somniloquence

I'm delurking to offer some of my experience working in nursing homes. A large part of my work now is specifically around issues of eating/not eating and end-of-life decision-making.

Please feel free to PM me.

Many older people stop eating and drinking as a natural part of the dying process, and horrid as it sounds, it can be a peaceful death, as long as there is pain relief and people don't start mucking around with IV's and such.

I absolutely concur with the recommendation for in-nursing-home hospice care.

Many nursing homes covertly discourage it since much of the reimbursement for care goes towards hospice and not to the nursing home itself.

People on hospice generally have a better quality of life and an easier death.

(Feeding tubes in the frail and demented elderly have been proven, time and time again, to generally NOT extend the length or quality of life. In this population, they do not prevent illness, help bedsores heal, prevent pneumonia etc.

They can be a godsend in a situation where someone is expected to make a good recovery, for children etc.

But the data for the frail elderly is just the opposite, unfortunately.)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. It's a hard thing.