A day late and a dollar short
Aug. 3rd, 2003 06:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwyn... is pretty much how I'd describe myself on any given day, but especially in Buffy fandom. I came really late to the writing pond, long after most people were happily splashing around in it, and am still here long after it seems a lot of folks are packing up the gear and heading out elsewhere. And I'm really a couple days late and more than a few dollars short in writing a post-Chosen fic, because it seems everyone got that out of their systems long ago, and I'm just now finishing one.
It took me a while to get here, I suppose because I still have a hard time coming to terms with my feelings about it and where it's taken the 'ship. For someone who generally likes darkness, I had a hard time accepting some of it, especially Spike dying without believing he was loved. It wasn't really until recently that I felt there was a story in that, inside me, about how Spike might have seen himself at that point, and why he'd refuse Buffy's declaration, and what it might mean if he came back. I guess this is me finally trying to work those little emotional demons out.
It feels weird to be posting after the past few weeks, too, because post after post on my friends list has been people discussing how little they care for it now, and so there are fewer and fewer people left in the pond to share the raft with. It feels a bit lonely and sad, but I know there are a few people still swimming, so this is for you guys -- you know who you are. ;-)
Heliotrope will get you there. I genuinely hope that what![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sweet_ali, my beta, said was true, that it isn't exactly the same as all the rest of the post-Chosen stories. I'm really quite worried that it is, that because I haven't yet read any others (but will soon), I've somehow managed to write something exactly the same. If I have, my sincere apologies. And Ali, once again, I adore you.
It took me a while to get here, I suppose because I still have a hard time coming to terms with my feelings about it and where it's taken the 'ship. For someone who generally likes darkness, I had a hard time accepting some of it, especially Spike dying without believing he was loved. It wasn't really until recently that I felt there was a story in that, inside me, about how Spike might have seen himself at that point, and why he'd refuse Buffy's declaration, and what it might mean if he came back. I guess this is me finally trying to work those little emotional demons out.
It feels weird to be posting after the past few weeks, too, because post after post on my friends list has been people discussing how little they care for it now, and so there are fewer and fewer people left in the pond to share the raft with. It feels a bit lonely and sad, but I know there are a few people still swimming, so this is for you guys -- you know who you are. ;-)
Heliotrope will get you there. I genuinely hope that what
sweet_ali, my beta, said was true, that it isn't exactly the same as all the rest of the post-Chosen stories. I'm really quite worried that it is, that because I haven't yet read any others (but will soon), I've somehow managed to write something exactly the same. If I have, my sincere apologies. And Ali, once again, I adore you.
