Fic update: Don't Wait Up for Me

[gwyn]

Don’t Wait Up for Me (25801 words) by gwyneth rhys
Chapter 3: Forget Your Past
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes & Sam Wilson
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Natasha Romanov
Additional Tags: Closure, Soul-Searching, Friendship, Forget Your Past, Action/Adventure, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes and His Terrible Plans, Not All Brutalism Is Ugly
Summary:

From the moment Steve had gotten Bucky back he’d been preparing to lose him again.

Comments

[kore]

Ahh man, this is great, I really needed this today. Angry loving Steve and searching Bucky and steady Sam, they're fantastic.

“Teach me some of your old timey dance moves—” offering a hand, and Bucky didn’t seem to know how to react so he kept staring at Sam as if he’d been whacked on the head.

SAM <3

“No can do, buddy. If you get me killed I will freaking haunt you for the rest of your unnaturally long genetically enhanced life.”

SAM <333


CLIFFHANGER NOOOO

[gwyn]

I wasn't sure if you'd be able to read it any time soon, so I'm really glad that I was able to give you a little enjoyment in the midst all this terrible stuff.

It makes me so happy to know you are reading, and finding things to like.

There were so many ways they could have gone with Sam in the movie, so many different directions. I'm so thrilled that the one they chose was the best Sam, the guy who is a strong, steady, smart, wonderful friend but who's also an amazing person in his own right. He is just a great character to write.

[kore]

so I'm really glad that I was able to give you a little enjoyment in the midst all this terrible stuff.

Oh, yes! Actually when I got the notification, I was like "OMG YES" because it made me so happy to know I got more of the story.

I'm so thrilled that the one they chose was the best Sam, the guy who is a strong, steady, smart, wonderful friend but who's also an amazing person in his own right. He is just a great character to write.

I LOVE Sam, and Steve with Sam, but I love Sam with Bucky too, and almost never get it, and certainly not as well as you write them here. It's just great. Sam's such the reality principle, and Bucky's on his quest, and OMG I don't even want to thing about what Steve's anger and grief and guilt would be like on the Origins Road Trip. (Altho I think you've said he's coming!)


also the flashback and shower stuff is hot as hell

[gwyn]

Have you read sholio's Wing and a Prayer? I actually didn't write this thing for a long time because I was afraid it would be too much like that fantastic story, where Bucky and Sam end up having to survive in the wilderness, both terribly injured and being hunted by Hydra.

Yes, Steve's coming to rescue his boyfriend. :-D I don't know how much you want to know, but I have the ending plotted out, and need to settle down and really work out the logistics of the middle section with the action. Steve still does have to deal with some anger and guilt issues, so he's not out of the woods on that yet.

It's funny, I was hoping it would be an emotional story, along the lines of Things We Lost in the War or something but with some action and some movement, but it seems like the action stuff has taken center stage, or at least, that's the thing I hear about. There could be worse things, but I do sort of wonder if the emotional part of it is just not good or something, so I appreciate your comments.

[kore]

Have you read sholio's Wing and a Prayer?

I did! I liked it a lot, but this one seems quite different -- more POVs for one thing, and more emotions. That one was good too, tho.

Yes, Steve's coming to rescue his boyfriend. :-D

<333 STEEEEEEEVE (Steve does have a habit of doing that, doesn't he) (Steve: "If you'd seen all the times he rescued me in Brooklyn....")

Steve still does have to deal with some anger and guilt issues, so he's not out of the woods on that yet.

I really like how you're writing him as angry and guilty and conflicted, but still a good guy -- a lot of Stucky recovery fic seems to focus on him as this saintly figure, or someone who can stuff it all down, and I like kinda-flawed Steve a lot more -- it makes him more likable, at least to me, much more human.

I do sort of wonder if the emotional part of it is just not good or something, so I appreciate your comments.

WHUT? DUDE THE BUCKY STUFF IS KINDA HEARTBREAKING. I think there's a lot of emotion in it! It's just very well-integrated into the action, and what people are remembering, it's not like people are stopping to have long analytical detailed conversations about how they feel (which is a bad flaw in my own fic, ahahaha). But the feeling's definitely there.

[gwyn]

Steve being as fucked up as or even more fucked up than Bucky is my favorite thing. Especially because I think that as a little guy, someone whom society would have treated as garbage back then because of his ailments, he'd have swallowed a lot of that anger in a really unhealthy way, and never truly dealt with it back in the war (at least in any way we were shown). I remember when I lost a lot of weight, went back to wearing contacts, was wearing more body conscious clothing, and all of a sudden people treated me better, and I had to not think about it otherwise I became really angry and sad. I think he'd probably have put all his fears and anxieties on Bucky, too, all the terrible things done to him, and that's just piling shit on top of shit.

I feel like the story is a good one, but man…it's been really disheartening. I'm really glad that you're reading and talking to me about it and that the emotional stuff is working for you. ♥ you, especially since you're going through so much crap right now.

[kore]

Steve being as fucked up as or even more fucked up than Bucky is my favorite thing. Especially because I think that as a little guy, someone whom society would have treated as garbage back then because of his ailments, he'd have swallowed a lot of that anger in a really unhealthy way, and never truly dealt with it back in the war (at least in any way we were shown). I remember when I lost a lot of weight, went back to wearing contacts, was wearing more body conscious clothing, and all of a sudden people treated me better, and I had to not think about it otherwise I became really angry and sad. I think he'd probably have put all his fears and anxieties on Bucky, too, all the terrible things done to him, and that's just piling shit on top of shit.

YES YES YES SO MUCH THIS. I mean, Bucky SAYS to him right in TFA, "Cause you got nothing to prove," and Steve essentially dodges the question. We rewatched TFA and TWS recently, and T made a really interesting observation I thought, that even after Steve gets the treatment, he's not taken seriously -- he's the dancing monkey, or lab rat, not a "real" soldier. But then in TWS, when he's the national symbol and on the strike team and part of SHIELD, he's constantly kept out of the loop: Fury lies to him, Pierce lies to him, Natasha even lies to him -- I think Sam is the only one who doesn't -- and he's used on the opening mission to rescue the hostages for basically PR, and as cover for Nat to get the intel Fury wants.

I don't like the Whedon characterizations of him as much, but in Avengers he's very angry and alienated (which I think was meant to balance against the sad and lonely scenes that were cut), and even in AoU, Tony doesn't think he has a "dark side" and there's no evidence he's closer to people really -- he says "Sometimes my teammates don't tell me things. I was kind of hoping Thor would be the exception." (Oh, sarky angry Steve, how I love you.) And he says at the end that his hope of family and a home died with "that guy who went into the ice," the team and fighting is his home now, which is so terribly sad. -- Anyway, T's point was, even when Steve's Captain America in TWS, a lot of people don't take him seriously, or try to manipulate him, or use him as a symbol to further their own causes regardless of what he feels or thinks. He's left out of a lot of important decisions (and he's supposed to be team leader!), and it really pisses him off, and I can see that going right back to when he was "the little guy" and nobody thought he had anything to contribute. I thought it was an intriguing analysis, and something you don't see that often with a male superhero.

I mean, just, poor guy, Steve has all that trauma (poverty, chronic illness, war) and THEN the life-changing experience (body horror, losing Bucky, getting Bucky back, combat) and THEN losing Bucky AGAIN and then ditching the plane. And that's all just his backstory! THEN he wakes up in the future and everyone's dead and he not only has the burden of his past and all the WWII shit, but extreme alienation and loneliness to boot. He and Bucky are kind of such stunning metaphors for what war can do, PTSD and all the rest of the physical and psychological damage. But I definitely agree with you, I think Steve had a lot of baggage right from the start (which really is part of why I like him. "You can't tell me what I can't do!" -- it's admirable, but it also means he kind of has no limits, and can really get into trouble).

I feel like the story is a good one, but man…it's been really disheartening. I'm really glad that you're reading and talking to me about it

I love it! I think it's great, really well-written, and very tense and well-paced but also yes, lots of emotion. I just worry I might get too gushy or weird or something, hah. The characterizations of the main three, and Nat, are especially great. I love Tony and Pepper, too. It's just all so good. (I'm sure that were Rana not being eaten alive by school she'd be squeeing right along with me.)

and that the emotional stuff is working for you. ♥ you, especially since you're going through so much crap right now.

Aww, thanks dear....it might sound goofy but kind of clinging to the MCU characters right now at least distracts me, and it does even kind of help. I know at least several people who watched TFA and TWS a lot of times in a kind of therapeutic way -- Steve's story really resonates.

[kore]

oh dear, long comment from hell, sorry -- I don't know how coherent it might be either, this morning has been v v stressful and strange. I'm sorry if it's all over the place!

big civil war spoilers

[kore]

(SPOILERS)

OK so I saw your Tumblr post
and






STEVE LETS BUCKY GET ARRESTED? OH FUCKING HELL NO

(I've also seen people theorize Sam and STEVE are the people who put him in that vise thing. No, no, no!!!)

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

So, yeah, creeping around in secret underground lairs hidden by abandoned monuments is a thing that always goes well...

(The old monuments and bases in Russia and Eastern Europe are fascinating and creeeeeeepy!)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I know, it's like, haven't you idiots ever watched any movies at all? The only thing missing is a James Bond villain…oh wait. No it's not...