gwyn | (no subject)

Since I only wrote five things this year and one of those is an unfinished WIP and two won't be revealed until New Year's Day, I'm skipping the writing wrap-up this year. Only 41,414 words this year for fanfic, which doesn't take into account of course the aborted attempts at RL fiction and the other writing I do for other things. Now I have to try to bang out a chapter of the WIP, though that's unlikely to get my word count up much before Jan. 1.

I'm also skipping doing recs for Yuletide this year, since I'll be doing the 31 Flavors meme again in January, and that way I'll have more things to rec. I'm having a lot of trouble concentrating on reading Yuletide so far--I feel like I've made a dent, but it's a small one. There are some really long stories in some of my fandoms.

Thanks for all the advice on cooking the potatoes--this time, holiday dinner solo wasn't quite the disaster that it has been recently and I did have a pretty decent meal. There are these cookies we used to make in my family from a really old recipe, and I wanted to try them on my own this Christmas, but I'm not sure I'm woman enough to do it so I punted on that; it's such a daunting recipe because it's very very old and uses all kinds of challenging ingredients and literally takes days to complete. But if not during pandemic holiday, then when? I really should try to tackle them.

I've had to force myself to stop checking email for comments on my Yuletide fics. It's clear they're not coming, and that the stories have been disappointments, so the few that they've had is what they're going to get. Checking email and hoping is the equivalent of hitting your head against a wall. I probably should have defaulted back when I had the chance instead of working so hard on something that doesn't seem to have succeeded, but I've never defaulted before, and it's such a hard mindset to get into when you're determined to see something through.

I hope if you did Yuletide or any other holiday exchange, you got what you wanted! I've seen some really clever things this year that I'm looking forward to reccing, and it's always fun to see people get blown away by someone taking a prompt they made and turning it into something really cool. I wish a lot of my fandoms were still eligible and hadn't topped out, but I'm still managing to find a few of fandoms to read in. It's hard to believe reveals are in a few days.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Speaking as the recipient of one of your Yuletide fics, I can absolutely say it was NOT a disappointment. It was awesome!

And if it makes you feel any better, you got twice the comments and three times the hits on your story than I got on mine. Which, given that my story is based on a (now) obscure film from the '40s (Random Harvest) that didn't have any stories on AO3 until I wrote mine, I'm okay with.

I've got a couple of mantras any time I start worrying about not getting enough hits or comments on a fic. First, there's always someone who does better, and there's always someone who does worse. I just try to enjoy my own experience. Second, from a friend who tells this to her daughter all the time, "Comparisons are odious." (You've got to say that with a faux British accent and really lean into the "odious." :D )

Here's hoping the new year is a whole fucking lot better than the last!

I have a hard time not comparing my stuff to others (and coming up wanting)--it was pretty much drilled into me as a child, that love was entirely conditional on success, and part of my life as a twin whose twin was more of everything (including loved) my whole life. Like, intellecutally I know you're not supposed to, but it doesn't prevent anything.

I've also noticed that whenever I write something that turns out to be the lone fic in the fandom that year, it'll do so much better than if there's another fic or many in the category. Last year I wrote Sunshine as well, and it was the only one, so it didn't feel like it just got buried. I mean, I recognize as well that it got at least one rec, too, on the discord, which helps even if it's just one person, and that it's probably one of the best things I've ever written (and, this sounds arrogant and I think anyone who knows what low self-esteem I have would howl at me saying this, but is probably one of the best in that fandom tag), but I think the biggest part of it is just not having other fics. Whatever I write, if there are other fics, mine will be the least popular. It's a guarantee. So I try really hard not to listen to the voices saying "if you aren't the most successful, you've failed completely," but those voices are pretty firmly embedded in my psyche.

I can understand having that sort of thinking hardwired into your brain (a decade of bullying at school did a number on me that I still sometimes struggle to shake) but I think you do yourself a disservice. And just to prove the point, I went and checked this year's Sunshine stories, and your has the most hits and kudos! (Though I also have to say, that even if it didn't it would still be a great story.)