Alas, Alias
Apr. 13th, 2004 11:12 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynI’m mostly pretty easy-going about my shows. While a lot of folks are able to ditch a beloved program once it starts to sour, I’m stuck with seeing things through to the bitter end most of the time. And a lot of times, those endings aren’t even bitter. The only show I’ve really been able to give up on was ER, because it just got so awful and suddenly there was Eric Close on another show up against it. But while everyone was griping about S7 Buffy, I was having a good time, and when most of my flist was spitting fury over the early part of this season of Angel, I was actually mostly enjoying it.
But I’m thisclose to giving up on Alias for good, because at this point it’s become such a joke and so annoying that I’m having a tough time speedbumping things -- there’s little that’s good enough to say, well, I’ll continue to watch it for ___. Sark has, for me, become an absurd joke, the Syd/Vaughn relationship I used to love beyond irritating, the stories lame, and the waste of talent offensive. If I were a TV executive, I would love to write a memo telling JJ Abrams to fix this show, and fast. I would love to give him my ten-point plan for making this show work again.
1. Bring back Will. And find a new Francie. This season, the closest thing to a normal friendship or even just a life outside Section... er, sorry, the CIA, was in the early eps with Weiss, and they ditched that almost immediately. Syd apparently lives alone, but we’re not even sure of that because we never see her outside of the office anymore. And this is a fatal mistake. What drew us to her story was the personal -- the loss of her fiancé, the struggle to keep her secret identity secret from her dearest friends, that she was falling for a man she couldn’t be with, and then the dangerous situations that put her friends in peril. There’s a lot to be said for that kind of storyline, and what it does is to help balance the character between the life of danger and the safety of love and friendship, making her sacrifice more important. It’s called conflict, people! When Syd was with Will, she was warm and alive and interesting -- the first time this season she seemed that way, and the only time since then. This isn’t La Femme Nikita, where the title character is forced to live this life of espionage, sacrificing the human comforts in the name of antiterrorism. I was glad when they stopped ripping off stories from LFN after the first season; what I never expected them to do was to rip off the glum, depressing ambience of that show, and they’re doing that now. But even Nikita had her friendship with Walter and Birkoff, inside Section as it was. There was emotional attachment. Without friends and a life, Syd is a one-note machine, and it’s dull as hell.
2. Focus on the Senior Citizens’ Spy Brigade. One thing LFN never had was really good older, experienced spy guys. Operations was just kind of lizardy in an unpleasant way, and Maddy, while played by the terrific Alberta Watson, was quickly turned into a scheming shrew. It was left to Walter to be the cool old spy guy, and that often wasn’t enough. But Alias is filled with seasoned, gifted pros who almost always contrast with the limitations of the younger actors -- so why not give them more screen time? Carl Lumbly has had only one real chance to shine this year, when his kids were kidnapped, and Victor Garber seems to get bounced around like a rubber ball. These two men eat up the screen. While I could stand to see less of the Uncle Arvin gets nekkid stuff that seemed to be happening a lot in season 2, I still enjoy seeing Ron Rifkin with his wonderful plotting, conniving eyes and his strange little obsessions. I even miss Terry O’Quinn. These people have a depth and ability that is simply not being tapped -- these are seriously good actors who, frankly, are far more interesting than the younger cast, and should be allowed more storylines than they’re getting.
3. Except Marshall and Weiss. While Marshall’s a younger one, he should be allowed more to do because he’s just damn funny. But keep a rein on him; characters like that can easily be overdone and become worthless if they’re overused, but think about how lively and intense the show was when Syd was worried about losing him as the CIA planned to take him out of SD-6. They should get him out a bit more and on missions with Syd and Weiss, because Weiss is a treasure. Okay, I admit, I’d rather see him with Syd right now than either Vaughn or Sark, but for Pete’s sake, use Weiss. I don’t care what the reasons are that he’s not in more, fix them. Fix them now. Because the show just takes a 180-degree turn whenever he’s around. He can do warm humanity (when he gave Syd the book, that was the only time I’ve been touched by her storyline all year), he can do the snarky funny, he’s got impeccable timing, and he can hold his own with the seasoned pros mentioned above. The romance between Syd and Vaughn should be thwarted, not soggy; and since they can’t seem to do this, why not have her spend time with Weiss (or hell, for that matter, even guest baddies like Bomani)? If you’re going to have interoffice romance, mix it up and use someone unexpected -- can you imagine how much fun Weiss would have and how insecure he’d be with a hottie babe like Syd as a girlfriend?
4. Use the freaking guest stars. The fact that you could have Oscar-nominated Djimon Hounsou, who is exceptionally hot, on your show three times without doing anything with him except having him say a few lines and look fetching in a wetsuit, is criminal negligence. I’m agog at the waste of an actor like that. And they’ve thrown away actors such as Faye Dunaway, Rutger Hauer, and Isabella Rosselini, as well. When you bring in those types of actors, don’t just bring them in for a role that anyone could do -- make the role work for the talent. Don’t give us the execrable Quentin Tarantino because he has pop culture cred, and then expect us to care, or bring in Patricia Wettig just because her hubby’s one of the producers, and turn her into a simpering nitwit. This is a bit like Miami Vice syndrome -- where the show became the cool place to guest star, so roles were being written just to shoehorn a name onto the show, and it backfired badly.
5. I don’t care what Lena Olin’s asking, pay. her. now. Anything SpyFamily did was ten times more interesting than what they’ve had this year. SpyParent romance was the hottest thing going. SpyMommy emotional damage did more for Syd’s limitations than anything else. Bring back the sexiest mama on TV, immediately.
6. Own your over-the-topness. Every time they try to make this bizarro-world version of the CIA seem anything like realistic, they fail miserably. The droning expository briefings, the attempts at establishing protocols and hierarchy, just fall flat. And worse, they throw in things like the inane story where they have a staff shrink who just happens to have done her thesis on Uncle Arvin, then goes to try to psychoanalyze him, then falls madly in love with him and becomes hopelessly addicted to SloaneSex... all to the tune of “I can’t” and “it violates my oath” and whatnot. Just drop it, already! There’s nothing even remotely realistic about this stupid show, so stop pretending there can be. To that end, take advantage of your two years’ time difference. There’s nothing about a world two years in the future that seems even slightly futuristic -- think of the advances in technology in the past two years, and then marvel at the fact that nothing is going on on the show that evidences such shifts in the real world.
7. Quit with the clubs, already. While on LFN, it was cheesy fun that all of the world’s great criminal masterminds were always using clubs as fronts (excuse to get Peta Wilson into some cool getup or another), they’ve long since lost the fun in this on Alias. Every time they get ordered to fly to some city or another, you know they’ll end up in a club and then pretend to be whatever type of club kid they need to and then it will devolve into “we’re CIA” and blah blah. Why bother? It doesn’t lead anywhere, they always end up dropping their cover, and they’re not even using the venues as good backdrops. I much preferred it, anyway, when Dixon was impersonating some African potentate who had his bimbo on one arm; these days it’s just Vaughn (whose tree in the forest acting style is starting to grate on me) looking excruciatingly uncomfortable with an overly made-up Syd.
And while we’re at it, ditch the clubs because then we might not have quite so many bad accents. Dear god in heaven, how did they manage to get such a cast of accent-impaired actors? Please make it stop. They’re not even keeping David Anders on his toes these days; his accent’s been all over the place, and Jennifer Garner makes David Boreanaz look like a freakin’ dialect coach.
8. Horses + change ÷ midstream = badness. Reinventing your show midway through a season can be coolness if it’s done well and the steps leading to it are nifty. But to just abandon your stories or switch direction for no apparent reason, to completely destroy continuity, is another thing altogether. It’s especially bad when it’s done with a character. They spent a lot of time setting up Lauren to be slightly sympathetic and for us to have some feeling for her after her traumatic first shooting of another human being. It was very clear that this was a horrible event for her, and not something she ever expected to go through. Then a month later, because you don’t know what else to do, you take this character we’re supposed to feel for and turn her into a practiced assassin who likes a good screw after a nice head shot? Puhleeze. This was one of the worst character changes I’ve ever seen, and it smacked badly of the desperation that has been written all over this show all season. A little planning does not hurt, and a little foreshadowing and character development is vital to keeping your audience. Haven’t people learned *anything* from Chris Carter’s failure?
9. Hire good people. Speaking of CC, one of the things that became apparent over the years was how dependent his success was on the others around him, especially folks like Morgan and Wong, and writers like Vince Gilligan and Darren Morgan. We’ve seen this also in the Jossverse, where Joss has had differing results when leaving his series in the hands of others -- some folks seem to carry his vision well, others don’t. It’s clear that something is going on behind the scenes and that this show is flailing without clear direction. I’ve heard that the romance has cooled between Vartan and Garner, so maybe that’s also causing problems. But even that could be overcome if there were enough good people supporting Abrams so they could take his vision and run with it (assuming he has a vision, of course). Considering how few dramas there are on TV these days, especially on ABC where the emphasis is on sitcoms and reality, and they’ve cancelled anything resembling a solid drama, there are probably one hell of a lot of good writers and production assistants out there looking for work. Pick them up. Pay them well. Let them take a solid vision and run with it.
10. Be Hollywood. If there’s one thing we do well in this country, especially in Hollywood, it’s churn out kickass entertainment with guns, stuff that blows up, people living cool lifestyles, and our white hats owning the world. Maybe in this perilous zeitgeist where we’re waging war on countries just because, or being attacked by terrorists on home soil, we’re afraid to do that, but I think that’s partly the ticket people want to buy on a show like this. They want that over the top (see #6) quality and that sense that the CIA isn’t just looking out for us, it’s kicking foreign booty and doing it in style, man. In the first and part of second season, they always ended on some absurd cliffhanger. Now the cliffhangers are these dumb almost-discoveries, and they’re... well, prick-teases. Go back to being ridiculous -- have Garner running around, shooting at people, getting into bigass car chases and serious fu matches (the only thing good about Unveiled was seeing her get some fu action in again), and blow shit up. Most importantly, don’t minimize that by trying to make it sound serious and real-worldy.
But I’m thisclose to giving up on Alias for good, because at this point it’s become such a joke and so annoying that I’m having a tough time speedbumping things -- there’s little that’s good enough to say, well, I’ll continue to watch it for ___. Sark has, for me, become an absurd joke, the Syd/Vaughn relationship I used to love beyond irritating, the stories lame, and the waste of talent offensive. If I were a TV executive, I would love to write a memo telling JJ Abrams to fix this show, and fast. I would love to give him my ten-point plan for making this show work again.
1. Bring back Will. And find a new Francie. This season, the closest thing to a normal friendship or even just a life outside Section... er, sorry, the CIA, was in the early eps with Weiss, and they ditched that almost immediately. Syd apparently lives alone, but we’re not even sure of that because we never see her outside of the office anymore. And this is a fatal mistake. What drew us to her story was the personal -- the loss of her fiancé, the struggle to keep her secret identity secret from her dearest friends, that she was falling for a man she couldn’t be with, and then the dangerous situations that put her friends in peril. There’s a lot to be said for that kind of storyline, and what it does is to help balance the character between the life of danger and the safety of love and friendship, making her sacrifice more important. It’s called conflict, people! When Syd was with Will, she was warm and alive and interesting -- the first time this season she seemed that way, and the only time since then. This isn’t La Femme Nikita, where the title character is forced to live this life of espionage, sacrificing the human comforts in the name of antiterrorism. I was glad when they stopped ripping off stories from LFN after the first season; what I never expected them to do was to rip off the glum, depressing ambience of that show, and they’re doing that now. But even Nikita had her friendship with Walter and Birkoff, inside Section as it was. There was emotional attachment. Without friends and a life, Syd is a one-note machine, and it’s dull as hell.
2. Focus on the Senior Citizens’ Spy Brigade. One thing LFN never had was really good older, experienced spy guys. Operations was just kind of lizardy in an unpleasant way, and Maddy, while played by the terrific Alberta Watson, was quickly turned into a scheming shrew. It was left to Walter to be the cool old spy guy, and that often wasn’t enough. But Alias is filled with seasoned, gifted pros who almost always contrast with the limitations of the younger actors -- so why not give them more screen time? Carl Lumbly has had only one real chance to shine this year, when his kids were kidnapped, and Victor Garber seems to get bounced around like a rubber ball. These two men eat up the screen. While I could stand to see less of the Uncle Arvin gets nekkid stuff that seemed to be happening a lot in season 2, I still enjoy seeing Ron Rifkin with his wonderful plotting, conniving eyes and his strange little obsessions. I even miss Terry O’Quinn. These people have a depth and ability that is simply not being tapped -- these are seriously good actors who, frankly, are far more interesting than the younger cast, and should be allowed more storylines than they’re getting.
3. Except Marshall and Weiss. While Marshall’s a younger one, he should be allowed more to do because he’s just damn funny. But keep a rein on him; characters like that can easily be overdone and become worthless if they’re overused, but think about how lively and intense the show was when Syd was worried about losing him as the CIA planned to take him out of SD-6. They should get him out a bit more and on missions with Syd and Weiss, because Weiss is a treasure. Okay, I admit, I’d rather see him with Syd right now than either Vaughn or Sark, but for Pete’s sake, use Weiss. I don’t care what the reasons are that he’s not in more, fix them. Fix them now. Because the show just takes a 180-degree turn whenever he’s around. He can do warm humanity (when he gave Syd the book, that was the only time I’ve been touched by her storyline all year), he can do the snarky funny, he’s got impeccable timing, and he can hold his own with the seasoned pros mentioned above. The romance between Syd and Vaughn should be thwarted, not soggy; and since they can’t seem to do this, why not have her spend time with Weiss (or hell, for that matter, even guest baddies like Bomani)? If you’re going to have interoffice romance, mix it up and use someone unexpected -- can you imagine how much fun Weiss would have and how insecure he’d be with a hottie babe like Syd as a girlfriend?
4. Use the freaking guest stars. The fact that you could have Oscar-nominated Djimon Hounsou, who is exceptionally hot, on your show three times without doing anything with him except having him say a few lines and look fetching in a wetsuit, is criminal negligence. I’m agog at the waste of an actor like that. And they’ve thrown away actors such as Faye Dunaway, Rutger Hauer, and Isabella Rosselini, as well. When you bring in those types of actors, don’t just bring them in for a role that anyone could do -- make the role work for the talent. Don’t give us the execrable Quentin Tarantino because he has pop culture cred, and then expect us to care, or bring in Patricia Wettig just because her hubby’s one of the producers, and turn her into a simpering nitwit. This is a bit like Miami Vice syndrome -- where the show became the cool place to guest star, so roles were being written just to shoehorn a name onto the show, and it backfired badly.
5. I don’t care what Lena Olin’s asking, pay. her. now. Anything SpyFamily did was ten times more interesting than what they’ve had this year. SpyParent romance was the hottest thing going. SpyMommy emotional damage did more for Syd’s limitations than anything else. Bring back the sexiest mama on TV, immediately.
6. Own your over-the-topness. Every time they try to make this bizarro-world version of the CIA seem anything like realistic, they fail miserably. The droning expository briefings, the attempts at establishing protocols and hierarchy, just fall flat. And worse, they throw in things like the inane story where they have a staff shrink who just happens to have done her thesis on Uncle Arvin, then goes to try to psychoanalyze him, then falls madly in love with him and becomes hopelessly addicted to SloaneSex... all to the tune of “I can’t” and “it violates my oath” and whatnot. Just drop it, already! There’s nothing even remotely realistic about this stupid show, so stop pretending there can be. To that end, take advantage of your two years’ time difference. There’s nothing about a world two years in the future that seems even slightly futuristic -- think of the advances in technology in the past two years, and then marvel at the fact that nothing is going on on the show that evidences such shifts in the real world.
7. Quit with the clubs, already. While on LFN, it was cheesy fun that all of the world’s great criminal masterminds were always using clubs as fronts (excuse to get Peta Wilson into some cool getup or another), they’ve long since lost the fun in this on Alias. Every time they get ordered to fly to some city or another, you know they’ll end up in a club and then pretend to be whatever type of club kid they need to and then it will devolve into “we’re CIA” and blah blah. Why bother? It doesn’t lead anywhere, they always end up dropping their cover, and they’re not even using the venues as good backdrops. I much preferred it, anyway, when Dixon was impersonating some African potentate who had his bimbo on one arm; these days it’s just Vaughn (whose tree in the forest acting style is starting to grate on me) looking excruciatingly uncomfortable with an overly made-up Syd.
And while we’re at it, ditch the clubs because then we might not have quite so many bad accents. Dear god in heaven, how did they manage to get such a cast of accent-impaired actors? Please make it stop. They’re not even keeping David Anders on his toes these days; his accent’s been all over the place, and Jennifer Garner makes David Boreanaz look like a freakin’ dialect coach.
8. Horses + change ÷ midstream = badness. Reinventing your show midway through a season can be coolness if it’s done well and the steps leading to it are nifty. But to just abandon your stories or switch direction for no apparent reason, to completely destroy continuity, is another thing altogether. It’s especially bad when it’s done with a character. They spent a lot of time setting up Lauren to be slightly sympathetic and for us to have some feeling for her after her traumatic first shooting of another human being. It was very clear that this was a horrible event for her, and not something she ever expected to go through. Then a month later, because you don’t know what else to do, you take this character we’re supposed to feel for and turn her into a practiced assassin who likes a good screw after a nice head shot? Puhleeze. This was one of the worst character changes I’ve ever seen, and it smacked badly of the desperation that has been written all over this show all season. A little planning does not hurt, and a little foreshadowing and character development is vital to keeping your audience. Haven’t people learned *anything* from Chris Carter’s failure?
9. Hire good people. Speaking of CC, one of the things that became apparent over the years was how dependent his success was on the others around him, especially folks like Morgan and Wong, and writers like Vince Gilligan and Darren Morgan. We’ve seen this also in the Jossverse, where Joss has had differing results when leaving his series in the hands of others -- some folks seem to carry his vision well, others don’t. It’s clear that something is going on behind the scenes and that this show is flailing without clear direction. I’ve heard that the romance has cooled between Vartan and Garner, so maybe that’s also causing problems. But even that could be overcome if there were enough good people supporting Abrams so they could take his vision and run with it (assuming he has a vision, of course). Considering how few dramas there are on TV these days, especially on ABC where the emphasis is on sitcoms and reality, and they’ve cancelled anything resembling a solid drama, there are probably one hell of a lot of good writers and production assistants out there looking for work. Pick them up. Pay them well. Let them take a solid vision and run with it.
10. Be Hollywood. If there’s one thing we do well in this country, especially in Hollywood, it’s churn out kickass entertainment with guns, stuff that blows up, people living cool lifestyles, and our white hats owning the world. Maybe in this perilous zeitgeist where we’re waging war on countries just because, or being attacked by terrorists on home soil, we’re afraid to do that, but I think that’s partly the ticket people want to buy on a show like this. They want that over the top (see #6) quality and that sense that the CIA isn’t just looking out for us, it’s kicking foreign booty and doing it in style, man. In the first and part of second season, they always ended on some absurd cliffhanger. Now the cliffhangers are these dumb almost-discoveries, and they’re... well, prick-teases. Go back to being ridiculous -- have Garner running around, shooting at people, getting into bigass car chases and serious fu matches (the only thing good about Unveiled was seeing her get some fu action in again), and blow shit up. Most importantly, don’t minimize that by trying to make it sound serious and real-worldy.
