Buffy and me

[gwyn]

I've mostly tried to stay the hell away from all the backbiting and infighting in my fandoms lately. If I could make icons, I'd make one of the Buffy gang screaming when they open the door in Tabula Rasa with the caption, "my fandom needs a chill pill." But it got me thinking about why I'd started this LJ in the first place, about how, when I was feeling somewhat down about BtVS, writing about it in essay form and reviewing eps helped me focus on the good stuff, and kind of turned it around. I've always found analysis and discussion to be good ways to see other points of view, and to rethink things, especially if I act initially purely on emotion. But listening to all the character hate, it was hard sometimes. So I didn't write about Buffy herself for a long time, because it was too incendiary, it seemed. These are just my thoughts about how much I identify with her, and why. There's nothing personal about specific other fans, but if you're the type to see personal attacks in non-personal discussions, I'd probably say, run away! It's not flammable, but protective clothing, I've always found, is advisable when dealing with personal opinion.


It’s been hard watching my fandom turn on itself. I’ve had less than zero interest in getting involved in these fights, so I’ve been very cautious about reading my friends list or e-mail groups. After being gafiated from fandom for a few years, I got back into it because I was excited about Buffy and Spike and the possibilities of the show despite the bad writing of late season six. It was fun to feel good about something, to feel happy about being a fan.

And then the past few months devolved into some of the stupidest, nastiest fighting I’ve seen this side of Blake’s 7. It even came down to icon wars in LJ. I mean, icon wars, for god’s sake. People using nasty-ass icons to trash someone else’s feelings about a character... it doesn’t get any sadder than that, though I think watching people I liked and respected turn their dislike of a character into rabid foam-at-the-mouth psychotic hatred just because they felt defensive about their dislike was probably a close second. All the hate being spewed at characters (every character, it seemed, got venom), at ME, at other fans for liking those characters or feeling defensive about them... it’s not a war zone I wanted to participate in. (And just to point out, I’m not singling anyone out — this is about a general fannish behavior, not any person in specific. And it's happening in all my fandoms, not just in BtVS/Angel.)

Especially because so much of it was directed at Buffy and at Spike, both characters I love. The Buffy hate particularly got to me, because I’ve never understood the knee-jerk hate directed at hero types (nor do I get the knee-jerk hate directed at bad guys or like for heroes/bad guys — knee jerk automatic responses to anything perplex and bewilder and kinda scare me). Buffy is not always a pleasant person — but for me, that’s what made her so interesting. Unflawed characters are deadly dull, and it’s always struck me as strange that so many people — usually women — will love a bad or deeply flawed guy, but can’t give the same consideration to a female character with the same issues. There’s always been an unpleasant misogynistic streak in slash fandom that often made me distance myself from other slashers; I’ve kind of wondered if at times the reactions to Buffy’s character flaws aren’t more of the same — that Angel’s and Spike’s and Xander’s and Giles’s deep flaws are forgiven because they’re men. I think about it a lot, maybe more than I should.

I loved Buffy from the get-go; I’d actually enjoyed the movie and found the translation of her character to the small screen made her more appealing. She was funny and tragic and inward and emotionally vulnerable... she was someone I related to instantly, and someone who grew more appealing to me the more I got to know her. See, Buffy is me. Oh, I’m not gorgeous and tiny and attractive and quippy and can fight and whatever. But I understand so much else about her, because it’s me. She is distanced and untrusting and inward and selfish; she is loyal and loving and sweet and tender and tough. I get her dichotomies.

I’ve always been accused of being too inward, too untrusting, too mean, etc. When my mom died, my sister ragged on me for not showing my feelings and for acting like it wasn’t a big deal, or for acting like I was the only one suffering. She took my quiet for something it wasn’t — and when Dawn believes Buffy is punishing her in Forever, I could so identify. I knew exactly how Dawn felt, her desperation, and I knew how Buffy felt, too — how hard it is to be the one left to Do Stuff, how painful it is to be the one who has to make decisions. How if you let go, even a sliver, everything falls apart. Buffy’s whole life since she became the slayer was like that — whenever she let go, terrible things happened. She had to keep so much inside herself and live in a kind of carefully balanced fear that she couldn’t let go. I also totally understand what it’s like to live with the responsibility of having killed someone you loved. Even if you don’t do the deed yourself, when you make decisions that result in someone’s death, that’s a guilt that’s indescribable. To have to live with something like that when you’re just a girl... well, there’s a pretty big reason she’s a flawed character, and I always felt she’d pretty much earned her damn flaws after that.

The episode Dead Things is one of my more hated episodes, largely because I felt like everyone was being made to act completely opposite from who they were, with no thought given to the personalities established through the years. The beating at the end disturbs me greatly, but for more reasons than just watching Buffy beat Spike cruelly — it upsets me because I can totally get it. I grew up with violence; hitting was a way of life in my family, and my temper is terrible. When Buffy explodes with rage at herself for what she sees as her failings, she takes it out on Spike (who, I’ve always thought, presented himself as a willing victim for various reasons), and I totally get that. And it scares me a little that I get it so much — I used to hit other kids anytime they pissed me off; I was instantly infamous at every new school I went to for being the biggest kid and for beating the snot out of anyone who crossed me. As much as D’Hoffryn mocks Buffy for being Lady Hacksalot, she’s always had to be. Her life as a teen and as an adult is based around violence, and I’m here to tell you, violence begets violence. Once that's out of the bottle, it's extremely difficult to get it back in.

It’s hard to control that aspect of your life. At times when my ex was still trying to be mister friendly with me, I itched to hit him. I could feel my hand curl into a fist and imagine rabbit-punching him in his smug face. So when Buffy takes out her helpless rage on someone she loves (and I do believe she did love him, even then, and hated herself for feeling that way again about a vampire, and one who’d caused her pain), it’s not hard for me to understand that, and for her closing herself off to him afterwards. What is difficult, though, for me was the episode after that, where I think a lot of people snapped in terms of hating Buffy — Older and Far Away. The fact that she doesn’t apologize to Spike, that she ignores the pain she inflicted on him, even if he was willing to take it, that it’s swept under a rug... well, that I don’t get. I may have always hit first and asked questions later, but I also apologized and regretted and suffered for my actions.

It’s difficult to watch people reacting to things in ways that are foreign to us emotionally. So I think that people who don’t understand someone who’s closed off, whose life has been infected by violence, find it hard to relate to a Buffy who behaves like that. And for people who aren’t emotionally withdrawn, it’s hard to give her the benefit of the doubt when they see her acting that way year after year. But considering how much is at stake in her life, and how much she has lost, has suffered, through no choice of her own, I find her behavior totally understandable. It’s easy for me to relate to her shut-down quality. I always thought that Spike related to it to — he was enormously forgiving of her nature (as he was of Dru’s), even after she came back from death, and it wasn’t until they clearly had turned a corner with his character and hers and found themselves on a dead-end street (which I think occurred right after Smashed, probably in Gone) that ME felt forced to take it in a different direction for both and miscalculated badly. So they threw this unwieldy stalker-Spike thing in to make him creepier, and Buffy the violent hate-filled bitch, and after that, there was no turning back for a lot of folks who weren’t already inclined to like her. Throw in the egregious Dawn, the Willow addiction storyline, and the pod-Xander (with no Giles to mitigate any of this), and you tarnish your main character so badly it’s almost impossible to put the luster back on.

I think they did as well as they could in S7. I enjoyed it a lot, but it was hard hearing the Buffy hate day after day, when I felt a little too close to understanding her. I still cared deeply for her — for the suffering she’s endured, for what she’s sacrificed, for the responsibilities she’s dealt with as best she could. Most of us learn our significant behaviors from our parents; it was always telling to me that the vast majority of what Buffy learned was through her slaying, and that would have to fuck anyone up severely. Giles helped direct her as best he could, but because she was so inside herself, a lot of her lessons would be so internal that neither the people in her life, nor we in the audience, would be able to fully understand them. It isn’t until Conversations with Dead People and later Touched that we ever get that glimpse inside her soul, and it’s a pretty sad place to be. She’s so conflicted and has nowhere to turn to deal with her problems — her mom can really only understand one part of her life, her friends another, Giles most of all understands as much as anyone, but she can’t even let him in totally. Buffy never had the chance to be the kid we all got to be (or at least, most of us got to be), and along the way, she’d had to deal with far greater losses and suffering than anyone could hope to, that it’s a wonder she’s not totally insane. Faith was an excellent contrast to Buffy — instead of keeping everything in, she let it all out, and it turned her into a psychotic killer. So look what you choice you get — let the mantle of being chosen drive you insane, or make you a closed-off, lonely, isolated, distanced person (Buffy and Kendra).

Buffy is still closer to being a well-rounded human than any other slayer we meet, but the necessity of her life means she can’t allow humanity to get in the way. I always thought it was interesting that she could have whole conversations with vampires while fighting them, and then neatly dispatch them afterwards. She was able to compartmentalize the semblance of humanness (someone to converse with) against the evil and the need to kill them. I’m not sure that, in her shoes, I could have done that. If I’d ever gotten to know a vamp, or even just traded witty death threats with them, I’d have a much harder time killing. That she was able to do that seems both sad and fascinating at the same time, and I think is another example of what so many people came to hate about her — that she wasn’t worthy of love because she was cold and a bitch or whatever, even though it was that part of her job that drove her to act that way.

Even when she acted like a bitch, I never thought of her that way. She seemed monumentally fucked up, but I can’t imagine anyone not being that way if they had her life. One of the most telling moments in the show, for me, is when she forgives Giles, silently and without discussion, for betraying her in Helpless. Having already been betrayed by her father, by Angel, by everyone around her, she is still able to forgive, and that shows up again in the end of the series. She’s had to dispense forgiveness on a regular basis, to swallow others’ expectations of her, the world’s expectations of her, and yet few are willing to give her the same benefit. The audience hasn’t, it seems, because when someone does something despicable on the show, we seem willing to let them be — everyone except Buffy. She’s held to a higher standard, or just too easy to hate, or she’s a woman, so she’s not allowed these deep, tragic flaws that fucked-up male heroes are. Her coldness isn’t typical of the nurturing female, her inwardness isn’t typical of a teen, her isolation isn’t something most of us can identify with.

To me, Buffy was never less than fascinating because of her flaws, and never less than identifiable because I understood where her fucked-upness came from. It’s easy to pretend we’d be better or different (certainly I’d like to think I wouldn’t have been so damn hung up on the soul business) if we were in her shoes, but I have a lot of doubts about that. When your life revolves around violence and the necessity of isolation and inwardness, it’s hard to take that out of your regular interactions. Strangely, I think both Spike and Angel understood that about her; it’s sad to me that so much of the fandom can’t.

Comments

[linaerys.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing such personal stuff. It was really moving and raw and well written. I hope your fandom recovers. I find my feelings about Buffy are unpopular and very personal, so, for that reason, I stay out of the fandom.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I'm really sad that you feel that way -- it's the fact that people do hide their feelings, I think, that makes us poorer, and I hate that fandom brings that out in people, that need to make other people feel bad enough to hide how they feel. :-(

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

The fact that she doesn’t apologize to Spike, that she ignores the pain she inflicted on him, even if he was willing to take it, that it’s swept under a rug... well, that I don’t get.

See, that's what bothers me. It's not that she's flawed or that she makes mistakes, it's that the show implicitly forgives every bad thing she ever does, and that she never has to grow beyond them. Other characters (Spike, Anya) have to suffer and make immense changes after they make mistakes. Buffy (and eventually, the other core Scoobies) really don't. We get Spike insane in the basement, and weekly attempted rape reminders, but no mention of the Dead Things beating ever again. We get Willow spending a summer vacationing in England, and she's forgiven for murdering two men and trying to destroy the world, but Anya has to give up her powers and watch her best friend die.

I think much of the audience holds Buffy to a higher standard because we know the writers won't. She'll get forgiven because she "was in a bad emotional place," while Spike has to spend months insane and alone in the basement, and getting tortured by the First Evil. That kind of thing often causes a reaction against the character.

As far as the idea that we dislike Buffy because we don't understand her, I think most of us do. It bothers me that defenses of Buffy often amount to little more than a list of everything she's had to endure since episode one. I watched the show, I've seen all she suffered; I liked and pitied her up until Tabula Rasa. I tend to react in a similar way myself; I'm very emotionally closed off in a way often like Buffy. But it was the combination of Buffy taking out her pain by hurting other people, the writers never calling her on it, and the fact that she never seemed to grow or move beyond her many character flaws. I can understand why she is the way she is, but I still don't have to like her for it. I'd just personally rather see flawed characters struggling to overcome their problems and become better people, not watch them become more and more flawed, with their problems often brushed under the rug, until I can no longer even consider the character to be a hero anymore.

I'm not trying to be rude or anything, just sharing my thoughts. I have nothing against those who like Buffy; I didn't get upset until they started telling me that I'm "incapable of compassion or sympathy" and so on. (Which you haven't, and most people didn't, in which case I'm fine to agree to disagree.)

[hiddenw.livejournal.com]

I hate to say "word" but word!

I can handle flawed characters. But where others find extremelyflawed!Buffy captivating, I don't. Where some see her flaws as making her more real, I simply see her as messed up. And in ways that make me not able or not wanting to relate to her.

I *do* understand her or at least I should. I am closed off as well. But seeing my own flaws mirrored in her only magnified doesn't make me connect with her. It makes my feelings against her stronger. Some might dismiss my feelings because of that but I don't think that makes it any less valid. I don't find my actions/flaws acceptable to a certain extent and seeing how Buffy works on a grander scale... well...


It bothers me that defenses of Buffy often amount to little more than a list of everything she's had to endure since episode one.

But it was the combination of Buffy taking out her pain by hurting other people, the writers never calling her on it, and the fact that she never seemed to grow or move beyond her many character flaws. I can understand why she is the way she is, but I still don't have to like her for it.

I'd just personally rather see flawed characters struggling to overcome their problems and become better people, not watch them become more and more flawed, with their problems often brushed under the rug, until I can no longer even consider the character to be a hero anymore.

What made Buffy so infuriating was how the writers handled her. I don't think it would have taken much of an effort on the part of the writers for me to click with her but they didn't. What I wanted first and foremost out of Buffy was to see her grow. And *to me* I was dissatisfied what I ended up because what I got was her actions being swept under the rug and being constantly reminded of what a huge burden she had on her shoulders. I was done hearing the violins of sympathy.

[elz.livejournal.com]

Good point about her ability to forgive. In fact, I think we tend to undervalue that because she does do it so easily - she extends an incredible amount of mercy to Spike and Willow in S7, but that isn't something that's generally discussed much.

Thanks for posting this, at any rate. What's sad, of course, is that the vibrancy of the characters, the fact that they prompt us to identify with them so strongly, is exactly the thing that makes fan wars so ugly. Identification meets criticism, and feelings are inevitably hurt.

But I suppose there's no real solution to that.

[onetwomany.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting such a thoughtful, articulate and personal response. I sympathised with a lot of what you said and I think I view Buffy is a similar light. She is hugely fucked up, but I forgive her because no matter what she’s been through, she just takes it all in her stride and keeps on going. She’s a fighter and (as someone who constantly quits) I admire that.

I do wish that ME had never made those proclamations about Buffy not being responsible for anything. I don’t think they meant that quite as it came out, though, because it’s clear that Buffy caries a tremendous amount of guilt for a lot of things. I suspect ME took a whole of world approach – we’re meant to see that Buffy has the weight of the world on her shoulders, and therefore forgive her the ‘smaller’ things because she is the heroine. Problem is, many of those ‘smaller’ things were deeply personal to the audience. Threats and violent treatment of a handful of characters we know and love leaves a much bigger impression than harm to extras. The result is that many fans were left with the impression that Buffy cares about people in abstract, but not on a personal level, and that’s just not a particularly endearing characteristics of a lead character in a weekly drama. Big mistake, ME. Very big.

That said, I do think her portrayal was remarkably brave and realistic. Shutting down on a personal level is a very understandable response, and something I can totally identify with. And I’d love to discuss this more, especially in respect to what is usually expected of women as opposed to men, but unfortunately I actually have work to do this morning! ::curses::

Finally, I loved the points you made in relation to forgiveness. Both Spike and Buffy are capable of great acts of forgiveness, although in different ways. Spike tends to forgive people their nature and flaws, Buffy their actions, decisions and mistakes. They each have a little more difficulty when it’s the other way around. Just one of the many ways they’re a fascinating contrast.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

The result is that many fans were left with the impression that Buffy cares about people in abstract, but not on a personal level, and that’s just not a particularly endearing characteristics of a lead character in a weekly drama.

It's an interesting point, and it also makes me wonder -- if it had been a guy doing that, wouldn't we be more okay with it? (I mean, in some respects, doesn't that sound like Angel?) I do think a lot about that, about how if it was a guy behaving this way, we tend to be more forgiving. I don't know -- no answers here, just questions, I guess.

They each have a little more difficulty when it’s the other way around. Just one of the many ways they’re a fascinating contrast.

Yes, exactly, and why I always felt they were wonderful together. Opposites who share many mutualities.

[superplin.livejournal.com]

I've already posted at length what I think about Buffy, so I'll spare you the long-windedness (maybe).

This is such a lovely and articulate post, I'm so glad you wrote it.

Maybe one of the reasons I identify so strongly with Buffy is because I, too, tend to hold in my feelings, especially the strongest ones.
I shivered when I read the part about your mother's death, because I had the exact same experience: my sister was a weepy mess, while I held it together and took care of things and hardly shed a tear, at least in public (and not much in private, either). I just felt this... almost physical coldness in my gut. Not in the sense of a lack of feeling, but as though all my feelings had congealed into a block of ice somewhere around my liver. It was the only thing that got me through the whole experience; I guess we all devise our own ways of coping, or they devise themselves and we're obliged to go along.

So, yes, I can understand and empathize with someone who instinctively protects herself by withdrawing, for whom strong emotions don't necessarily mean visible emoting. Buffy's calling means she's almost always in a life-or-death situation, the fate of her friends, family, classmates, the world resting in her hands. People often lament that she was so perky in the early days, and grew grim as time went on: I would find her characterization completely unbelievable if it were otherwise. Everything seems simpler when you're 17, and I can't hold it against her that she lost the luster of innocence. Hell, I'm impressed that she tried so fiercely to hang onto it.

She's had to dispense forgiveness on a regular basis, to swallow others' expectations of her, the world's expectations of her, and yet few are willing to give her the same benefit. The audience hasn't, it seems, because when someone does something despicable on the show, we seem willing to let them be — everyone except Buffy.

I absolutely agree, and the last part makes me sad. Perhaps especially because, as you mention, I think no small part of the unwillingness of many to forgive has to do with gender expectations. Not that there aren't plenty of other reasons to dislike her--I mean, I don't always like her, or her behavior, although I never stopped loving or identifying with her. But I do think we expect our female heroines to behave in certain ways, and even misbehave in certain ways, and it's hard for us to accept someone who falls so far outside those expectations.

Okay, I'll shut up now. ;)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't shut up! You know (or at least, I hope you know by now), how much I love hearing you talk about all the different aspects of the show, and especially our girl.

[theodosia.livejournal.com]

Hi... I just was reading back in this community, and came across the opening of your essay... and immediately wanted you to see the icon that a friend had made for me a while back....

[glassslipper.livejournal.com]

Great icon.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I'd seen this icon on lovesbitca's journal and loved it; it was the closest thing I'd seen to what I wished I could do. And... sadly, perfectly apropos. Now if I could find one for Mag 7, which is also freaking out...

[glassslipper.livejournal.com]

Thanks for a wonderful post. I'm pretty new to LJ and the Buffy online fandom (although my pals and I have our own little obsessed fandom right here at home)and it is really unfortunate that people can get so nasty with each other about this stuff. I, too, love Buffy, especially flawed Buffy - if she weren't flawed, the show would have been a lot less interesting. Yeah, I wish some things had gone differently, in some ways because I was hoping to see more Spike/Buffy happiness, but that doesn't mean Buffy is a bad character. The "less pleasant" Buffy is the real one that Spike yearns to be closer too, not the Buffy-bot.

[elz.livejournal.com]

Welcome to the fandom! *g* It can be a bit wild, but there are a lot of great people around these parts - and a lot of great fanfiction. *points in gwyn_r's direction*

[lordshiva.livejournal.com]

It’s difficult to watch people reacting to things in ways that are foreign to us emotionally. So I think that people who don’t understand someone who’s closed off, whose life has been infected by violence, find it hard to relate to a Buffy who behaves like that.

Yes, it's difficult to relate to, but not to sympathize with or understand. That is a quality we humans like to call "compassion," which sadly, many of the most vocal fans completely lack. Fanpeople just love to bitch and wail and wring their hands and bemoan and other crap. I've come to understand that this is truly part of their enjoyment of the viewing experience and the fandom experience, because otherwise it makes no fucking sense. I mean, I wish the fans who spend so much time declaring their intentions never to watch the show again, or how they won't watch if such and such happens, would stop watching already. Shut up and go somewhere else, because I'm watching my show

You know what I mean?

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yes! Oh, yes, I do know. This is what has derailed me before, in terms of just being able to enjoy being a fan -- I pick up on people's emotions and sort of resonate them back at a higher frequency. When people are pissed or crappy, I tend to pick it up and get too worked up for my own good. And i just want to enjoy the damn show as long as I can!

I think compassion, like common sense, is not very common at all. It's weird how few people have it for either Buffy or Spike, and it's been hard seeing how callous folks are to these characters.

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

I think compassion, like common sense, is not very common at all. It's weird how few people have it for either Buffy or Spike, and it's been hard seeing how callous folks are to these characters.

There's a big difference between compassion for a fictional character and compassion in real life. I'm much more cautious and careful about how I judge people in real life, because they are real people with layers that I couldn't possibly be aware of, and who could be genuinely hurt by my judgements of them.

Fictional characters, not so much. I've seen everything there is to see of Buffy, so I feel much more qualified to make judgements about her. And since she's not real, my opinion isn't going to hurt anyone.

I really don't see how you can accuse someone of being callous to a character. I'm not doing anything to her; she doesn't exist, she doesn't feel it, she's not hurt by the fact that I can't stand her.

[scarlettfish.livejournal.com]

Thank you for writing that. Buffy is me as well, and it's so great to have people understand and defend her, instead of just calling her a bitch etc etc. I would try to respond to what you wrote intelligently, but I'm far too sick for that. So intead, I'll just say again - great post :)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I hope you feel better! {{hugs}}

[lynnb.livejournal.com]

I was directed to your essay by onetwomany, and I'm so glad I read it, I totally agree with everything you said.

I do have a bit of a different perspective on her, though. I have totally loved her character from the very beginning. I loved that she was tiny, yet strong and always tried her best to do the right thing. And I loved the fact that she didn't feel she had to be pleasant when she didn't feel like it - it was very refreshing. I am always in her corner, but not because I closely identify with her; actually, I am more like Spike emotionally. I am the type that wears my heart on my sleeve, you can always tell what I'm feeling just by looking at me. But my heart broke for Buffy - I found I could feel for her even if I didn't feel the way she did. My heart broke because I saw a girl who so very badly wanted to confide in someone, to lean on someone, but felt she didn't have the luxury to do so. That when she did find someone who would be in her corner (the teacher in Teacher's Pet, the counselor in Beauty and the Beasts, they ended up dead. Everyone always talks about the beating from Dead Things, but I always think about the end, when Buffy confesses to Tara and breaks down. Buffy feels she can, because Tara is nonjudgemental, understanding and sympathetic. "It's not that simple," she says. And it isn't.

I do remember reading an interview with Marti Noxon (spare the venom, please), where she says they did make a big miscalculation about the placement of Older and Far Away right after Dead Things. The birthday ep was supposed to be lighter, and unfortunately it seemed that the actions of the past ep were swept under the rug, and it wasn't their intention, just bad planning, which she admitted. However, one can look at Buffy and Spike in this ep and see Tara's influence; Buffy seems less tense now that she has someone to confide in who isn't passing judgement. Spike is unwittingly played by the perfect go-between :) I think it illustrates that Willow wasn't the only one who lost something wonderful when Tara was shot.

Thanks again, Gwyn - I'm a big fan of your fic and now I'm a fan of your LJ as well :)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

That piece of info about MN is *really* interesting, and I hadn't heard it before. It's enlightening to hear her admit to that kind of serious mistake, because she pretty much never was willing to concede to misjudging the audience and the bad job she did in terms of story direction when she ws put in charge. But it's doubly sad, too, because they never did anything about it. They never gave Buffy the chance to apologize or try to make amends, and then we got Seeing Red. I do think Buffy tried to change it this past year, but at that point, you can alienate the audience past their ability to see beyond one event or behavior.

You really hit the nail on the head about Tara -- we all lost when she was gone, and she made such a balance to the show, one that had often been Giles's place to fill, and that's just sad.

[lynnb.livejournal.com]

I tend to be more tolerant of ME than some fans, and I don't think I'm in the minority - but discord usually has a louder voice. It's unfortunate that some of the audience chose not to see beyond one event or behavior, but they should accept some responsibility for not being able to get beyond that. Not everyone feels as they do, so it is open to interpretation, as all art should be. I find it very interesting that a character like James Bond, a sexist, morally ambiguous character, gets lionized, while a hero like Buffy, who as you said, earned her flaws, gets trashed again and again. Sexism? I think it is a factor. When it gets to the point that the dislike crosses the line to disliking the actress, that is disturbing. Buffy is a fictional character; SMG is not Buffy. Pretty clear, IMO.

I have a feeling seasons six and seven will look better in retrospect; thank God for DVDs :)

[molly_may]

Thank you so much for this wonderful, articulate post. I love Buffy, and it's painful to look around fandom and see so many people who dislike her. Like you, I identify with her a great deal, especially with her tendency to emotionally withdraw, to be closed off even with the people she loves most. And yes, it certainly does seem that she gets held to a much higher standard than all the other characters.