This gallbladder thing is like having another job

[gwyn]

Since the night of the ER, I've had about four major gallbladder attacks, a couple of them totally my fault because I assumed that since I was feeling fine for a whole week, I could eat something dangerous, which I was immediately proven wrong about. But the others... I eat the same thing as I've eaten on days I did not have an attack, and suddenly I'm rolling around on the floor like I'm auditioning for a guest spot on a hospital show. And it always seems to be when I have stuff to do -- last night I was hoping that we could take mlyn out for a birthday dinner, but that was not to be. The sandwich I ate at lunch decided to attack me, even though it's no different from the other sandwiches that did not provoke an attack.

Because I knew people were coming over, I thought I'd try the aspirin with codeine so that I wouldn't fall asleep, but that didn't help, so movies_michelle called the pharmacy to ask when I could safely take my beloved Percocet, which I am now actually counting like a drug addict because my supply isn't refillable. I can see why "addiction to painkillers after an injury" is the most popular form of celebrity "problem" -- these things are great! I am so totally hoarding them.

I showed M'lyn and Christy the stuff they gave me at the surgeon's, these booklets like "Your Gallbladder Surgery and You!" kinds of things with hilarious clip art stuff (the guy performing the ultrasound in one illustration is the same guy as the patient in another), and explaining what was going to happen in the surgery to M'lyn, and she said, "You seem awfully excited for someone who's terrified of the surgery," and that there was the whole thing in a nutshell. I explained that I wasn't excited, just that I find the whole thing kind of interesting -- and it would be more interesting if it wasn't, you know, happening to me.

See, if I could be awake during this thing, I wouldn't be half so bothered. But they put you under general anaesthetic, and they stick a tube down your throat, which squicks me with my horrid gag reflex like crazy even though yeah, I know I will be asleep, but I'm terrified I will wake up early or something... and ugh. Skeery. But if I could watch it, I would be okay. I would feel like I had some measure of control, even though really I wouldn't. But I would be aware, I would know what was going on. My sister went in for a cyst and came out six hours later with half her organs missing and a death sentence, and six months later she was dead. You have no idea what's going to happen, and you won't have any idea until -- if -- you wake up. I find that beyond terrifying (not to mention what if you wake up early OMG).

Christy then said "Oh my god, you would be the worst back seat driver if you could watch." And I said, no, I'd be more like the worst editor -- "Could you back up? I didn't see all that. Wait, let me see what you're doing, I can't quite ascertain what your intention is there. Would you explain that to me, what you just did? Can I fix that? I have a better idea, how about if we do this instead?" But I would totally be involved, even if I drove them nuts!

I am tired of people poo-pooing it, though. I get that a lot at work, especially. It's no big deal -- except that, you know, they didn't have people they loved come out of minor surgeries and die a few months afterward, so that's all easy for them to say. The one good thing is that if it all goes normally and whatnot, I won't, I hope, ever have these wretched attacks any more. They completely wipe me out and I'm useless the next day. I never even know what I can eat anymore -- the other night I had less than a cup of shrimp fried rice and got one, but didn't when I had a bunch of sushi with tempura shrimp or egg wrappings or whatever. It's not like the rice is fried in lard or bacon fat, it's just oil, but... I feel like if I look at anything with fat in it now, I will have an attack. I will be grateful to not have to deal with this and the attendant ruining of get-togethers with friends. Emma will also love it because I'm prevented from lifting anything over 10 lbs. for a while, so I won't be able to pick her up.

I've got all the Deadwood S3 to go through again, though, and Rome to watch again so that I can keep the characters straight, and still haven't finished all the LFN S4 discs because I keep watching my three favorite eps over and over (they are so shiny on disc!), and so many other things I haven't taken the time or had the time to rewatch on disc. And maybe by then have a couple eps of The Wire S4 from Christy (OMAR!! McNulty! Bunk! Kima! Lester! I love them so). Having some spare time where I don't have to feel guilty for not doing much will be nice, not that it will stop me from feeling guilty.

Comments

[cereta.livejournal.com]

Gah. There is always such a fine line between trying to reassure someone and belittling their condition, and it's really, really annoying when people cross it.

Thinking of you!

[obsessive24.livejournal.com]

What cereta said, basically. I am thinking of you too and wish you all the best.

Rome rocks my socks. Such a gorgeous show.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jems_/]

I had to quit reading your post on the ER trip in the middle to reboot my computer and now I realize I never got back to it, because I didn't know it was your gallbladder. It's been a while since I had my gallbladder removed, but I can still remember feeling weak for days after an attack, which, yes, came extremely randomly. My sympathies, it sucks.

If it helps, here are some things I remember setting off attacks: garlic (to this day I still have so many bad memories associated with it that I prefer not eating it), onion, eggs, anything oily or fatty. I think that was the progression, though in the last few weeks before going in for surgery just about anything and everything could provoke an attack.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Some of those things you mention are interesting -- my doc told me to not have any fat at all until the surgery, but that's really damn hard. There's too much stuff that has just enough to apparently trigger an attack, but shouldn't, and I can't see any rhyme or reason to it. The past two nights I've had very bad bad ones and I barely ate anything at all, let alone fats, so now I'm just confused and miserable. Still have a week to go till the surgery, too. Fortunately, my tummy hurts so much right now from the attacks that I don't want to eat anything at all!

[namastenancy.livejournal.com]

Geeze - that totally sucks! And other elegant comments. You'd think that modern medicine could "cure" the evil gallbladder nasties with medicine instead of surgery. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts north.

[incredulity.livejournal.com]

I had only had a couple of attacks that were really bad over a 3 year span, and then it was only when I had been gorging myself on greasy things, but the couple of weeks befre I had my gall bladder removed everything was setting it off, which is why I finally broke down. I couldn't keep anything down, and everything made me hurt.

So the physical, man do I ever understand and symphathize. AS for the emotional pain...all I can say is that my heart goes out to you. I know this isn't easy.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

That sounds almost exactly like what's happening with me -- I can't even figure out anymore what's safe, and after two nights in a row of really bad ones, I just don't want to eat anything at all, I'm so miserable. I never thought I'd look forward to surgery, but if it stops this stupid thing, then I do.

[mama-terra.livejournal.com]

I dont' think I've ever left a comment for you before. But here it goes.

Both of my sisters, one older and one younger, had to have their gallbladders removed. And they got through surgery just fine and now they don't have any more horrific attacks. They are limited on certain foods, but other than that, they're much better. And the scars aren't even that noticble or large.

I'm not sure if that helps at all, but if you have any questions or anything I can ask them and let you know the answers.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Almost everyone I know has said they could eat anything afterward, so I was really curious about what kinds of foods your relatives were limited on -- are they related to the fat thing? Or is it something else altogether?

[mama-terra.livejournal.com]

If they eat to much greasy or spicy food, they get sick. It never bothered them before, but it does now. Things like french fries, pizza, spicy mexican or chinese foods is what usually upsets their bodies the most.

Mostly they just get indigestion and stomach pains, which they say are worth the good food. Go figure.

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

I was on a no-fat diet in preparation for my gall-bladder surgery. For FIVE WEEKS. And I ~still~ had an attack.

And I was terrified of having surgery too, but by the time I spent several days in the hospital on ivs, I was ready to cut the damn thing out myself.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I know -- a month of this is just... gah! And it's impossible to avoid some fat unless you eat nothing but Cream of Wheat or only veggies or fruit, which is boring. OTOH, my tummy hurts so damn much right now, I don't even want to eat.

I think I'm at that stage now, myself -- if they gave me a scalpel today, I think I would start hacking at my innards with glee.

[merricatk.livejournal.com]

Do not let anybody tell you the way you're handling this--or anything else--is wrong unless it's honest-to-God destructive behavior. How you want to think about it or talk about it or what you want to do has to work for you & nobody else.