gwyn | (no subject)

Since I only wrote five things this year and one of those is an unfinished WIP and two won't be revealed until New Year's Day, I'm skipping the writing wrap-up this year. Only 41,414 words this year for fanfic, which doesn't take into account of course the aborted attempts at RL fiction and the other writing I do for other things. Now I have to try to bang out a chapter of the WIP, though that's unlikely to get my word count up much before Jan. 1.

I'm also skipping doing recs for Yuletide this year, since I'll be doing the 31 Flavors meme again in January, and that way I'll have more things to rec. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on reading Yuletide so far--I feel like I've made a dent, but it's a small one. There are some really long stories in some of my fandoms.

Thanks for all the advice on cooking the potatoes--this time, holiday dinner solo wasn't quite the disaster that it has been recently and I did have a pretty decent meal. There are these cookies we used to make in my family from a really old recipe, and I wanted to try them on my own this Christmas, but I'm not sure I'm woman enough to do it so I punted on that; it's such a daunting recipe because it's very very old and uses all kinds of challenging ingredients and literally takes days to complete. But if not during pandemic holiday, then when? I really should try to tackle them.

I've had to force myself to stop checking email for comments on my Yuletide fics. It's clear they're not coming, and that the stories have been disappointments, so the few that they've had is what they're going to get. Checking email and hoping is the equivalent of hitting your head against a wall. I probably should have defaulted back when I had the chance instead of working so hard on something that doesn't seem to have succeeded, but I've never defaulted before, and it's such a hard mindset to get into when you're determined to see something through.

I hope if you did Yuletide or any other holiday exchange, you got what you wanted! I've seen some really clever things this year that I'm looking forward to reccing, and it's always fun to see people get blown away by someone taking a prompt they made and turning it into something really cool. I wish a lot of my fandoms were still eligible and hadn't topped out, but I'm still managing to find a few of fandoms to read in. It's hard to believe reveals are in a few days.

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I'm so glad the holiday dinner was better than expected! And I'm sorry you aren't getting the kind of Yuletide response you'd hoped for. I know that feeling.

I got a lovely story, which I really enjoyed. And I think my recipient liked what I wrote. I'm always so amazed by the creativity of fans at Yuletide, and this year is no exception...

We were talking about your story at the weekly Cannibals zoom call--I mentioned that I didn't know the other canon on the GBBO fic this year, and someone who'd read it said that I would enjoy it, so now it's on my list of things to hopefully, someday, have time to read.

I could probably handle it this year if it felt a little more like the recipients got some enjoyment, but at least on one for sure it's really clear that they didn't.

I hear you - I only wrote ~34K this year, and one of my yuletide recipients is AWOL in terms of commenting, and I think the other stories I wrote have topped out on interest. *hands* I still like what I wrote, so there's that.

I'm glad your holiday dinner worked out! And I'd be interested in hearing about the cookie recipe. Maybe there are some modern substitutions you could make for the challenging ingredients.

The cookies I make for Christmas are an old family recipe I had to synthesize from a variety of handwritten copies all of which were slightly different in terms of measurements, and they take days to make as well, so I totally get that feeling of being daunted by a recipe.

Oh man, I hope by now maybe they've commented. That's so difficult. I have had to master the empty praise for my kind of work, as a way to make authors feel more positive about making a change, so I am fairly good at spotting it, and it's really clear that at least one person wasn't all that enthused. It's also a lot more fun when you're the only fic in the category, because then the other fic at the top of the list that's getting all the love isn't there to smart even more. ;-D

The cookie recipe is apparently at least a hundred years old, and uses like lard and stuff. I finally found out they sold lard in the freezer case a few years before Dad died--it was the hardest ingredient to get. Then there's the anise oil, which when you transcribe the recipes, you always have to emphasize that it's anise OIL not extract because it's not strong enough with the molasses and everything. (And for some reason, I've never bought allspice...) But my dad has made about six different transcriptions, and cut the recipe down over and over, because it literally was like "Makes 5,000" or something--it was enormous. Now it takes two days at least, as opposed to the five when I was a kid.)

The big issue was that it used to always say "add enough flour to stiffen" which turns out to be about nine cups, though we're not entirely positive about that, and now I can't ask Dad for advice. It's a SUPER heavy dough and I know that it used to burn out motors on mixers, but I don't recall us ever trying it in the stand mixer my dad gave me after my kitchen remodel. I don't know what to use--the whisk type beater, the bread dough hook, or something else. I'm not even sure what I have, as I hardly ever use my mixer because I don't really know what to do other than make ice cream. It's not something we had growing up, and I don't understand all the functions.

But yeah, maybe if you have some time I could PM you and ask advice--I remember enough of things in general, but some stuff, like the stiffness (we always used to refrigerate it overnight, but that makes it harder to roll out) and stuff, I could use some help on.

nope, still one AWOL recipient, but it was a treat, so I guess at least it wasn't the gift I fretted over for 2 months. *hands*

Feel free to email me! victoria.p@gmail. I have some potential suggestions already just based on what you've said here - for example, LorAnn anise oil is available at like, Walmart or Amazon in small (1 or 2 ounce) bottles, and that stuff lasts for a while.

Thank you! I should have--durr--mentioned that one of the things I have a plethora of is anise oil. You can't buy the stuff in grocery stores, but hilariously, they have it in the weird medical odds and ends of drugstores, next to the clove oil and wintergreen oil. There is just so little call for it. And I kept accidentally buying more of the stuff because I'd forget from year to year that I'd bought some for Dad previously. I also--OMG-- have so much damn flour. SO MUCH FLOUR. From the pandemic panic. I keep trying to use it but I'm such a bad baker.

I will contact you!

Well, this recipe sounds like it will use about 2.5 lbs of flour, so that's a start!

{{{hugs}}}

Yeah, the polite thanks for a challenge story is always disheartening, unfortunately.

Speaking as the recipient of one of your Yuletide fics, I can absolutely say it was NOT a disappointment. It was awesome!

And if it makes you feel any better, you got twice the comments and three times the hits on your story than I got on mine. Which, given that my story is based on a (now) obscure film from the '40s (Random Harvest) that didn't have any stories on AO3 until I wrote mine, I'm okay with.

I've got a couple of mantras any time I start worrying about not getting enough hits or comments on a fic. First, there's always someone who does better, and there's always someone who does worse. I just try to enjoy my own experience. Second, from a friend who tells this to her daughter all the time, "Comparisons are odious." (You've got to say that with a faux British accent and really lean into the "odious." :D )

Here's hoping the new year is a whole fucking lot better than the last!

I have a hard time not comparing my stuff to others (and coming up wanting)--it was pretty much drilled into me as a child, that love was entirely conditional on success, and part of my life as a twin whose twin was more of everything (including loved) my whole life. Like, intellecutally I know you're not supposed to, but it doesn't prevent anything.

I've also noticed that whenever I write something that turns out to be the lone fic in the fandom that year, it'll do so much better than if there's another fic or many in the category. Last year I wrote Sunshine as well, and it was the only one, so it didn't feel like it just got buried. I mean, I recognize as well that it got at least one rec, too, on the discord, which helps even if it's just one person, and that it's probably one of the best things I've ever written (and, this sounds arrogant and I think anyone who knows what low self-esteem I have would howl at me saying this, but is probably one of the best in that fandom tag), but I think the biggest part of it is just not having other fics. Whatever I write, if there are other fics, mine will be the least popular. It's a guarantee. So I try really hard not to listen to the voices saying "if you aren't the most successful, you've failed completely," but those voices are pretty firmly embedded in my psyche.

I can understand having that sort of thinking hardwired into your brain (a decade of bullying at school did a number on me that I still sometimes struggle to shake) but I think you do yourself a disservice. And just to prove the point, I went and checked this year's Sunshine stories, and your has the most hits and kudos! (Though I also have to say, that even if it didn't it would still be a great story.)