[[insert squinty eyed emoji here]]

[gwyn]

You know, I'm well aware that I'm not the kind of fan writer that people go "oh, she posted a new story, I'm going to go read immediately." But having someone say they saved your story till they ran out of good fic is…just astoundingly tone-deaf, nasty, and demoralizing.

Thursday I'm having a dreaded medical procedure that I've been avoiding for years. Now that I'm officially an Old, my doctor's wanted me to have a colonoscopy, especially since my twin died of cancer, any kind of screening test is pretty important--and we don't know any other medical family history, since I'm adopted. I really, really hate bodily functions things. Like, I'm nearly phobic about talking about it, and I flap my hands and sing la-la-la really loudly whenever people talk about it. So I really, really do not want to do this, but since the fucking Republicans are determined to take away any health care I can have, and I earned so little the previous year that I qualified for a lower deductible, my doc and I decided to take ALL the tests this year. I just had a new MRI for my back (nothing useful, still nothing to be done that will really help), and now this, and there's some other things I'm hoping to do later on while I have the chance.

I have a bit more to write on the next chapter of Celluloid Hero and then should be able to send to beta and post, then I have to get started on the pod-together story, and meanwhile I'm desperately racing to finish this Star Wars vid for the Premieres show at Vividcon. Still have a little under half to go, it's taking forever and making me cry. Why can't I find a nice, horizontal hobby where I can lie down and not be in agonizing pain?

Comments

[innie_darling]

Sugar, we're here for you. Specifically, I had a colonoscopy recently, and if you need to hear about someone else's experience, I'm happy to share.

[gwyn]

Thank you, I appreciate it!

I think the most frustrating part is that all the different directions say "see the directions from your doctor" and point to each other but none of them give me the important details--like *when* to take the horrible liquid, etc. I finally dug up the actual time to start taking it. Or they say clear liquids, but they didn't specify whether something like "soda" means dark colored pop or only clear ones. As an editor, I squint my eyes at this--they shouldn't expect patients to have to dig around on the interwebz to find these things out, it should be carefully written in the directions.

Now I'm just biding my time till I have to take it. Fortunately I have to take the cat in to the vet, so there's something else to think about! I'm sure this'd be a lot easier if I wasn't so crazy phobic about this stuff. I have to be a big girl!

[innie_darling]

That's just wrong - your doctor should tell you exactly when to take the stuff, because there are several different kinds of stuff (which I didn't know at the time, and so totally blanked when the center actually doing the colonoscopy asked me which one I'd taken). The one I took was seriously nasty - I described it as having to drink the ocean into which someone had poured grape cough syrup, because it was thick and salty and grape-y and sugary all at once - and I had very specific times to take each dose. The "clear liquids" thing was communicated to me as water and tea without milk (no juice, no soda).

I definitely don't want to freak you out, but I wish someone had told me that this stuff ahead of time. I showed up to the center, having been told that they would not release me unless someone was there to pick me up. I got asked about fifteen times by several different people if someone was coming to get me, and every time I said, "Yes, my brother." Then I got to wait around half-naked in the cold because the center got backed up but they didn't tell any of the patients. Finally, the procedure itself was fine - I was knocked out and felt nothing, and I honestly didn't feel sore or weird after [they told me to buy diaper cream and moisturizing wipes but I never felt the need to use either] - but I was really groggy when I woke up. They asked again who was waiting for me and I said, "My brother should be in the waiting room." They bring him in, saying, "Here's your husband!" Now, I'm basically topless and still really out of it, and I kept thinking, "I don't have a husband, so who are they bringing back here?" It was very disconcerting, and I wish one of those goddamn people had listened to what I had told them. SO. Please make sure you bring someone you trust with you, and make sure that person takes you all the way home and that you have food in the fridge for the next few days.

You are a big girl, and you can do it!