No hope for the weary

[gwyn]

So my birthday is in exactly one week, and I'm trying to resurrect my old tradition of posting fic on my birthday. Last year I actually posted a bit earlier than that, with the Groundhog Day-time loop Steve/Bucky story, because it was done and I was still working hard on my book for work. This year I'm again working hard on a book, which has turned out to be something of a nightmare and they had to both extend my hours and the deadline, thank god. But I'm also trying to fix up this story to post, which is taking a lot of time because I have to keep stealing little bits of work time away from actual paying work, and it feels so completely, soul-crushingly not worthwhile to be writing fic at all.

Plus it's another baseball series fic, so it's like "just what no one asked for!" But I couldn't help thinking about the ballgames that soldiers used to play in the war, and it seemed like a natural place to take the series.

I also started a Steve/Bucky vid but then got bogged down in trying to work on that plus the book, so I haven't made any more progress. I wish I knew how to get the look I want from it. I just don't know how to make it look visually like I want to see it in my head, and it's frustrating as hell. I don't like vids that are all showoffy with effects and stuff, most of the time, I'm there for the story and a lot of times I find that the story gets lost when people are spending all their time on effects. But this is one time where I really do wish I could understand and use those kinds of things.

I'm also trying to talk myself out of getting dorkbait's series of Bucky drawings they made for inktober--they are stunning, absolutely stunning, and it tells a somewhat cryptic but fascinating story of Bucky thinking about his progress. They've made the art available through a kickstarter book project, but I'm a) broke and b) already waiting for a birthday present I bought myself to arrive, so I feel like I shouldn't. But I have a feeling I will probably cave, just because wow, this fandom is still so strong for me, it's the only thing I really care about, and gorgeous fanart should be supported.

Comments

[kore]

Aww, I'd love to read that story, or anything else you write. The baseball fic is great, and IIRC nobody else does it.

That book is GORGEOUS....but $20, ow.

[gwyn]

It's weird, tonally, and I don't think I'll be able to get it beta'd, I think--I have a feeling these three disparate elements won't work together. But it's not like many people are reading them, so it probably doesn't matter in the long run and I'm wasting a lot of energy worrying about it. I think you and ranalore are the few people reading them and I appreciate it very much that you've both been encouraging about it.

I wasn't trying to fish at all, but someone saw my post over on LJ and bought me the book as a present. Which is just incredibly, incredibly sweet. It's weird because I was just hoping someone would talk me out of it--I have so many books that I've bought in the throes of a fandom that I've never looked at again cluttering up shelves, so...but god, those drawings really affected me. Some of them almost made me feel like I was seeing scenes I'd written come to life, just how I envisioned Bucky at times.

[ranalore]

Ooh! My birthday isn't until the 13th, but I just went ahead and sprang for the PDF as an early birthday present for myself. And for what it's worth, I would love a story about soldiers playing baseball during the war, and would count it as another early birthday present, so there's that. Which reminds me, I need to respond to your reply to my DW comment on your last story, because I have Thoughts on tiny Steve.

I can't really say much about your vidding woes, since my few attempts at trying to understand how vidding works many years ago ended in miserable failure. I do sympathize with feeling like your skills are not up to the task of what you want to accomplish, though. I'm really feeling that as I continue to struggle with trying to be a writer again.

[gwyn]

It's beautiful, isn't it? I mean, I have tons of fandom books I've never looked at once I was out of a fandom, but this one has gripped me so thoroughly, and those drawings affected me so strongly, that...I wasn't trying to fish for a gift, but someone actually bought it for me. Which is beyond lovely and sweet.

I think you and kore are among the very few who are reading the baseball stories, but I am glad that you guys have enjoyed them--it means a lot to me, because it definitely feels like people see "baseball" and run away, or maybe just I'm not writing good enough stuff, who knows. It's especially funny since I actually don't like baseball anymore at all. They've mostly turned out to be about sex, anyway (and this one's no different), but what can you do?

Vidding is just...what a fucked up hobby, you know? :-D

[kore]

....what the hell, it's still my birthday month. And five bucks!

[geckoholic]

Dorkbait's are is AMAZING. I actually bought a print of hers for my hallway, which is why I might pass on the book (woooeeee) but I only have so much of a budget for pretty things. :/

[kore]

(Wow, NICE icon.)

[geckoholic]

Thanks. The icon maker is one of my favorites. :D

[sperrywink]

Thanks for a link to the story. Just what I needed Sunday.

[kass]

Hi honey. I will totally read your new baseball dries fic omg.

Also: what's the best email address for you these days? Feel free to email me at kassrachel at gmail to answer that question...

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

I obviously have to get reading some of your Bucky fic. I'm writing one now (interrupting momentum on LongAssClintFic) to write me some Bucky head canon that no one asked for, also, as it also expresses my feels about a certain book.