There's a kiss at the end of the rainbow
Feb. 3rd, 2026 07:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynSo many times, I've sat down, intending to post, but I'm so consumed by anxiety and stress from ::waves hand around:: and my general life crap that I can't seem to do it. There's this part of me that just can't believe--I mean, literally can't believe--what is happening in this shithole country. I don't doomscroll much, but it's impossible to avoid everything.
My mom was from Minnesota, St. Paul specifically but as anyone who's been there knows, it doesn't really matter which of the twin cities you're from, they're just across the river. I've spent a lot of time there, even though the half of her siblings who stayed in Minnesota had families that were never great to those of us out here in the PNW. (It's funny, out of her six sibs, three stayed there and three moved here.) A part of me does kind of want to know what is happening with my cousins, but we've really lost touch, and I think one of the few I've stayed in some vague kind of touch with is pretty conservative, so... So as much as I've tried not to get into a doom spiral, it's really freaking hard. And it's not like these jackboot fucks aren't also in our own cities, especially in these blue states.
I'm considering doing the Fandom T***ps Hate (I hate that fucker so much I can't stand to say his name and it's ruined a perfectly serviceable word) auction, though I'm really struggling with the idea of it. I loved doing the Fandom Loves Puerto Rico auction some years back, and got to do both a vid and a fic. But at this point right now, I don't think I have anything to offer that anyone wants; I haven't found anything to replace Cap fandom and a lot of the smaller fandoms I could write don't even generate other signups at Yuletide. So like a minimum bid of $5 wouldn't exactly help the auction much when I can't generate any interest because of my goofy list of unpopular fandoms. There used to be these Yuletide stalwart fandoms every year like Kings, but a couple years ago when I wrote for it, even people who used to be into it didn't read the fics. I don't know, I can't decide. I'd like to contribute, but I feel like what little I could do wouldn't make much of a contribution.
Part of it, I'm sure, is that I am not into the popular thing, once again. I have not been swept away by Heated Rivalry, and definitely am reminded of that feeling when it seemed like there was literally no other person in all of fandom who didn't love Stargate Atlantis, and how isolating that was. It was kinda nice after Captain America: The Winter Soldier to be in something popular and huge. That's rarely been the case for me--even in hot fandoms, I would always be into the "wrong" ship or something, so Stucky was pretty wild for me.
I could consider adding something popular like The Pitt, but I'm also not sure if I could write in it; I haven't been reading fic much, for some reason I can't concentrate enough for that, and so I don't know what I might be able to do in it. There are definitely shows/movies I'd love to try to write but don't feel like I could. I have always admired people who can come up with ideas for just about anything they like, I'm so envious of that. I don't know what's wrong with me!
In non fandom news, I'm still mostly hanging in there: my numbers are holding steady and I think the cancer part is mostly okay, it's just the other weird stuff that's plaguing me. There's something really weird and wrong with my knee, and my hands are so bad and constantly painful that I'm not sure what I am going to be able to do about it. But I have chemo on Thursday so I am planning to talk to my oncologist about it all. Sometimes the obvious things are things I can't do because of the cancer or the drugs.
I had been in the middle of a Schitt's Creek rewatch when I heard that Catherine O'Hara died, and I am just so heartbroken. She has been one of my all-time favorites for so long, and there were two wonderful things she did in the early '80s when there was that short-lived revival craze of anthology shows such as the '80s Twilight Zone, Amazing Stories, The George Burns Comedy Week, and this movie a lot of the SCTV crew did called Really Weird Tales, that I think few people ever saw, let alone remembered. If you want to laugh and enjoy her as much as I do, you can watch both of these on YouTube, they're not the best quality but I loved them so and it's great to know at least one or two other people remembered these shows. Her segment of Really Weird Tales is called I'll Die Loving and the George Burns one is called The Dynamite Girl (the link to RWT is the whole movie, but the George Burns one is her segment alone).
My mom was from Minnesota, St. Paul specifically but as anyone who's been there knows, it doesn't really matter which of the twin cities you're from, they're just across the river. I've spent a lot of time there, even though the half of her siblings who stayed in Minnesota had families that were never great to those of us out here in the PNW. (It's funny, out of her six sibs, three stayed there and three moved here.) A part of me does kind of want to know what is happening with my cousins, but we've really lost touch, and I think one of the few I've stayed in some vague kind of touch with is pretty conservative, so... So as much as I've tried not to get into a doom spiral, it's really freaking hard. And it's not like these jackboot fucks aren't also in our own cities, especially in these blue states.
I'm considering doing the Fandom T***ps Hate (I hate that fucker so much I can't stand to say his name and it's ruined a perfectly serviceable word) auction, though I'm really struggling with the idea of it. I loved doing the Fandom Loves Puerto Rico auction some years back, and got to do both a vid and a fic. But at this point right now, I don't think I have anything to offer that anyone wants; I haven't found anything to replace Cap fandom and a lot of the smaller fandoms I could write don't even generate other signups at Yuletide. So like a minimum bid of $5 wouldn't exactly help the auction much when I can't generate any interest because of my goofy list of unpopular fandoms. There used to be these Yuletide stalwart fandoms every year like Kings, but a couple years ago when I wrote for it, even people who used to be into it didn't read the fics. I don't know, I can't decide. I'd like to contribute, but I feel like what little I could do wouldn't make much of a contribution.
Part of it, I'm sure, is that I am not into the popular thing, once again. I have not been swept away by Heated Rivalry, and definitely am reminded of that feeling when it seemed like there was literally no other person in all of fandom who didn't love Stargate Atlantis, and how isolating that was. It was kinda nice after Captain America: The Winter Soldier to be in something popular and huge. That's rarely been the case for me--even in hot fandoms, I would always be into the "wrong" ship or something, so Stucky was pretty wild for me.
I could consider adding something popular like The Pitt, but I'm also not sure if I could write in it; I haven't been reading fic much, for some reason I can't concentrate enough for that, and so I don't know what I might be able to do in it. There are definitely shows/movies I'd love to try to write but don't feel like I could. I have always admired people who can come up with ideas for just about anything they like, I'm so envious of that. I don't know what's wrong with me!
In non fandom news, I'm still mostly hanging in there: my numbers are holding steady and I think the cancer part is mostly okay, it's just the other weird stuff that's plaguing me. There's something really weird and wrong with my knee, and my hands are so bad and constantly painful that I'm not sure what I am going to be able to do about it. But I have chemo on Thursday so I am planning to talk to my oncologist about it all. Sometimes the obvious things are things I can't do because of the cancer or the drugs.
I had been in the middle of a Schitt's Creek rewatch when I heard that Catherine O'Hara died, and I am just so heartbroken. She has been one of my all-time favorites for so long, and there were two wonderful things she did in the early '80s when there was that short-lived revival craze of anthology shows such as the '80s Twilight Zone, Amazing Stories, The George Burns Comedy Week, and this movie a lot of the SCTV crew did called Really Weird Tales, that I think few people ever saw, let alone remembered. If you want to laugh and enjoy her as much as I do, you can watch both of these on YouTube, they're not the best quality but I loved them so and it's great to know at least one or two other people remembered these shows. Her segment of Really Weird Tales is called I'll Die Loving and the George Burns one is called The Dynamite Girl (the link to RWT is the whole movie, but the George Burns one is her segment alone).
no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 04:38 pm (UTC)Knees are ... odd. They seem to have their own ideas about what works and what does not. The winter air pressure shifts do a job on my hands, though. I have arthritis in my right thumb (base) and a couple of joints there and the air pressure changes make my whole hand hurt.
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Date: 2026-02-04 05:23 pm (UTC)& re: Heated Rivalry ... I've tried to mostly keep my discontent out of fandom spaces because I don't really want to harsh other people's squee, but ... yeah. I'm with you. & the way that you can't avoid hearing about Heated Rivalry, even in non-fannish spaces, makes the disconnect feel even greater, for me at least. I've also found it's interacted weirdly with the Twin Cities stuff, because there have been a handful of times over the last few weeks when I've seen a post on tumblr gushing about the show / the actors that says something like "this is the best timeline!!" & meanwhile I'm getting texts from my mom about what's going on in their neighborhood. & even though I know the fandom gushing posts are not literally saying that this is the best timeline & they are just using a common meme/fandom phrase to indicate their fannish joy, the juxtaposition has had the effect of making me even grumpier about anyone sharing any kind of fannish joy about Heated Rivalry, which then makes me feel worse because I know I'm being a grump. Sooooooo. Anyway. You are not alone in your disinterest or feeling some kind of some way about being outside the fannish mainstream. <3
no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 05:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-02-04 07:27 pm (UTC)I enjoyed Heated Rivalry and the fic coming out of it (mostly, though I find it super annoying people don't separate the show, which I've watched, from the books, which I haven't read and don't plan to right now, but that is a whole separate rant) but I haven't gone feral over it like many fans I know. *hands* It happens. I hope you find some new fannish joy soon.
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Date: 2026-02-05 01:23 am (UTC)That is really good news about the cancer! Arrgh to the other things though. It's so scary when hands and knees go Wrong.
I am just keeping my mouth shut about Heated Rivalry and all the self-congratulatory discourse thereof because it's just nice to see lots of ppl openly enjoying a queer story, for one thing, especially now. But mainly it reminds me of how much I loathe hockey culture for stuff like the Hockey Canada sexual assault trial. I certainly know hockey isn't the only sport like that but I just feel sensitized to it right now....also I could at least avoid Check Please, HR is EVERYWHERE.
I didn't like SGA either! It just seemed, well, bad, even if so many beautiful fics came out of it. But again, it's one of those "I'll just let other people enjoy it, it's so not for me" quasi-alienating fandom things. It's also pretty rare for me to surf from one big fandom to another, too. I tend to be monofannish and picky, lol.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-05 01:27 am (UTC)There are dozens of us! Dozens!
I really hope the new AO3 metatag policy helps with being able to separate out book and show fics (the latest example making me grind my teeth is Murderbot).
no subject
Date: 2026-02-05 02:38 am (UTC)I mean, none of us has, but MN seems like it's a test case that didn't work out quite the way they thought it would...
I keep thinking I should post about stuff but then I stare at the screen and it's just, eh, I don't have any real insights worth sharing it feels like.
Glad to hear your numbers are holding steady! And can I suggest looking for a physical therapist or massage therapist who specializes in sports injury management for the knee? I screwed mine up bad enough that I could barely walk for about 4 months. I tried braces, chiropractors, all kinds of stuff and then my brother did some kind of joint compression or something and fixed it. So, sports stuff. Coz athletes are always messing up their joints.
no subject
Date: 2026-02-05 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2026-02-09 05:03 pm (UTC)I'm glad your numbers are holding steady!
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Date: 2026-02-10 02:16 am (UTC)It would be nice, but in this case, it's not the tags, it's the fic itself - stories will be tagged with both show and book, and they'll use the book names for some things and the show names for other things and it's the kind of thing that really irritates me.