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crappy and sappy and not so happy
Nov. 25th, 2008 08:28 pmWent to see Quantum of Solace today. All the critics have complained about it being so relentlessly bleak, but I dunno. that, to me, is like a ringing endorsement, and it didn't disappoint in that regard. Of course it's not as blisteringly cool as Casino Royale, but I think that's to be expected, since any subsequent episode of a reboot is by nature not going to have the... purity of vision, I suppose, as the first. And I didn't expect it to be so. What I did expect was all there, and Bond's "inconsolable rage" makes me contented. (I haven't been to a first-run movie in ages... well, not since Casino Royale, I think, possibly, and I'd quite forgotten how expensive it is compared to the second-run houses and that the Cinerama is even worse than most. But worth it in a way because that screen is so phenomenal.)
Nothing else makes me contented, OTOH. I can't seem to make my Dexter vid for Deb -- the vision I have in my head is beyond my capabilities, and I can't figure out what tools to use to make it do what I want. The manuals don't address what I'm interested in trying, and it's reduced me to tears on more than a few occasions, especially when I crash Final Cut because I don't have enough memory, really, and poking around and trying things doesn't work well when you're messing things up with the memory to support the program well. I've wanted to make this vid for so long and now it seems to be more than I can do.
And that just adds to my general feeling of depression and sadness. I was thinking at the movie how tired I am of always doing things alone but that doesn't seem to change. I just finished up a book proofread but I fear that I'm not going to really be able to make a go of this freelance thing, since it's been a long while since I had anything substantial to work on. That's a stress I can live without right now. I feel crappy and sappy and unloved, unwanted, unnoticed, unpopular, uninteresting, unimportant, untalented, unattractive in every respect, unpleasant, un everything you can be un of, and a few ins and dises as well.
I miss my sister and Friday is our birthday, and everyone's gone or busy, which normally wouldn't have been a big thing because I had her to talk to or be with throughout the day. Alexfandra has kindly invited me to watch It Takes a Thief, which she found on a strange cable channel I don't get. But what I wouldn't give to have one of sis_r's dorky cards in my mailbox tomorrow, and for her to wake me up too early so we could go shopping in the rain, and listen to her bitch about how cold it is up here. Inconsolable rage indeed.
ETA: And somehow today's Dinosaur Comics feels really appropriate.
Nothing else makes me contented, OTOH. I can't seem to make my Dexter vid for Deb -- the vision I have in my head is beyond my capabilities, and I can't figure out what tools to use to make it do what I want. The manuals don't address what I'm interested in trying, and it's reduced me to tears on more than a few occasions, especially when I crash Final Cut because I don't have enough memory, really, and poking around and trying things doesn't work well when you're messing things up with the memory to support the program well. I've wanted to make this vid for so long and now it seems to be more than I can do.
And that just adds to my general feeling of depression and sadness. I was thinking at the movie how tired I am of always doing things alone but that doesn't seem to change. I just finished up a book proofread but I fear that I'm not going to really be able to make a go of this freelance thing, since it's been a long while since I had anything substantial to work on. That's a stress I can live without right now. I feel crappy and sappy and unloved, unwanted, unnoticed, unpopular, uninteresting, unimportant, untalented, unattractive in every respect, unpleasant, un everything you can be un of, and a few ins and dises as well.
I miss my sister and Friday is our birthday, and everyone's gone or busy, which normally wouldn't have been a big thing because I had her to talk to or be with throughout the day. Alexfandra has kindly invited me to watch It Takes a Thief, which she found on a strange cable channel I don't get. But what I wouldn't give to have one of sis_r's dorky cards in my mailbox tomorrow, and for her to wake me up too early so we could go shopping in the rain, and listen to her bitch about how cold it is up here. Inconsolable rage indeed.
ETA: And somehow today's Dinosaur Comics feels really appropriate.
