Have you looked in to hospice care I don't know what it is like in your state but where I live hospice can help you with a lot of the problems your talking about and a lot of people don't know you can get hospice in a nursing home. they really make sure your loved one gets the best care. Medicare pays for hospice and covers a lot of costs like meds and supplies for hospice patients. quality of life for hospice patients is much higher but most homes and doctors won't tell you about it.
on a side note feeding tubes are the nastiest things ever and I almost always try to talk my patients out of them