Nice day for a white wedding

[gwyn]

I'm proofing a book that is for brides. It's kind of cute, but over and over, I keep thinking of how foreign this all is to me. I ask people this from time to time, usually after watching a chick flick, because I just don't get it: Why does everyone assume that all girls grow up dreaming of their wedding day? It's just assumed (and mentioned throughout this book), and it's also assumed that we all grew up dreaming of our ideal wedding gown.

Now, admittedly, I don't get weddings -- and I've written here before when talking about the funeral ceremony sort of thing we had for my sister, that ceremonies in general are a complete mystery and waste of time to me. I mean, I go to them and I know how to behave, but I don't really understand them in my heart; it's totally an intellectual premise to me that people need ceremonies in their lives. I don't, but... I'm odd. Still. The wedding thing freaks me out.

And I'm curious. How many of you did this? It's not a very scientific survey, to be sure, since let's face it, most fannish types are outside the social norms as a general rule. Feel free to spread the poll around, if you want, just because I'm seriously curious.

[Poll #1394430]

Also, I have two DW invite codes to whomever would want one, though I don't think there's anyone left on my flist who doesn't have one already!

Comments

[sandy-s.livejournal.com]

I would like one! I just heard of DW today... :o)

And what are you doing with the book? It's all foreign to me, and I just got engaged. One of my friends dreamed about her wedding so much that she made a wish book before she was even engaged and knew everything she wanted to do. Here I am, clueless. lol

[ninasis.livejournal.com]

I was with my husband for 5 years before we got married, livin' in sin and having a great time. We got married because we were going to Vegas on vacation, were tired of people asking when we were going to get married, and didn't want to deal with the hassle, drama, and expense of a "real" wedding. I honestly don't understand weddings, especially the really lavish ones. That much money spent on a dress and big party (because that's really all it is) just seems like such a waste to me. I know people who could have bought a really nice house for the money that was spent on their wedding.

[montanaharper]

I was very influenced by the whole fairytale 1950s housewife thing when I was a kid. It wasn't something my parents encouraged, and they did encourage the idea that I could be independent and do whatever I wanted with my life, but I was captivated by Harlequins and the like in my teens and dreamed a lot of what I wanted my gorgeous, fancy June and Ward Cleaver-esque wedding to be like. (I'm picturing the look of utter disbelief on your face right now. *g* Yeah, really, me.)

Of course, that didn't happen with either of my weddings -- one was a civil ceremony and one was a private ceremony with a minister -- and I've never actually felt I missed out on anything. Especially now that I'm twice divorced and bitter. *g* But as a kid? Yeah, I really wanted the whole nine yards.

[(Anonymous)]

No, never on both...

I think that in the US, some segments of the population brainwash their kids into it. Probably the same segment that brainwash their kids into thinking that girls should have long hair and all that nonsense.

Plus Hollywood does indeed commit a lot of said brainwashing, no denying that. Sort of like the whole prom date custom which seems exceedingly weird to us non-Americans, regardless of how many Hollywood teenage flicks we have seen. What can I say? You guys are truly weird on some subjects, in a fun, over-the-top and surreal way...

:)

[feochadn.livejournal.com]

I'm with you, the wedding thing is mind-bogglingly stupid. I've reaffirmed that opinion after watching my boss's daughter spend upwards of 50grand, waste my and my co-worker's time and energy, MAKE ME CANCEL MY ALASKAN CRUISE VACATION (prob. my only chance...grrr). And then call the whole thing off. What a FUCKWIT. Not that I'm bitter.

Personally, it's the diamond thing I've never understood, esp. the whole "upgrading" thing later. That seems so, I dunno, disrespectful? Cheap and tawdry? Whorish? The whole thing reeks.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

I didn't have any particular interest in wedding gowns or even getting married as I was growing up, although from about 25 on, I wanted to get married. One of my earlier boyfriends had proposed and I accepted, although we broke up anyway, and at the time I thought it would be cool to get married in one of those 60s-style high-collar asian-influenced dresses. Blue silk sounded nice.

When I actually was planning my wedding at 30, I was going to rent a dress because I wanted a church wedding and a reception, although not the kind that would have paid for a house -- barely a used car. Then I was trying on dresses at a fancy wedding shop, bought a fabulous (sample) silk taffeta gown for $250, and thus started my love affair with wedding dresses.

I used to do a lot of sewing and already had a fine appreciation for beautiful fabrics, and once I tried on my first and likely only fabulous gown -- cause where else would you wear something like that if you're not extremely wealthy? -- I was hooked.

I love to go shopping with other people for theirs. I picked out my best friend's gown and, just last week, another friend's. Their response to seeing both on the hanger? "I'm not trying that thing on!" But I seem to have this talent for knowing what's going to look good. :)

I also love to help plan weddings and photograph them. It's the kind of hobby that doesn't get much exercise! Although my husband and I are doing the photos for his niece at the end of the month.

[feochadn.livejournal.com]

Oh, but wait, I didn't tell you the best part about the wedding cancellation. Apparently the reason was that the pure little princess found PORN on the live-in boyfriend/fiance's computer. GAY PORN. Oh, the tragedy! I was told this in hushed tones of UTTER SHOCK! I kept thinking, "So what? That's a problem?"
Luckily I've never vocalized that.

[lapillus]

For me I think it was mostly having to do with enjoying having an excuse for a large fancy occasion (I like planning large occasions, if I didn't I wouldn't help with cons) and with my interest in costuming. I have long figured a wedding would give me a great excuse to get someone to make me a really good early Tudor corset and gown :) However none of that was sufficient excuse to keep me from breaking up with the three guys I had longterm relationships with.

And I've always spent much more time contemplating ideal houses than anything wedding related. And these days I spend much more time contemplating ideal computers than either houses or weddings. ;-)

[black-bird-777.livejournal.com]

Not surprising my votes are No, Never, but really should be Oh Hell, No.

Since I didn't actually *tell* anyone I got married.

[claire.livejournal.com]

and when I did get married I bought an ordinary dress for $15 from ebay ;)

[klia.livejournal.com]

The diamond thing is a total crock of shit. They don't appreciate in value, really, at all. When I sold mine, I barely got back what my ex paid for the stupid thing 20 years earlier, and that only because the lady appraiser who bought it was extremely cool.

[anoel.livejournal.com]

I don't get it either. I spent much more time dreaming of being in love than in being married, that's just a side effect. I actually read a book the other day and it was like, you should start saving for your wedding when you're like 20 and set aside 200 a month because weddings cost like 26,000 on average or something like that. And I'm just like o_0 really??? Now I've just decided I want to have a small beach wedding at very low cost without the high costing dress if I do get married and that's as much as I think about it. It's just a celebration, I don't see the big deal. One of my favorite quotes will always be you don't need rings or vows to prove you love each other.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Uh. No on the dress, no on the fancy wedding plans - I seriously hate big parties, and I hate to be the center of attention, and I am the kind of person who looks at wedding costs and thinks, "But that's a downpayment on a house, and you get to keep the house."

But I admit I love looking at wedding cakes. They are so awesome, and so pretty. I don't actually want one, because - well, so pretty, and some of them are truly art, and who can eat that? Also, rolled fondant doesn't taste all that good. But, still: lovely.

[feochadn.livejournal.com]

$26K? Wow. That's ridiculous.
I'd rather have this: http://gullwingmotorcars.com/inv.php?action=display&autoID=706
To hell with the dress...

[klia.livejournal.com]

My mom is an amazing seamstress, and used to make clothes for herself, us, and friends, as well as various costumes for choral groups we were in, too, so I've pretty much always appreciated fabrics and nicely made clothes. And as a kid, I imprinted on '30s movies like It Happened One Night, and am still in love with evening gowns from that era (like Ellie's wedding dress in that movie), as well as '20s and Edwardian styles.

I'm sort of a die hard romantic who read a lot of romance novels as a teen, so I had vague thoughts about getting married someday (in my neighborhood, if you weren't married by 21, you were an old maid), but always hated hideous, huge production weddings, partly because I thought they were a total waste of money, and partly because I was so shy and introvered, the idea of being the center of attention filled me with absolute terror.

The first time, my dress cost around $150, we invited 75 people, a friend sang Deh vieni, non tardar and Un moto di gioia from Le Nozze di Figaro, we all had a nice lunch, and that was it. A lot of people told me it was the nicest wedding they'd ever attended.

The second time it was just us: we went down to Key Largo and got married (by a notary public) in the ocean with 4 dolphins. The nice people at the dolphin swim place surprised us with a purple cake.

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

One of my best friends did the ole courthouse marriage. Just her and her man and their kid. Then they had a huge party at a hip yet divey bar. That, minus the kid, is how I'd do the deed. And though I wouldn't be wearing a wedding dress...it'd be one hell of an outfit because dressing up, for me, is a thrill. Thus...I have thought how I'd look when/if getting married.

I know and understand that a wedding ceremony is a big deal for many folks. It just is not mine and it's nice to know that others feel similarly.

[klia.livejournal.com]

After the economy went kablooey, I saw a piece on the local news saying the average wedding used to cost $50-$60K, and now it was down to about $20K. Totally blew my mind because, geez, what a waste, especially knowing how few marriages last longer than 5 years, anymore.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Send me a note from the address you want, and I'll pop it back to you!

gwyneth at drizzle dot com

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

HA HA HA HA! No, you neglected to tell us that. Wow, if it'd been gay porn for me, that would have made me much more inclined to actually marry the dude.

Also, wha? on the diamond thing. They upgrade? I don't know what that's all about.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I love dressing up, and I love fancy beautiful dresses. I even appreciate a lot of gowns for being so beautiful. But the idea of the obsession is what flummoxes me, the idea of lots of fittings and throwing tantrums and having to be so perfect and... it's all just so weird to me, and it also seems like it takes the fun out of wearing a pretty dress and getting all dolled up.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Vegas is one of the few places I could see myself getting married (not that that is likely to ever happen). Or what some friends did -- they rented out the Neptune theatre here and had a movie themed wedding and just blew the roof off the place and had movie concessions as the reception "buffet" and threw popcorn and stuff. I figure if you're going to spend that much money, it should be fun, not this ceremony where everyone is worried about it being letter perfect.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I am trying to imagine you at a Ward and June Cleaverish wedding. ...

O.o

I got nothin'.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Just out of curiosity, did you go anonymous because you said Americans were weird? Believe me, most of us would agree with you on this.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Oh, I definitely think it'd be fun to have an excuse to wear a really nice dress. ;-) I love fancy clothes, beautiful fabrics, all that stuff. I think it's just the assumption that that's a be-all and end-all for so many women... well, they think it is for ALL women, and this is definitely a case of one size does not fit all!

Living vicariously that way would be good, though. I do that with buying cars, though. ;-)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it would be awesome to have an excuse for a Tudor gown or something. That's one of the reasons I like Club Vivid -- it's one of the few excuses these days I have for wearing a fancy dress.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Well, you know me, how much I love to get dressed up, but I still can't see that for anything like a wedding. If I got married to someone who really wanted that, I'd cave in I'm pretty sure, but it would have to be on my terms to actually go through with it.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

NOw that's some shopping!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

See, that's that whole "the most important day of your life" crap that I just don't get. I got my Beetle for less than $26,000. If I could buy another one for the cost of a wedding? Car, baby.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, cakes are a whole other story. Because, pretty cake!

I actually have wanted a pretty cake for years. I look at the stuff on Ace of Cakes and Cake Wrecks and I just... i want a pretty cake! Even though I couldn't cut it! So if I have to get married to get a pretty cake... hm.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I do love to dress up and I love fancy, beautiful dresses. I think it's just the whole "dreaming of it all your life" stuff that I resent so much. And that you have to spend so much, and think so much, and make such a fucking fuss over it that galls me so much. I hate hate hate being lumped into this whole idea of what a modern girl is like, that these are the things that matter to us as females.

One of the things I read recently was that before the '40s, there was no such thing as a wedding gown. Women got married in what was the fashion of their time. So the whole thing about it being "traditional" is just such bullshit, and the whole white emphasis and the insinuation of purity and perfection... it makes my blood boil.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

If I got married, I'd want to do something fun and cool. And dress up appropriately. I love beautiful, fine things and being girly once in a while. I just don't want to be lumped into this idea of what people think girly means -- that you spend your whole life focused on this one moment in time and that's your total achievement.

[klia.livejournal.com]

I hate hate hate being lumped into this whole idea of what a modern girl is like, that these are the things that matter to us as females.

It's disheartening how little progress women have made in our society since we got the vote. Srsly, those outdated expectations just never go away. I've always done my best to be my own person, and not let myself be pigeonholed or brainwashed, and that's about all we can do.

and the whole white emphasis and the insinuation of purity and perfection... it makes my blood boil.

Yeah, that aspect drives me batshit. I loathe double standards.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Never on both. My parents always told me to elope because it would save them money, so I never thought in terms of a major wedding. And I saw pictures of brides, sure, but even as a little girl I knew that model-actress-celebrity types were a different species and that I'd never look like that.

[bop-radar.livejournal.com]

Oh, I love your poll! Weddings (and the accompanying assumptions about women being 'into' them) infuriate me! I'm really heartened to see so many people saying they've never dreamt about their dress or wedding. Not only did I never do so, I find it incredibly hard to understand why anyone would do so.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

I never thought about weddings as a kid or dreamed about the dress. But I got interested when I was about to get married and I LOVED the ceremony of it. I don't think we have enough ceremony in our lives — ceremony and ritual and rites of passage. I find them enormously important. And moving. But I wasn't a girly girl and the frock/wedding thing didn't enter my consciousness until it was about to happen.

[doyle_sb4.livejournal.com]

Argh, I hate that stereotype about all little girls dreaming of their wedding day. I'm sure some, even most, do, but I never did.

I kind of love DS9 for the Dax/Worf wedding episode, where multiple characters mention that big, tough, Klingon Worf's been planning his perfect wedding since he was a little boy (and other than being bored to death by hearing him go on about it, nobody thinks this is in any way unusual).

[crickwooder.livejournal.com]

This is me, entirely! Though when my dad got remarried, I was thirteen, so I did some imagining, but mostly it didn't cross my radar. And, I do have to confess, once mine was over the minutiae of everyone else's wedding planning got pretty old to me, too. I understand why people love ceremonies and parties, and get annoyed when people make assumptions about me based on what kind of wedding I had...but the people who have been married for X amount of years and are still on wedding websites? Dude. It's time to move on.

[alexfandra.livejournal.com]

I loathe ceremonies of all kinds, and avoid them like the plague. Showers, weddings, reunions, anniversaries, funerals, you name it, I will run like the wind. Not sure why. Maybe just because they feel so staged.

My sister and I were not raised in a girly environment at all. Our mom was very down-home farm-girl Depression-era pragmatic, and my dad wanted sons instead, and was busy teaching us baseball, archery, slot-car racing, go-cart driving, etc., before we even realized that these were not typical 1960s girlish activities.

But unlike you, I also detest dressing up. I have maybe two or three "nicer" outfits at best. I had to wear one to the opera yesterday, and was uncomfortable, and couldn't wait to get home and put the jeans back on.

Also, I do not have a DW code and would probably not use it if I did, but if you wanted to send me one, go ahead and do so (to the yahoo address). Thanks.

[kassto.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the general girly obsessing about weddings — except when your own is about to happen — seems pretty bizarre to me.

[imkalena.livejournal.com]

got married (by a notary public) in the ocean with 4 dolphins

OMG NOW THAT'S TRULY THE COOLEST WEDDING.

*is amazed and kind of envious*

Actually, it gave me goosebumps just thinking about it.

[klia.livejournal.com]

It was pretty amazing. I actually kissed one of the dolphins before I kissed my husband, and when my dad saw the video, he said, "You married the damn dolphin!" In hindsight, I would've been better off. :D

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

I just don't want to be lumped into this idea of what people think girly means -- that you spend your whole life focused on this one moment in time and that's your total achievement.

Which is similar to how some people are stuck in their glory days of either HS or college. Y'know, prom and the like. As if it's downhill from then on.

But back on topic...being girly can be so many different things and it doesn't have to be tied to a certain event. ;)

[gattagrigia.livejournal.com]

Heh, my wedding dress was a custom sewn straight shift, made by a friend who's a professional costumer, from hand spun, hand woven, hand embroidered cotton that I'd brought back from Paraguay. It was a loose weave, and I made an underdress that complimented the colors of the embroidery. I commissioned the cloth because it was relatively cheap and rare, not because I intended it for a ceremony (in fact at that time I was sure I'd never get married, much less worry about a 'wedding'). I don't remember ever thinking about a 'wedding dress' or ceremony as a kid. I do remember my mom's wedding photo; she wore a robin's egg blue suit (pencil skirt, jacket with peplum, rhinestone jewelry that I played with). It should come as no surprise that we celebrated by eating: friends cooked us a lovely gormet 4 course meal, and 50 of our closest friends and some relatives celebrated with us. And no, I don't get the whole 'one and only day in your life' crap, either. The SCA provided all the dress up opportunities I could have asked for - I made a functional Tudor gown and corset (with bodice knife), as well as my 1470's working dress, and the early 13th century garb, and... anyway, I found places to dress up that made me happy (i know they don't make everyone happy, so i'm not suggesting that).