When I'm awfully low

[gwyn]

Back at the gym today after a week away, due to various factors. I didn't even get a chance to walk much last week to make up for it. It was much quieter today, and I'm hopeful that's a sign some of the noisier people are back at school or something. Guy who loves himself and tells everyone loudly about it is still there, but I noticed he was down to a one person, probably his girlfriend, so that automatically dampens the sound level. Without toadies, he's muted.

I feel very discouraged -- I haven't lost any noticeable weight after four months, and I don't think I'm going to lose any at all. Nothing looks different. I know I'm battling two major factors: i'm almost fifty (god, I hate saying that so very much), and I'm taking an antidepressant that I hear makes it harder to lose weight. I know it's supposed to be its own reward to be in shape, but I also need my clothes to fit because I don't have the money for new ones. I've been trying to wear things lately I haven't worn for a long time, but it's just uncomfortable. I can do longer, harder walks than before, so I realize there's progress, but it doesn't seem like anything outside is changing. It's difficult to battle the "what's the point if it doesn't help" thoughts. And I don't have a support network, before you ask.

I'm into my fourth week with the aligners as of today. I'm better at taking them off now, but when I start a new set, that's when I have the most trouble. Keeping them clean is a real challenge -- I'm seeing now how incredibly deep the grooves in my teeth are (which dentists have always worried about) and how rounded the shapes are, so that brushing them is a challenge because of the pockets and crannies. I still have moments of gagginess, sometimes at odd moments when I just realize that there are these things in my mouth.

However, my teeth are already straighter. It's quite fascinating. I looked at the fourth set and they really don't look all that different from the first, but they are. And even just on my second set here, I'm kind of astonished at how many of my teeth are are straightening quite well. My fangs are now pointing straight up and down instead of inward and forward. I'm most interested to see how it adjusts my bite.

Mostly I think it's just making me feel even uglier and more worthless than usual. I've felt really down and isolated and unwanted lately, and there's something about being old, fat, ugly, and having braces, even invisible ones, that just make you feel... well, honestly, except for the old part? This is just like when I was a 13-year-old starting a new school in a new area and being made fun of relentlessly and being friendless. Except I had acne then, too, although my skin has been horrible lately due to body changes and so I suppose that's not far behind.

I want to be excited about the fall tv season but nothing is floating my boat (except Glee). Even though two of my fave recent series have vampires in them, I'm not a vampire person at all, and so I will wait to see what people think of Vampire Diaries and if it sounds like a possibility, I guess I'll check it out. But that's almost the only thing I can see of interest. Everything else just sounds so derivative. But I'll still give most series, especially dramas, a shot by taking a look at their premieres just to be on the safe side. At least there's a bit of Project Runway still to come, Chuck midseason, and Burn Notice in January too. And DirectTV is showing all the episodes of Eyes starting in a couple weeks, so that will be nice to see the stuff I never got to before.

I'm really enjoying their 101 channel's showings of series that were cancelled and never got their eps burned off on network TV -- I recently watched both Smith and The Nine, and they showed Showtime's Sleeper Cell (where I first saw Star Trek reboot's Capt. Robau, and thought he was hot then too), and now they're running Oz and Deadwood, and it's so cool to see Deadwood in hi-def on the glorious widescreen TV. I'm still sad about losing my beloved Canadian station and a couple of the local sister stations of the affiliates, but... 101 kind of helps ease the sting.

What are you planning to watch this fall? Anything to sell me on besides Glee? (I have the pilot from iTunes, I just haven't watched it yet, but plan to.)

Comments

[umbo]

Well, if you've been reading my LJ at all, you'll know what I am going to say you should watch: SOUTHLAND!

Also, *hugs* on the working out and the weight loss and all of that. I think I've lost all of 3-4 pounds after working out all summer, so I can relate.

[kass]

I'm sorry about the feeling low, and wish there were anything I could do to make that better.

I'm excited about the return of Friday Night Lights next month (to the 101 -- yay DirecTV!) and I'll also be watching Dollhouse and Fringe quite avidly; both struck me as flawed last season but both seasons ended really, really well, so I'm psyched to see where they go from here. Those are probably the shows about which I'm most excited. At some point I imagine we'll watch more 30 Rock (we just watched S1 last month and loved it) and I've just purchased S4 of The Wire, so that's in my viewing future too, yay.

And I'm thinking about going truly oldschool and borrowing The West Wing to watch in December when we have a newborn and are spending a lot of time zoned-out on the couch. I've only ever seen 2 episodes but everyone says it's good (at least, everyone seems to agree that the first seasons are good) so I figure it might be time this winter for me to finally dive in...

[monanotlisa]

Eh, sweetie. ::hugs::

How about Dexter? And Leverage - Leverage is HAPPINESS, I find, honestly.

(You really did not like True Blood?)

One most recommendable show is, of course, Spooks/MI-5. If you haven't watched it, you even have MANY SERIES to catch up with!

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs*

Nothing I can recommend for this season, though I am planning on watching a few episodes of Defying Gravity to see if it's watchable. But if you missed it, there's always The Middleman! :)

PS: I fully sympathize with the exercise problem, but at least you can feel self-righteous about the fact that you are going regularly - speaking as someone who hasn't even gone to the gym in over 2 years - and I am told the main benefit of exercise is not so much losing weight as keeping your body firm. As opposed to the overall sagging due to the loss of elasticity in our skins past a certain age...

:(

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

If you are eating right and exercising regularly and not losing weight when you think you should, you might want to get your thyroid tested: T4, T3 and TSH.
I had been on T4 (Thyroxine) for years, but then I started having to eat less and less to stay the same weight, and I had my T3 tested and that was low. Now they've put me on the T3 (Tri-iodothyronine) I'm slowly losing a bit of weight.

[devilpiglet.livejournal.com]

I'm kind of dealing with the same discouragement. (The ironic thing is that if I'd eaten and worked out ten years ago the way I do now, my weight issues would be nonexistent.) I've mostly accepted that this is a permanent lifestyle change for me - rather than a short-term "going to Mexico, gotta get into game shape" fix. So I guess we'll be very healthy people who still struggle with self-image? I dunno. But I'm not eating donuts as I type this, so that's a start. If there's any support I can provide, let me know.

[ann1962]

I'm sorry you are going though a hard spell.

The only shows I watch regularly are Supernatural (the season premiere is Thursday), Project Runway when I find it, and Chuck with my kids.

[nikitangel.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I feel you on the lack of visible progress. It's usually six weeks before results really show, which means I should see something by now, but I took off so many days in July/August for vacation, so I'm trying to be patient. And like you, I just want my clothes to fit - I'm not that concerned with a number on the scale or anything. Just give me my clothes back!

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

It's so hard when you're not getting some kind of visible reward for hard work. If nothing else, you know it's helping your heart and lungs?

(For the record, I cannot imagine thinking of you as "fat.")

I have almost nothing new on TV lined up for this fall. I am done with vampires, unless someone comes up with a twist on the mythology (NOT SPARKLES, because that doesn't count), or includes an actor I can't resist. I should probably watch "Glee," and just haven't. Then there's something about people who lose time and wake up to a world in chaos, but if I can't find the energy to track it down, I'll miss it. Also, that kind of show is doomed anyway, sadly.

Right now I'm watching old "Criminal Minds" on A&E, which is the most depressing show ever about depressed people who have PTSD and are depressed about their lives, their jobs, AND their PTSD. And, occasionally, Shemar Moore takes off his shirt. It's bizarrely compelling, all of a sudden.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

If Merlin comes back, I'll watch it (even though I think Arthur is a jerk and want to smack him). I'll probably watch Being Human if it's back--if not, I'll look for it online.

I care less than nothing about vampires (well, the all-too-common broody and angsty variety--hard-working smartasses like Mitchell from BH or psychic vampire Thomas Raith from The Dresden Files are likeable enough); in fact, I'd like to declare a moratorium on vampire stories for about fifty years. So I will be ignoring the proliferation of stories about the undead. I've already seen snippets of Brothers and Glee, and both of those involved making fun of people in wheelchairs...so feh on them.

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

I haven't really been following what's coming up. Since I gave up my cable and only have an HD antenna I went over to Hulu a lot. The selection isn't the greatest but there are a few things I'm catching up on (although nothing fantastic).

The only one I'm looking forward to is Fringe. I'm hopinh they do multiverse right, like Charlie Jade did...

[sisabet.livejournal.com]

Oh, god - I can't fit into my pants. At all. I think it is probably because of my birth control pill, so I've stopped it even though it brought me such hormonal peace and joy (and no children!) but I *have* to be able to wear my clothes and my knee and ankles need less weight on them. They needed less weight BEFORE my pants got too snug.

So, I've started a diet and I've been good. I've been soooo good it hurts. I am counting calories and watching protein intake and downing yogurt like a rockstar (that might have more to do with vidding Burn Notice) and nothing. Nada. I had to run to Gabriel Brothers and buy some cheap pants in a size up to kind of get me through. I am very sad about this. And I am resentful because the old me could have dropped the weight like it's hot by now and this sucks.

And I am taking all this time just to say - I totally get how discouraged you feel right now. I am gonna keep trying (for now) and possibly adding more (any?) exercise into the mix. I think I am getting angry which might work for motivation. I'll show my body who is boss. Or I might need my thyroid checked (like they said in the above comments) - that is actually a really good idea.

[klia.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about the lack of weight loss. *hugs*

I second the earlier suggestion to have your thyroid tested, because they tend to start malfunctioning during perimenopause. Here, it's become a regular yearly test for women over 40, like mammograms, because doctors have realized it's a very common issue that's easily treatable, and treatment makes such a huge difference in how a woman feels.

DirecTV is showing Eyes? Oh, MAN, that's one show I want on DVD so freaking bad, and the dl copies have funky encoding and won't play right for me. Feh. :P

[destina.livejournal.com]

I'll be watching V, FlashForward, Vampire Diaries, and whatever else is science-fictiony. *g*