I'm not in a band

[gwyn]

Oh, flist, I need your help. I met with the minister who's doing the funeral service for my dad, and he wanted to know what kind of music to use, just a couple things, he said, but I have no idea what to use. I don't want to default to Amazing Grace, just... you know, because. Dad wasn't a music person much, not really, and we weren't even allowed to listen to pop music when I was a little kid because classical was all there was in my faux-intellectual household. Also, bagpipes. I don't even know.

Dad loved bagpipes, but I don't know that that's good small-service funeral stuff. A lot of people also don't like them. I was thinking maybe something a little lower key, like Uillean pipes, but I don't know of anything off the top of my head that might fit. I was going to go through some of my Celtic music, but the truth is, I haven't got time. I'm so behind on my work and my Festivid (though I finally was able to lay down a whole 30 seconds last night, W00t?) that searching through my music just fills me with dread.

So I turn to you. I only need a few things, but I am very open to suggestions on something peaceful but not gloomy, and bonus points for something vaguely Scottish. (On a side note, boy, do I wish I'd bought the vinyl of the soundtrack to the movie Restless Natives, done by Big Country, back when it was around. That would have been perfect.)

---

Planning this thing has been really difficult. There's just so much to do. And I don't want to do any of it. Even though I've increased my anti-depressant dosage, I'm still just really struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Tilda was the main thing getting me up, but now that she's gone (sob), I just don't want to deal with anything. It's a different kind of depression, too, than I had about my sister. I think it's just that I feel so goddamn alone. Losing Sandy this year, and then Dad, it's just too much, I think. I would like to do something like go to Hawaii and sit on a beach or go on some exotic cruise, but I'm totally alone. Everything just feels really pointless.

Couple that with the fact that I hate ceremonies and there's no one here to help me through this one, I just want to hide. They were asking me about catering for it and I was all flaily, like "I don't want people to linger! I want them to go the fuck home and not talk to me!" But I can't say that. People want closure, they want to feel like they're contributing. However, the things I want them to do, since they keep offering in the most insistent way, they won't or can't do. So I have to put on my smiley face when I really just want to make them go away, and go back to bed.

I also want to read Yuletide fic. I've managed to squeeze in two whole stories beyond my own, but that's not nearly enough.

Comments

[adair]

Such a rough time for you. Most of my music is Irish, but Flowers of the Forest is a Scots tune used as a lament at British military services. You can search in on Youtube and also on itunes. I don't know anything about any of the various performances, but there are several, and I suspect they will also have pipes. A lot of the performance will have singing - the song has lyrics but pipe bands don't use them. There's a nice song version by Isla St.Clair - I just head it on Youtube. It should not be too hard to find something suitable that will give tribute to your dad's musical taste. Do you have any George Winston around? His cd December has some quiet stuff - I am using it to get to sleep. It's mostly piano - Variations on the Kanon of Pachebel is about 5 minutes long; there are shorter things - Peace is nice and 4 min long. I've not heard it much because I am usually asleep by the time in plays.

One step at a time - that's all you can do. Ceremonies are had to direct, but they do have a value for the participants. I think it helps the brain to deal with the conflicting emotions to just go with the ceremony. Let people connect with you a bit after - even if you are not close to them, even if it feels like an imposition. I hope there is someone who will finally take charge at the time and get you away when it's been enough. If you can, ask a friend to help bring it to an end and get you home.


Just did some more searching. Look on Itunes for Spirit of the Glen, a cd of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards. Check out the Dances with Wolves theme on bagpipes - it's pipes, but not harsh and war-like - if pipes can soothe these do.

[minim_calibre]

Instrumental only, or vocals acceptable? I've got a lot of Corries. Flower of Scotland might work.

[klia]

Davy Spillane is an amazing uilleann piper that I've loved for ages. His song Midnight Walker is heartbreakingly beautiful and always makes me cry. I don't know if that's what you're looking for, but there might be other songs of his that you'd like.

Or, there's Mumford & Sons' After the Storm, which sounds vaguely traditional folky-Celtic.

I love Ray LaMontagne's All the Wild Horses. Mary Fahl's version of The Dawning of the Day is gorgeous. And there's Joe Strummer's version of Minstrel Boy from the Black Hawk Down soundtrack (or another version -- I think it's an appropriate song for a veteran).

I was thinking of Yo-Yo Ma, too, especially the song K and I used for our Peacemakers vid, Hard Times Come Again No More. He's such an amazing musician with a huge body of work to choose from. I love his collaborations with Edgar Meyer and Mark O'Connor, and his Bach solo on the Master and Commander soundtrack, too.

Btw, you're not required to host a meal after the service if you don't want to. There are no rules with these things; it's your choice. *hugs*

[kass]

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I wish I had suggestions, but we don't usually use music in my tradition (aside from the officiant chanting), so I'm no help there. Vaguely Scottish -- hm -- maybe something from the Local Hero soundtrack?

I send love. So much love. More soon.

[rosaw]

Thinking of you. I don't have anything to offer except sympathy and a reading eye. Take care of yourself as best as you can. {{{hug}}}

[elynross]

I don't have any music suggestions, sadly, but I give you all the hugs in the world. I'm so sorry about your dad, and all the stress that's falling on you; I at least had some help with that, although honestly, I just wanted them all to go away, too. :( <3

grief

[talking_sock]

Are you seeing a grief counselor, or talking to your therapist (if you have one now)? I am worried about you... Get another little foster too?

[destina.livejournal.com]

*sends you approximately a billion hugs* My thoughts have been with you. So much.

You know, there's some really beautiful music on the original Riverdance soundtrack. One song that has stayed with me - The Heart's Cry - but some beautiful instrumental/combined pieces, like Lament, and Lift the Wings, etc. I know, I know, Riverdance. But seriously. There's some pretty music on there. They do use Irish bagpipes, and it does sound more Irish than Scottish, but it's all quite lovely.

[batwrangler.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

It's so hard to bury your parents -- we did all sorts of things "wrong" with Dad's. "Wrong" in that it bothers me *now* but it was the best we could do with what we had.

"The Bonnie Banks o' Loch Lomond" would be my go-to for Scottish and funereal.

Loreena McKennitt's "Bonny Portmore" might also work.

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

"Amazing Grace" does not have to be bagpipes, truly. It is absurdly beautiful even as a simple piano tune.

If you want background music, Elgar has some lovely pieces. And ask the minister if s/he has a music director that can help you. That's what they're there for.

I wish I could help.

[darthhellokitty.livejournal.com]

Did your father have any CDs he particularly liked?

I am drawing a complete blank, as usual, but I am thinking supportive thoughts.

music

[raveninthewind.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I like this version of Amazing Grace:
http://www.youtu.be/watch?v=u5e6IN_YbwM

This music is gorgeous--The song featured in this video is "We Will Remember Them" and features Isla St Clair singing "Flowers of the Forest," followed by a bagpipe lament played by Pipe Major Brian Heriot. Available at ITunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/pipes-drums-from-helmand-to/id441370539?uo=4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LnLz6mVUk4

Another song for the pipes if you go that direction--Farewell to Lord Louis Mountbatten:
ww.youtube.com/watch?v=18wrNcTAFtA

If you like classical: Albinoni Adagio in G Minor is lovely.I couldn't find the James Galway version, but the cello one by Julian Lloyd Webber is one of my favorites, too: http://www.youtu.be/watch?v=AHkpzVAOZ_0

And this Bach Prelude from Cello Suite No.1 in G is so poignant:
http://www.youtu.be/watch?v=wKEgAn7bLgk

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

I was going to also recommend Riverdance. And I'm sending you massive hugs.

[soundingsea.livejournal.com]

Seems like every (Irish) funeral I go to, there's one rendition or another of "Danny Boy". (Sometimes even with bagpipes.)

*hugs*

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

I offer my sympathy and my condolences on how terrible this is/has been. I'm not very good at expressing them, but they're yours.

I am good, however, at offering music. I don't know if there's anything here (http://www.box.com/s/5t25x198hllsx9cp46p4) that fits with what you're looking for, but maybe something will catch your ear.

Re: music

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

HOW have I managed to go through life without hearing Isla St. Clair before?! That is lovely. I DLed the link from iTunes and there was another lovely song there, called Fare Thee Well, that I think will work well. Found some other ones poking around in the suggestions. But wow, she's lovely and I can't believe I didn't know about her (so much for my being songclopedia!).

I've always loved the Albinoni Adagio -- I have it on my favorite record, which I got from mom and dad years ago, and pretty much all the songs on it are my favorites, especially the Meditation from Thais and the adagio. I'll make them a disc and just let them pick.

RE: Bagpipes

[wolffire.livejournal.com]

While, yes, people want and need closure. You deserve some too. You deserve to be able to honor your dad in whatever way you think is right. If he liked bagpipes and you do too, then by gum have bagpipes!

Huge hugs to you!

[queenofattolia.livejournal.com]

I have no music suggestions to share (the ones here are pretty great) but I do have some thoughts for you, based on personal experience.

I know the minister and his staff mean well, but don't be railroaded into doing anything for the service which doesn't feel comfortable to you. Everyone has different tolerance levels for what comes after a death in the family. You don't have to put on a smiley face and agree to everything they suggest. If you don't want catering afterward, don't have catering. If you want to excuse yourself from greeting everyone before or after the service, do so. You're not responsible for how people feel about your dad's passing - they are. Grieve in your own way, and let everyone else grieve the way they want. People should be cutting you some slack right now, not the other way around.

Be kind to yourself. A change of scene might help, even if it's only visiting a town not far from your own. But then again, if you don't want to do that, don't. Do what feels right for you right now.

[fishsanwitt]

::many virtual hugs::