I found your LJ through mutual LJ friends. I just want to say that I know the grief you are feeling at these memorial dates occur, having lost my only son to suicide in late December. I am just beginning this grief journey, but everyone I know who has experienced such losses says that it's a long one, and that these anniversaries won't get easier for many years. Not much comfort now, I guess, but please know that I wish you strength and peace as you deal with these losses.