somniloquence

I feel like it's less the BNFs than the connections you mentioned, the networks. I feel like some of them are through Tumblr, which I just can't cognitively parse much of the time, but also a lot of them are legacy networks that have come down through certain paths through fandom that I just didn't follow. My fandom career didn't go through X-Files and due South, which is where I feel like an awful lot of the connections were forged, and some of those people are certainly names that crop up when meta about BNFs arises, but others aren't, they're just long-term fans who know each other and follow each other's stuff, and it's understandable that they don't really give as much attention to those of us who don't have that history with them, especially as fandom gets bigger and more things demand our attention, it's just...hard. Especially when I feel like I am really putting myself out there to make the connections.

But I also remind myself that I'm in a pretty rough spot right now, emotionally speaking, and so a lot of this is my own depression talking to me. I've been in a better headspace in the past and I think seen more clearly how much looking at fandom based on cheering myself up by interacting with other people rather than waiting for their interaction with me really made a difference. So I'm trying to keep that at the forefront of my mind again and see if it helps me with the current bout of blues.