Deja vu all over again
Jan. 23rd, 2006 07:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynJust got back from the hospital (the hospital my mom died in, and that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
movies_michelle once had to take me to the emergency room at, in the same room my mom had been dying in before they put her in ICU, no less, when I was having these weird gastrointestinal horrors a few years ago) to visit my dad, who had surgery today to replace his knee. It's his second one, and he's all blase about it, but I am not. Not after all the surgery my sister went through. I didn't really want to go to a hospital again, but I wasn't expecting the toll it took on me when I got in the parking garage, and then when I was in the elevator. By the time I got to dad's room, I was in tears. He gets it, even though he doesn't feel the same way or experience things the way I do. All he could do was say he was sorry, and "I know." It was just really... overpowering. And dad was very shaky, with trembling hands that he says were because of the type of anesthesia, but I am dubious. It really threw me for a loop, seeing him like that. He's 81, and things can go wrong so easily at that age.
It's the same time, a few weeks from now, that he and I were flying down for a less-than-36 hour trip to see her in the hospital after she'd had emergency surgery for the bowel obstruction. Then I was back down a few days later, to take her home and take care of her, but she wasn't recovering from the colostomy well at all, and she didn't go home until the day I was leaving for Escapade. I still feel such pain and regret over that. I didn't go back down after the con, I abandoned her to go to it. She died a few days later. This time of year is bringing back a lot of painful things, and then being in a hospital again after all this time...
If I never see another hospital again as long as I live, it will be too soon.
movies_michelle once had to take me to the emergency room at, in the same room my mom had been dying in before they put her in ICU, no less, when I was having these weird gastrointestinal horrors a few years ago) to visit my dad, who had surgery today to replace his knee. It's his second one, and he's all blase about it, but I am not. Not after all the surgery my sister went through. I didn't really want to go to a hospital again, but I wasn't expecting the toll it took on me when I got in the parking garage, and then when I was in the elevator. By the time I got to dad's room, I was in tears. He gets it, even though he doesn't feel the same way or experience things the way I do. All he could do was say he was sorry, and "I know." It was just really... overpowering. And dad was very shaky, with trembling hands that he says were because of the type of anesthesia, but I am dubious. It really threw me for a loop, seeing him like that. He's 81, and things can go wrong so easily at that age.It's the same time, a few weeks from now, that he and I were flying down for a less-than-36 hour trip to see her in the hospital after she'd had emergency surgery for the bowel obstruction. Then I was back down a few days later, to take her home and take care of her, but she wasn't recovering from the colostomy well at all, and she didn't go home until the day I was leaving for Escapade. I still feel such pain and regret over that. I didn't go back down after the con, I abandoned her to go to it. She died a few days later. This time of year is bringing back a lot of painful things, and then being in a hospital again after all this time...
If I never see another hospital again as long as I live, it will be too soon.
