Was not expecting that

[gwyn]

Man, I think I have to throw in the towel on trying to figure out what people will respond to. I thought for sure, what with Star Wars being a much, much bigger fandom in general than Captain America, that Battleflag would be the Vividcon entry that would do well out there in the world. But it's just sort of sunk into a void, and Chase You Down, which I thought was a weaker vid, is getting more hits and definitely has more notes on Tumblr and comments here. I was actually really happy with how Battleflag turned out, despite the difficulties, and I thought people would like it…

It's cool that people enjoyed Chase You Down, because I didn't think they would (I mean, admittedly I would have loved it if so many people hadn't qualified it with telling me how much they hate Bucky generally), but I just honestly thought Battleflag would be the one people would respond to.

Anyways. Today I went to see the doctor who runs the genetic testing office at my clinic, he's also a breast cancer specialist and surgeon. They were giving me the results from the spit-in-a-tube thing I mentioned a few weeks ago, to see if I had the genetic mutations for ovarian cancer (for those new here, my twin sister died at 45 of ovarian cancer complications, and so there was a concern that they should take out my ovaries during my colon cancer surgery at the end of the month). I've been…pretty much planning since sis_r died for it, that that was what I was gonna die from, or melanoma. So I was really surprised when they told me I don't have the markers, and my risk was not elevated.

There's a whole bunch of other stuff that I won't bore you with--other higher risk factors because of my sister and just my general body--but they asked me what I wanted to do during the surgery, if I'd prefer to keep the tubes and ovaries or meet with an obgyn surgeon and plan to remove them, and I didn't know how to answer. I was just gobsmacked: I've planned for this news for so long that I had no idea how I was supposed to decide. There's not a lot of time to meet with another surgeon, and I don't know if insurance will pay for this considering I don't have the gene markers, so I decided to just focus on the colon surgery and whatever happens after that.

I mean, to be honest, I'd love to take them out, but that's an expense I could absolutely not afford and considering what kind of bills I'm already getting for co-insurances and whatnot, I don't feel really positive about them paying for it, nor do I have the time and spoons to navigate the insurance maze. So I'm just staying the course, I guess. He outlined a bunch of breast health stuff for me, since my risk just based on heredity is higher, and I loathe mammograms but I sort of saw it coming that they were going to want to increase my frequency of them. God I hate them, I always end up bruised everywhere and in so much pain, and I hate being touched like that, ugh. But at least I don't have the genetic cancer mutations. Seriously, if it wasn't major surgery, I'd cut these things off happily.

Comments

[kass]

I am glad to hear that you don't have the genetic cancer mutations!

And yes, it is always weird what people do and don't respond to -- there's no telling. :-)

I send hugs.

[cereta]

If hugs are welcome, {{hugs}}. I'm glad you were able to get the genetic information. I know from experience that getting that kind of information can be a relief. I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this extra unpleasantness (to put it mildly) on top of cancer, literally insult to injury. I've been thinking of you, and will continue to do so.

[grammarwoman]

Bodies are so weird and unpredictable - it's good news that your chance of ovarian cancer isn't elevated, but I can see how it would be disconcerting to adjust to that information.

*HUGS* if you want them; good luck jumping through the medical hoops.

[dine]

I'm not up on Star Wars (haven't seen a movie since the original three, nor any of the other in-universe stuff) so didn't watch that, but Chase You Down was awesome. I can't imagine making a point of including that sort of negative qualifier. if you enjoyed it, say so. if you didn't for some idiosyncratic reason, keep your mouth shut! (note, I may have become a BOFQ)

good luck with the medical maze - it's such a lot to face. I want to support you in whatever way you need, so please holler if I can somehow

[ratcreature]

It is such an outrage that you have to worry so much about insurance and finances on of the cancer itself.

[mackiemesser]

I'm very happy to hear that you don't have the markers! I bet it will feel weird for a few days while you adjust to the news.

Fandom is an unpredictable beast, that's for sure, and vidding fandom seems like it's the hardest one of all to figure what's going to hit or miss. Both are awesome vids, though, and show off your skills. (Also, WTF, people who have to mention they don't like a character; how is that necessary?)

[dariaw]

I'm glad to hear you don't have the extra risk factors. It makes perfect sense that you would find the whole experience surprising and strange. *hugs* on all the other things you're going through.

I haven't seen any of the recent SW films (I know) so I avoid vids for that until I've seen them, but I really, really loved the Steve vid. The editing worked brilliantly. And I loved the parts with Bucky and Peggy too, but it's rare to see awesome Steve/Sam vids like this, and I love how each person had a different dynamic with Steve and they were all wonderful. I was surprised to hear that there are people who don't like Bucky though. I guess I am isolated in my little fandom echo chamber - is it Tony fans who don't like him? How can someone not like him?

[cesperanza]

Re: the vids, my guess is that it's not about the quality of the vids (they're both awesome, and the last bit of Battleflag is out of the park amazing) but about the audience you're reaching: people who like MCU are subbed to you and thus reblogging you, and Star Wars may be its own fannish network (I only see Star Wars things very very tangentially on my dash.) So I think its more about the way your network is constituted.

And re: the genetic news - it's good news, take it as a win and keep the bits of yourself, IMO. Don't buy trouble! You're on the radar now in various ways and so likely to catch anything early god forbid, and surgery is surgery, and the bits of you are the bits of you. Just 2 cents.

[aurumcalendula]

*hugs* I'm glad to hear that you don't have the markers!

Both of those vids are awesome! (my Vividcon DVD arrived the other day and I'm really excited I can now watch them on something bigger than my laptop screen)

[minim_calibre]

Hey! I can watch the final edit of Chase You Down! And Battleflag, period. Woo!

Not having the markers is good news. No elevated risk is good, it really is.

[raine]

((hugs)) I'm glad you don't have the markers!
I have to get mammograms every year, so I'm really grateful for the staff at the Mammography center at the Polyclinic Madison.

[rahirah]

That sounds like good news, even if it's a big mental adjustment.