Feels like the sky is falling down

[gwyn]

I miss Miss Kitty so much. I can't stop thinking about how terribly she died, and Blues is still so...I don't know. Different. Last night he was sleeping and made this howling noise in his sleep, which he's never done before. He got pretty sick a few weeks ago, though, so I suppose he's just different in a lot of ways. I had to take him to the vet urgently, which meant lots of $$, and his lungs were not looking good. They were concerned he has kitty asthma or heart problems, but the steroid and antibiotic shots they gave him seemed to help a lot. But he's not the same. I know how crazy that sounds, but he's not. I know some of it is health, some of it is missing Olive, some of it is that he's the solo kitty here and he doesn't have competition.

Even though I can't really afford it (I am right now having contractors in to rebuild the south wall of my house, because the siding was peeling away and the underlayer was disintegrating, and wow, talk about beaucoup bucks), I'm making my plans to go to DC again in October. It's probably the last time my friend will be there when I can visit, and then we'll head up to NYC either for one or two nights. Pretty much same thing I did last year. I had so much fun location scouting for Cap2; I won't have quite the same level of fun this time in that respect, but I've made some new acquaintances since then that I can meet up with, so that would be good. Just trying to hold on to one or two things that make me feel like I can keep going.

I'm writing, but it's hard. I just feel like it's pointless, a waste of time.

These are some pictures that black_bird_777 took of Olive a few years ago in the backyard. She was such an amazing kitty. It's hard to sleep without her purring by my head and her little head resting on my hand. Plus she had the daintiest little feet, and I miss feeling them on my back when she'd walk across me.

Comments

[molly_may]

I am so, so sorry about Olive. She was a beautiful girl, and even though I don't know you well, I know she brought you a lot of joy. Two weeks ago my own kitty, Emma, went outside one morning and never came home, and I miss her so much, every day, all the time. It's just a constant wave of sadness. I just wanted to reach out as someone else who misses a beloved pet to say how sorry I am for your loss.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I am so, so sorry to hear about your Emma (I had an Emma, too, and Olive was the new kitty I got after I lost her and realized that I couldn't really live without a cat around). I have wondered so many times whether it would have been better to not see her destroyed body, but then it would have been like that, never knowing where she went, and I don't know if that's better--it's such a terrible feeling, praying they'll come back, and wondering how long is too long. My ex's cat was missing for two months before someone saw the poster about her and found my ex to tell him his cat was in her yard.

They are our best friends, and it's just so hard to live without them.

[molly_may]

I can't even imagine how horrible it was to find Olive's body the way that you did, and I'm glad that I haven't seen Emma that way, but at the same time, not knowing what happened to her is terrible too. Every time I hear a strange noise outside, I have to check, because what if it's her? And it never is, and then I'm heartbroken about it all over again. Stories like what happened to your ex's cat give me hope, but I'm afraid of hoping too much, you know? Loving them is so rewarding while they're here, but it hurts so much when they're gone.