New fic: I Meant What I Said When I Said Until My Dying Day

[gwyn]

I Meant What I Said When I Said Until My Dying Day (3000 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Scott Lang, Wanda Maximoff
Additional Tags: Interlude, Trust, Trigger Codes, Captain America: Civil War Trailer
Series: Part 2 of Interludes
Summary:

Bucky bolts from the couch, his fists clenching, and Steve motions at everyone to drop back, to leave. “I can’t have anyone inside my head again,” he pleads, “I can’t.”

Taking a short break from the WIP to work on my anxiety and misery issues for all the Civil War trailer stuff.

Comments

[kore]

I know nothing like this will happen, they're more just a way for me to cope with the anxiety I feel with each successive new piece of footage we see.

OH SOMEONE ELSE FEELS THIS TOO OH MY GOD. Apologies for the allcaps, but this is one of the first times I've wanted to see a movie LESS and less the more I hear about it.

And your writing's so beautiful, as always. I love how the breakfast camaraderie darkens, Wanda's intense desire to atone, Bucky’s pack: the records of his fragile memories and the photos and mementos he’s accumulated, trying to piece together the life that was stolen from him (AUGH), Bucky running again and coming back to Steve....it's great. I hope it made you feel better to write it, I definitely felt better after reading it.


(MAN I DID NOT ASK TO BE SO EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED BY SUPERHERO MOVIES WTF //blames the boys)

[gwyn]

I mean, I want to see it, obviously. But ever since they announced it was Civil War, I've been unhappy. There is just no way I could want a story less, and I resent the fuck out of handing Steve's and the Cap family's movie over to so many other people. Marvel is convinced no one cares as much about Cap as they do Iron Man and Spider-Man, and they're fucking wrong, but they make movies for the neckbeards like themselves. Each new piece of footage just depresses me more and more. I know that I will get Steve and Bucky gazing at each other, and I know that Sam is with Steve. But everything else just…I don't know that it's going to be enough. Also, the best most amazing thing about Winter Soldier was how open-ended it was, and I think that is what created such a huge fandom; CW seems like it's going to really limit the stories we can tell without everything being just AU.

Anyways. I just have to think about Steve and Bucky and focus on that.

I really appreciate you reading--not many people are these days, and I'm feeling pretty lousy about doing this, and so I really appreciate the, like, four people who actually do read these things and tell me. You guys are pretty much the only reason I'm even bothering right now. I wish I didn't have such fucking intense feelings for this whole thing. It'd be a lot easier.

I was so amused by Sebastian's thing about what's in the Buckpack--I was like, well, I guess my headcanon and writing match up with Seb's headcanon! I'm pretty sure he's out there writing fanfic.

[kore]

I mean, I want to see it, obviously.

Yeah, I just doubt I'll see it in a theatre, even without the FIFTEEN MINUTE LONG 2-D IMAX FIGHT, WTF, MARVEL. I don't want a headache on top of the heartache!

But ever since they announced it was Civil War, I've been unhappy.

Yeah, me too. That story was SO divisive (for fandom _and_ the characters, heh), so poorly done, it really doesn't jive with the MCU as it's been set up at all IMHO....just....why? Well, if they want a Batman v Superman style clash between Iron Man and Cap, there it is readymade. Ugh.

I resent the fuck out of handing Steve's and the Cap family's movie over to so many other people. Marvel is convinced no one cares as much about Cap as they do Iron Man and Spider-Man, and they're fucking wrong, but they make movies for the neckbeards like themselves.

SERIOUSLY

Each new piece of footage just depresses me more and more. I know that I will get Steve and Bucky gazing at each other, and I know that Sam is with Steve.

And shoulder-clapping! And we might even get a hug!....maybe.

But everything else just…I don't know that it's going to be enough. Also, the best most amazing thing about Winter Soldier was how open-ended it was, and I think that is what created such a huge fandom; CW seems like it's going to really limit the stories we can tell without everything being just AU.

Yeah, AoU was bad enough in how it choked off a lot of fic in the pairings I really liked (Clintasha and Steve/Nat). They keep hinting at future BuckyNat in the films, but they really haven't set it up that way either, and that's if they decide to do Bucky Cap....I don't know. Well, at least maybe if there are people who want to write in a little post-TWS bubble I'll find more fic I enjoy that way?

I just have to think about Steve and Bucky and focus on that.

Soulmates! Torn apart by fate! Nobody else on Earth understands what they've been through! Their bond stretches across half of the twentieth century! <3333 Markus and McFeely, even if they're pimping that awful Cap: White book.

I was so amused by Sebastian's thing about what's in the Buckpack--I was like, well, I guess my headcanon and writing match up with Seb's headcanon! I'm pretty sure he's out there writing fanfic.

I BET HE IS, HE'S MENTIONED WRITING CLASSES. He's talked about his other headcanons for Steve and Bucky too, it's too fucking adorable -- I get the feeling he really researches stuff and reads about it and prepares and thinks about the role, so he probably makes a lot of notes. What a love.

[kore]

....argh, tl;dr comment, sorry. But I was gonna say, I NEVER EXPECTED TO BE THIS EMOTIONALLY COMPROMISED ABOUT SUPERHEROES. (It's also typically why I don't get attached to a lot of big media stuff, or try not to, since my first fandom was the X-Files, hah. I hate loving a show or movie and then seeing it really made into something utterly different.)

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

Aw, poor them.

I admit, it never occurred to me that they could use Wanda to wipe out the trigger codes, and now it just seems really obvious...

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Right? That was actually the first thing I thought of for these stories, but I ended up writing the first part and thought it should be a piece in itself, so I broke these out. I just thought, when I heard about Scott and Wanda and Clint being with Steve and Sam and Bucky (and apparently a Beetle is involved!) on the run, having Wanda try to atone by offering to remove the triggers just seemed…really logical. And how freaked out that would make Bucky.

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

No doubt-even benevolent mind fuckery is still mind fuckery!