My shows are killing me

[gwyn]

I'm sorry I haven't posted much of anything lately except stupid stuff. No usage posts in ages, no movies, no reviews, no nothin' except mostly vids. I am just really struggling. Someone actually said to me that now that the date of my sister's death was past, I should be on a better track. Yeah. That actually makes it all better. I've been thinking a lot lately about things, and it finally hit me, the one thing I was never able to explain to people, who think this is just about grief or loss and that you get over it with time -- that it's PTSD, and that goes away a lot harder, if ever. I don't think most people know what it's like to watch someone die in especially gruesome circumstances, let alone someone who is literally part of you, shares your DNA and was born with you. So, yeah, it's kind of lingering trauma. But I never really get the chance to explain that to people.

Making things worse, weirdly, are my TV shows. See, I've always liked dark and dramatic and gloomy and people die and you can't expect that everything will come up roses. I mean, I live for that kind of thing in a lot of ways. But since sis_r died, I've found my ability to suck that up is declining to a point where I'm going to be forced to stop watching the stuff I love in favor of crap like SGA or the awful procedurals because the lead characters never die and you don't get confronted by reminders of what you've been through in your own life over and over. Thank god for Numb3rs or I might have accidentally downed that whole bottle of Atavan by now. Between the finale of BSG and the past two eps of 24, I'm about ready to throw in the towel. I know they're just shows, but they hurt. I'm invested in these people overcoming adversity, but the relentless death and sacrifice and loss and suffering is just getting under my skin in a pernicious way that I'm not sure I can keep coming back for. That they are both excellently written and acted works makes it even harder. If they were cheestastic and predictable, it might be a bit easier. I have no idea what to expect when Veronica Mars finally returns, but I'm scared of the possibilities.


I have not been one of the disgruntled fans this season that I see all around me. I've mostly kept my yap shut for the whole season not because I've been too unhappy to post in general (though that's been a constant), but because the stuff that seems to morally outrage people hasn't disappointed me at all. I can totally see other people's points and often find myself nodding my head, yet those things haven't bothered me. In most cases, for me, this show rocks like a rocking thing. Threads have been dropped that I wish hadn't (particularly Lee's dark night of the soul story, which I would very much have liked to see more of), and the Gaius worship gives me the blues in fandom, and boy did I hate Slutty!Drunk!Starbuck in that scene with her and Anders and Lee in the finale, but... most of the time, yeah, I've been okay.

But two big issues have come to tarnish this that I thought were being solved only to rear their ugly heads in the finale in a way that leaves me with a lingering dissatisfaction and a lot of heartache. One is something from earlier in the season: When Adama asks Sharon why the cylons want to exterminate the humans, she reminds him of his words questioning whether humans should survive. And he doesn't take issue with this, and neither do the showrunners seem to question this supposition. I have been bothered for a long time about the cylons' apparent need for a "final solution" with no explanation nor underlying reasoning. Revenge makes sense only for the initial attack; but to expend that much energy tracking the ragtag elements of the human race that they've successfully decimated, and then some, really doesn't make sense. Nor does the whole half cylon-half human baby. We keep hearing of this plan of god's from Six, something that I find increasingly tiresome in her breathy pronouncements, but there has been no forward momentum on it, and the lingering tease of the child is annoying. If the single purpose of the cylons was this child and the procreation of their race, I could almost understand it, but clearly the cylons want to exterminate humans, so why... create a hybrid race? Since the story is clearly following a Nazi ideal (and now we have the occupation of europe and the reannexation of the Sudentenland and all of that, with the hint of concentration camps coming), I expect this to go somewhere, but it isn't, and the human storyline is only getting grimmer and grimmer with no sense of a good vs. evil battle of wills. This is just evil kicking the ass of not necessarily good, but certainly not evil until good is wiped out... for some unspecified purpose.

And so the ongoing futility of the fight of the humans resonates to some degree, but its continuing, worsening futility is killing my soul. Yes, I know. It's just a show. Blah blah. But it's death on a continual, ceaseless continuum that appears to have absolutely no hope of stopping. I adored Download -- I thought, finally, that they had found the one thing I am so dissatisfied with (this pointless genocide that serves no purpose) in the show and brought it to life and that the story was now going to go in a more complex and emotional direction that I could find hope and drama in. That no one ever questioned Sharon's pronouncement to Adama, that he seemed to take it as an acceptable answer, has perturbed me for a long time. Downloaded seemed to me to finally be questioning the cylons' sense of purpose. Evil for evil's sake has always been a very, very unsatisfying conceit to me. I used to constantly look at, say, a character like Sauron and think, well, dude, if you wipe out pretty much everyone except you and your henchmen, you're gonna get really bored with your wiped-out universe with just you in it. The whole "wipe everyone out" thing annoys me in its blinkered stupidity. And the cylons just seem to be more of the same in this respect. With only 12 models, what can they hope to achieve in a universe devoid of anyone but them? There's no sense in this holocaust (not that there ever is, mind you, in the lunatic hatred of people for other people).

So, here I find myself in a weird quandary. I love the darkness of the story, I love the fight, but the hopelessness is getting me so down that I wanted to climb in bed after I watched Lay Down Your Burdens Pt. 2 and never get out. That suddenly no one seems able to stand up to cowardly, weaselly, spineless, self-absorbed, clearly insane Baltar, even when in the past they seemed able to put the president in the brig, doesn't work for me. That they are so short-sighted they probably deserve what they've gotten bothers me. But that the groundwork we saw for some kind of change, for some development of conscience in the cylons, in Downloaded has been apparently completely negated confuses and disappoints and depresses me. I don't see much hope for humanity. And weirdly, it wasn't the ending of the ep that bothered me so much, but rather the nuclear explosion on Cloud 9 and the loss of life in that. It seems as if BSG has just become about who's gonna die next. I've had a little too much of that lately in my own life to welcome it in my entertainment as if it's... well, entertainment. If in fact Six and Sharon are really setting things up for change, well, then, maybe I'll jump back into the bosom of the show. I don't know. I'm sure that after the 7-month frackin' wait, I'll want to see what they come up with, but I don't know. I could be in a different place emotionally in 7 months. But that fact that over and over, NO one seems to learn and change in this show, that it's simply a death toll, is turning out to be destructive to my psyche. I never thought I'd say this, but I just can't take the grimness without some sense that there's a tiny sliver of hope. And Moore and Co. haven't given me that at all.



I think I might be able to handle the relentless death and death and even more death on BSG if it wasn't followed by a hefty chaser of everyone is going to die on 24. I could kind of handle the fact that both Michelle and Palmer were killed in the season opener because it set up such an intense storyline. But then every week it feels like someone else is getting offed. I think I'd have lost it completely if that poor kid Derek had really been killed, but just the fact that he came so close was really not good for me. But in the past weeks, we've had most of CTU topped, culminating in Edgar's terrible death, and this week we get the poor security guard with family and Lynn who yeah, was a jackass but he did save Jack's life before (and Derek's), and worst of all, my beloved Tony.

I've gotten to a point where I tune in half as much for Jack's hijinx as I do for Chloe's bitching, but more than both of them, to get a glimpse of my Tony. And I had hoped, based on some comments the producers made about how they could sustain the show and ways they could go in a different direction, that Tony might be a viable character they could use if they did. I love him. I adore him. And they killed him off, right on the heels of Edgar and the other guys and it is just too much. I know from being an LFN fan that this is how Surnow, Cochran, and Loceff like to stick it to us fans. But how many people have to get capped for our "entertainment"? Tony's death hit me so hard last night I couldn't sleep. He's just a character. On a thriller-action show. I know. And yet I have invested a lot of time in this series, sticking with it when it got bad, rejoicing when it found its legs again... And yeah, I know, death happens all around (especially in really bad terrorist situations...) I know that all too well. But I can't cope with it happening every single week (this week on 24! Another character you love dies horribly!), no matter what the thriller theme. I'm not sure why they think this is an attractant for an audience.

Most people honestly aren't like me -- I know only a handful of people outside fandom who like dark movies and noble deaths and really gloomy TV shows. Even within fandom, I think more people prefer shows like SGA or Supernatural where you know no one important will ever die. That's generally how things are, and I find it so weird to think that I am moving in that direction. I just don't enjoy turning on this show I like where every freaking week someone I love dies. Yes, it adds resonance -- the first time. Maybe even the second. But by the 5th or 6th time, it's just deadening and soul crushing. 24 isn't reality. They have realistic aspects, but we all know how outlandish it is. To keep pounding us every week with the loss and sacrifice of characters we've invested our hearts and minds in is a wrong turn, I think. Gah. Just gah.

I'm sure people who haven't been dealing with their own losses probably think I'm nuts. To be this uptight about mere characters is... sure, I know, silly. But they represent something for me, a world where people's problems are worse than my own, but where they have the possibility of righting the very things I could never fix in my own life. Humanity has to have some hope that they can survive the terrible things thrown at them by evil, the superagents of CTU have to be able to hurt the bad guys and save the good guys. I couldn't help my mom or my sister or my friends. I couldn't save their lives or ease their suffering. And to have to watch people who can't rise above those same inabilities, week after week, watching them go through much of what I've felt and endured recently, just feels like rubbing salt in wounds. I know I'm being a doof, but... I'm a tired, emotionally bruised doof who's going to have to start filtering her entertainments for the first time ever.

Comments

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

I'm sure people who haven't been dealing with their own losses probably think I'm nuts.

Nobody reading this journal would think you're nuts, because we all understand what it's like to be invested in a show and its characters. Whether we're dealing with loss or not, we understand what you're saying. At least, I do.

*hugs*

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm nuts, but probably this is for different reasons. ;-)

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

I'm taking Tony's death pretty hard, too, and death doesn't have the resonance in my life that it does in yours. Edgar's death was bad enough, and made me horribly sad; but Tony?? What point did that possibly serve, except making the fans miserable? I mean, honestly. ::sigh::

What you say about PTSD makes a lot of sense to me. I hadn't thought of it in that light before.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I just honestly don't understand the reason for killing him. We'd certainly had enough loss and sacrifice for one season. It wasn't like it added resonance to Jack's struggle. It was only there to hurt the audience. Sometimes that's a decent goal, to make people feel that strongly, but considering what we've already been through... no.

Umm Thanks

[tkappleton.livejournal.com]

By bringing up PTSD, you have actually given me a possible explanation as to why it has been so hard for me to get over my mother's death.

She lingered due to complications but was semi vegetative - her spirit was trapped in a body that wouldn't or couldn't work anymore and I could tell she was suffering and I wasn't able to do anything about it. I hated to have to go throught it and wish that you hadn't either. I wish no one would.

All I can say about people who figure you should be over it - ignore them. Anyone who would say that obviously hasn't experienced a loss that deep. I used to be one of those people. Now I know - the feeling of loss never stops, it just ebbs and flows like the waves...

Re: Umm Thanks

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that something I said could help you figure something out. It's taken me a long time to see this from the outside, i guess. It doesn't necessarily make it better, but my avoidance of life, my flinchiness, make more sense to me now.

[klia.livejournal.com]

I never thought I'd say this, but I just can't take the grimness without some sense that there's a tiny sliver of hope. And Moore and Co. haven't given me that at all.

That's exactly what's getting to me, too: the relentless grimness/darkness. But, for good or ill, I think the heartbreak Carter, Lucas, and especially Whedon heaped on me finally forced me to find a safe distance, so I don't let myself get totally invested, anymore, and that saved me from wanting to open a vein after LDYB2.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

It's really strange for me to feel this way. I have always loved the dark stuff, and usually it's the darker shows that are the best-written and most complex. But... I don't know. I can't handle this feeling that I'm going to go away hurting every time I watch these shows.

[klia.livejournal.com]

I can't handle this feeling that I'm going to go away hurting every time I watch these shows.

I know what you mean. Maybe when we have too much to deal with in our real lives, it just makes the dark stuff a lot less appealing and harder to handle.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

What those folks up there said. Seriously, it makes perfect sense to me, what you're saying here. There are times when all of us need to stay away from darker stuff, and you've been through more than most that might get you to that point.

Not so much about your feelings, but I actually read an article this morning, I think on the New York Times website, about how more and more shows *are* choosing to kill beloved characters off--they used 24 as a prime example, although it also happens on cheesier type shows. Even SGA and SG1 have killed off much beloved recurring characters (although not the major stars).

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I usually have never objected to this, so it feels funny. I used to love it when they killed people off on Buffy or Angel or LFN. But between the Serenity movie, and this relentlessness in BSG and huge body count on 24, I'm not sure I can stand up in the face of it. I hate giving it up. But man, I'd rather do that than go back to crying all the time.

[viverra-libro.livejournal.com]

If you do want/need to filter your entertainment, don't feel bad! It's *entertainment* - it's supposed to make you feel good, not bad. I had to stop watching the news shortly after I became a lawyer, because it was too stressful.

If you want to watch a show that's a drama, but not a "bad guys conquer all" drama, might I suggest either The Shield or Rescue Me? The Shield, in particular, is an excellently-written show that I think would really appeal to you. Each season is kind of like one movie, and it deals with a lot of moral issues on a long-term basis, and the hero is rather pre-soul-spike-esque in his ends-versus-means decision-making criteria. Anyway, don't mean to ramble, just wanted to say hi and wave my little flag of support!

[viverra-libro.livejournal.com]

Really? I didn't watch last season's finale. Well, just The Shield, then. Bad stuff happens, yeah, but not tooo bad. ;)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

As red shoes mentioned, I had to give up Rescue Me last year (for a lot of reasons, but one of the more emotional stories wasn't good for me). And the Shield is killing me! Lem is going to be tortured and killed by Antwone, and I just won't be abe to handle that. He's the one guy in the squad who has a soul, and I can't stand seeing what Kavanaugh's doing to him. This is definitely one of those times when the cure is worse than the disease, and Kavanaugh's making me ill with the tension and terrible things he's doing to people.

[viverra-libro.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't realize you had been watching The Shield all along. I actually don't think that anything tooo bad is going to happen to Lem, and while Kavanaugh's fairly vile, i don't see this as being any worse of an ordeal than the other seasons' plot points. In fact, I see this as *less* stressful than the Money Train season, and I think it's not as hard on Lem as that was. But I'm sorry for making a rec that you wouldn't like! Perhaps the fall will bring some less angsty entertainment for you.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I definitely don't talk about the Shield much here. I used to early on, but then it's been up and down for me. Last year kicked ass, and I think some of the storylines were hard, but it felt less dire, in a way. Right now I'm just going to try to focus on The Unit and Numb3rs, as cheesy as they are. I would love it if more of my really superior shows were a little less relentless, but in this case I can settle as long as there's eye candy and maybe not quite so much tension and pain!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I managed to get through the Buffy stuff, but this is turning out to be the harder row to hoe for me. Now I really get what people felt back then. it just feels like having to give up more stuff. Like there's nothing I can enjoy that isn't somehow tarnished by my experiences. it's frustrating beyond belief.

[thevetia.livejournal.com]

No, you're not nuts. This is just me and my experience, but I'm in the same place you're talking about, and it's been 10 years for me. You've articulated a lot of what doesn't work for me in current TV: the gratuitous killing of characters for a quick emotional blow, and the lack of hope in both the characters and the universe they live in.

I once loved to watch shows that were dark and doomed and ended with the death of characters I loved, but I don't find them "realistic", for what that's worth, anymore. I think I always wanted the heroic in my shows, and since the heroic action shows off best dramatically against death and doomed struggle, I thought that the death and doom was what I really liked. Then I found out, a little, what death and hopeless struggle really was, and I can't watch it be trivialized anymore.

I couldn't watch medical shows for years, or even be in the same room when they were on. It wasn't entertainment for me. Hopelessness in the human condition combined with pointless death isn't entertainment for me still.

It's not that my shows have to be fluffy, but they have to have *hope*, a belief that good exists and is worth pursuing.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's really it -- the heroic, especially played out against dire circumstances. I never wanted to be one of those la la la only happy ending types. And i still don't think I am, but I just can't take this relentless pounding of disaster. For one thing, the edge of my seat is getting really uncomfortable since I'm spending too much time on it, and for another, it just reminds me of how fragile things are, and how fragile I am.

[incredulity.livejournal.com]

I don't know you all that well, but your post resonated with me. There's no timetable on grief and everyone feels it and deals with it in different ways. Who is to suggest to you that you should feel better now that the anniversary is past? They're not you and they don't feel your pain. And I hope you don't think I'm overstepping my boundaries, but do you have a support system in place? Someone (or someones) that you can talk to, who'll just listen and not judge and give support and comfort?

I don't think your a doof regarding the entertainment front either. I watched the BSG miniseries and loved it, but I have had season one in my possession for 9 months now and haven't yet started it because I don't feel like I would be able to handle it emotionally yet.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

It's definitely a tough show to love. It wasn't bothering me too much, at least, only in a "wow, this is hard" way, until just recently. The S2 finale brought home that sense of hopelessness and despair that had been hovering around it for me. I still want to work on a vid I started for it, but now that is a bit harder to do.

[merricatk.livejournal.com]

I'm sure people who haven't been dealing with their own losses probably think I'm nuts. To be this uptight about mere characters is... sure, I know, silly. But they represent something for me, a world where people's problems are worse than my own, but where they have the possibility of righting the very things I could never fix in my own life. Humanity has to have some hope that they can survive the terrible things thrown at them by evil, the superagents of CTU have to be able to hurt the bad guys and save the good guys. I couldn't help my mom or my sister or my friends. I couldn't save their lives or ease their suffering. And to have to watch people who can't rise above those same inabilities, week after week, watching them go through much of what I've felt and endured recently, just feels like rubbing salt in wounds. I know I'm being a doof, but... I'm a tired, emotionally bruised doof who's going to have to start filtering her entertainments for the first time ever.

I've had to give up a number of TV shows for their various associations--not in any big, dramatic way, but in a persistent "nah, I don't feel like watching that" way, & it's one more way that you redefine yourself in the wake of a loss, & it's another loss, another thing that you had that you don't any more, & it feels like a failure even while you're thinking it seems ridiculous to feel like a failure for...not watching a TV show? Yeah.

There was one big, dramatic loss, & that was West Wing, when I thought they'd killed Leo, & besides that, Jed fell down (yeah, PTSD moment: watching Jed fall, I saw Pat falling, & dissolved in a little, crying heap). And I swore at the TV & walked around for days calling them all names for giving Leo a heart attack out in the middle of nowhere & having him die alone & they were just mean!!! (And then I found out that he wasn't really dead, but I'm still mad at them about it.)

Um. To be more succinct: I know what you're talking about.

(I think I need to go home & chill out. *g*)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

You know, that's *exactly* it -- you always seem to hit that nail on the head precisely and explain stuff I can't put into words. It feels like another loss, one that I don't really want. It's supposed to be my escape, my solace, my sense that there are people who can overcome what I wasn't able to. I don't think escapism has to be HHJJ at all, I find things that are dark or intense to be just as escapist as fluff. But this is no longer an escape or a chance to see people doing better than I could hope to, of righting wrongs and getting past the things that laid me low. And yeah, that's a thing I've lost if I stop watching just to save my sanity, because I really love these shows and I feel like they've done this really bad thing to me, as a fan.

I never knew you watched WW. I can't imagine how awful that was to see Jed's illness played out like that in front of you, so close to your own. Gah. I'm so, so sorry.

[abrakadabrah.livejournal.com]

I think you are completely right about BSG. I've been feeling a lot of what you just wrote out about the show - and I'm not in a depressed place. I just don't see the point of a lot of it.

I loved downloaded, after the burnout of week after week of "watch humans fuck up their situation in a new way this week." And the finale seemed to have nothing to do with the interesting direction suggested by Downloaded. Which I found very disappointing.

I suppose they want to get the story back onto a united by fighting against the One Enemy storyline for next year, but it felt cheaply done to me, like an over convenient trick.

I had exactly the same problem with Balthar - the fact that no one was able to stand up to him - it was out of character for the captain and way too convenient. And I think you have an excellent point about evil for evil's sake. Gets kind of boring as a plot point.

If you are in the mood, you should post the BSG comments over at TATF. We're having a little conversation about it, amidst the major flurry of people trying to finish the new chapter for Three Deep.

[klia.livejournal.com]

but it felt cheaply done to me, like an over convenient trick.

Yes, "cheap" and "trick" are exactly the right words.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I will try to check in on TATF. I've been having computer hell day but I'm hoping i can get some of this worked out and doing something more useful than just commenting on comments!

You are absolutely right -- that's what's bothering me, the disconnect between the hope of Downloaded and the finale. It's as if they didn't exist in the same universe and while I loved much of the finale, it's just too much for me right now. They offered me something that I needed, and then they just kinda took it away.

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your comments on 24 - we tuned in again after missing a few seasons - and having caught up on 3 eps last night, we felt overwhelmed. Toss BSG in the mix, and I am ready for my "happy badly written gooofball I cannot beleive I am watching it shows with sugar on top."

[klia.livejournal.com]

I am ready for my "happy badly written gooofball I cannot beleive I am watching it shows with sugar on top."

Are you watching Boston Legal? It's been a real godsend for me this season.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I think that's one of my biggest problems right now. I really don't like, most of the time, the happy badly written goofball shows. I just find them painful. It's the really solid, exceptional stuff that tends to float my boat, but lately that has become so synonymous with death and hopelessness and despair that the quality of the shows isn't able to keep me going. So, I have a hard time glomming on to the other things (except of course the cheeseball Numb3rs) but I am having to give up the good stuff that I love so much.

[smithereen.livejournal.com]

I'm sure people who haven't been dealing with their own losses probably think I'm nuts.

Oh man, you must think I'M nuts then because I haven't been dealing with losses and I still feel that way. I do take things seriously (sometimes too seriously). And these fictional people do hurt me. And I don't need a show to be shiny happy all the time, but I do need hope. I do want to feel like good wins in the end and the struggle pays off. Because I'm GOING to care, so it's going to stress me out, and if there's not some balance or a light at the end of the tunnel then it turns into one of those shows I'm dreading a little bit even while I'm tuning in. Like Desperate Housewives I quit watching because the people on that show were so unrelentingly horrible that spending time with them made me unhappy.

And tuning into something that makes me unhappy every week is so masochistic. I did that for a full season of Buffy and Angel (6/3), and I mean you probably would have thought I WAS crazy. I was over the top. It depressed me a completely irrational amount every week to watch those shows, to the point where I would be in tears of rage and depression and upsetness every week, to the point where I would turn off my IMs for a day after they aired because I couldn't stand any of my friends trying to talk to me about it. That was the worst experience I've ever had with a television show, and I finally quit because it wasn't healthy and I couldn't take it. It was excessive. But I feel the same way to a less crazy degree about other shows, and now that I'm old and crotchety I think I know better than to sit there and put myself through it anymore.

And it's a bit different I think for movies and books. I think I can handle the dark stuff there more easily because it's not every week. It's not so unrelenting and crushing when it's not every week with no end in sight.

That suddenly no one seems able to stand up to cowardly, weaselly, spineless, self-absorbed, clearly insane Baltar, even when in the past they seemed able to put the president in the brig, doesn't work for me.

Yeah. That bugs me a lot.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I've noticed this is a common statement in the comments here -- that people need some sense of hope. And that it feels masochistic to endure this for something we essentially watch for entertainment. I love being made to think, to feel intensely, even if that's pain. But there's a point past where it's not... I don't know, creative or enlightening or something, i can't figure out what the word is I need. There's nothing gained, it's just the pain of human existence and loss, and if you can't hope that there's a future for people you care about, then what does that give us? It doesn't help us understand the human condition any better; let's face it, most of us understand it all too well. To kill off character after character after character becomes less about illuminating a crisis or showing us what people can do in the face of loss, and more about punishing us for caring.

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

Someone actually said to me that now that the date of my sister's death was past, I should be on a better track.

Sweet baby Jesus on a popsicle stick. That person should shut the hell up.

I haven't been able to watch BSG either, frankly. I can't find the hope, and I need that.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

How much do I love "sweet baby Jesus on a popsicle stick"? That's the best laugh I've had in weeks.

I love everything about BSG, I really do, but yeah, hope is in massively short supply. I hate jumping in the HHJJ boat, but damn, I'm going to have to put the lifejacket on.

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

Having had my own RL loss to deal with, I decided to skip BSG and 24 until I am less depressed. I don't mind waiting.

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