I'm not in a band
Dec. 29th, 2011 04:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynOh, flist, I need your help. I met with the minister who's doing the funeral service for my dad, and he wanted to know what kind of music to use, just a couple things, he said, but I have no idea what to use. I don't want to default to Amazing Grace, just... you know, because. Dad wasn't a music person much, not really, and we weren't even allowed to listen to pop music when I was a little kid because classical was all there was in my faux-intellectual household. Also, bagpipes. I don't even know.
Dad loved bagpipes, but I don't know that that's good small-service funeral stuff. A lot of people also don't like them. I was thinking maybe something a little lower key, like Uillean pipes, but I don't know of anything off the top of my head that might fit. I was going to go through some of my Celtic music, but the truth is, I haven't got time. I'm so behind on my work and my Festivid (though I finally was able to lay down a whole 30 seconds last night, W00t?) that searching through my music just fills me with dread.
So I turn to you. I only need a few things, but I am very open to suggestions on something peaceful but not gloomy, and bonus points for something vaguely Scottish. (On a side note, boy, do I wish I'd bought the vinyl of the soundtrack to the movie Restless Natives, done by Big Country, back when it was around. That would have been perfect.)
---
Planning this thing has been really difficult. There's just so much to do. And I don't want to do any of it. Even though I've increased my anti-depressant dosage, I'm still just really struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Tilda was the main thing getting me up, but now that she's gone (sob), I just don't want to deal with anything. It's a different kind of depression, too, than I had about my sister. I think it's just that I feel so goddamn alone. Losing Sandy this year, and then Dad, it's just too much, I think. I would like to do something like go to Hawaii and sit on a beach or go on some exotic cruise, but I'm totally alone. Everything just feels really pointless.
Couple that with the fact that I hate ceremonies and there's no one here to help me through this one, I just want to hide. They were asking me about catering for it and I was all flaily, like "I don't want people to linger! I want them to go the fuck home and not talk to me!" But I can't say that. People want closure, they want to feel like they're contributing. However, the things I want them to do, since they keep offering in the most insistent way, they won't or can't do. So I have to put on my smiley face when I really just want to make them go away, and go back to bed.
I also want to read Yuletide fic. I've managed to squeeze in two whole stories beyond my own, but that's not nearly enough.
Dad loved bagpipes, but I don't know that that's good small-service funeral stuff. A lot of people also don't like them. I was thinking maybe something a little lower key, like Uillean pipes, but I don't know of anything off the top of my head that might fit. I was going to go through some of my Celtic music, but the truth is, I haven't got time. I'm so behind on my work and my Festivid (though I finally was able to lay down a whole 30 seconds last night, W00t?) that searching through my music just fills me with dread.
So I turn to you. I only need a few things, but I am very open to suggestions on something peaceful but not gloomy, and bonus points for something vaguely Scottish. (On a side note, boy, do I wish I'd bought the vinyl of the soundtrack to the movie Restless Natives, done by Big Country, back when it was around. That would have been perfect.)
---
Planning this thing has been really difficult. There's just so much to do. And I don't want to do any of it. Even though I've increased my anti-depressant dosage, I'm still just really struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Tilda was the main thing getting me up, but now that she's gone (sob), I just don't want to deal with anything. It's a different kind of depression, too, than I had about my sister. I think it's just that I feel so goddamn alone. Losing Sandy this year, and then Dad, it's just too much, I think. I would like to do something like go to Hawaii and sit on a beach or go on some exotic cruise, but I'm totally alone. Everything just feels really pointless.
Couple that with the fact that I hate ceremonies and there's no one here to help me through this one, I just want to hide. They were asking me about catering for it and I was all flaily, like "I don't want people to linger! I want them to go the fuck home and not talk to me!" But I can't say that. People want closure, they want to feel like they're contributing. However, the things I want them to do, since they keep offering in the most insistent way, they won't or can't do. So I have to put on my smiley face when I really just want to make them go away, and go back to bed.
I also want to read Yuletide fic. I've managed to squeeze in two whole stories beyond my own, but that's not nearly enough.
