gwyn: (jayne hat sdwolfpup)
I'm kind of dreading tonight's Southland. After Ann Biderman left the series, it seems to have veered off into something I don't quite like as much, a "we're tough guys making a tough series for tough men to watch" or something. They've really kind of destroyed the audience-eye character, Ben Sherman, and have turned him into a complete and utter douchebag. And I admit, I'm biased, but I wanted Ben and Cooper to be together all the time, and I thought some kind of rapprochement with Cooper after the addiction storyline would have made for some really excellent drama, but no, now they seem to pretty much be done with each other for all eternity, and Ben's all judgey and shit.

But wow, Michael Cudlitz has been KNOCKING IT OUT OF THE PARK every fucking week these past few weeks. Every episode, he just leaves me with my jaw hanging open. Cut for discussion of episode specifics )
So my baby Blues has been a very expensive kitty lately. In his checkup last week, they found a cavity, which in kitties I guess is more of a bleeding hole in the tooth. Turned out there were two, both of the molars behind his bottom fangs, and they had to extract them in his dental cleaning -- and the plaque on his teeth was so bad it was like having a whole other tooth on top of them. He has always had bad teeth and gums, but it's getting ridiculous. And ridiculously expensive; it couldn't have come at a worse time as my credit card was really feeling the pinch with all the plans and deposits and such for my trip next month.

They gave him another one of those pain shots that last for three or four days like he got when his paw was infected; it's hysterical watching him roll around, completely stoned out of his mind, his pupils totally blown out, purring like a motorboat. I just hope he's not in much pain when it wears off.

Myself, I had the second round of dental work done yesterday, and aside from the bloody pulp in my mouth later, my jaw just mostly aches from trying to keep it open that long. I'm really tired of this. Especially coming at a time when I'm planning an expensive holiday.

Speaking of which, anyone on my flist in London? Want to meet up? I'll be there from the 14th to the 17th, then off to Cardiff for a few days, then back in London till the 22. I'd love to meet someone for drinks or lunch or something.
gwyn: (kevin alejandro)
Some of you were wondering about what's going on with my dad -- I wish I knew. Cut to spare you my family drama trauma ongoing saga )

Anyways. Today is my final look-see at my teefs. I'm done with my braces! Well, sort of. Next steps are next. We'll figure out retainers and whatnot, and then I have to work with the dentist about a bite guard for night (I'd rather just have the retainers), and then I have to get the teeth fixed that have been hiding behind other teeth so you couldn't see the chips. But it's all pretty exciting for me after a year and a half of wearing the Invisaligns to see the light at the end. I really am ready to not have to wear these 24/7. I get to a point where I just can't stand them being on one. more. second. and so I don't always wear them as long as I should.

Best news of all, Southland returned for a third season last night!! My awesome show )
gwyn: (dr who fizz_i_cons)
I don't know that I've ever commented on sports in my LJ, but this week seems to be full of sporting things. First there is the Olympics: congratulations to the Chinese pairs for the gold and silver medals, but I confess, I was really sweet on the German couple and the third Chinese pair, who were so unbelievably gorgeous that I couldn't help but wish they could place. Zhang/Zhang, I think they were. The commentators sniffed that they were unmusical and a bunch of other negative things, but damn, they were just pretty people to watch, ya know?: she was a long-legged sylphlike beauty and he was a muscular, rugged hottie of the first order. I haven't been watching figure skating for quite a few years, because the judging has become too inflammatory for me and I get too uptight when a lot of people are falling, but I steeled myself last night for the freestyle and enjoyed it more after having a break from it.

And then there's the Westminster dog show, and OMG what is with the poodles? Why, oh why, do they always win categories? They make them look so ugly with those cuts, and yet they always win. I was SO glad to see the Frenchie win the nonsporting category because everyone thought the mini poodle would take it. Yay, Frenchie! Also, how awesome was it that one of the dogs was named Tolkein Rainwater Mr. Baggins? Truly wonderful. I loved the whippet in the hound group, so I'm going to root for that one to take best in show. We'll see tonight. I really didn't like USA forcing us to go to CNBC to watch the whole thing -- seriously, they couldn't have pushed frickin' wrestling to another night? Or later? I didn't even know where CNBC was on my channel list and had to hunt around for it lest I miss the show. If I'd been recording it, I would not have seen most of the show. Bad form, USA. No biscuit.

I also finally got to see the last Dr. Who special, End of Time. I don't have much to say except Wilf! And also, none of it made any freaking sense to me, it seemed like they were pulling random crap out of their asses and didn't care if it made sense, but everyone appeared to have a great time anyway. And this will probably offend everyone I know, but wow, the new Doctor's actor sure did get hit with the ugly stick hard, didn't he? (I say this as someone who also was hit with the ugly stick hard.)

I put my new teefs in today -- I'm on set 14 of 17, I guess. I don't know what will happen after the 17th one -- they may be able to go into the refinement stage with the Invisaligns, or they may still put the metal brackets on, I don't know. He said to wear the aligners as often as I can, if I don't want the metal. I do, but... it's hard. Sometimes I just cannot stand them another minute and have to take them out. And I'm perpetually hungry. But I also really don't want the metal. It's nice to see how straight my teeth are again, even though no one else really notices or cares. But wow, some of the discoloration where they overlapped is really noticeable. They don't really hurt much except when I put in a new set. It will be interesting when my class starts and I have to lecture with them -- they make me so thirsty and dry-mouthed, which makes me lisp more, and I don't know how much talking I'm going to feel like doing. But hey, straight teefs again!
gwyn: (b&w)
Back at the gym today after a week away, due to various factors. I didn't even get a chance to walk much last week to make up for it. It was much quieter today, and I'm hopeful that's a sign some of the noisier people are back at school or something. Guy who loves himself and tells everyone loudly about it is still there, but I noticed he was down to a one person, probably his girlfriend, so that automatically dampens the sound level. Without toadies, he's muted.

I feel very discouraged -- I haven't lost any noticeable weight after four months, and I don't think I'm going to lose any at all. Nothing looks different. I know I'm battling two major factors: i'm almost fifty (god, I hate saying that so very much), and I'm taking an antidepressant that I hear makes it harder to lose weight. I know it's supposed to be its own reward to be in shape, but I also need my clothes to fit because I don't have the money for new ones. I've been trying to wear things lately I haven't worn for a long time, but it's just uncomfortable. I can do longer, harder walks than before, so I realize there's progress, but it doesn't seem like anything outside is changing. It's difficult to battle the "what's the point if it doesn't help" thoughts. And I don't have a support network, before you ask.

I'm into my fourth week with the aligners as of today. I'm better at taking them off now, but when I start a new set, that's when I have the most trouble. Keeping them clean is a real challenge -- I'm seeing now how incredibly deep the grooves in my teeth are (which dentists have always worried about) and how rounded the shapes are, so that brushing them is a challenge because of the pockets and crannies. I still have moments of gagginess, sometimes at odd moments when I just realize that there are these things in my mouth.

However, my teeth are already straighter. It's quite fascinating. I looked at the fourth set and they really don't look all that different from the first, but they are. And even just on my second set here, I'm kind of astonished at how many of my teeth are are straightening quite well. My fangs are now pointing straight up and down instead of inward and forward. I'm most interested to see how it adjusts my bite.

Mostly I think it's just making me feel even uglier and more worthless than usual. I've felt really down and isolated and unwanted lately, and there's something about being old, fat, ugly, and having braces, even invisible ones, that just make you feel... well, honestly, except for the old part? This is just like when I was a 13-year-old starting a new school in a new area and being made fun of relentlessly and being friendless. Except I had acne then, too, although my skin has been horrible lately due to body changes and so I suppose that's not far behind.

I want to be excited about the fall tv season but nothing is floating my boat (except Glee). Even though two of my fave recent series have vampires in them, I'm not a vampire person at all, and so I will wait to see what people think of Vampire Diaries and if it sounds like a possibility, I guess I'll check it out. But that's almost the only thing I can see of interest. Everything else just sounds so derivative. But I'll still give most series, especially dramas, a shot by taking a look at their premieres just to be on the safe side. At least there's a bit of Project Runway still to come, Chuck midseason, and Burn Notice in January too. And DirectTV is showing all the episodes of Eyes starting in a couple weeks, so that will be nice to see the stuff I never got to before.

I'm really enjoying their 101 channel's showings of series that were cancelled and never got their eps burned off on network TV -- I recently watched both Smith and The Nine, and they showed Showtime's Sleeper Cell (where I first saw Star Trek reboot's Capt. Robau, and thought he was hot then too), and now they're running Oz and Deadwood, and it's so cool to see Deadwood in hi-def on the glorious widescreen TV. I'm still sad about losing my beloved Canadian station and a couple of the local sister stations of the affiliates, but... 101 kind of helps ease the sting.

What are you planning to watch this fall? Anything to sell me on besides Glee? (I have the pilot from iTunes, I just haven't watched it yet, but plan to.)
gwyn: (brock samson aikon)
First off, thanks to [ profile] ianmcin for this link to the new season of Venture Bros. trailer. It's so awesome, and I think I may have to change my LJ header to be "Be important quietly."

Second, I got my new teefs yesterday. Or rather, my aligners. It was a bad day all around (I went to the wrong office, since they have two, and then everyone seemed to make an unpleasant face or lecture me about it, and it wasn't like I could explain to them how insanely tired and worn out I was from a con or anything), and when they informed me about something called IPR, where they shave down some of your teeth so that they will be better able to position more correctly as the aligners do their job, I just about cried. NO one mentioned this to me before. I have extremely sensitive parts of my teeth to match my insanely sensitive skin, and these are of course the parts that will get filed. And as far as I know, they don't use anesthetic when doing IPR because everyone insists it doesn't hurt, but even when he was filing the attachments (more on that later) yesterday, I could feel that nerve sensitivity rocketing through me and I jumped more than a few times (which he seemed to ignore).

My initial consultation was with the female ortho (they are a married team), but both times I've been since I've had the male ortho. And he's not exactly friendly seeming or giving me a vibe that he's remotely interested in who I am as a patient, the way the female one was. In fact, the consultation was remarkably nice, everyone involved seemed concerned and interested in my issues and finding ways to smooth them over, but since they now have my money, everyone's been brusque and unfriendly and just a bit too businesslike for something that produces so many emotions in people. And I don't know if it was because I was late yesterday or what, but I left feeling really depressed. (I'm sure a large part of it was the assistant, Greta, whose Nazi-esque demeanor was right in line with her German accent and sour disposition.)

The attachments are these little "buttons" they put on some teeth so that the aligners have something to grip and move the teeth around. I had no idea these things would be so freaking deep -- they are raggedy and like little fingers on your teeth, instead of the more pimply type shape I expected. And when I've managed to get these aligners off and eat, they hang far enough over the edge of the molars that I've chewed holes in my cheek and it really fucking hurts. And that's after I get the freaking aligners off, which... jesu christo, they are hard to get out. It took me nearly 20 minutes to get the top aligner off the first time, and I was looking all over the house for something strong enough that I could pull them off. I even considered buying a crochet hook for them. [ profile] mackiemesser had warned me about this but I think until you really experience it, you can't understand. My gums are all gouged up from my fingernails and my nails are all ragged and split. There's a tool you can buy on Amazon I guess called an outie, and despite the name, i think I may need one. Supposedly it gets easier, but... I guess this is also why people lose weight.

I discovered a forum for Invisalign people and it's proving helpful. A lot of people with similar issues, though I haven't found any posts about tripping the gag reflex like mine are (it's the sharp edges sitting at the side of my tongue, which is always what triggers the reflex). I guess there's still a lot of wait and see. Going up to the store this afternoon for hydrogen peroxide for cleaning them (I don't understand why someone would use those denture cleaners with all those toxic chemicals!) a little extra because boy do they make me salivate. There's something about the plastic in my mouth that's turning me into a drooling Newfie (the dog, not the people from the province) or something and I think that will produce a lot of odor as I go along. The last thing I want on top of weirdly coated looking teeth and a lisp is scary bad breath. (Oh, and the weirdest thing of all? It feels like there is something alien on my teeth that I HAVE TO GET IT OFF RIGHT NOW OMG and I really shouldn't. It's like... claustrophobia, but with teeth. I can't even begin to explain it. But it's making me quite mad.)

Anyways, I still have a post to do about the con and the vids and such, but I'm busy focusing on my two years of misery ahead, so I don't want to interrupt my self-absorption. ;-)
gwyn: (monarch diet sing_song_girl)
Month three of the fitness escapade (not to be confused with the convention Escapade). I still have not lost any weight (well, to be honest, I don't weigh myself, as I do not know how to use those old fashioned scales with the bobbly things on them) and the tight pants and tops are still every bit as tight. In fact, I would actually say things are worse in that the other day I put on my undies like normal and the new, larger ones were too tight. That was a fair bit of what the fuckery I didn't understand. Maybe it's because it was in the hundreds here and I was so puffed up that I couldn't even wear my ring, but I think that's just how it is lately -- everything's still tight.

I also didn't exercise all last week because of the heat. The second floor of the gym is always abysmally hot and I couldn't face trying to do cardio there in such weather. I also didn't go for my in-between-gym walks for the heat reason. This week I'm making up for it, though, by getting back to my routine and going for some really challenging walks -- yesterday was not unlike a day hike in the Cascade foothills. And I've made all of them without stopping, so I know that at least my stamina has increased.

My main issue is the gym, honestly. On the days I prefer to go, I have to endure this miniature blowhard who seems to have quite a sycophantic coterie around him and who constantly shouts and brags and can't seem to talk below Brian Blessed level, even though his voice is nowhere near that basso profundo sort of quality. It never fails that he's everywhere I want to be and I just get so very tired of listening to him and his "duuuude, awesome!" friends. They're all loud and mentally deficient. But if I go on a M W F cycle, then I have to listen to the aerobics or whatever they're calling it these days class with the shrieking microphone woman and the tall white guy who bellows or the tiny Asian woman who whoop-whoop-whoops at top volume in between mic lady's instructions. Not to mention the pounding music. There is really no such thing as a quiet time there, except apparently in the afternoon at exactly the time I don't want to be caught on the freeway trying to get back home.

Oh how I wish I could afford to toss this gym membership and go somewhere nice. Somewhere close by. I really don't mind the working out, it's the people I can't stand, and this is what stopped me the last time. I have to try to find a head space that won't let me drop out.

I will probably be faced with at least some weight loss soon, though. After I get home from VVC, I go in to get my braces -- really aligners because I'm doing the Invisalign things. I'm so not looking forward to this -- no more sipping tea all day long, no more grazing on small bits of food, no more unplanned-out eating out. This will be my last bit of freedom for two years. Sob. No one I know cares anything about my anxiety about the braces thing, so I am busy feeling sorry for myself with extra helpings. I know this will be good for me in the long run and fix many of my mouth problems, but I really don't want to do it.

But first, VVC! OMG next week. I have so many discs to burn and covers to trim and liner notes to fold. AIIEEEE!
gwyn: (dexter fallenandfluffy)
Started off week 3 of the exercise effort with a trip to the gym with [ profile] mlyn to help me figure out how to work the elliptical machine. I got brave last week and tried it out, but it was excruciating and left my thighs a burning mass of rubber. A bunch of people barked at me this weekend about how I needed less resistance and a lower level, but I hit button after button on the thing that day and made it a whole 7 minutes or so. It never changed. M'lyn volunteered to go with me and show me what to do so we went over there tonight, and I did 20 minutes on the machine with mostly just knee pain, which is something I'm very used to so it doesn't bother me. It's just what you get when you don't have any cartilage left in them.

It definitely wasn't easy (I was watching those minutes tick down like a buzzard waiting for someone to die), but it helped to have someone to talk to, as well, and then we went down and did weight circuit, even though she's feeling a little under the weather. Then we went and got sammiches and talked about diet and maximizing the workout foodwise. I plan to stick with this, even though it tires me out, and now gas is at $3 a gallon and the gym is not at all close by. I figure that if I do this at least a couple times a week, and keep up with the yardwork and the walking everywhere, maybe I can see results by end of summer, but I'm not necessarily looking for them, if that makes any sense. It takes a long time to see results, in the first place, but most importantly, if I judge my health by just the pounds or the clothes size, I'm doing it wrong.

The other thing that will probably help me lose some weight is that next week I go in for the impressions to get my braces. They said they can do the Invisalign ones, which is a load off my mind, though they may in fact use the metal ones at the end. I just don't want metal in my mouth again, ever. My experience was so awful, and I have such bad memories of it, that even though the clear ones have many of their own issues, I'd rather do it this way. It's insanely expensive, but worth it for the peace of mind. The big issue is that you usually have to brush and floss after every meal, and I'm not a meal eater -- I graze in small amounts all day. Since I'd have to be brushing and flossing all the time, and having to take them out for tea and Pepsi and stuff, I'll probably stick to water more often than I already do (which is a lot, but I do love my tea and my cola drinks), and eat a lot less, or eat stuff I can get by with a quick brushing instead of the whole kit & kaboodle.

I'm not looking forward to this at all. Especially not to having them at Vividcon, where my diet goes out the window in favor of convenience. But it's better to do it now than wait until I crack a tooth with my bad bite.

So between starvation (not really, just eating in a different way, less often) and working out, with any luck, I may finally be able to fit into my favorite pants again at some later date. And btw, anyone who wants to check in with my on my progress or to nag me into not giving up, please feel free to do so. It would be good to keep motivating me.
gwyn: (vin arms mlyn)
Oh, I am such a bad poster. And then when I finally do an update, there's so much to talk about that I don't want to type it all, and I don't put it up anyway. Sigh.

So, this is the past coupla weeks:
- Went to a new dentist recommended to me by [ profile] black_bird_777 to look at the crown. Explained all my dental issues, including the gag reflex so bad it's "throw up on you" bad. They assure me I will be in good (but really super expensive) hands, and they want to rebuild the whole crown (of course). I don't think they fully understand the gag reflex issue, but... they will when I start flailing wildly, I guess. It's very, very expensive. I go in Tuesday and I am afeared.

- Dentist also did something that every dentist I've been to for the past few years has -- wants me to get braces to fix my really crowded and crooked front teeth. I had braces when I was like 12-13, and it was a miserable experience. The old kind, with the band that wraps around your teeth. They sheared my gums off a couple of times when the mallet slipped, then another time, the orthodontist's daughter was working in the office and she snipped the new wires on the teeth and left them up, so that when I closed my mouth, it turned to hamburger. He was insanely mean and unfriendly; all the kids at school who went to the other orthodontist in town were happy; none of the kids who went to Dr. C were, like me. I very well remember him screaming at me with red-faced rage on my birthday.

The thing is, no one ever told me, when I was young and didn't know about these things, that stopping wearing my retainer would allow my teeth to shift out of line. When I got my wisdom teeth out, for some reason, I took a really long time to heal, and when I tried to put my retainer in (I was about 19 then), it wouldn't go. So I stopped. Not one person ever told me that would be a bad thing eventually, and over the years, my teeth just got worse and worse. I don't have the money, but I understand their concern -- it's affecting my bite now and could fracture my front tooth that's hitting my bottom one. So now I'm looking at the possibility of getting braces, at my age. What fun. I know it's not that uncommon, it's just that geez, I didn't think this year could get any worse with facing the big Five-O alone. Gah. It's not cosmetic, it's just totally about the bite -- when you're this ugly, what difference does having crooked teeth make? I really don't want to do this but he was really urging me, and now my dad is too.

- Also found out that I have no bicuspids. All these years, and no one has ever mentioned to me that I'm missing quite a lot of teeth. My mouth is very small (I know! it's the funniest thing ever!) and I asked Dad if he remembered them pulling teeth when I was little because it was so small, and he said sis_r and I both had quite a lot of teeth pulled, before they ever looked at taking out the wisdom teeth. So decades have gone by without me even knowing I had fewer teeth than most people.

- Saw that infamously leaked copy of the koffxmencharacterkoff summer blockbuster sort of by accident. Interesting.

- Saw Fast & Furious, but only once, since I couldn't make it again this morning. I was nervous, I admit. My stomach was in knots, because I have invested so much love and attention to this fandom and I was really afraid it was going to be a mockery of my fandom. But you know, it turned out pretty damn good. I have a lot of things I want to say about it, but whether I find the time to, I don't know. The thing I think I loved most about it is that they didn't even try to pretend that it isn't a gay love story about a cop and his bad-boy boyfriend. I know there are people who can't see this, but those are also the kind of people who need warnings on their bag of peanuts that they "may contain peanuts."

- Finally finished clipping for my Club VV vid. It has taken me for fucking ever because first there was a job, then there was a presentation at a conference, then there was getting ready for class... I finally started the actual vidding process tonight and I have a whole 46 seconds that only mildly suck. I like the song I'm doing (Golden Earring's Twilight Zone, for Charlie Jade), but I have the distinct feeling I'm going to hate it like mad when I'm finished.

- Speaking of vidding for VVC, [ profile] kadymae bought me in the Auction for $400 freaking dollars. Whoa, do I feel like I better give her a good show. And she wants something Fast and the Furious related. Whee!

- And then, speaking of class, this year I'm doing a lot more behind the scenes work for the class than ever. I'm still not sure about all the group, but they do seem like interesting people. I think some students want something from the class it's not designed for. That's worrisome. I guess we'll see how it shakes out. I feel like such a fraud teaching them about starting careers in editing and guiding them in the work experience when I'm such a loser in the work dept. But I guess I talk a good game.

- It seems like in the past few days about 80% of my flist has announced their dreamwidth account. And then they always seem to disclaim it's not a cool kids club or clique. Which amuses me -- they do this about the Archive of Our Own, too. It seems like everyone has an invite code who's anybody or beta access or what have you -- and it's easy to say it's not a club when you're, you know, in it. People are weird. I'm very interested in trying it out even though I have no real intentions to move house (when it's in open beta, I guess, since I'm in the great unwashed, dontcha know) unless i have a really overwhelming reason to do so. There's so much here that I doubt will move, that I'm unlikely to want to do anything drastic.


Apr. 4th, 2009 10:46 pm
gwyn: (OMG OH NOES)
WTF? [ profile] feochadn and I were watching a Damian Lewis movie (and the Chuck episode that has her great love, Arnold Vosloo, in it that I saved for her) and eating red beans and rice with andouille sausage when I crunched into this really hard thing. I fished it out of my mouth, and thought it was possibly a piece of bone from the sausage (gross, but yeah, not entirely unexpected). A bit later I realized it was part of my molar. I was eating red beans and rice! The only thing softer is gruel! It's a pretty hefty section of the crown on my left middle molar, and that crown caused me so much hideous pain and suffering that I can't believe I'm going to have to have it worked on again.

Also, I have no insurance, and no money. This will be lots of fun. Because it's also property tax month. I really do wonder why I chose to try freelancing sometimes. I fail at life and finding work. Gah.

The funny thing about all this is that I'm acutely conscious right now of my spending and lack of income. The other night I went over to [ profile] jarrow's to have him do a budget spreadsheet for me, which he loves to do (you too can have one for the mere cost of $10! ask me how), and even though I thought my extremely peculiar situation would stump him completely, he still managed to put one together where I could at least track what I owe and what I'm paying out in bills and regular life expenses. It's really cool, but also for me a bit dispiriting because I have let myself get into a position of owing money on a credit card, and while it's not like what most people have in terms of debt, for me it seems impossible and untenable. I have never been one to accumulate debts and things. But he has encouraged me by telling me his budget helped him dig himself out of a big hole, so...

I just don't know exactly what I'm going to do about this freaking tooth. It feels really weird. Not painful yet, but if more comes off it, it'll be a bare stump of nerves. ::shudders::

We heard today that those of on the waiting list could register for VVC for realz, but now I just don't know what to do. I think I may finally have enough miles to fly Alaska for free, but... I just don't know.

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