gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
It was totally an accident of fate that both my vids this year were Stucky vids, I swear. Sorry for the relentless tide of Steve/Bucky visuals.



I'll have download info when I return. On AO3 | on Tumblr

Thanks to destina for the beta. Feedback & reblogs are adored!
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
A couple years ago, cesperanza and I started talking about this vid, but we'd bring it up and then forget about it, until this year, with David Bowie's death, it seemed the time to do it. It was fun to collaborate with someone again, and I think the end result turned out pretty good.

Many thanks to killa for the song edit and the graphic.



On AO3 | on Tumblr

Feedback is adored!

When I return home I'll have the high-quality download available at my vids site.
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
The last of the baseball series, for Steve Rogers's birthday.

Stealing Home (6737 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Avengers Team (MCU)
Additional Tags: Baseball, Birthday, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Steve Rogers Feels, Kissing
Series: Part 5 of Batter Up (Baseball)
Summary:

They sat that way for some time, keeping their eyes on the field, enjoying the companionship, when one of those random memories about Steve that bedazzled him from time to time sparked inside him, warm and fond.

“We played ball during the war, didn’t we? Or we tried to and...you were too good to play. Something like that.”

gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
Ugh, I'm sicker than a dog, and there is all this stuff to do and deadlines to meet. Usually the first three days of a cold are the worst and then I get better; it's been the opposite this time, I was just mildly inconvenienced the first three days and then yesterday got hit with full-on Martian Death Flu.

Nevertheless I had wanted to do something for my 3,000th post on Tumblr, because normally I never notice the milestones but for some reason I did this time, and it was Memorial Day, and I was watching the first Captain America movie and thinking about that great kid who gets thrown in the water, and wrote this dumb little tumblr ficlet that you can also read here.

Dedication )

I'm faded

May. 15th, 2016 12:03 pm
gwyn: (beaten cap shield)
Man, I know lately it's been a struggle for me, with so many things that keep piling up and piling up on the depression (watching my fandom get eaten alive, constantly getting confronted with these people who hate my fic/me and the really shitty things they say, my pain levels getting worse and worse and no real way out of it, that feeling like everything's falling apart in slo-mo and I don't have anyone left in my life to help me put the brakes on, they're all dead), but I wasn't expecting to have a guest lecture tip me over the edge into full meltdown mode yesterday. I don't know how people who teach for a living do it. My hat is off to you. Seriously. Especially people who teach adult learners who act like they actively don't want to learn.

I used to teach in the editing program at the University of Washington, but I can't say I ever enjoyed it, though there was always a rock star student or two who made it feel worthwhile; then the program wanted to make my optional practicum course mandatory and I was like, nope, not enough spoons, too busy with paying jobs (the sheer volume of work it would have entailed at the laughable compensation they were giving me was ridiculous), and ended up creating a one-day proofreading workshop through the program instead. I really enjoyed that so much more, despite the constant fucking-up the program support staff did on it, and the people who took it seemed to mostly enjoy it and get a lot of useful information. Then the U decided to not offer it, without telling me or involving me in the decision, and so now I just do guest lectures on some of the stuff I used to teach in the practicum at the now-mandatory class. I went a few weeks ago to the first of the spring classes--two different units, one in a.m. and one in p.m., and then the second set yesterday.

And they're completely black and white: what I'm talking about is kind of boring and unpleasant, building an editing career stuff, so I try to make it funny and engaging and lively, and the morning crowd both times was enthusiastic, engaged, laughing at all my jokes, asking lots of questions. Thanking me afterward for coming. The afternoon crowd is…well, dead, my friend who runs the class called it, but it felt almost hostile both times. They sat there unmoving, staring at me, even a couple who had resting hate face maybe but they seemed like they were glaring, unresponsive, never laughed or even smiled except one lone woman, and had no questions. Either time, not a single question. Both times this guy sat sort of right in front of me so I couldn't avoid him in the sight line and he never moved once, just sat there staring at me with what felt like contempt, it was downright creepy.

And something about that just made all this other stuff (and there's a lot of it, not just those things I mentioned) just implode inside me and it was a struggle not to come home and buy a package of double stuff Oreos and a carton of Ho-Hos and a 2-liter bottle of Pepsi and maybe a bottle of vodka and eat until I barfed myself into a coma (I didn't though). I don't even know why that was the final straw, but it just…ugh. And then reading this constant attack on characters I love in the Cap-verse made me wander around the house wringing my hands and urgently texting people my anguish, who couldn't respond because they have, you know, a life.

I have to get the energy/motivation to work on a VVC premieres vid but I'm at sea about what to do with it; I feel like the last couple vids I've made have been pretty abject failures. I came out of Winter Soldier with at least 12 story ideas and a burning desire to write; the closing of the canon in Civil War makes me not even want to finish the unwritten things I have, though I'm officially signed up for the Stucky Big Bang and have sent in my summary, so I have to do that.

Maybe I should take a page out of [personal profile] sholio's book, which is always a good book to take from: Send me a prompt with Captain America-verse characters and I'll write at least a 100-word ficlet for you in comments. I can't promise it'll be right away, and I can't promise to do all of them (especially if it's not in my wheelhouse) but I'll do my best with my admittedly limited spoons right now.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
I haven't said anything about Civil War because historically, people really haven't been interested so it doesn't seem worth it, but I did just write a long honking meta piece on Tumblr about this one thing that's been bugging the shit out of me since the first trailer came out, and that I'd really hoped the movie would address, but didn't. Not that I expect the imaginary reader to be interested in that either but hey, it's out there and you can read it if you want there since I'm having so much trouble copying and pasting it here. I'm up for discussion here but not if you're going to scream at me, I don't have the spoons.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
All we’ve got (is what no one can break) (2323 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Sam Wilson
Additional Tags: Captain America: Civil War Trailer, Interlude, Artist Steve Rogers
Series: Part 3 of Interludes
Summary:

The modern world, the job of soldiering, has somehow not diminished the artist within who always saw the world in a way a camera couldn’t capture, that vision in his eyes as if he was in touch with something far away.

gwyn: (bucky confusedface)
Don’t Wait Up for Me (37510 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 5/5
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov, Clint Barton, Tony Stark
Additional Tags: Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes and His Terrible Plans, Shaving, Hair Washing, Closure, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Reunions
Summary:

“This was the last place where I knew who Bucky Barnes was. No matter how many times they stuffed the Soldier inside me, or tried to rip the old Bucky out, a little bit of him still hung on inside, you know? I just need to see that place where it all changed.”



Complete now.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
Don’t Wait Up for Me (35994 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 4: Blind Alley

Chapter Summary: “It feels like a dream,” Bucky said idly, and he recalled it: that liminal moment when the ice came down and he wasn’t blank and black inside just yet, and flashes of a life he knew couldn’t have been his shone in his mind.

An informal announcement since I'm hoping to have the completed one later. There’s one more chapter, the epilogue, coming very shortly, maybe even by tonight if I can get rewrites done. 
gwyn: (bucky with mask)
Don’t Wait Up for Me (25801 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 3: Forget Your Past
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes and His Terrible Plans, Not All Brutalism Is Ugly
Summary:

From the moment Steve had gotten Bucky back he’d been preparing to lose him again.

gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
I Meant What I Said When I Said Until My Dying Day (3000 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff
Additional Tags: Interlude, Trust, Trigger Codes, Captain America: Civil War Trailer
Series: Part 2 of Interludes
Summary:

Bucky bolts from the couch, his fists clenching, and Steve motions at everyone to drop back, to leave. “I can’t have anyone inside my head again,” he pleads, “I can’t.”




Taking a short break from the WIP to work on my anxiety and misery issues for all the Civil War trailer stuff.
gwyn: (bucky confusedface)
Don’t Wait Up for Me (14591 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 2: If We Knew You Were Coming, We'd Have Baked a Cake
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure
Summary:

“This was the last place where I knew who Bucky Barnes was. No matter how many times they stuffed the soldier inside me, or tried to rip the old Bucky out, a little bit of him still hung on inside, you know? I just need to see that place where it all changed.”

gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
New vid from Escapade 2016. A HQ DL is at my site here and it's also on Tumblr here.

Civil War trailer clips spoilers ahoy!



Lyrics:

My one heart hurt another
So only one life can't be enough
Can you give me just another
For that one who got away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight

If one heart can mend another
Only then can we begin
So won't you hold on a little longer
Don't let them get away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight
I let my good one down
I let my true love die
I had his heart but I broke it every time

Feedback is adored!
gwyn: (bucky winter soldier)
Don’t Wait Up for Me (4954 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past
Summary:

“This was the last place where I knew who Bucky Barnes was. No matter how many times they stuffed the soldier inside me, or tried to rip the old Bucky out, a little bit of him still hung on inside, you know? I just need to see that place where it all changed.”




Sorry it's a WIP, but I kind of figured what difference does it make, and this way I could use the fear of guilt and shame to make sure I finished something.

Man, if there's one (of many) things that irritate the fuck out of me about AO3, it's that first chapters won't post with their title. I do not even understand why that's a thing and why it would be constructed that way.
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
How Do You Fondue? (4444 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Tony Stark, Pepper Potts
Additional Tags: Valentine's Day Fluff, Fondue, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Almost Cockblocked by Crime
Summary:

Steve orders cocktails called The Lover and Bucky’s heart rate rockets out of control. It’s not so bad, he tells himself. The next level. It’s just dinner. At the top of the menu it asks, “How do you fondue?” and at the bottom a slogan proclaims, “We hope you enjoy experiencing all that fondue has to offer.” Bucky nearly swallows his tongue.

gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
Day 03

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I think pretty much everything I've ever made public defines me as a creator, unless it was a collaboration that was very heavily someone else's work. There were definitely a few Media Cannibals vids that did not turn out how I saw them! But overall, if I've done it or been in charge of it, it would define me, even with the vids I've made for auctions and gifts/challenges.

So these are a very random assortment of things wot I made.

Mercy Street (12957 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Angel: the Series
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Spike & Dana, Angel & Spike
Characters: Spike (BtVS), Dana (AtS), Angel (BtVS), Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Charles Gunn, Illyria (AtS), Harmony Kendall, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Additional Tags: Redemption, Vampire Slayer(s), Insanity, Atonement - Freeform, making amends, Training, Male-Female Friendship, Understanding, Episode: s05e11 Damage, Damaged
Summary:

When Dana returns to LA looking for Spike, they make a strange truce and find a way to help each other with their damage.



I've always been really weirdly attached to this story, for a lot of reasons, but one of the things I especially loved was being inside Dana's head and trying to think of how she'd make sense of things, how someone like her would see that world. I was really proud of her interior voice, and also Spike's.


Shelter (179 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Video, Fanvids, Friendship, Shelter, Everything Hurts and I'm Dying
Summary:

All I know is to keep you close.



Most of my vids are not streaming anymore and only available via download at my vids site, which no one seems to want to do these days, so I tried to pick something streaming. And honestly, I think you couldn't get a more accurate picture of me as a vidder--very basic editing, none of the flashy stuff or voiceovers kids seems to like these days, good timing, and a clear narrative. Epic feels. A song that either most people haven't heard or would never think to use that way. And nothing probably says more about my love of Steve Rogers and the people he loves and wants to protect than this vid.


Dark Approach (93073 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 6/6
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov, Peggy Carter, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, Clint Barton, Thor
Additional Tags: Memory Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, World War II, Flashbacks, Soooo Many Flashbacks, Identity Issues, Find Bucky, Everybody Just Wants Steve To Be Happy, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Torture, Longing, Pining, Found Family, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Recovering
Series: Part 2 of Dark Approach
Summary:

I have loved you across decades and centuries, over countries and continents and oceans.



Honestly, I couldn't decide what to pick for a third. Mostly I just loved writing this over the Summer of Cap Love, and I often wish more people loved it too, but I was happy with it (and the whole series).


The Gift of Forgetfulness (6049 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Pacific Rim (2013)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Hercules Hansen/Stacker Pentecost, Chuck Hansen & Hercules Hansen
Characters: Hercules Hansen, Stacker Pentecost, Chuck Hansen, Tendo Choi, Mako Mori
Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Loss, Child Loss, Road Trips, Cage Fights, self-punishment, Drift Bond, The Drift (Pacific Rim), Eventual Happy Ending, Team Hot Dads, Drivesuit Scars
Series: Part 2 of All They Had Lost
Summary:

He’ll not be anybody’s fucking tragic hero who lost his son and his best friend and still won the fight.



Since it said at least three, and I couldn't decide between Dark Approach and this, I'll put this here. I am still really, really happy with the writing I did for this Pacific Rim series, and I think this story is some of the best writing I've ever done, real-world or fannish. But it's a pairing with few fans, woe.
gwyn: (yuletide lights)
I was completely shocked yesterday when I got a notification that there was a treat for me in Yuletide Madness. Since I hadn't signed up, I never expected anything like that, and I didn't even think you could do that! Like, I don't know if it's legal, but I don't care, someone wrote me a lovely sweet interlude between Mack and Jonas from The Unit. What kindness!

the hour before dawn (266 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: The Unit
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jonas Blane/Mack Gerhardt
Characters: Mack Gerhardt, Jonas Blane
Additional Tags: Mornings, Trust, Fluff, Voice Kink
Summary:

Even half asleep, Mack can hear everything he needs to know from the sound of Jonas' voice.




And my darling [profile] devilpiglet posted the third of her Steve/Bucky series right before the tidal wave of Yuletide broke, and even if it wasn't a gift it FEELS like a gift, the best Christmas gift we could get because it's gorgeous and emotional and funny and tender and the writing is exquisite, which is like my favorite stuff all rolled into one, and you should go read and leave her glowing feedback because she is magnificent.

The Mercy Seat (5343 words) by DevilPiglet
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Captain America (Movies)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Pepper Potts, Natasha Romanov, Original Dog Character(s), Maria Hill, Nick Fury
Additional Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Psychological Trauma, Past Torture, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Series: Part 3 of A Nightingale Sang
Summary:

“If you come for Bucky,” Steve says, “I walk.”

Fury’s voice is very, very soft when he replies. “Watch yourself, Captain.”

“Keep the shield. Keep the costume, give it to the next guy you run up the flagpole. Bucky and I will disappear, find a beach on the other side of the globe and live out our days in peace.” There’s bitterness, there at the end.

gwyn: (bumble _hellsbelles)
If the Fates Allow (5301 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Clint Barton, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Bruce Banner
Additional Tags: Christmas Party, Christmas Fluff, Snowball Fight, Drunk Steve, Presents
Summary:

“It’s been driving me nuts. I couldn’t think of what to get you for the Winter Shopping Festival that’s appropriate to your retro lifestyle,” Tony said, his face looming into view above Steve. “Butter churn? Victrola?"





Baby's first Christmas story. This is the fourth fanwork in as many weeks that I've posted. Whaaaat is happening? I do not know.
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
Holding On to You Holding On to Me (1342 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes
Additional Tags: Captain America: Civil War Trailer, Reunions, Love, Interlude
Series: Part 1 of Interlude
Summary:

Steve stares at his back, the terrible architecture of Bucky’s suffering written on the left shoulder and side. Reaches over and with fingertips brushes each rung along the ladder of his spine.





Jeez, a fanwork a week--too much? I don't even know, considering how crappy I feel about everything. Interludes based on the Civil War trailer, so conjecturey spoilers, I guess.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
I was working on another vid, busting my ass to meet a book deadline, and then the trailer happened…and then this happened. A million thanks to [personal profile] killabeez for the incredible amount of help. You are the best.

This is 90 percent Captain America: Civil War trailer, so I'm putting it behind a cut, and needless to say, it's spoilery.

Here, have a vid with your morning coffee )

Way Down We Go by Kaleo
Captain America Civil War trailer and Captain America movies

High quality DL my site | on Tumblr | on AO3

Feedback, recs, and reblogs on Tumblr would be adored!

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