I don't want to talk about it

[gwyn]

I won't be doing a con report this year for VVC; i just feel too bad overall to do it. But I wanted to let my friends know I'm home, especially movies_michelle, since she saw what happened to me at the airport. I was already in a really bad head space from finding out that United had literally stolen my aisle seat away from me without telling me, and there were no seats left available except middle ones, and they refused to do anything about it. It was really depressing me facing a four and a half hour flight sitting in the middle with my six foot frame and everything, but then I had to catch the toe of my shoe on the curb at O'Hare and I fell, really hard. My right elbow is bloody and scraped and seriously bone-bruised, my hand is scraped raw and bruised, my knee (and my favorite jeans are wrecked) as well, my other elbow is bruised, I have a huge bruise on my forearm and thigh, and it hurts a lot, and my wrist is sprained pretty bad. Plus it's always lovely to humiliate yourself utterly and completely in front of hundreds of strangers and your friends from the con.

It was *much* harder to say goodbye to people than I had expected and so that added to my overall feelings of sadness. I don't know why I hadn't expected that, but it was tough. Me and goodbyes these days are unmixy. And the premieres show ended up making me feel kind of dumb. I felt like I had brought a VCR vid to a convention of professional filmmakers. The dazzle and the flash were the big themes of the evening (much of the content looked like it had come from pro editing marketing houses), and I'm not sure that slow, quiet vids have a place in this world anymore... I don't know, it just felt weird and bad. AMV has infiltrated the live action vidding world, i think, and I don't know what this means for people like me who have a different aesthetic... anyway, I have to think about it. It just ended up feeling bad for me, I had loved my vid and put a lot of emotion into it (I made it right after my sister died, so there are a lot of feelings tied up in it), and it was hard seeing how it didn't fit in with the rest of the themes and styles. I don't know. (ETA: Many people had lovely kind things to say about the Buffy vid; it was just mostly me who felt it was so lame and sad compared to the rest of the vids in the show and the reactions they engendered. I was in awe of many of those vids, and I felt very basic and support-hosey again.)

The panel went okay, but only thanks to melina123 and her great theory; I have no idea what would have happened if I'd had to do that alone. I loved seeing my friends, especially the girl talks in different rooms on Sunday night. But there were a lot of weird bad things that happened toward the end, and then falling at O'Hare and being crammed between smelly Dutch guy and face-plucking Chinese OCD woman (seriously, I don't want to talk about it), just kind of sent any good feelings spirallling away. My damn cat wouldn't even come out to see me.

I'm just tired, and sappy, and sad, and I don't think I could say anything valuable or important about the con at all. I'll put the vids up as I can, but I don't know if I'll announce them all at once or parcel them out.

Comments

[umbo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Glad you made it home *relatively* safely and soundly, and glad you got to see some friends.

*more hugs*

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry that your weekend had to end like that -- what a tremendous bummer.

I really loved your Buffy vid -- it was one of the highlights of the premieres show for me. I think there's a tremendous difference between making a vid which is slow, and making a vid which is measured, and to me your vid was measured -- there was a meditative quality to it, a slightly melancholy reminiscent quality to it, and to me that reads as slowness-on-purpose. So I see your point that it wasn't speedy or flashy like several of the other premiering vids were, but I think that sets it apart in a good way, and I heard a lot of people saying good things about it on Sunday...

[dine.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry your con trip ended so badly, but hopefully there are some times and memories in there to treasure.

*hugs*

[lapillus]

*gentle hugs*

And yes, quiet vids DO have a place in the current mode, and judging from the various comments I heard around the con others agree. As one of the arrangers of the premieres show I cannot tell you what a precious and vital commodity they are when making shows. Stillness and contemplation are WONDERFUL after frenetic activity and your vid does both of those very well.

[zoerayne]

*hugs*
I'm sorry for the crapness.

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

::hugs::

I wasn't there, and my stoopit elderly Mac won't play vids, so i can't comment on that part, but I'm sorry the end turned into such a suckfest. Air travel just blows these days. It always feels like a rare treat when things go well anymore.

As the gal who tripped on a tree pit in NYC and limped the whole trip (and got corn advice from a stranger in the subway), I feel your pain and embarrassment. I hope everything heals up quickly and you feel a lot better.

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

Gwyn, I'm wincing just hearing about that fall. (And here I thought I had the grace thing all locked up.)

Just crawl into bed and spend the next few days there ... except for hot baths and porn, okay?

And even though you're not a little kid, here's a :x to make it feel better.

[fishsanwitt]

::hugs::

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

Okay, you need this. I'm tired of keeping it a "secret."

I'm making you a present. It's been in the works since, oh, April. It's a really big deal to me, taking a lot of work (including parking tickets), and I think you'll be blown away by it. I HOPE so.

So look forward to it. I'm committed to finishing it in the next thirty days, because then school starts.

And, *hugs*. Welcome home, I missed you.

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Man, I thought my trip home was hard. At least I didn't have to fight with the airlines and the O'Hare pavement.

I really enjoyed having you as a roomie. S thought you waking me up was so very sweet. Of course, reports of my babbling about dreams of penguins with wings may also have contributed to his amusement.

Am now going to fall over and go boom. I have propped myself up all day against the keybaord - nice to know I don't need a brain to post to LJ.

[minim_calibre]

Ugh. I'm so sorry about your trip home being so awful.

It's the jeans that stick in my mind as an especially cruel trick of fate, because I'm shallow like that. (And probably because a Target cart ate my sweater yesterday, so I was already filled with rage at clothing destroying accidents occurring outside of their proper slashy venue.)

Welcome home, though.

[aukestrel.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

If you vid to satisfy a creative impulse inside yourself - or if you write to do the same - the important thing is that creative impulse, and honouring it, being true to it.

And you are doing that.

And, you know, there are many creative people who are "out of step" with their times.

{{{morehugs}}}

[elke-tanzer.livejournal.com]

*gentle hugs*

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

*via friendsfriends*

*hands over pirate bandaids and really good bath salts*


I think I've done two fast vids and two slow, now. Comparatively, in both cases.

To me, at least, it's about what SUITS. What the song and the story and the footage need. I adore beautiful, measured, slow, dreamy vids; and I like the ones that come at me like a pile of roman candles, too.

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

Ouch. Glad you made it home without any further mishaps.

Support-hosey. Heh. I would never in a zillion years compare your vids to support hose, but I understand sometimes feeling a bit out of step.

Lovely to meet you, though sorry we didn't get to chat more; I think we were both pretty scattered.

[deejay.livejournal.com]

Was so glad to see you (even if briefly) at the con.

Am so sad to hear of such badness you have endured of late.

(And, yeah, I hear ya about being a Model T driver in a race full of Testarossas.)

Feel better, hon.

*hugs*

Keen Eddie

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

someone saw your Keen Eddie vid at the con & it prompted this: http://www.livejournal.com/users/noelql/172644.html

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I will probably have more to say about your vid later when I can rewatch it and I don't have all of the vids jumbled together in my mind.

It seems like every year, more people think that the vid they submit to the Premiere show should be the fastest,flashiest thing they can come up with.

It was nice to have a pause where I could process, appreciate and reflect rather than process, process faster, bleed out my eyes, have a seizure and die.

I liked every individual vid in the show. I like vids that are cut fast. I like vids that have multiple story layers. I like vids that are cut fast and have multiple story layers. It is really hard to watch two hours of them all at once and not feel like a zombie.

Next year, I hope that there are more vids like this one that are simple (synonym for elegant, antonym for simplistic).

[boniblithe.livejournal.com]

I enjoy the flashy entertainment of the fast cutting, more recent style of vids, but I don't connect with them emotionally the way that I connect with the slower, thoughtful vids. I can't wait to see your vid when you put it up - I want to be able to feel the big emotion and linger over the images, not jump and spin and crash and bang. So you and I can sit in the corner together :)

[movies-michelle.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, I'm glad you made it home, but I was worried. I didn't even see you go down; I looked out the window and didn't see you, so I thought you had bent down to get something out of your bag. Then we saw you'd fallen. (And I was, litterally, on the complete opposite end of the airport. Of course.)

I think you must have gotten all of Lum's bad travel karma that she managed to shake on her way home, as she did not have any disasters, nor was she strip searched.

I hope you're feeling better today and aren't too sore. *hugs* I'll see you on Friday.