gwyn | Attack of the 50-foot panic monster

Ay yi yi... four hours and counting and still no word about evil twin's surgery. I don't know if no news is good news or her friend is just afraid to call and tell me the bad news.

ETA: My sister is out of surgery. It is very bad news. She has a rare form of cancer and they removed her ovaries, uterus, appendix, and six inches of colon. They even went up into her lymph nodes in the chest to check that those didn't have cancer. She'll be in the hospital for up to a week. Thanks for all your prayers and thoughts, though, and if you still have some to spare, please hope for her to remain free of cancer in the future.

At least this anxiety takes my mind off the other anxiety, which is Vividcon. Last night I watched my solo entry for the premiere show for the first time in a while (I just wasn't able to look at it again after all the stress and misery getting the pixelization problems dealt with caused me) and I realized, to my utter horror, that people are going to laugh at it. It's not a funny vid. I wanted it to be tragic and rip your heart out sad. But I bet that, to an audience, especially one settling in for a long show, it's probably going to seem inadvertently funny: all this misery stuff piled on top of itself, and it's such a weird song, and then all these harsh images over strange lines... and everyone's going to laugh. I also know that it's second in the program (second! aaaiiieeeeeee) and comes after what sounds like a more lively and fun vid, and so all this angst with bizarro lyrics is probably going to make people laugh. No, it IS going to make people laugh. And it's too late to withdraw it from the show, and now I just want to curl up into a fetal ball and go down to San Diego and take care of my sister if she lives, and never vid again.

There is nothing more horrifying than having people laugh at your vid when it's not supposed to be funny. What was I thinking in doing this? Aaauuggghhhh... Bangs head against desk.

So since I'll be gone for a while being humiliated in public, I leave you with pimpage. My friend

trollchild has got bit by two bugs at the same time -- La Femme Nikita fandom and vidding. She's got two vids up, one fannish and one non, at her new site, www.mysticsavage.com. Go and watch and encourage her -- we LFN fans have so few people doing anything in the fandom, so let's embrace the newcomers to Section One!

I haven't seen

sdwolfpup's Harmony and Spike vid, but I hear it's deeelightful and hope I'll be able to see it at the con. Go watch, though!

My girl

lordshiva wrote a chilling, disturbing, upsetting, and insanely dark Faith/Wes/Spike fic called Troll Under the Bridge, Wolf at the Door. If you think those words are a condemnation, you don't know me! As always with Kalima it's brilliantly written, but man! this one packs a horrific punch (the best kind). Go and read and tell her she is magnificent, because she is.