A day late and a dollar short

[gwyn]

... is pretty much how I'd describe myself on any given day, but especially in Buffy fandom. I came really late to the writing pond, long after most people were happily splashing around in it, and am still here long after it seems a lot of folks are packing up the gear and heading out elsewhere. And I'm really a couple days late and more than a few dollars short in writing a post-Chosen fic, because it seems everyone got that out of their systems long ago, and I'm just now finishing one.

It took me a while to get here, I suppose because I still have a hard time coming to terms with my feelings about it and where it's taken the 'ship. For someone who generally likes darkness, I had a hard time accepting some of it, especially Spike dying without believing he was loved. It wasn't really until recently that I felt there was a story in that, inside me, about how Spike might have seen himself at that point, and why he'd refuse Buffy's declaration, and what it might mean if he came back. I guess this is me finally trying to work those little emotional demons out.

It feels weird to be posting after the past few weeks, too, because post after post on my friends list has been people discussing how little they care for it now, and so there are fewer and fewer people left in the pond to share the raft with. It feels a bit lonely and sad, but I know there are a few people still swimming, so this is for you guys -- you know who you are. ;-)

Heliotrope will get you there. I genuinely hope that what sweet_ali, my beta, said was true, that it isn't exactly the same as all the rest of the post-Chosen stories. I'm really quite worried that it is, that because I haven't yet read any others (but will soon), I've somehow managed to write something exactly the same. If I have, my sincere apologies. And Ali, once again, I adore you.

Comments

[elz.livejournal.com]

Oh, lovely story. And no, definitely not the same as any of the other post-Chosen stories I've seen.

This one feels very... natural. No gigantic obstacles or prophecies or mystical doodads, just growth and resolution. Loved the gardening aspect - Spike wanting to cultivate life and then finding that he didn't have to be apart from Buffy to do that. A very satisfying read, and as usual, very well written. :)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! And whew! I'm really glad that it isn't derivative of everyone else's -- I was so afraid of pissing people off by making them think I'd done the same thing they did. I'm glad to it worked okay.

[dettiot.livejournal.com]

Whoa.

This is BRILLIANT. Such a different take on things, one that I haven't seen. Conveying all that hesitation and worry and doubt, but still with hope that everything will work out.

And it kinda does.

Fantastic job.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! And, um... holy cow, that lovely icon. I'm really loving these suit and tie pic icons. It reminds me why I love to write him, you know?

[dettiot.livejournal.com]

You're quite welcome. I've enjoyed your writing so much, and Heliotrope just knocked me out.

And yeah, those pics are faboo. I can't wait to see them in person . . . must remember to start haunting Barnes & Noble for the new issue of SFX.

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

As always, beautiful writing... I can't tell whether it's like any other, because I've only read the few I beta'd, but I *seriously* doubt this is anything other than original.

I think you'll find that there are more of us digging in for a long stay than abandoning ship if you look around. Seriously! Even most of those folks who grouse are just letting off steam, I think.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's probably true about the letting off steam -- I think I'm just hypersensitive to it because I have put so much energy and emotion into it.

And thank you! ;-)

[onetwomany.livejournal.com]

See, I tried to be a good girl – a diligent, industrious little government employee. Okay, so I used public resources to print out your story, but then I put it away safely in my desk drawer, where I wouldn’t be tempted to look at it until I’d finished all my work.

That attempt at self-discipline lasted all of about, oh, 3 minutes.

Wonderful story – but then, I wasn’t really expecting anything else. And for what it’s worth, I think it’s totally original – very natural, (mostly) calm and gorgeously written. Also, very true to the emotions that we were left with in Chosen. I loved that Spike was brought back for Buffy, with so little fuss. I loved even more that she tracked him when she’d finally worked out exactly what she wanted – slayage and love and a life of her own choosing. That’s the take-charge slayer I know and love. Wheeee! Adored it!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, sweetie -- and thanks again for being my audience for the Dame Edna line. I really appreciate it, it's too easy to get stuck in my own little head and not think about the audience.

I can't help it -- I still love Buffy, and I like thinking of her coming to terms with herself and understanding just how important Spike is to that. Maybe it's fantasyland, but it's MY fantasyland. I'm glad that there's a few people out there still sharing it. :-D

Heliotrope

[tiashome.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love it ... so beautiful ::sigh:: Her reaction to him as soon as they went upstairs was perfect -- frustrated Buffy in action ;-)
As soon as they got in the door Buffy began raining tiny little slaps and punches on him. Not Slayer blows, nothing hard and for real, just girly fists, pinwheeling wildly and punctuated by furious words spat out between clenched teeth.
I love Spike's explanation of what his words in the cave meant, the flowers on his bed, just everything ... thanks, Gwyneth!

Re: Heliotrope

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hey, thank *you*!

And I've been meaning to ask if you ever do things like get together with folks in the Seattle area-- it seems so goofy that we're in the same town, and have never met!

Re: Heliotrope

[tiashome.livejournal.com]

And I've been meaning to ask if you ever do things like get together with folks in the Seattle area-- it seems so goofy that we're in the same town, and have never met!
I don't know many LJers in the Seattle area. I've met mlyn a few times and dragolyn and I have talked about meeting up soon, but that's it! So, yes, we should arrange to go out for lunch or something ... that would be wonderful!

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

As always, you write wonderfully. It's quite different from any of the post-"Chosen" fic that I've read, actually. I particularly liked the use of the original character. (Though, being me, I was rooting for Lou and Spike over B/S. So nice to see someone caring about Spike as a person and looking out for his best interests.) I'd love to archive it, if you're interested.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Now, how did I know you'd root for Spike and Lou? ;-)

Yes, if you're still doing the archive, that'd be lovely. I really appreciate it, as I always have since you started including my stuff there. I'm sure I don't thank you often enough.

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

Here it is:
http://www.allaboutspike.com/fic.html?id=619

Just let me know if you'd like me to change anything.

Thanks!

[umbo.livejournal.com]

Mmmm. Just, mmmm. As in, that was satisfying, and lovely, and just, mmmm.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Muchas gracias, amiga! It's especially nice to hear, knowing Buffy isn't a big reading fandom for you, so it really means a lot to me to hear.

[blue-larkspur.livejournal.com]

This is quite original, and so lovely. I love the "vampire gardening". The title is so apt, given the word's meaning. Lou is a great character, but it's Spike and Buffy who are both so wonderful to read here.

You're not alone on your raft at all. Lots of us are there with you! Thanks for this wonderful story.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hey, thank you, and I'm glad to know that there are still some folks on the raft. It's still too early for me to go home, and I want company!

[muzakgurrl.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was amazing. I'm all a-grinnin'. Just beautiful! I love the fact that Buffy came to Spike as soon as she found out about him, and that it was because she wanted to choose her life with him and not just because he was there and she was curious. The entire story flowed beautifully. The way you wrote Spike on his own and trying to stay out of Buffy's way was perfect. It didn't seem implausible or grandiose; he just wanted her to have her life. Luckily for him, he was her life. Wheee! I just loved it. :) Excellent.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It's weird, I've always found a lot of drama and beauty in the things that sometimes are most prosaic and ordinary, and I'd really struggled with Spike's notions of what and why he did what he did. It wasn't really until I thought of it in ordinary terms, of trying to help and be loving (to Buffy and to everyone), that I really came to grips with the concept of life after Chosen.

[superplin.livejournal.com]

I truly suck at feedback, but for what it's worth, this has instantly become my very favorite of the post-Chosen crop of stories (and I've read dozens of them--none of which resemble your story, by the way). OCs normally bore me, but I loved Lou and found her utterly convincing. I don't want to spoil anyone who happens to glance at these comments before having read the story, but the eavesdropping scene was a delight.

The emotions are all so organic and believable, and I especially liked your explanation for Spike's rejection of Buffy's declaration. Of course, it's not like he could have practiced the scene or had a lot of time to come up with something. Your way makes complete sense.

As others have said, too, the garden (ah, heliotrope!) is a lovely touch.

I'll shut up now, because if I keep going I'll just be saying, "Ooh, I liked this, and that, and the other!" and basically just retelling the whole story. Don't get me started on your use of language, either, or I'll be here all day.

Short review: I loved everything about it.
(This, you see, is why I rarely give feedback: I have no flair for it. It's a flaw.)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Well, I gotta tell you, hon, this is among the most detailed feedback I've had in a really long time, so I'm not complaining. ;-) I'm all squee-y, in fact.

[http://users.livejournal.com/beingboring_/]

It was beautiful. I may have to take up gardening.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

But only take up vampire gardening! I actually knew someone whose neighbors only started gardening when it got dark, and we used to wonder about them. I just like thinking they had a nice vampire around looking out for them.

[paratti.livejournal.com]

Lovely.

Heliotrope

[gem225.livejournal.com]

You wrote a lovely and believable story, and it's one of the few post-Chosen ones that I've read. What can I say, I get picky about what I read.

Gail

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

... is pretty much how I'd describe myself on any given day, but especially in Buffy fandom. I came really late to the writing pond, long after most people were happily splashing around in it, and am still here long after it seems a lot of folks are packing up the gear and heading out elsewhere. And I'm really a couple days late and more than a few dollars short in writing a post-Chosen fic, because it seems everyone got that out of their systems long ago, and I'm just now finishing one.

But you're always, always worth the wait.

Haven't read it yet-- will do so once I get home; however, I have absolutely no doubt that it will be like your other fiction: a unique, lyrical and ingenious story.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

You are so very kind. I hope it turns out to be all those things!

::goes off and gets embarassed by sweet comments::

[sweet-ali.livejournal.com]

::stares up at all the comments::

::grins and sticks tongue out at gwyneth::

Told ya so!

::runs off::

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Run! Run fast, little missy!

So hey, don't you just feel the gloaty glow that you were right? I'm glad, so I'll gloat for ya!

[elfgirl.livejournal.com]

I just finished this and it was wonderful. Somehow I'd missed this post and didn't know you'd written anything post-Chosen until a saw a rec for it on one of the fic lists.

Excellent, as always.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Thank you, so, so much. And for the kind rec on your page -- I still get all goofy any time I see that, or someone mentions they found a story on a recs page. I'm like a ten year old. ;-)

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

I read Heliotrope & Perfume of Kismet the yesterday.

Heliotrope- Wonderful. The dymnamic between your OC and Spike was sweet and refreshing, it gave us a strong perspective of Spike without being distracting or cheap. I liked the eventual meeting of Spike & Buffy as well. Screw the fifth season of Angel. This is how it happens! THIS IS THE REAL TRUTH, FOOLS!


Perfume of Kismet- I liked this one just slightly better, though no particular reason and I really liked the other. The good... how you showed Spike justifying the rescue managed to contain some of the elements fo B/S fic cliche (like "killing you would be boring") and yet you managed to escape the cliche and mmove beyond it, probably because of Spike's constant returning to the idea of fate, and that maybe he and Buffy were fated. On the one hand Spike's a very pragmatic person who dismisses superstition, and jsut enough of a control freak to not like the idea of destiny applied to his own life, on the other hand long exposure to (and love for) Drusilla and and the magical demon world would have opened him up to that kind of thought. And the romanticness of the idea of being somehow fated to be wiht his enemy would appeal to the dreamer in him.

I loved that Buffy pinpointed that he might think she made him "important"--- that's a fabulous intuition into Spike's general neediness and overall character motivations (to be more than people assume he is, to be visible). I liked how they settled into a kind of friendship, and I loved the end. Because he was still season 2 Spike, and they were living in a kind of limbo anyway. I half expected him to tell her "Go home, little girl," at the end.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Wow, such delicious, in-depth comments and insights! I'm just like a glutton at the dessert cart here -- thank you so much! I really had a lot of fun with Lou, in this one -- I like writing OCs, but I think the trick in fanfic is to make them just personable enough to be interesting and fit within the universe, and to keep them in the background enough so that they enhance the story rather than become a focus. It's something I've enjoyed in any fandom I write, and this is the first one I did for Buffy, so it was really a kick.

I feel very blessed today by everyone's lovely responses.

you're welcome.

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Just keep writing, and I'll keep reading. But also make sure to add your stories to allaboutspike.com or Crumbling Walls! Because the chances of me seeing updates on individual LJs are significantly down as of late.

but I think the trick in fanfic is to make them just personable enough to be interesting and fit within the universe, and to keep them in the background enough so that they enhance the story rather than become a focus.

I me wish more people approached OCs that way; it's make for better fic. :) Sometimes the writing style can be good but the OC is so distracting and overwhelming that you can't get over them enough to enjoy the story.

[ex-just-kumi863.livejournal.com]

No I'm a day late and a dollar short. Don't worry about coming late to the Spuffy pond, there's lots of us kids still splashing around. Heck I had a crisis of faith with Spuffy and walked away only to just come back last week. So there you go. You're not the last one into the pool.

Finished reading Heliotrope and what can I say that hasn't been said already? Absolutely beautiful written and you did a wonderful job of capturing Spike having 'settled' for what life had given only to have Buffy shake up his world again.

Hope you don't mind that I friended you. Can't wait for the next chapter of The Measure of a Man.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It's interesting, you're the second person today who's mentioned to me about walking away from Spuffy and then coming back just recently. A hopeful trend! ;-)

Jumping on the raft

[glassslipper.livejournal.com]

Please don't leave the raft - I've only just come on too. It wasn't until after the end of season 7 when I was frantically searching the web to find out what in the world would happen next that I even discovered fanfic (or about Spike on Angel). I haven't written anything yet, although I keep thinking of possible stories.

I loved Heliotrope -- I actually gave you some love-it happy feedback a few days ago from my other e-mail (Sandy). I'm on LJ now, although my journal is quite empty -- is it ok if I friend you?

Re: Jumping on the raft

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hi Sandy -- welcome! And thank you for all the comments, here and in e-mail. Friend away! At some point when I'm not as lazy as I am, I'll even be updating my own friends list... someday. God I am so lazy...

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

This is wonderful!!!

I like the title, and what it means, and how Spike uses it in the story, and what it becomes a metaphor for -- the peculiarity of a vampire who's turned towards the (his particular) sun, and a Slayer who finds alignment in the dark.

Gorgeous.

And hey, you can't possibly be as day-late-and-dollar-short as I am with this fandom -- didn't come to it until S6, still haven't seen anything before OMWF except for the series premiere. *g* Something tells me I'll finally have all seven seasons under my belt in, oh, a decade or so when everyone else has entirely moved on...