The memory of love's refrain

[gwyn]

When I'm miserable, I seem to meme. Seen pretty much everywhere: Pull seven lines from the seventh page of your WIP I don't generally tag other people but if you want to tag yourself to do it, please do!


One of the scientists once told you that you’re a robot--only a robot would have such an arm, such strength, such focus, so you agreed. It made sense at the time.

And yet, and yet. You bleed red when you’re wounded, just like your targets. You feel pain when they perform maintenance. You shave, wash, eat, clean your teeth. You remember the apple-flavored kisses of a boy with soft blond hair.

One of at this point four fucking WIPs I've got going. I hate everything. And yeah, second person, I suck, I know.

Comments

[ratcreature]

FWIW I like second person stories if the voice is done right about as much as first person ones.

[devilc]

This.

Well, I'm in the editing to send to beta phase, but ...

[devilc]

"You keep what you kill," she says.

"So they tell me," he murmurs in reply. Its' been a long time since he's seen her, and, as always, he wonders if she exists outside of his mind, and, if not, is she something his subconscious dreamed up because he needed someone like her to exist, or, is she some sort of Furyan ancestral memory personified?

"And yet, they have kept what is yours. Finish what you started."

But what did I start? he wonders.

With a sweep of her arm she shows him a kaleidoscope of images.

[minim_calibre]

I really want to read this.

[the_shoshanna]

Me three!

[st_aurafina]

When second person works, it's like a gut-punch. And if this is Bucky? Totally a great way of showing dissociation.

[cesperanza]

Me four! Why all the hate for second person? Also I do think it particularly works for the Winter Soldier as well!

[gwyn]

This made me laugh out loud because most people I know hate first person too. Especially in fanfic. But I get what you're saying.

Re: Well, I'm in the editing to send to beta phase, but ...

[gwyn]

ooooo, intriguing!!

[gwyn]

I don't know. I mean, I get it, it's an unusual POV and often overused/badly used by fan writers, but you could say that about anything. I've read some stunning things using it. But I mentioned this a long time ago to Destina, that I thought the reason it was so prevalent in CA: TWS fic was that it fits with Bucky's fragmented and dehumanized mind, particularly when he's the Winter Soldier before Steve makes a dent in him or he has the chance to come back to himself.

And that's why I chose it here (and in The Fire Ships), because he's in a hugely fractured state of mind and doesn't have an identity of his own. I've tried to look at it with more traditional narrative voices, but this was the one that really fit for this story.

More than you probably wanted to hear, but...

[gwyn]

\o/ !

I've actually managed to put about 1,500 words down a day for the past few days. Fortunately it's not going to be as long as a lot of the things I've written lately.

[gwyn]

I agree. I mean, I know I'm going to shit for it from some people, but whatever. For this story, it's the only narrative style that really fit, because he's completely fractured.

I adore your icon.

[minim_calibre]

\0/

YAY!

[ratcreature]

Well both are not as transparent and unobtrusive as 3rd, but not long ago I read a novel-length 2nd person POV fanfic and only really noticed that choice because eventually there were some author's notes (I think they were quasi apologizing or something I fon't recall exactly) pointing it out.

Though I find it much more noticable a choice in German than in English probably because in German you have formal and informal you, and there exists a proper dedicated indefinite pronoun too, so you don't use it in sentences like this one. So none of that undefined murkiness where "you" can be a number of things, and instead you end up wondering right away why this unnamed narrator is so disrespectful to you or stuff like that.

[sineala]

Aww, I like this one!

[kore]

I totally agree, the use of 2nd person, like any other tool, depends on the writer, and you're a fantastic one, so it works great here.

[kore]

Oh, that's a great point, yeah. He doesn't have an "I," it's all immediate experience.

[ranalore]

I adore second person when chosen with care (just like I adore first person, and omniscient third, and limited third, and journalistic third), and it's so clearly well-chosen just in these lines. I mean, I get why you're wary, in English we're not trained to accept second person as an unobtrusive narrative choice, and fandom is both a feedback culture, so we get to hear it from readers who don't want to accept any but the least obtrusive narrative choices, and an experimental culture, so we all get to witness what happens when someone makes the choices that don't work (and then they get the feedback about it not working). However, I really do think this is the right choice this time, and the people who don't want any but the least obtrusive narrative choices need to either suck it up or just use the back button, dammit, that's what it's there for.

Umm, sorry, that got rambly, and probably very as-you-know-Bob-people.

[gwyn]

Thank you! I definitely don't think those are the best lines, but it said seven lines from the seventh page, so...

[gwyn]

Aw, thank you. :-D

[gwyn]

No, I mean, I agree with you a lot. I think it's hard knowing that I don't get much readership as it is, and then I make a choice to use something that a lot of people object to, I see that diminishing it even more. Some friends are adamantly opposed to it. But especially for Winter Soldier Bucky, I think it's often a really good choice, and in this one, since his mind is going to be super fractured, it was the best choice.

[trepkos.livejournal.com]

I love it!

[sperrywink]

Wow, nice punch to the imagery.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

\o/!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Thanks!