gwyn: (beaten cap shield)
Man, I think I have to throw in the towel on trying to figure out what people will respond to. I thought for sure, what with Star Wars being a much, much bigger fandom in general than Captain America, that Battleflag would be the Vividcon entry that would do well out there in the world. But it's just sort of sunk into a void, and Chase You Down, which I thought was a weaker vid, is getting more hits and definitely has more notes on Tumblr and comments here. I was actually really happy with how Battleflag turned out, despite the difficulties, and I thought people would like it…

It's cool that people enjoyed Chase You Down, because I didn't think they would (I mean, admittedly I would have loved it if so many people hadn't qualified it with telling me how much they hate Bucky generally), but I just honestly thought Battleflag would be the one people would respond to.

Anyways. Today I went to see the doctor who runs the genetic testing office at my clinic, he's also a breast cancer specialist and surgeon. They were giving me the results from the spit-in-a-tube thing I mentioned a few weeks ago, to see if I had the genetic mutations for ovarian cancer (for those new here, my twin sister died at 45 of ovarian cancer complications, and so there was a concern that they should take out my ovaries during my colon cancer surgery at the end of the month). I've been…pretty much planning since sis_r died for it, that that was what I was gonna die from, or melanoma. So I was really surprised when they told me I don't have the markers, and my risk was not elevated.

There's a whole bunch of other stuff that I won't bore you with--other higher risk factors because of my sister and just my general body--but they asked me what I wanted to do during the surgery, if I'd prefer to keep the tubes and ovaries or meet with an obgyn surgeon and plan to remove them, and I didn't know how to answer. I was just gobsmacked: I've planned for this news for so long that I had no idea how I was supposed to decide. There's not a lot of time to meet with another surgeon, and I don't know if insurance will pay for this considering I don't have the gene markers, so I decided to just focus on the colon surgery and whatever happens after that.

I mean, to be honest, I'd love to take them out, but that's an expense I could absolutely not afford and considering what kind of bills I'm already getting for co-insurances and whatnot, I don't feel really positive about them paying for it, nor do I have the time and spoons to navigate the insurance maze. So I'm just staying the course, I guess. He outlined a bunch of breast health stuff for me, since my risk just based on heredity is higher, and I loathe mammograms but I sort of saw it coming that they were going to want to increase my frequency of them. God I hate them, I always end up bruised everywhere and in so much pain, and I hate being touched like that, ugh. But at least I don't have the genetic cancer mutations. Seriously, if it wasn't major surgery, I'd cut these things off happily.
gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
I realized after I told people the story of how this came to be that I was telling it wrong, but here's the actual story. I wanted to make this initially as a Stucky vid, but I felt like I've made so many it was ridic, but I knew I couldn't make it as just a SteveSam vid, because there wasn't enough footage. So then I dithered about whether I should make it as both of them, but I worried that it would be unevenly divided because there's so much more useful Steve and Bucky clips, and I was telling [personal profile] killabeez about that and she said, well, if I was making this, I'd do that last verse as Natasha, because no one would see that reversal of her chasing Steve coming. And I gasped: "Peggy!" I said and she went "Oooooohhhhhh." I was excited to get started and then...it became agonizing. It was so hard to make sure that the POV characters landed on the "I"s and the chased characters landed on the "you"s. This was so hard, and I never did feel like the switch in POV worked. But people seemed to enjoy it, which I guess is what matters in the end. So here, have a vid about the bisexual America deserves.



On AO3 | On Tumblr
gwyn: (nebula blue wizzicons)
Sometime when I'm back from the con I'll write up the insane story of all the technical difficulties involved with making this vid. In the meantime, have some Star Wars resistance.




On AO3 here and on Tumblr here.


Your construction
Smells of corruption
I manipulate, to recreate
This air, to ground saga
Gotta launder, my karma
I said hallelujah, to the sixteen loyal fans
You're gettin' down on your muthafuckin' knees
And it's time for your sickness again
Come on and tell me what you need now
Tell me what is making you bleed
We got two more minutes and
We gonna cut to what you need
So one of six so tell me
One do you want to live
And one of seven tell me
Is it time for your muthafuckin' ass to give
Tell me is it time to get down on your muthafuckin' knees
Tell me is it time to get down

I'm blown to the maxim
Two hemispheres battlin'
Suckin' up, one last breath
Take a drag of the death

Hey Mr. Policeman
There's a time for getting away
There's a time for driving down the mother fuckin' road
And running from your ass today

Now tell me if do you agree now
Or tell me if I'm makin' you bleed
I got a few more minutes and
I'm gonna cut to what you need
So one of six so tell me
One do you want to live
And one of seven tell me
Is it time for your muthafuckin' ass to give
Tell me is it time to get down on your muthafuckin' knees
Tell me is it time to get down

Got a revolution behind my eyes
We got to get up and organize

(A new production of a new breed
Leaders stand up, organise)

Will be available for download at my vids site at gwynethr.net once I'm home next week.
gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
Sorry it's taken me so long to get all my ducks in a row for posting my vid from Escapade: my laptop refused to work on any of the hotels' wi-fi while I was traveling, I guess the OS is just too old or something, so I couldn't post it to all the usual places. Anyway, at some point soon I hope to have this it's now up on my vids site (gwynethr.net) for a HQ download, but in the meantime streaming's all I got.



All We Do
Artist: Oh Wonder
Fandom: Political Animals (and let's be real, Sebastian Stan)
On AO3 on Tumblr


I've always wanted to do a TJ Hammond vid, and I'd originally planned to do this song for Jack Benjamin in Kings, but chatting with vidder Secretlytodream, it really did seem to belong to TJ. I was roundly mocked for my interest in Sebastian's different roles this weekend, but you know, whatever, I like his face. Anyway, thanks especially to przed for the helpful beta!
gwyn: (walken wonderland)
[personal profile] anoel asked: What are some of your favorite vids and why? Are there any patterns in what makes you love a vid?

Unfortunately a lot of the vids I love most aren't available online or streaming because they come from the old VCR vidding days. A few are, but I have a lot of fondness for many of them because flashy technique has never been what I'm interested in--I'm really into narratives, for the most part, and since we didn't have tech to use, the focus was always squarely on story. A lot of what people go crazy for these days leaves me cold because there's no feeling that I get from it, it's all about style over substance (or it's a lot of spoken dialog and score music layered over vid music and that drives me batshit, because it's never equalized).

One of the first vids I ever saw was Deejay's Too Long a Soldier for The Professionals and it still is a huge fave, because it's such a great narrative about who Bodie is and how operating in that world of violence makes him act. Plus it introduced me not just to vids but to outside (the show's) source in a vid. I also still really love Jo's Ebben? Ne Andro Lontana vid for Band of Brothers, and not just because I suggested the song and it was the impetus for our first vid collection--but because it painted a picture of Band of Brothers in a really haunting way. It was almost like a literal painting, just in moving pictures. And Full of Grace, Morgan Dawn and Justine's Due South vid, might be my favorite vid of all time or at least in my top two, because it's one of the most gorgeous, tragic, affecting portraits of a character I've ever seen. (There's a link to it here! http://archiveofourown.org/works/8972914)

Motorcycle Drive-By from Lynn (at JKL, I think, on pteropus.com) is a huge favorite for a similar reason--it's just such a perfect marriage of song and subject and describes Spike and his hopeless love for Buffy in the most deliciously sad way. I think I wore out two tape copies of it back in the day, I watched it so often. Oh! And of course, I adore Dante's Prayer because it's incredible, but there was also a vid that Killa and T. Jonesy made around the same time called Bleed to Love Her that I am the biggest fan of, it's an amazing story of what Kirk is willing to sacrifice for the Enterprise, sob.

Some newer vids that I love include AbsoluteDestiny's vid that he made for me in the Vividcon auction a few years ago, for the movie The Navigator, that he called Death and the Navigator (his vids are here but I believe this one's being blocked, grrrr), and the other day on my tumblr I reblogged a vid from last year's Festivids for The Martian to Under Pressure, because I'd been telling people how much I adored it and how much it affected me. It's just a great fusion of story and song, where it's not simply retelling the movie's story but giving us a deeper look into that story.

Those are all off the top of my head; I'm sure if I went through some con playlists and stuff I'd find a lot more, but my head's in a bunch of different places tonight so I'm not remembering everything, I know.
gwyn: (steve rogers shield)
This is probably terrible, but I couldn't help myself: every single time I saw Captain America: Civil War in the theatre, this song would play in my head when Steve walked out to the tarmac. I edited out the spoken word section in the middle (as well as the ethnic insults line, because it just didn't feel like it belonged in a vid that isn't about ethnic-based conflict), but the spoken dialog there is hilarious--"meet Tony and me at ten. And walk tall!" "We always walk tall, we're Jets! The greatest!"

Anyway, have a silly vid.



Also on tumblr.
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
I promised download links to the two Vividcon vids--hallo spaceboy and dangerous--when I returned from Chicago, but then I fell down the hole of trying to finish my Stucky Big Bang fic on time, so they never went up. For the, like, two people who want to download higher res files, you can find them both at my vids site now. The spaceboy DL is pretty large, but that was the lowest size I could get without completely losing quality, for some reason. (I think my site is not viewable on mobile devices and some other things make it hard to access; I don't know what or why, and I don't really have the knowledge to know how to fix it. If anyone might be interested in helping me figure out how to fix it so it's more accessible, I'd love to talk to you, maybe I could pay you in a vid or fic.)


Man, it's one thing to expect a fic to do poorly but it's another thing for it to bomb completely. I feel so sorry for my artist, throwing in with me. Anyone who collaborates with me, really; they could pick literally anyone else in fandom and get more recognition or responses on their work.


I've had some run-ins with truly wretched customer service and support lately, and I'm just…I never feel quite so alone and hopeless as I do when confronted with people who expect me to solve problems I'm not in any way capable of solving on my own/too disabled by my back to do/don't have tool or skill sets and are then just fed up or plain nasty at me for it. And I'd really rather not pay astronomical sums for the privilege of their help, but I'm kind of stuck, and they make you feel so small for being floored by what they want to make you pay.

I cannot find rumchata anywhere in this fucking town. But I did learn where to get an actual cruller in this fucking hipster donut infested asshole city, so that's one thing. (Seriously, if you ever think your city is infested with idiotic hipsters, come to Seattle or Portland and we'll quickly disabuse you of that notion. They're like termites or rodents of unusual size.)
gwyn: (buckaroo jidabug)
So…that was an…eventful week.

Last Thursday, wickedwords and I were heading out around noon for VVC, and our flight got delayed for at least 45 minutes, so there was some frantic texting with astolat about dinner plans because we'd be coming in so late (I swear both of us actually thought the tickets she bought for us were for the 10 am flight), but then poor astolat ended up being delayed even longer than us due to the thunderstorms around everywhere. Turned out the restaurant closed at 9, which, what the hell, so it was Outback for us, but we got to hang and unwind a little, and catch up, and she saved my sanity by having extra earplugs, which I'd forgotten to pack. It was hilarious on the outbound flight, though: while we were waiting to board, we were just loud enough that jarrow heard us and came over to say hi, because he was on the same flight. Rache and I got seated, her in the middle seat, me in the aisle, and after a few minutes of people coming down the aisle I heard her guffaw and looked up to see jarrow there--he had the window seat next to us. We laughed and laughed--and it was great because he and I were both writing fic and that way you definitely don't have to worry about hiding your laptop with your slash on it.

Chicago was fucking hot--like, knock you back when you step out on the jetway from the plane hot. And I struggled almost the whole time with it, even when it was raining and the heat index dropped a little. We at least got to the store on Friday for some stuff, and I didn't feel like I was going to drop from heat stroke, but man, there were definitely days on this trip that I thought it might happen.

Someone had reblogged an old fic announcement post about Dream of Caramel, which had generated a little flurry of interest in the fic, and more reblogs, so that was an unexpected, rare little bit of pleasantness that made my weekend a lot brighter. Friday night was the premieres show this year, and I'd been more than a little surprised to see, when I got my reg stuff on Thursday, that the vid cesperanza and I made this year was listed first. OMG the pressure! It seemed to go over well, and I posted it that night when I was hanging out in destina's room, though I was a tiny bit tipsy and made a bunch of typos.

I did not expect the flurry of reblogs and comments and stuff! That doesn't usually happen for my vids so it was very cool but also kind of overwhelming and I spent Saturday in a bit of a haze (pleasant, don't get me wrong, but definitely a haze). Got dressed in my Bucky Barnes red henley and dark gray t-shirt, dark jeans, and shooting glove and baseball cap, for Club Vivid, and it was so funny watching people look at me and do a doubletake, thinking I wasn't in a costume and then realizing that I was, and who I was dressed as. I didn't dance as much as I wanted to, because of the aforementioned overheating--I just couldn't seem to get my feet under me half the time, between the Chicago steambath and the hot flashes and all that. My vid, Dangerous, was early on in the show, and for once, the entire dance floor didn't empty out when my vid came on! Yay! Plus it got the anxiety out of the way so I could enjoy the rest of the show. Absolutedestiny brought back some great old vids and it was really a wonderful show this year, I thought.

Sunday was more vid shows and panels and hanging out, and watching the number of notes climb on tumblr--it was all so fascinating. I didn't attend a lot of panels or shows over the weekend, preferring to hang with people I don't get to see much like destina and kassrachel and dorinda and par avion and talitha78, and it was really, really nice to spend time with people and just talk, especially when people were willing to indulge my desire to talk about Steve and Bucky or go get a cruller with me. :-D

Because of the Sebastian Stan fiasco, I was still planning to stay in Chicago for a few days, and I took an Uber into the city. I was planning to work on my Stucky Big Bang story and hang with devilpiglet and a couple other Chicago people--before I left, the artist who signed up for my fic sent me two additional sketches for my story and they are so amazing, it was so inspiring to see art come from my words, I just…it really made that push to get toward the end of the story so much easier, and I'm so excited to see the final drawings they do.

Monday night I spent with devilpiglet at a nice Thai place across from the hotel, and when I got back I had an email from cesperanza asking me about the YouTube file for our vid--she said there were some repeating clips and I thought, no, that must be some kind of browser issue, but nope, it was…completely, utterly borked, for the entire second half of the vid. It was SO bizarre--there were at least a dozen clips that basically cut off and then repeated, which in some cases cut the already tight editing down and made it look like I had flash frames in and that I was a terrible editor. I was sick to my stomach. There wasn't a thing I could do about it, though, except put a note on the YT file and the AO3 page and let people know they might want to wait till I was home to link or rec. I'd watched the vid at least twice a day from the moment I posted it, because I don't trust YT and I was using a different codec, but it was always fine, until, apparently, it wasn't.

I also checked Dangerous and the beginning of that one was messed up. I didn't sleep at all Monday night, I was ragged and exhausted with trying to figure out what had happened, and angsting over the whole thing. In the morning on Tuesday I checked Dangerous first, and it was…fine. But I noticed YT had removed the 1080p quality setting and now only allowed a max of 720p. I just had no idea what to make of anything, but I went out to Starbucks for breakfast and then I wanted to walk over to the Miracle Mile, because I'd never seen that when I've been in Chicago before.

When I got there I opened up tumblr, just to check how the vids were doing, and saw that I had a personal message from someone, and it turned out to be the person who's doing a new stucky fic recs site that is really well written and thoughtful. She said she'd been reading my stuff and liking it, and that made me just…forget all about the Sturm und Drang of the Spaceboy fiasco, but then she added that she'd written up a rec for I can't remember how this started (but I can tell you exactly how it ends), my Winter Soldier-goes Groundhog Day story, and I swear I nearly swooned right there in Starbucks. Like, I never expected in a million years that I, a no-name fan, would ever get a story recced there. It made me feel so much better. I got a handful of comments and kudos from it, which, combined with the comments on Spaceboy and Dangerous, left me feeling better enough to spend the day writing in my room instead of rending my garments and screaming at YT, with breaks for a swim and seeking out food. Then devilpiglet and I hit the hotel bar and had a light dinner and she introduced me to rumchata (in the form of milkshakes) and OMG where has that been all my life? I am buying a bottle of that next time I hit the store, for sure.

We'd planned to go to the Shedd aquarium on Wednesday, but I kind of hit a wall, so she took me to see the beach at the lake, another thing I've never really done, but…I totally crapped out on her. The anxiety about the vid had kind of done me in, and the heat was killing me. We did stop to eat at a cool '70s diner place, and walked through some beautiful neighborhoods with amazing houses, and went to this really neat architectural salvage place, and then she took me to the airport. We got there earlier than expected, but I was so glad we left when we did after she texted me later and told me about Obama's visit basically shutting down the expressway, so yay for that. Of course my flight was delayed, but I hung out for a while at this nice bar we discovered a few years ago in the L terminal, and the bartender admired my Bucky Barnes shirt. Needless to say I gave him a nice tip. After some more delays it was home again, home again, and I got home very late last night to an insanely loving kitty cat.

This morning I got up and started to work on exporting a new video file to upload to YT, start fixing things. One of the things I hate about YT is that you can't fix a video, you have to reupload to a whole new page, and that means all the links will break and whatnot. But I got a text just as I was opening up Final Cut, from cesperanza, saying that it seemed to be playing fine, so we talked about it on the phone while I watched it and yup, it was totally unborked. I have this once-bitten feeling, like I can't trust it's not going to happen again, but as she put it, it's a chance to reblog the announcement and whip up more interest, so that was today. I have no idea why it happened, I can only assume YT made some kind of code change like they're always doing (the timing on the vid even changed, and I notice it still only allows 720p), but I feel like they took about 6 years off my life and they owe me, the bastards. So right now it's fine, and if you were waiting to watch because of my notes on the AO3 page, go cast your eyeballs upon it and enjoy!

And now I'm very sleepy, still on Chicago time, but I think I will see how much writing I can do tonight, and hope to finish this damn story by tomorrow. Posting deadline is the 29th, but wow, do I have a lot of editing and rewrites to get through, and I don't want to wait till the last minute. I've had enough of bad things happening for a while, and I feel like that's courting fate.

It's been a wild rollercoaster of a week, full of drama and trauma and ongoing saga, and lots of people I love and really sweet things happening and vids and fic and just a flurry of Things That Don't Usually Happen to Me.
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
It was totally an accident of fate that both my vids this year were Stucky vids, I swear. Sorry for the relentless tide of Steve/Bucky visuals.



I'll have download info when I return. On AO3 | on Tumblr

Thanks to destina for the beta. Feedback & reblogs are adored!
gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
A couple years ago, cesperanza and I started talking about this vid, but we'd bring it up and then forget about it, until this year, with David Bowie's death, it seemed the time to do it. It was fun to collaborate with someone again, and I think the end result turned out pretty good.

Many thanks to killa for the song edit and the graphic.



On AO3 | on Tumblr

Feedback is adored!

When I return home I'll have the high-quality download available at my vids site.
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
New vid from Escapade 2016. A HQ DL is at my site here and it's also on Tumblr here.

Civil War trailer clips spoilers ahoy!



Lyrics:

My one heart hurt another
So only one life can't be enough
Can you give me just another
For that one who got away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight

If one heart can mend another
Only then can we begin
So won't you hold on a little longer
Don't let them get away

Lonely I, I'm so alone now

There'll be no rest for the wicked
There's no song for the choir
There's no hope for the weary
If you let them win without a fight
I let my good one down
I let my true love die
I had his heart but I broke it every time

Feedback is adored!
gwyn: (bucky end of the line)
Day 03

In your own space, post a rec for at least three fanworks that you have created. It can be your favorite fanworks that you've created, or fanworks you feel no one ever saw, or fanworks you say would define you as a creator. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.


I think pretty much everything I've ever made public defines me as a creator, unless it was a collaboration that was very heavily someone else's work. There were definitely a few Media Cannibals vids that did not turn out how I saw them! But overall, if I've done it or been in charge of it, it would define me, even with the vids I've made for auctions and gifts/challenges.

So these are a very random assortment of things wot I made.

Mercy Street (12957 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Angel: the Series
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Spike & Dana, Angel & Spike
Characters: Spike (BtVS), Dana (AtS), Angel (BtVS), Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Charles Gunn, Illyria (AtS), Harmony Kendall, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce
Additional Tags: Redemption, Vampire Slayer(s), Insanity, Atonement - Freeform, making amends, Training, Male-Female Friendship, Understanding, Episode: s05e11 Damage, Damaged
Summary:

When Dana returns to LA looking for Spike, they make a strange truce and find a way to help each other with their damage.



I've always been really weirdly attached to this story, for a lot of reasons, but one of the things I especially loved was being inside Dana's head and trying to think of how she'd make sense of things, how someone like her would see that world. I was really proud of her interior voice, and also Spike's.


Shelter (179 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Video, Fanvids, Friendship, Shelter, Everything Hurts and I'm Dying
Summary:

All I know is to keep you close.



Most of my vids are not streaming anymore and only available via download at my vids site, which no one seems to want to do these days, so I tried to pick something streaming. And honestly, I think you couldn't get a more accurate picture of me as a vidder--very basic editing, none of the flashy stuff or voiceovers kids seems to like these days, good timing, and a clear narrative. Epic feels. A song that either most people haven't heard or would never think to use that way. And nothing probably says more about my love of Steve Rogers and the people he loves and wants to protect than this vid.


Dark Approach (93073 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 6/6
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers & Sam Wilson, Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov/Sam Wilson
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov, Peggy Carter, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, Clint Barton, Thor
Additional Tags: Memory Loss, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, World War II, Flashbacks, Soooo Many Flashbacks, Identity Issues, Find Bucky, Everybody Just Wants Steve To Be Happy, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Implied/Referenced Torture, Longing, Pining, Found Family, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Recovering
Series: Part 2 of Dark Approach
Summary:

I have loved you across decades and centuries, over countries and continents and oceans.



Honestly, I couldn't decide what to pick for a third. Mostly I just loved writing this over the Summer of Cap Love, and I often wish more people loved it too, but I was happy with it (and the whole series).


The Gift of Forgetfulness (6049 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Pacific Rim (2013)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Hercules Hansen/Stacker Pentecost, Chuck Hansen & Hercules Hansen
Characters: Hercules Hansen, Stacker Pentecost, Chuck Hansen, Tendo Choi, Mako Mori
Additional Tags: Grief/Mourning, Loss, Child Loss, Road Trips, Cage Fights, self-punishment, Drift Bond, The Drift (Pacific Rim), Eventual Happy Ending, Team Hot Dads, Drivesuit Scars
Series: Part 2 of All They Had Lost
Summary:

He’ll not be anybody’s fucking tragic hero who lost his son and his best friend and still won the fight.



Since it said at least three, and I couldn't decide between Dark Approach and this, I'll put this here. I am still really, really happy with the writing I did for this Pacific Rim series, and I think this story is some of the best writing I've ever done, real-world or fannish. But it's a pairing with few fans, woe.
gwyn: (Default)
I didn't make many vids this year due to feeling like a failure and the constant excrutiating pain, so this should be easy (she said). Links go to the vid on AO3, rather than YouTube or Vimeo, but you can click through to watch them there.

From first to most recent:

Monsters 
This was the vid that I made for Destina for Festivids. I stumbled on this song while I was actually wringing my hands about finding the right music for the vid I had in mind--I was working on a project and still formulating things in my mind when the season of Elementary opened, and at the end there was this intriguing music at the end. I could just barely hear it, and there were only about five words sung, but I just thought, wow, that's it. Little did I know what an ordeal it would become to find out how to get my hands on a high quality version of it. The artist who'd released it later changed his performing name, and the only place that had it was UK iTunes, which refused to give it to me, and I spent days trying to track down where it would be in US iTunes or some other place I could buy it. It really was the perfect song, and I loved the slow build, and the energy of the beat behind such quiet words and ethereal sounds. The whole thing was perfect for painting a picture of Jack and the terrible life he has, surrounded by monsters, trying not to become one himself.

Sorrow
I
 made this for Escapade almost at the last minute. I have been trying to do a vid since I saw Winter Soldier for the first time, and there's just really not the footage I want, so after struggling some more with it, I gave up and did this, which had been sitting in my heart for a long time. I felt like this came together really well, though I was a bit worried it would be over the top; I had someone come look at it unfinished and she said I made her cry, so that made me feel like it succeeded.

Wasp Nest
I'd finished all my Vividcon vids, and while I was working on them, I kept thinking about Natasha--and about the fact that there's this thing I kind of hate where fans decide that a certain fandom or character can only be represented in vids by a certain type of music. I've had that thrown in my face before, when I went, I don't know, off what people consider acceptable, and I really chafe at that. I think it's so narrow and unimaginative and restricting, and all the Natasha vids I've seen are either to these girl power songs or fighty-beaty action music. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many vids there are to Fight Song for her or Melinda May? Gah.) I never see things that feel like an internal conversation inside her heart, or ones that examine other parts of her than just fighty girl power stuff. So I wanted to do that, and I knew people would slam the song as being too soft, and of course…they did. Whatever. I love how this turned out, and I love using vids to explore other parts of a canon or a character than what people expect.

Heroes (We Could Be)
I wanted to make this for Club Vivid for over a year, but I was worried about the intro being beatless, so I asked ahead of time. I felt like it might not fit for the dance party, but it got in anyway, and I was super happy with how it turned out. It was terrible to make though--I spent way too much money on stuff for clips, buying movies and episodes and whatnot. And some of the Agent Carter eps would not work for love or money. Everything was in different aspect ratios…and then I couldn't figure out how to make a thumbnail that conveyed all the women in the vid because I am not an artist and don't have those tools. I asked M'lyn if she would be interested in making me a graphic and she made my amazing title background and thumbnail art, and I love it so much. I stare at it happily all the time.

Titanium
I really wanted to make this back when the show ended, but I decided to wait and make it my Vividcon premieres vid because I didn't have any other ideas. It was definitely a challenge--my iMac's video card died right before the deadline, and I thought I'd lost the hi-def Agent Carter one-shot file that someone sent me, and some of the Agent Carter on ABC eps wouldn't work…it was like being the Job of vidding or something. I thought I'd lost the entire vid too, when they went to replace the video card. Thank god I didn't. Then YouTube banned it. Vimeo had taken down almost all my vids a few years ago, unbeknownst to me, so I was reluctant to put it there, but I didn't have time to get in touch with Critical Commons at that point before I left for the con, so it ended up there. I still wait to find out they've removed it. The worst part is that there are other vids to Titanium on youtube, but I am nervous about resubmitting it. I was really happy with it, despite the torment, and Destina gave me an amazing beta review.

Havoc in Heaven
I put myself up for sale in the Vividcon auction this year, because I'd had such a fun time the last time I did it. I was so lucky to be bought by killabeez--we'd talked about this song for a Sunshine vid before, and when she played it again for me the day the auction was closing, I was sekritly hoping she would buy me so I could do it. We discussed a bunch of other songs and fandoms, but this was the one I thought, yeah, I can do something with this. I have synesthesia, and it manifests in some different ways, but a big one is that sounds have colors. Some things can be quite psychedelic when I'm listening to music. I could feel the visuals of the movie in the musical notes, and despite some tech issues, this came together really well, especially because Killa kind of grokked what I was talking about and she was really good at explaining to me how she saw the story of the vid. It was perfect synchronicity! I'm so glad I made this--it might be a minuscule fandom, but I got to bond with bironic and talitha78 at the con over this, and it's, I felt, not like a lot of other vids you see at Vividcon.

Way Down We Go
The Captain America: Civil War trailer burned a hole in my heart. It gave me so much stuff I was worried about ever seeing in that ridiculously overstuffed clown car of a cast--Bucky and Steve gazing into each other's eyes! A touch! Bucky on Steve's six! Bucky remembering! I was itching to make a vid, and this song arrived in my life right at the moment the trailer did. There's really only about less than two minutes of footage to work with, since so much of the trailer is the damn logos and black space. So I filled it out with Cap 2 stuff, and I think it worked well--it's about 90 percent trailer, and that's still a good ratio. Killa edited the song down for me and also gave it a look before I posted it, and her enthusiasm was really helpful. I loved how it turned out, it may not have been a big hit, but it's one of the few vids I've made I'm happy to rewatch. Someone called it "sexy" and that was exactly what I was hoping for, so mission accomplished.


Thinky thoughts part:


My favorite video this year:
Way Down We Go, just because of the FEELS.

Least favorite video this year:
I don't really have one, I felt like they all had something good about them.

Most successful:

Um…if you judge by hits on YouTube or Vimeo, Monsters. There's definitely some kind of Jack and David contingent on YouTube that I don't see existing anyplace else. I haven't looked at reblogs on Tumblr, but I'd probably guess Sorrow had the most notes. On AO3 and journals, Sorrow seems to be the clear winner. For me personally, though, I just love how Havoc in Heaven turned out, and the reactions of some vidders I admire (and Killa's reaction to her vid!) were so, so gratifying.

Vid most under-appreciated by the universe in my opinion:
Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, they're all okay. I think Wasp Nest just disappeared into a pre-Vividcon, not-girl-fighty song void.

Funnest video:
I think most people would say Heroes (We Could Be) because it's about the ladies of Marvel and my love for them shows.

Video with the single sexiest moment:
Hm. I'm not sure there are sexy moments, per se, but I think the fact that someone called Way Down We Go out for being really sexy would answer that.

Biggest vid fail:
I don't feel like any of them did that this year, but the struggle to make Titanium, and not being able to post it to YouTube, was really hard to handle.

Hardest video to make:
Titanium, for the reasons stated above. 

Easiest video to make:
Havoc in Heaven and Sorrow both came together really well, and I loved working with Killa on Havoc. Way Down We Go was definitely the speediest.

Most unintentionally telling video:
I don't know that any of them fit this, but I suppose you can see my Steve/Bucky feels written all over Sorrow and Way Down We Go in an embarrassing fashion.

What's Next?
I have a vid that I'd like to make with someone, that we've talked about for a couple years now. I'd like to make more vids. I don't know what my pain levels, and my equipment, will allow. I'd like to learn AfterEffects, but since I can't even figure out Premiere (or, more to the point, why it doesn't work for me the way it's supposed to), I'm not sure how well that'd go. And I think Civil War may finally give me the footage I need to make the vid of my heart I've been trying to make since April of 2014. But right now, I have to finish this vid I started before the CW trailer dropped, and proabably send that to Escapade.

gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
I didn't make many vids this year due to feeling like a failure and the constant excrutiating pain, so this should be easy (she said). Links go to the vid on AO3, rather than YouTube or Vimeo, but you can click through to watch them there.

From first to most recent:

Monsters 
This was the vid that I made for Destina for Festivids. I stumbled on this song while I was actually wringing my hands about finding the right music for the vid I had in mind--I was working on a project and still formulating things in my mind when the season of Elementary opened, and at the end there was this intriguing music at the end. I could just barely hear it, and there were only about five words sung, but I just thought, wow, that's it. Little did I know what an ordeal it would become to find out how to get my hands on a high quality version of it. The artist who'd released it later changed his performing name, and the only place that had it was UK iTunes, which refused to give it to me, and I spent days trying to track down where it would be in US iTunes or some other place I could buy it. It really was the perfect song, and I loved the slow build, and the energy of the beat behind such quiet words and ethereal sounds. The whole thing was perfect for painting a picture of Jack and the terrible life he has, surrounded by monsters, trying not to become one himself.

Sorrow
I
 made this for Escapade almost at the last minute. I have been trying to do a vid since I saw Winter Soldier for the first time, and there's just really not the footage I want, so after struggling some more with it, I gave up and did this, which had been sitting in my heart for a long time. I felt like this came together really well, though I was a bit worried it would be over the top; I had someone come look at it unfinished and she said I made her cry, so that made me feel like it succeeded.

Wasp Nest
I'd finished all my Vividcon vids, and while I was working on them, I kept thinking about Natasha--and about the fact that there's this thing I kind of hate where fans decide that a certain fandom or character can only be represented in vids by a certain type of music. I've had that thrown in my face before, when I went, I don't know, off what people consider acceptable, and I really chafe at that. I think it's so narrow and unimaginative and restricting, and all the Natasha vids I've seen are either to these girl power songs or fighty-beaty action music. (Seriously, do you have any idea how many vids there are to Fight Song for her or Melinda May? Gah.) I never see things that feel like an internal conversation inside her heart, or ones that examine other parts of her than just fighty girl power stuff. So I wanted to do that, and I knew people would slam the song as being too soft, and of course…they did. Whatever. I love how this turned out, and I love using vids to explore other parts of a canon or a character than what people expect.

Heroes (We Could Be)
I wanted to make this for Club Vivid for over a year, but I was worried about the intro being beatless, so I asked ahead of time. I felt like it might not fit for the dance party, but it got in anyway, and I was super happy with how it turned out. It was terrible to make though--I spent way too much money on stuff for clips, buying movies and episodes and whatnot. And some of the Agent Carter eps would not work for love or money. Everything was in different aspect ratios…and then I couldn't figure out how to make a thumbnail that conveyed all the women in the vid because I am not an artist and don't have those tools. I asked M'lyn if she would be interested in making me a graphic and she made my amazing title background and thumbnail art, and I love it so much. I stare at it happily all the time.

Titanium
I really wanted to make this back when the show ended, but I decided to wait and make it my Vividcon premieres vid because I didn't have any other ideas. It was definitely a challenge--my iMac's video card died right before the deadline, and I thought I'd lost the hi-def Agent Carter one-shot file that someone sent me, and some of the Agent Carter on ABC eps wouldn't work…it was like being the Job of vidding or something. I thought I'd lost the entire vid too, when they went to replace the video card. Thank god I didn't. Then YouTube banned it. Vimeo had taken down almost all my vids a few years ago, unbeknownst to me, so I was reluctant to put it there, but I didn't have time to get in touch with Critical Commons at that point before I left for the con, so it ended up there. I still wait to find out they've removed it. The worst part is that there are other vids to Titanium on youtube, but I am nervous about resubmitting it. I was really happy with it, despite the torment, and Destina gave me an amazing beta review.

Havoc in Heaven
I put myself up for sale in the Vividcon auction this year, because I'd had such a fun time the last time I did it. I was so lucky to be bought by killabeez--we'd talked about this song for a Sunshine vid before, and when she played it again for me the day the auction was closing, I was sekritly hoping she would buy me so I could do it. We discussed a bunch of other songs and fandoms, but this was the one I thought, yeah, I can do something with this. I have synesthesia, and it manifests in some different ways, but a big one is that sounds have colors. Some things can be quite psychedelic when I'm listening to music. I could feel the visuals of the movie in the musical notes, and despite some tech issues, this came together really well, especially because Killa kind of grokked what I was talking about and she was really good at explaining to me how she saw the story of the vid. It was perfect synchronicity! I'm so glad I made this--it might be a minuscule fandom, but I got to bond with bironic and talitha78 at the con over this, and it's, I felt, not like a lot of other vids you see at Vividcon.

Way Down We Go
The Captain America: Civil War trailer burned a hole in my heart. It gave me so much stuff I was worried about ever seeing in that ridiculously overstuffed clown car of a cast--Bucky and Steve gazing into each other's eyes! A touch! Bucky on Steve's six! Bucky remembering! I was itching to make a vid, and this song arrived in my life right at the moment the trailer did. There's really only about less than two minutes of footage to work with, since so much of the trailer is the damn logos and black space. So I filled it out with Cap 2 stuff, and I think it worked well--it's about 90 percent trailer, and that's still a good ratio. Killa edited the song down for me and also gave it a look before I posted it, and her enthusiasm was really helpful. I loved how it turned out, it may not have been a big hit, but it's one of the few vids I've made I'm happy to rewatch. Someone called it "sexy" and that was exactly what I was hoping for, so mission accomplished.


Thinky thoughts part:


My favorite video this year:
Way Down We Go, just because of the FEELS.

Least favorite video this year:
I don't really have one, I felt like they all had something good about them.

Most successful:

Um…if you judge by hits on YouTube or Vimeo, Monsters. There's definitely some kind of Jack and David contingent on YouTube that I don't see existing anyplace else. I haven't looked at reblogs on Tumblr, but I'd probably guess Sorrow had the most notes. On AO3 and journals, Sorrow seems to be the clear winner. For me personally, though, I just love how Havoc in Heaven turned out, and the reactions of some vidders I admire (and Killa's reaction to her vid!) were so, so gratifying.

Vid most under-appreciated by the universe in my opinion:
Oh, well, I don't know. I mean, they're all okay. I think Wasp Nest just disappeared into a pre-Vividcon, not-girl-fighty song void.

Funnest video:
I think most people would say Heroes (We Could Be) because it's about the ladies of Marvel and my love for them shows.

Video with the single sexiest moment:
Hm. I'm not sure there are sexy moments, per se, but I think the fact that someone called Way Down We Go out for being really sexy would answer that.

Biggest vid fail:
I don't feel like any of them did that this year, but the struggle to make Titanium, and not being able to post it to YouTube, was really hard to handle.

Hardest video to make:
Titanium, for the reasons stated above. 

Easiest video to make:
Havoc in Heaven and Sorrow both came together really well, and I loved working with Killa on Havoc. Way Down We Go was definitely the speediest.

Most unintentionally telling video:
I don't know that any of them fit this, but I suppose you can see my Steve/Bucky feels written all over Sorrow and Way Down We Go in an embarrassing fashion.

What's Next?
I have a vid that I'd like to make with someone, that we've talked about for a couple years now. I'd like to make more vids. I don't know what my pain levels, and my equipment, will allow. I'd like to learn AfterEffects, but since I can't even figure out Premiere (or, more to the point, why it doesn't work for me the way it's supposed to), I'm not sure how well that'd go. And I think Civil War may finally give me the footage I need to make the vid of my heart I've been trying to make since April of 2014. But right now, I have to finish this vid I started before the CW trailer dropped, and proabably send that to Escapade.

gwyn: (bucky & steve alley purple)
I was working on another vid, busting my ass to meet a book deadline, and then the trailer happened…and then this happened. A million thanks to [personal profile] killabeez for the incredible amount of help. You are the best.

This is 90 percent Captain America: Civil War trailer, so I'm putting it behind a cut, and needless to say, it's spoilery.

Here, have a vid with your morning coffee )

Way Down We Go by Kaleo
Captain America Civil War trailer and Captain America movies

High quality DL my site | on Tumblr | on AO3

Feedback, recs, and reblogs on Tumblr would be adored!
gwyn: (bucky steve mouths)
Kind of mired in the usual post-Vividcon sense of worthlessness and failure, watching the vids sink into the black holes like they usually do. I kinda thought this year I might have made a couple vids that more than a few people would like, but not so much. Though the auction vid was the one I worried over most at the beginning, because you always want that to be what the person who paid for it likes, and I was so lucky that killa loved the vid I made for her. And it's cool that some people were intrigued by the visuals and want to seek the movie out.

It was really, really hard to come home to the house without Olive here. She usually ran away from me as fast as she could, trying to avoid being squished and kissed, and get out of the house as I struggled with my luggage, and it made me pretty weepy to not have her here. But Blues was exceptionally lovey-dovey from being alone so long, and that was a bonus. He loves being visited when I'm gone, but no one's as big a deal as I am, apparently.

I did have a great time with the wonderful [personal profile] killabeez sightseeing in Chicago and staying at a super posh hotel, and meeting up with my darling [profile] devilpiglet for dinner and crying crystalline tears over Bucky and Steve. We took a river tour focused on architecture, and that so did not disappoint. We had awesome pancakes, too, at a place I can't remember the name of, and dinner at a swell place that seemed kind of like an old speakeasy or something. I really needed the mini-vacation and it helped keep my mind off Olive a bit.

There were a couple of really amazing things that happened while I was at the con, though, that made me feel better about the vid situation. The first was that I got a surprise notification that I was listed as a co-author for a podfic of one of my stories, that I kind of love but that has never had much readership at all, Opportunities in Freelance. It was only the second time I've ever had a podfuc of a work, and I squeed so hard I think I broke myself.

[podfic] Opportunities in Freelance (41 words) by gwyneth rhys, reena_jenkins

And then, a couple days later, I got a notice that reena had also podficced Your 21st-Century Boy. I am so thrilled that someone would want to do that, and if you are at all inclined toward podfic, give them a listen, they are both lots of fun and the cover art, especially for Opportunities in Freelance, is so delightful.

[podfic] Your 21st-Century Boy (47 words) by gwyneth rhys, reena_jenkins


And then the thing that knocked me over--a few weeks ago, [tumblr.com profile] auslandischwasser (thanks! fixed!) made a fanmix for the playlist that Steve listens to while running, which Sam made for him, in Things We Lost in the War. She had written to me about the story back when I posted it, and we'd got to talking about what Sam might have put on that playlist, and so Sweatin' with the Oldies was just such a joy to see. I highly recommend it, I think it really captures Steve and Bucky and Steve's mindset in the beginning of the story! (And it's both our headcanons that Sam would be a Rihanna fan.) I'd never really inspired anyone to do anything, so having a fanmix inspired by a fic was just such a thrill.

I never expected that she'd make a second one inspired by the same fic. But I got the email when I was at the con and feeling pretty down, and it just. Flail. Major Kermit arms flail. I listened to all of it on the plane, and I was in tears after I'd finished. It's really truly Things We Lost in the War in musical form. I can't figure out how to link with the cover art, but you can find my reblog of the Sing Me to Sleep fanmix here and there's a note about the track listing--one of the songs isn't available on the Spotify version. If you love Steve and Bucky, give it a listen because it's just gorgeous and perfect and wonderful and I can't believe something I did inspired something so lovely.

So yeah, those things definitely helped with the negative VVC ions. I'm even signed up now for Spotify and 8tracks.
gwyn: (steve rogers fullhouse)
This is the final one of my premiering vids from Vividcon, made for the Auction for the lovely and wonderful [personal profile] killa. It's for the movie Sunshine, starring Chris Evans, Cillian Murphy, and Michelle Yeoh, among others. It was a treat to make a vid for killa and for this trippy, fascinating, gorgeous movie that I love.

A couple warning notes: there are some bright and flashing lights in the vid, as well as some blood and the aftermath of a suicide. A higher quality DL is available at my vids site.



Red ribbon on which we ride
Carry us over horizon as the sun setting
Night puts on a phantom cloak
Sing violet light and evoke
The protection that violet evokes

Fasten your focus on your soul
'Cause is your fruit and flowers on
Red ribbon swift justice comes
Delivery white bone demon

Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven
Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven

Deep, deep in a green sea
There is a weapon for me
A pin that is fixing the sea
A pillar of gold shiny
And if I can pull it free
The cudgel is coming with me

Fasten heave ho, pillar of gold
Runs through the deepest darkest stone
Cudgel undone, weighing one ton
Bring on your force white bone demon

Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven
Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven

Don't believe your eyes
When the maiden does arrive
You fool, she is the enemy
And do not trust
The guise of a woman old and wise
For truly, she is the white bone demon

Dance makaku's 'round the fire
Warrior drum, banshee crier
Call to them visions of her pair
Filled by the demons throne
We shall subdue her to bone
And ashes to ashes her home

Fasten your focus on your sole
'Cause is your fruit and flowers home
And in one blow I smite down my foe
And ashes to ashes welcome home

Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven
Oh, oh
Begun my havoc in heaven
gwyn: (peggy carter)
I don't know if this Vimeo embed will work, considering how they've disappeared my vids in the past. But! This is the premieres vid for Peggy Carter. Get it while it lasts. :-D

I'm going to try this without the password for now, though it makes me nervous!

titanium agent carter from gwyneth on Vimeo.





HQ download is available at my vids site. Thanks so much to Destina for the fantastic beta!

Lyrics:
You shout it out,
But I can't hear a word you say
Talking loud not saying much
I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet
You shoot me down, but I get up

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium

Cut me down
But it's you who'll have further to fall
Ghost town and haunted love
Raise your voice, sticks and stones may break my bones
Talking loud not saying much

I'm bulletproof, nothing to lose
Fire away, fire away
Ricochet, you take your aim
Fire away, fire away
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
You shoot me down but I won't fall
I am titanium
I am titanium
I am titanium

Stone-heart, machine gun
Firing at the ones who run
Stone heart loves bulletproof glass
gwyn: (natasha blue)
This is somewhat different than the vid shown at Vividcon and on the dvds; I've made some changes to fix problems I was having before the deadline. My amazing (seriously amazing) credits background graphic (and YouTube custom thumbnail is by Rival Piper Design).



HQ download available at my vids site now.

Lyrics:
We could hide away in daylight
We go undercover, wait out the sun
Got a secret side in plain sight
Where the streets are empty, that’s where we run

Everyday people do everyday things but I
Can't be one of them
I know you hear me now, we are a different kind
We can do anything

We could be heroes
We could be heroes, me and you
We could be heroes
We could be heroes, me and you
We could be

Anybody’s got the power
They don't see it cause they don't understand
Spin around and round for hours
You and me, we got the world in our hands

Everyday people do everyday things but I
Can't be one of them
I know you hear me now, we are a different kind
We can do anything

We could be heroes
We could be heroes, me and you
We could be heroes
We could be heroes, me and you
We could be

All we're looking for is love and a little light
Love and a little light
(We could be)
All we're looking for is love and a little light
Love and a little light
gwyn: (vids)
I'm trying to set my vids up so I can post them after they premiere at VVC, and I just had my Premieres vid, to Titanium for Peggy Carter, "blocked in all countries" and I can't test it out in public spaces to see if it's really completely blocked because I have to keep it private. I spent hours working on credits and a custom thumbnail for it and this vid was a major, major hassle to make what with my computer dying and getting the files, and now I can't even use it. I have been meaning to try to get a Critical Commons vids site, but there's no real control over the thumbnails and that's a hell of a lot of time wasted. And people really aren't going to even see it there, because all the traffic for fanvids is on YT these days. I hate them, but I feel like I'm just stuck there if I want anything to be seen.

The thing is, there are other vids to that song on YouTube, so this is just…arg. I learned a long time ago that filing a dispute does nothing, because whatever box you check, they say "that doesn't give you the right to use copyrighted work." Usually when I get a warning, I just do the "acknowledge third party content," but there's no option to do that here, it's just totally blocked.

I'm not actually sure what to even do here. This is so discouraging and frustrating. I don't have the spoons to deal with this, I really don't. (Add to this the fact that some people have been kind of snotty about Wasp Nest, and I just…why do I do this?)

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