[[insert squinty eyed emoji here]]

[gwyn]

You know, I'm well aware that I'm not the kind of fan writer that people go "oh, she posted a new story, I'm going to go read immediately." But having someone say they saved your story till they ran out of good fic is…just astoundingly tone-deaf, nasty, and demoralizing.

Thursday I'm having a dreaded medical procedure that I've been avoiding for years. Now that I'm officially an Old, my doctor's wanted me to have a colonoscopy, especially since my twin died of cancer, any kind of screening test is pretty important--and we don't know any other medical family history, since I'm adopted. I really, really hate bodily functions things. Like, I'm nearly phobic about talking about it, and I flap my hands and sing la-la-la really loudly whenever people talk about it. So I really, really do not want to do this, but since the fucking Republicans are determined to take away any health care I can have, and I earned so little the previous year that I qualified for a lower deductible, my doc and I decided to take ALL the tests this year. I just had a new MRI for my back (nothing useful, still nothing to be done that will really help), and now this, and there's some other things I'm hoping to do later on while I have the chance.

I have a bit more to write on the next chapter of Celluloid Hero and then should be able to send to beta and post, then I have to get started on the pod-together story, and meanwhile I'm desperately racing to finish this Star Wars vid for the Premieres show at Vividcon. Still have a little under half to go, it's taking forever and making me cry. Why can't I find a nice, horizontal hobby where I can lie down and not be in agonizing pain?

Comments

[batwrangler]

Ugh.

*hugs*

[destina]

But having someone say they saved your story till they ran out of good fic is…just astoundingly tone-deaf, nasty, and demoralizing.

Aww. :/ I guess it's all in how you look at it? I have a full set of browser tabs for exactly this emergency (my apocalypse window), and in it I've saved what are probably going to be excellent stories in various fandoms by Cesca, x-art, paperclipbitch, and others. I like having a fallback position for when I run out of great things to read, so that I never run out of great things to read. I lack context for what was said to you, of course, but I because of how I hoard fic like a greedy dragon, I would default to thinking that's how it was meant.

[musesfool]

*hugs*

[mackiemesser]

*facepalm* I am sorry for the tactless fic-reader. Even if it was a case of Wording Very Badly, they still could have taken a moment to think about it.

I keep telling myself to make Dr's appointments, but I hate them so much, it's very hard to do!

I can't think of any horizontal hobbies off the top of my head. Being bipedal kinds messes with that.

Ummm...at least you aren't here in 117 degree weather?

[aurumcalendula]

ugh. *hugs*

[innie_darling]

Sugar, we're here for you. Specifically, I had a colonoscopy recently, and if you need to hear about someone else's experience, I'm happy to share.

[amalthia]

I tend to save stories I know will be good for travel reading. I need really good stories to distract me from my fear of flying. Though I don't tend to tell authors when I do this, just in case I blundered and made it sound like a back-handed compliment.

[kore]

//hugs

I'm glad at least you have the ability to get the tests done, even in spite of the fucking Republicans, although medical tests really do suck.

[lilly_the_kid]

Ugh, I don't get that kind of thing. I've had various people commenting on a vid, saying they'd be back to comment on it later - and never did. I don't understand this at all. I mean, no one owes me a comment but why announce it and then not do it?

[roga]

Uhhh what? I have your fic saved too, and I'm saving it for a flight when I need something fun, because on travel days especially it's good to have something fun to look forward to.

[sineala]

*offers hugs*

[gwyn]

I remember your apocalypse window… I don't know. It's hard to not see "I waited to read this till I ran out of good fic" as a slap. Even if the rest of the comment was complimentary, it wasn't great to hear. I get that maybe they didn't know how to express themselves well and they meant it similar to what you just said, but jeez that's a shitty thing to say to someone that way.

[gwyn]

Yeah, it was not the nicest thing to see. I kinda don't care if they meant something different, the way they said it was shit.

I wish I could draw. I'm considering trying to learn. I could do that semi-horizontally. If I thought one of those voice recognition programs would actually work for me, I'd do that for writing, but there's a host of issues that make it a nonstarter.

[gwyn]

Thank you, I appreciate it!

I think the most frustrating part is that all the different directions say "see the directions from your doctor" and point to each other but none of them give me the important details--like *when* to take the horrible liquid, etc. I finally dug up the actual time to start taking it. Or they say clear liquids, but they didn't specify whether something like "soda" means dark colored pop or only clear ones. As an editor, I squint my eyes at this--they shouldn't expect patients to have to dig around on the interwebz to find these things out, it should be carefully written in the directions.

Now I'm just biding my time till I have to take it. Fortunately I have to take the cat in to the vet, so there's something else to think about! I'm sure this'd be a lot easier if I wasn't so crazy phobic about this stuff. I have to be a big girl!

[gwyn]

Yeah, I feel like there's a difference between "I was saving this for later because I knew it'd be good" and "I waited to read this till I ran out of good fic."

[gwyn]

Yeah, this won't last, even if they don't repeal ACA (ha ha, as if). Fuck those fucking fuckballs.

[gwyn]

I know--sometimes it's just better to not know someone's going to say something, or saving it to read when there's nothing else left. It reminds me of that tumblr meme, about reading through all the good fic for your pairing on AO3 and then lowering your standards. It's just…some things they should keep to themselves.

[gwyn]

Yeah, see, there's a huge difference in that compared to what they said--"I waited to read this till I ran out of good fic." I'm like, thanks for sharing and making my already pretty terrible self-esteem issues even worse.

[ranalore]

WOW. I mean, just wow, what a shitty thing to say. I'm so sorry. I'm waiting to read Celluloid Hero until it's done, and trying hard not to bounce with impatience, because new Gwyn! I would go on a re-reading spree, except I'm supposed to be adulting and get the final paper for this class written before Sunday. *sighs* The teacher already admitted he fears I know more about this than he does, why can't they just hand me my degree and call it good? And then if only I could get paid for reading....

I had a colonoscopy. The preparation was the worst part, for me; the combo of being hungry and having to drink a large amount of a solution that tasted strongly of baking soda outweighed soreness on the scale of bad.

[mackiemesser]

If I thought one of those voice recognition programs would actually work for me, I'd do that for writing, but there's a host of issues that make it a nonstarter.

Technology: so useful and yet so very far from being helpful...

I would like to learn how to play an instrument. I think that can be semi-horizontal as long as it's not a woodwind.

[amalthia]

Yeah, the second option sucks.

[kirbyfest]

Uggggh. I need to get a colonoscopy too and am dreading the living hell out of it.

The feedback thing-- well, fuck that. It's just rude.

[innie_darling]

That's just wrong - your doctor should tell you exactly when to take the stuff, because there are several different kinds of stuff (which I didn't know at the time, and so totally blanked when the center actually doing the colonoscopy asked me which one I'd taken). The one I took was seriously nasty - I described it as having to drink the ocean into which someone had poured grape cough syrup, because it was thick and salty and grape-y and sugary all at once - and I had very specific times to take each dose. The "clear liquids" thing was communicated to me as water and tea without milk (no juice, no soda).

I definitely don't want to freak you out, but I wish someone had told me that this stuff ahead of time. I showed up to the center, having been told that they would not release me unless someone was there to pick me up. I got asked about fifteen times by several different people if someone was coming to get me, and every time I said, "Yes, my brother." Then I got to wait around half-naked in the cold because the center got backed up but they didn't tell any of the patients. Finally, the procedure itself was fine - I was knocked out and felt nothing, and I honestly didn't feel sore or weird after [they told me to buy diaper cream and moisturizing wipes but I never felt the need to use either] - but I was really groggy when I woke up. They asked again who was waiting for me and I said, "My brother should be in the waiting room." They bring him in, saying, "Here's your husband!" Now, I'm basically topless and still really out of it, and I kept thinking, "I don't have a husband, so who are they bringing back here?" It was very disconcerting, and I wish one of those goddamn people had listened to what I had told them. SO. Please make sure you bring someone you trust with you, and make sure that person takes you all the way home and that you have food in the fridge for the next few days.

You are a big girl, and you can do it!

[sperrywink]

Ugh about the fic thing. Not cool.

Good luck with the colonoscopy. I hope it comes out clear.

[spikedluv]

Wow. That is a shitty thing to say, and to hear. I hope they meant it differently than how it sounded because who says that?!!

Colonoscopy, yay! (Kidding.) The prep is the worst part for sure. I have two tips from my one experience that you can ignore if you wish: 1) taste test whatever liquid you decide to mix the stuff in to make sure you can drink a gallon of it without puking, and 2) start the prep earlier than they suggest unless you want to be up ALL FREAKING NIGHT. I started at 2pm or so, my mom actually started at 10am! It affects what you can 'eat' that day, but at least the trips to the bathroom stop before midnight. Good luck!

*hugs*