Those were the days
Jan. 17th, 2006 09:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynLast night as I was browsing my friends page, I saw the news that Joan Martin had died, unexpectedly, and it hit me really hard. I knew Joan only in the most casual way, having met her at my first Escapade many years ago, where she was amused by my being the world's oldest/youngest Professionals fan (I had first watched the series when it was airing a couple months behind Britain's showings, on Canadian TV, but it took me 16 years to find other fans after the series had started migrating its way here through the organization of slash fans). She was one of what a lot of us refer to as the "mothers of fandom," and while there's a bit of a joke when we say that, it's very true. There are so many fans who've been around, organizing and pimping and sharing and creating, for so long, and most of them don't get their due now that fandom has exploded on the 'net and everyone coming in thinks they invented fandom, and don't care about any of the stuff that came before. Joan usually taught the writing workshops at Escapade those first years I was there, and though I didn't really have a lot to pick up, I went to a few of them because I thought she was an interesting person, and I really wanted to absorb the history from a lot of the people who came to that con year after year after year.
It made me think, too, of something that's really been eating at me lately and has left me feeling very bitter about fandom -- this sense of entitlement that most newer fans, those who've only known fandom on the net, have about everything: it's all free for the taking, they have to give nothing in return, grab grab grab, gripe gripe gripe when stuff doesn't go their way, and it's all about them because the world is theirs and we only live in it. When I first came into media fandom (as opposed to SF fandom, where I first came in through the doors of obsession), there were still a lot of people like Joan, who had been contributing for years. Sure, in the early days, there were people who plagiarized or stole, or were divas, or selfish, or whatever. Those folks will always be with us. But there were enough people whose main goal was to contribute and share that there was never a sense of unbalance. Because there were no interwebs back then, it was about face to face contact and mentoring, and community. I think we give a lot of lip service to the idea of community now, but it's mostly bullshit.
Case in point (and please keep in mind that I am ranting, because I am cranky and fed up and really hating a lot of people right now). Last year, I remember reading a post-Escapade con report that made my blood boil. Some whiny bitch I will not name was complaining about everything, but especially the vid show, where her vid looked terrible and it was all the vid show person's fault and the person running the vid show review panel (whom she couldn't even refer to by name, just kept calling her "this woman" over and over) sucked and didn't talk about enough vids (there had been technical snafus at the beginning of the panel, but you know, this happens, like, every year, so most of us laugh and shrug it off), and just gripe grip gripe in the meanest way possible. The person running the vid show panel ("this woman") had a name, Katharine, and Katharine is my friend, true, but I thought it was a pretty lousy way to disprespect her purposely. The whiner complained about *everything*, but never once offered up that maybe she could, you know, fucking volunteer to help out. And Katharine was learning, in a hurry and in a forced situation, how to put together a master disc of vids from dozens of different vidders and formats when she had never even vidded on a computer, so this was new to her, and so yeah, there are glitches (there were on mine, but I didn't whine about it because that's what happens -- shows are done by volunteers, who -- gasp! -- aren't perfect). We didn't have a choice about the projector or its washed-out video (and won't have again this year, it's what we have, so that's that). But it didn't stop Ms. Gripeypants from ranting and insulting my friend without ever once bothering to find out any of the details.
What was so offensive to me, besides the sense of entitlement Whiney Cow had, was that Katharine had been vidding since before this person had ever even heard of fandom, and has done more to create a vidding aesthetic that's carried through into some of the best vidders today than that woman could ever even dream of. But because she volunteered her time and effort and contributed to the community, she gets a big target painted on her back for whiny, self-absorbed pigs to shoot poison arrows at. It took everything in me not to leave a comment for the self-centered asshat about how maybe if she doesn't like things and thinks everyone is doing such terrible things solely to her, she could then pony up and volunteer her fucking time to make things go the way she wants them. Because, you know, she never would. People like that only ever gripe, they don't volunteer, they never offer their time. I didn't say anything in the end because Gripey McGripepants is, unfortunately, apparently friends with many of my own friends, so I left it.
And that entitlement thing has been driving me nuts pretty consistently since then. Last week I mentioned the unnecessary comment on a vid rec of one of my LFN vids that made me seethe (and still makes me seethe) about how the video source was "very poor quality" but that it shouldn't detract from watching the vid multiple times. WTF? My tapes (since tape is all there is for source of all 5 seasons, as Warner isn't exactly hurrying to put this show out on disc) aren't fabulous S-VHS quality but they are far from "very bad" and causing people harm to view them. But of course, everything these days is free and perfect pirated source from HDTV, right? Right? Only the most pristine need apply, apparently, to be considered a quality vid. Due to another rec for a vid, I have been fielding tons of password requests, which is like, "yay" until I realized that not one of those dozens and dozens of people who went to see the vid have said one single word to me about it. Not a thank you, ever. From over 50 people in the past couple days. Because... why would anyone thank you for the time and effort and extreme amount of money you paid out to host the vids and make them, and give them to the entitled for free? Why on earth would people who get everything free at others' expense as part of the community act of sharing ever say even a simple thank you? That would spoil the sense of entitlement!
(/cranky old fan ranting)
This seems, more and more, like what fandom has become. Larger and larger, and ever more disconnected and rude and thoughtless, and mostly selfish and self-centered. It's all about us: give us free stuff, perfect stuff, off your donated time and effort and money, and if there's the slightest tarnish to it, we will gripe and smear you on our LJs and talk as much nasty shit as we can. I do meet people, newer fans, who aren't like this, but they are more the exception than the rule now.
What makes me saddest of all is that so many of the fans for whom this was the rule, rather than an exception, are disappearing. They have drifted away for various reasons (sometimes just because it has become such an inhospitable place for oldsters), and we lose out on so much when they do. Not just history, but politeness, fannish manners and true community. So, I mourn Joan's passing not just because she was a good person who shared with a newbie at her first con away from home, but because she was representative of a time and a community when entitlement wasn't even a concept to most fans. Joan was the kind of fan who made fandom such a welcoming, communal place to be. It was never perfect, but it was like a family in that respect. I think many of us at Escapade this year are going to be pretty sad, and I know there will be some recognition of her there, because she was just that much of a presence. She volunteered and shared and gave to this community, and she will be sorely missed by those of us who got the chance to know her, and know that old part of fandom that seems to be disappearing.
It made me think, too, of something that's really been eating at me lately and has left me feeling very bitter about fandom -- this sense of entitlement that most newer fans, those who've only known fandom on the net, have about everything: it's all free for the taking, they have to give nothing in return, grab grab grab, gripe gripe gripe when stuff doesn't go their way, and it's all about them because the world is theirs and we only live in it. When I first came into media fandom (as opposed to SF fandom, where I first came in through the doors of obsession), there were still a lot of people like Joan, who had been contributing for years. Sure, in the early days, there were people who plagiarized or stole, or were divas, or selfish, or whatever. Those folks will always be with us. But there were enough people whose main goal was to contribute and share that there was never a sense of unbalance. Because there were no interwebs back then, it was about face to face contact and mentoring, and community. I think we give a lot of lip service to the idea of community now, but it's mostly bullshit.
Case in point (and please keep in mind that I am ranting, because I am cranky and fed up and really hating a lot of people right now). Last year, I remember reading a post-Escapade con report that made my blood boil. Some whiny bitch I will not name was complaining about everything, but especially the vid show, where her vid looked terrible and it was all the vid show person's fault and the person running the vid show review panel (whom she couldn't even refer to by name, just kept calling her "this woman" over and over) sucked and didn't talk about enough vids (there had been technical snafus at the beginning of the panel, but you know, this happens, like, every year, so most of us laugh and shrug it off), and just gripe grip gripe in the meanest way possible. The person running the vid show panel ("this woman") had a name, Katharine, and Katharine is my friend, true, but I thought it was a pretty lousy way to disprespect her purposely. The whiner complained about *everything*, but never once offered up that maybe she could, you know, fucking volunteer to help out. And Katharine was learning, in a hurry and in a forced situation, how to put together a master disc of vids from dozens of different vidders and formats when she had never even vidded on a computer, so this was new to her, and so yeah, there are glitches (there were on mine, but I didn't whine about it because that's what happens -- shows are done by volunteers, who -- gasp! -- aren't perfect). We didn't have a choice about the projector or its washed-out video (and won't have again this year, it's what we have, so that's that). But it didn't stop Ms. Gripeypants from ranting and insulting my friend without ever once bothering to find out any of the details.
What was so offensive to me, besides the sense of entitlement Whiney Cow had, was that Katharine had been vidding since before this person had ever even heard of fandom, and has done more to create a vidding aesthetic that's carried through into some of the best vidders today than that woman could ever even dream of. But because she volunteered her time and effort and contributed to the community, she gets a big target painted on her back for whiny, self-absorbed pigs to shoot poison arrows at. It took everything in me not to leave a comment for the self-centered asshat about how maybe if she doesn't like things and thinks everyone is doing such terrible things solely to her, she could then pony up and volunteer her fucking time to make things go the way she wants them. Because, you know, she never would. People like that only ever gripe, they don't volunteer, they never offer their time. I didn't say anything in the end because Gripey McGripepants is, unfortunately, apparently friends with many of my own friends, so I left it.
And that entitlement thing has been driving me nuts pretty consistently since then. Last week I mentioned the unnecessary comment on a vid rec of one of my LFN vids that made me seethe (and still makes me seethe) about how the video source was "very poor quality" but that it shouldn't detract from watching the vid multiple times. WTF? My tapes (since tape is all there is for source of all 5 seasons, as Warner isn't exactly hurrying to put this show out on disc) aren't fabulous S-VHS quality but they are far from "very bad" and causing people harm to view them. But of course, everything these days is free and perfect pirated source from HDTV, right? Right? Only the most pristine need apply, apparently, to be considered a quality vid. Due to another rec for a vid, I have been fielding tons of password requests, which is like, "yay" until I realized that not one of those dozens and dozens of people who went to see the vid have said one single word to me about it. Not a thank you, ever. From over 50 people in the past couple days. Because... why would anyone thank you for the time and effort and extreme amount of money you paid out to host the vids and make them, and give them to the entitled for free? Why on earth would people who get everything free at others' expense as part of the community act of sharing ever say even a simple thank you? That would spoil the sense of entitlement!
(/cranky old fan ranting)
This seems, more and more, like what fandom has become. Larger and larger, and ever more disconnected and rude and thoughtless, and mostly selfish and self-centered. It's all about us: give us free stuff, perfect stuff, off your donated time and effort and money, and if there's the slightest tarnish to it, we will gripe and smear you on our LJs and talk as much nasty shit as we can. I do meet people, newer fans, who aren't like this, but they are more the exception than the rule now.
What makes me saddest of all is that so many of the fans for whom this was the rule, rather than an exception, are disappearing. They have drifted away for various reasons (sometimes just because it has become such an inhospitable place for oldsters), and we lose out on so much when they do. Not just history, but politeness, fannish manners and true community. So, I mourn Joan's passing not just because she was a good person who shared with a newbie at her first con away from home, but because she was representative of a time and a community when entitlement wasn't even a concept to most fans. Joan was the kind of fan who made fandom such a welcoming, communal place to be. It was never perfect, but it was like a family in that respect. I think many of us at Escapade this year are going to be pretty sad, and I know there will be some recognition of her there, because she was just that much of a presence. She volunteered and shared and gave to this community, and she will be sorely missed by those of us who got the chance to know her, and know that old part of fandom that seems to be disappearing.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 06:25 pm (UTC)2) I haven't watched the vids yet! I am going to, I swear! And I will let you know! *g*
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Date: 2006-01-17 06:37 pm (UTC)Me, I will continue to learn, share, write, and do art, despite how often fandom can hurt my feelings. What will probably happen is I will make smaller and smaller fannish circles for myself. Case in point: Dawn and I are talking about writing a 13th Warrior SERIES, and nobody will read it but us. That's just fine.
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Date: 2006-01-17 06:48 pm (UTC)I always wanted to go to Escapade, but never had the money (coming from Europe here) - I still don't have the money, so I'll mourn alone in my corner of the world...but yes. Joan did embodied a way of understanding fandom that si disappearing slowly. It is sad.
re: vids feedback. I have left some feedback here and there, but not always (to you and others) and I was planning to start watching a vid or two a day and write feedback for it. It certainly is no hardship. I do make a point of saying thank you, when I can, for vids and stories. Because I was mentored properly, and even without that, my mum taught me to say thank you.
/rambling
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Date: 2006-01-17 07:28 pm (UTC)I don't know whether using someone's name is more or less disrespectful than using it, in different contexts I've found even people I assumed would feel similarly felt entirely different; there can be lots of reasons and variations in intent behind that choice, including just being hopeless at remembering people's names, or not knowing if it's OK to use a real first name or a fannish pseud to refer to someone.
Complex issues, these are. Easily hurtful, and painfully hurting.
And anyone who volunteers, who puts themselves out there, is wearing a target. It sucks, but it's true. Doesn't matter whether it's in person or online. Doesn't matter if it's for helping at a con, running a con, putting together a zine, or running a USENET group, mailing list, discussion forum or LJ community.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:36 pm (UTC)It's the same reason that well over half the people who hit the vids site won't take the ten seconds to request the password. It's not immediate, it's not immediately free (they have to, you know, do something that requires ten seconds of their time), and they have to click maybe a thing or two extra. My god. The burdens.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:39 pm (UTC)BTW, if you let me know about your 13W story, or you publicize it, there are readers. Both Jo and Rachael, if you mention it this weekend, will be interested, I know that.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:41 pm (UTC)Re the feedback, it's usually people on my flist who are kind enough to acknowledge vids and fic. It's just... a lot of strangers and total silence is ... maybe not a surprise, but a disappointment. Knowing that people really do suck as much as I think is sort of dispiriting thing. I'd rather be proven wrong.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:45 pm (UTC)To me, it's like voting -- if you don't vote, then shut the fuck up. You don't get to gripe about the government if you didn't do at least one small thing to stand up and say no to it (or yes, whatever the case may be). If people aren't going to volunteer to participate themselves, then they can shut up, or at least air their complaints with some kind of responsibility -- fill out suggestion forms, write a letter to the concom, try to communicate with the person they're complaining about. Instead of taking the backseat driver position, and letting everyone know how superior they are, while doing absolutely nothing to change the situation for what they believe is the better.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:46 pm (UTC)Yes, exactly.
I figured talking so much about 13W on my LJ would garner some word from interested parties, although I know Jo doesn't read LJ a lot. I posted the first story, the one you beta read, on a community but didn't get a lot back. I'll email it to her if she wants to read it, after talking to her on Saturday.
This second story is in quite a bit of progress. 7700 words and counting.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 07:59 pm (UTC)Which isn't really my thing (fb normally sends me into a tailspin of self-doubt and anguish) - I'm not saying, oh, if you don't send fb, I won't give out the pw; but it is interesting, esp. if I later run across someone I know got a pw who's talking about my stories ELSEwhere and how much they liked them - but not a word to me?
Am I old fashioned? I think fb should go to the writer/vidder/creator, at least first, or simultaneously.
Um. Anyway. I am supposed to be putting together a 35 pg proposal. Back to work! *whip crack*
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 08:14 pm (UTC)My therapist wants me out of fandom.
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Date: 2006-01-17 08:16 pm (UTC)My therapist wants me out of fandom.
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Date: 2006-01-17 08:23 pm (UTC)I'm not saying that the sucky way things are is the way things should be. Believe me, I'm usually an utter idealist, about just about everything.
And I'm not trying to defend anyone, either specifically or in general.
I'm just saying that we don't know everything, or even everything pertinent to the situations we find ourselves in in fandom, about other fans. And that there's a huge potential for being hurt and being hurtful.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 09:05 pm (UTC)You're giving out passwords again? Eeee! I have been waiting since forever (a subjective, fandom version of forever, where forever is equal to roughly the amount of time I've been in the dS fandom; hence, it's a personal forever) for a chance to submit a password request, but when I check, the site always says "no passwords to anyone who doesn't already have one." Which I do not.
*checks*
Well, I swear it did say that. Or possibly that was during my visit to Alternate Fandom 616. Or, you know, maybe it was just some kind of hallucination type thingy.
Huh.
*submits password request*
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 09:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 10:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 10:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 10:54 pm (UTC)But yeah...a little gratitude for time and effort (and blood and sweat) spent doesn't seem like that much to ask.
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Date: 2006-01-17 11:15 pm (UTC)Which is what I was telling my therapist, who kept saying, "Why are you in this group?"
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Date: 2006-01-17 11:22 pm (UTC)This isn't sane behavior. It isn't healthy behavior. Why are we living like this?
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 11:36 pm (UTC)OTOH, if I spend 20 or 30 minutes talking about what I love about a vid or a story and mentioning the things that really worked for me and how much I like that view of the characters or whatever, it seems less than... polite to completely blow off that response.
Whereas if I spend one or two lines saying that I really liked the vid or the story, I don't expect a response (although it would be nice).
But I met a lot of my friends in fandom through feedback correspondence, believe it or not, and I guess it is kind of old fashioned of me to think if someone writes me a substantive LoC that I have some obligation to at least acknowledge it.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-17 11:42 pm (UTC)