as doctors go. My own regular doctor is so amazing she hasn't taken new patients in years, because none of us will leave her and we bond in the waiting area about how afraid we are of when she finally retires, so she's a hard person to live up to, and I'm not fond of going to doctors anyway.

It'll be a lot more invasive than I thought--I'll be in the hospital for 3-5 days. She said she has patients who live alone all the time, but that it's just helpful to have someone to do things like cat care or take me to appointments or just go get me a sandwich, because I won't be able to drive for a few weeks. There are tons of risks, of course, and that's mostly all I can think about, even though everyone keeps telling me about their relative or friend who had colon cancer and is fine now. Your mind just gets into a loop. She was interested in sending my information to the genetics lab there to see if they thought I should consider getting my ovaries yanked; the fact that my twin sister died of ovarian cancer at 45 was of interest to her and she said it's only just extra time in surgery to remove them, nothing else.

Apparently they can't stage the cancer till it's out, so no, I don't know what stage it's at and won't till after the end of August. And she was fine with me going to Vividcon; with the genetic workup it'd be a few weeks anyway before they would do surgery and that wouldn't allow me enough recovery time to go to the con, and she said she's had patients who were taking around the world cruises and things, so it wasn't an unreasonable request. If I was angling for three months, then she'd get worried, but I feel like I'm pushing it with two months. Her vacation schedule and mine overlapped, and the next available appointment after she got back wasn't till August 30, because all the surgery days were booked. Who knew colorectal surgery was such a booming business.

It's just…very weird to know you're walking around with cancer growing inside yourself for two months. All of a sudden everything my body does seems terrifying and suspicious and potentially deadly. People kept telling me the other night that there are all these people who can come help out around the house after I get home, but then five minutes later were talking about their trips that are happening at the same time, so that's something I still have to work out. All I have is a couch to sleep on, there's no real room for any kind of mattress, it's just not an ideal situation here. Not to mention it's all just so gross and horrible.

OTOH I now know more than I ever wanted to about the systems down there. And my god, the prep for surgery is so freaking complicated. Special drinks, special soap and showers to take, all this stuff to think about. I have to start calling around and finding out about insurance, too, after the holiday--I'm sure that'll be super fun. There are so many little things to think about--I have to elevate the bed, and fix the windows so that they're easier to open and close (it'll be hot out and we don't have AC much here) and probably make it more accessible to feed Blues on the counter. And I remember after the gall bladder removal how I had no appetite for weeks, and how slow it felt to get back to normal.

In the meantime there is work to do, and fic for different things. I'm going to add a tag so that if you don't want to read see these updates on your dash you can filter out "the cancer" and not read them. Last weekend was especially lonely and depressing, but I imagine there'll be more, I'm feeling extremely alone and hopeless, and I can't promise I won't write about that, so feel free to filter.

Date: 2017-07-03 06:31 am (UTC)
monanotlisa: Steve Rogers jumping down against a bright blue sky with clouds, his shield centering the eye. (steve rogers - captain america)
From: [personal profile] monanotlisa
Sending love to you.

Date: 2017-07-03 08:23 am (UTC)
ratcreature: hugs ({{{hugs}}})
From: [personal profile] ratcreature
Being alone while sick or recovering in a major way is awful. I hope you'll manage to get some help. And that the surgery and treatment will take care of the cancer.

Date: 2017-07-03 11:35 am (UTC)
goss: (Strange Days - hold)
From: [personal profile] goss
We are here for you. *sends hugs and good vibes*

Date: 2017-07-03 11:46 am (UTC)
kore: (Default)
From: [personal profile] kore
You are in my thoughts with much love. (and you should feel free on your own blog to write about whatever you want to, including this.) //hugs you

Date: 2017-07-03 12:47 pm (UTC)
dariaw: (Default)
From: [personal profile] dariaw
*Many hugs*

That does sound like a huge amount to be dealing with. It sounds like you're planning as well as anyone could. I'm glad it sounds like you like and trust your surgeon.

Date: 2017-07-03 02:49 pm (UTC)
musesfool: eucalyptus by stephen meyers (how the light gets in)
From: [personal profile] musesfool
*hugs*

Date: 2017-07-03 03:04 pm (UTC)
ann1962: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ann1962
Thinking of you. ❤

Date: 2017-07-03 03:28 pm (UTC)
kass: white cat; "kass" (Default)
From: [personal profile] kass
I am SO GLAD you are coming to VVC omg. I cannot wait to be with you.

Write about whatever you need to. I'm here to read it all, whatever it is. I'm thinking of you and I send love.

Date: 2017-07-03 03:30 pm (UTC)
the_shoshanna: my boy kitty (Default)
From: [personal profile] the_shoshanna
I've often thought of how weird and creepy it must be to be in that waiting-for-surgery stage. Good thoughts to you, and I'm looking forward to seeing you at VVC.

Date: 2017-07-03 04:13 pm (UTC)
carbonel: (Default)
From: [personal profile] carbonel
Before a local acquaintance had surgery, she asked people to sign up for small but specific things while she was convalescing. I ended up making lunch one day for her. If you have the energy to put that sort of thing together, people might be willing to make that kind of commitment.

In any case, I'm thinking of you and hoping all goes well.

Date: 2017-07-03 04:38 pm (UTC)
aurumcalendula: gold, blue, orange, and purple shapes on a black background (Default)
From: [personal profile] aurumcalendula
*hugs*

Date: 2017-07-03 05:50 pm (UTC)
catwalksalone: (calvin and hobbes)
From: [personal profile] catwalksalone
*hugs and hugs and hugs*

Some days it can be hard to think positively and not be distracted my the Not Good, but I'll keep doing it for you all the time so that you know that even when you're sleeping someone is thinking good thoughts for you.

Date: 2017-07-03 06:07 pm (UTC)
minim_calibre: (Default)
From: [personal profile] minim_calibre
Hey! That's after all my scheduled vacations except Labor Day!

Late August should be when we're cooling down some. We've got a floor unit AC you can borrow, just in case. Probably best for the bedroom..

Date: 2017-07-03 09:52 pm (UTC)
destina: cherry blossoms (Default)
From: [personal profile] destina
Thinking about you every day. Looking forward to seeing you at VVC, where you can feel free to bend my ear if you like, and I'll give you an extra hug or two (if you want!) to stock up for while you're recuperating.

Date: 2017-07-04 12:46 am (UTC)
ranalore: (penguins make everything better)
From: [personal profile] ranalore
It's good to like your surgeon. Most of my surgeries were through a military hospital, and I only met the surgeon just before the anesthesiologist knocked me out, but I got my hysterectomy referred out, so an actual consult happened, and that was really nice for such a significant surgery.

I'm glad to hear you're going to VVC. I'm thinking of you and sending virtual hugs.

Date: 2017-07-04 01:19 am (UTC)
bond_girl: (super.)
From: [personal profile] bond_girl
Oh, hugs ❤❤❤ I really hope somebody can come and help you during your recovery.

Date: 2017-07-04 01:53 am (UTC)
mackiemesser: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mackiemesser
I'm incredibly impressed with your courage in facing this tough situation. I have all appendages crossed that everything will go well--and early detection is a significant factor in that, so that should give you an edge.

I'm glad you feel comfortable with the doc; that helps more than you would think in getting through a tough medical situation.

Though I'm not especially good at saying comforting things, I am really good with the morbid and black humor, so it you ever need that...

Date: 2017-07-04 05:23 am (UTC)
dorinda: In "Brideshead Revisited" (1981), Sebastian and Charles, arms around each other, look out to sea. (Brideshead_sea)
From: [personal profile] dorinda
I'm happy you'll be coming to VVC!

Man, though, so very many details you have to tackle. It seems really unfair to me that on top of the diagnosis and the need for surgery, you then have to basically take on a second job as your own Medical Advocate and do so much strategizing. Like you don't already have enough to do.

I don't remember if anyone you know has ever used the CaringBridge website, but a colleague of mine whose husband was in an accident is using it now, and it apparently includes a personalized calendar where various friends are signing themselves up for volunteer shifts. I haven't seen the calendar myself, but next time she's at work I could ask her if it's easy to use or what. Might be a handy central spot for people to volunteer. Unless the high-tech friends are whipping you up a GoogleDoc or something, who knows?

*hug*
Edited (Typooooo) Date: 2017-07-04 05:24 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-07-04 06:13 pm (UTC)
grammarwoman: (Default)
From: [personal profile] grammarwoman
I look forward to giving you hugs and crullers at VVC. *HUGS*

Date: 2017-07-04 06:15 pm (UTC)
kerithwyn: hugs and/or groping (DinahBabs)
From: [personal profile] kerithwyn
Thinking of you and so, so wishing I could make it to VVC. I was checking my schedule again to see if I could swing it to see you and JUST THEN a client added another half of a book to the already overwhelming schedule, due by end of August.

All the love and best thoughts, and I am with you even when I'm not here.

Date: 2017-07-05 03:28 am (UTC)
cereta: Beautiful dark skinned girl in the traditional garb of St. Lucia (St. Lucy)
From: [personal profile] cereta
{{hugs}} We are thinking of you. I wish I could do more, but please know, you're in my thoughts.

Date: 2017-07-05 03:33 am (UTC)
without_me: (Default)
From: [personal profile] without_me
Sending good thoughts. My mom had colon cancer, um, 28 years ago now? And she's still around to irritate me. So I hope your experience will have a similar result.

Date: 2017-07-05 05:22 am (UTC)
hafital: (Default)
From: [personal profile] hafital
Hey, just saw this! You're in my thoughts. Although I won't be at VVC, I'm really glad you're going and will be surrounded by friends. sending you gentle mental hugs. xo

Date: 2017-07-05 01:14 pm (UTC)
jb_slasher: steve rogers; captain america: the first avenger (wretches and kings)
From: [personal profile] jb_slasher
My thoughts are with you. <3

Date: 2017-07-06 06:27 pm (UTC)
anoel: anoel lioness (anoel lioness)
From: [personal profile] anoel
Thanks for the update and I'm so sorry the process is so complicated and tough. I really hope you can find people to help and that everything goes well.

I'm so glad you're coming to Vividcon and am really looking forward to talking with you there *hugs*

Date: 2017-07-07 08:25 pm (UTC)
kirbyfest: (Family)
From: [personal profile] kirbyfest
Just back on DW after a break and see this. Keeping you in my thoughts. Glad VVC is still on for you.

Date: 2017-07-08 01:23 pm (UTC)
mmouse15: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mmouse15
*hugs* I'm sorry you have this in your life.

Date: 2017-07-22 07:44 pm (UTC)
nwhepcat: tattoo on inner forearm of Harriet the Spy illustration (Default)
From: [personal profile] nwhepcat
Heya! I'm just now rising from my LJ/DW slumbers (just on DW though) and I just now found out about this. I'm sorry to hear about it, Gwyn. I hope all goes brilliantly with the surgery, and I'm glad you are getting to go to vividcon. (I postponed recent surgery by 6 weeks to go to 3 concerts, to I totally get it.) You'll deserve a little bit of fun.

I had pretty invasive foot surgery a year ago this month, and I was rather shocked to make a discovery: I kinda love being in the hospital. When I was a kid it was AWFUL. As in mean nurse force feeding me Cream of Wheat. Now private rooms seem to be the default, and it's TV, wifi and room service meals. Doesn't hurt to be kind of out of it. (Though I've recently found, after a flare of pain in my foot, that hydrocodone gives me insomnia, or seemed to be the case.) I hope your stay is a positive one too. You can lose your modesty pretty quick, which is rather freeing. Ms. Won't Leave Bedroom without a Bra When I Have Company went to free-boobing it when friends or my cat sitter came over. IDGAF about the small stuff is pretty helpful all around.

I hope you find a good Team You to gather around you beforehand. That will help too. <3

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