Panic level: Red
Dec. 14th, 2011 07:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynI am at full DefCon level 1 on my panic for Yuletide. I finally started my story tonight and I think it's going to suck balls and I'm so afraid of giving somebody crap. Bleh. And I have so much work and am so far behind... i just don't know what I'm going to do. It would help if my dad wasn't in crisis mode, but that's another story. Today I had to waste a lot of time dealing with stuff about him, and afterwards I wanted to go somewhere and scream and cry, so instead I did what any sensible person would do in moments of extreme personal crisis: stop at Denny's. A French slam breakfast does help you get through a lot of problems.
So to avoid actually doing the things that are stressing me... I'll do a meme! Gakked this one fromkassrachel/ kass.
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Ah ha ha. Let's see, put my dad in a nursing home, took over his finances, moved him out of his apartment, moved him back into an apartment... the list goes on.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do resolutions, and if I did, I doubt any of them would have been keepable the way this year went.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Some free time. More friends. Sandy.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 15. That was the last day I ever saw Sandy. And July 19, because that was the day she was gone.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't feel like I ever really achieved anything. It was just treading water, it felt like. But I guess if I had to pick one in real life, it was fostering the dogs for the rescue group; if one for fandom, it would probably be the vid I made early this year, the Prison Break vid Running Up That Hill.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I got some feedback from someone second hand that they were unhappy with my work on a couple different books, and that left me feeling pretty bad. I try really hard to be good at what I do, even when I'm dealing with troubled manuscripts or projects like those, and it pains me that someone was unhappy and didn't feel they could say anything.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I fractured my ankle at the beginning of summer and didn't know it till September. I'm still in treatment for my back problems. They've both really negatively affected my life.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
As much as I didn't want to join the smartphone set, in the end, my iPhone has become indispensable in just a couple months. I love it, and can't imagine my life without it now.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Sandy, for being so brave and being so tough, and her partner, for being so strong.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I was really, really depressed by the way a lot of fans acted during the OTW elections. Some of the people involved in it, in fact, just left me despairing of fandom.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, bills. It's been a hard year, with my medical bills and my dad's shit. The rest of the money went to my big landscaping project.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing this year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I don't ever really associate songs with years. Sometimes special events, but not time periods. Since it was unavoidable, though, probably Adele's Rolling in the Deep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Sadder
ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter
iii. richer or poorer?
Probably richer, in theory. I now have control of the trust account that my dad's managed all these years and I didn't know was mine. But it's not money I can just access, so it's sort of like... virtual money.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing, vidding. Traveling a little -- I never even got down to Portland like I'd planned. It's been a pathetic year.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Like I usually do, alone, and being sad. Reading Yuletide, watching movies. Probably visiting my dad, which is mighty fucking depressing, because nursing home, not exactly a bastion of entertainment.
21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
The same.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Ha. As if. Well, if you count falling in love with the adorable pug I fostered.
23. How many one-night stands?
Even more as if.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Community. I loved Fringe and Justified and Homeland as well.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Some of the fans who were most atrocious in the OTW thing.
26. What was the best book you read?
The only book I have read that wasn't for work was Bill Bryson's Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not so much a discovery as a rediscovery, because I was going back and really getting into all Bob Mould's back catalog with his different bands, including Sugar, and his solo stuff.
28. What did you want and get?
A new back yard. An iPhone. A Nook Color. A pug!
29.What did you want and not get?
For Sandy to get well.
30. What was your favourite film that you saw for the first time this year?
It was a horrible, horrible movie, but I actually had a ball watching Drive Angry because I watched it withsdwolfpup, who loves William Fichtner as much as I do.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had lunch on my 52nd birthday withkillabeez, Mr. Killa, and kerithwyn, and then dinner and drinks with some of my neighbors.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Spending more time with Sandy before she got really sick. Going to Portland for my birthday.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Warmth, no matter how unflattering or ill-fitting. This year has been C-O-L-D, and we didn't even have summer until mid-July, and then it was gone so soon. We never had a day over 85 this year.
34. What kept you sane?
The kitties. The foster dogs. I often wonder if I really am sane at this point, though.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I still have my huge crush on Fichtner, and hanging with SDW just increases it.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
NY's vote on marriage equality.
37. Who did you miss?
My sister, and Sandy.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I haven't really met anyone new this year. Not in meat space, anyway.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I think I'm too old to learn life lessons? It's the same old shit, over and over.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
And I am the one who I felt so, so sorry for / But you are the one who is gone. -- Lori McKenna, Never Die Young
So to avoid actually doing the things that are stressing me... I'll do a meme! Gakked this one from
kassrachel/ kass. 1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Ah ha ha. Let's see, put my dad in a nursing home, took over his finances, moved him out of his apartment, moved him back into an apartment... the list goes on.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't do resolutions, and if I did, I doubt any of them would have been keepable the way this year went.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Some free time. More friends. Sandy.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 15. That was the last day I ever saw Sandy. And July 19, because that was the day she was gone.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I don't feel like I ever really achieved anything. It was just treading water, it felt like. But I guess if I had to pick one in real life, it was fostering the dogs for the rescue group; if one for fandom, it would probably be the vid I made early this year, the Prison Break vid Running Up That Hill.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I got some feedback from someone second hand that they were unhappy with my work on a couple different books, and that left me feeling pretty bad. I try really hard to be good at what I do, even when I'm dealing with troubled manuscripts or projects like those, and it pains me that someone was unhappy and didn't feel they could say anything.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I fractured my ankle at the beginning of summer and didn't know it till September. I'm still in treatment for my back problems. They've both really negatively affected my life.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
As much as I didn't want to join the smartphone set, in the end, my iPhone has become indispensable in just a couple months. I love it, and can't imagine my life without it now.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Sandy, for being so brave and being so tough, and her partner, for being so strong.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
I was really, really depressed by the way a lot of fans acted during the OTW elections. Some of the people involved in it, in fact, just left me despairing of fandom.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, bills, bills. It's been a hard year, with my medical bills and my dad's shit. The rest of the money went to my big landscaping project.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Nothing this year.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
I don't ever really associate songs with years. Sometimes special events, but not time periods. Since it was unavoidable, though, probably Adele's Rolling in the Deep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder?
Sadder
ii. thinner or fatter?
Fatter
iii. richer or poorer?
Probably richer, in theory. I now have control of the trust account that my dad's managed all these years and I didn't know was mine. But it's not money I can just access, so it's sort of like... virtual money.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Writing, vidding. Traveling a little -- I never even got down to Portland like I'd planned. It's been a pathetic year.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Crying.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Like I usually do, alone, and being sad. Reading Yuletide, watching movies. Probably visiting my dad, which is mighty fucking depressing, because nursing home, not exactly a bastion of entertainment.
21. How will you be spending New Year’s Eve?
The same.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
Ha. As if. Well, if you count falling in love with the adorable pug I fostered.
23. How many one-night stands?
Even more as if.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
Community. I loved Fringe and Justified and Homeland as well.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Some of the fans who were most atrocious in the OTW thing.
26. What was the best book you read?
The only book I have read that wasn't for work was Bill Bryson's Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not so much a discovery as a rediscovery, because I was going back and really getting into all Bob Mould's back catalog with his different bands, including Sugar, and his solo stuff.
28. What did you want and get?
A new back yard. An iPhone. A Nook Color. A pug!
29.What did you want and not get?
For Sandy to get well.
30. What was your favourite film that you saw for the first time this year?
It was a horrible, horrible movie, but I actually had a ball watching Drive Angry because I watched it with
sdwolfpup, who loves William Fichtner as much as I do.31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I had lunch on my 52nd birthday with
killabeez, Mr. Killa, and kerithwyn, and then dinner and drinks with some of my neighbors.32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Spending more time with Sandy before she got really sick. Going to Portland for my birthday.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Warmth, no matter how unflattering or ill-fitting. This year has been C-O-L-D, and we didn't even have summer until mid-July, and then it was gone so soon. We never had a day over 85 this year.
34. What kept you sane?
The kitties. The foster dogs. I often wonder if I really am sane at this point, though.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I still have my huge crush on Fichtner, and hanging with SDW just increases it.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
NY's vote on marriage equality.
37. Who did you miss?
My sister, and Sandy.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I haven't really met anyone new this year. Not in meat space, anyway.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.
I think I'm too old to learn life lessons? It's the same old shit, over and over.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
And I am the one who I felt so, so sorry for / But you are the one who is gone. -- Lori McKenna, Never Die Young
