I'm building my fort of pillows

[gwyn]

anniesj has a lovely commentary on a salon.com article on how Spike ruined Buffy because he was the antithesis of the show's message, that geeks triumph over cool (boy, have I been watching a different show than this person apparently was). She also gets in some nice comments about whether the show was ruined at all.

ETA: That elz also has muy fabuloso comments about the article, which I should just say I haven't and won't be reading, because, you know, pillow fort -- see below.

I'm building my little pillow fort starting tonight. The past few weeks I've read so much negative, narrow-minded, fatalistic, depressing crap from so many people, people I even often admire, about this show and its ending, and it's leaving me with big-ass emotional bruises, and I just don't want to know anymore. I think I have to stop reading my friends list first, and then stop reading any mailing lists, which is easy because I mostly don't. But I've also got to stop reading the articles in magazines, and ignoring the simplistic and priggish comments people leave in LJs and blogs and wherever, and just go to my little happy place, which sadly, doesn't feel happy anymore.

I care too much about this show and its meaning in my own heart and head to let everyone make it worse for me. I suppose this makes me a bit of an ostrich, sticking my head in the sand, but... geez louise, I suffered through the last three years of X-Files and still have the ugly scars to prove it, I endured the trials and tortures of the original ending of La Femme Nikita, so I think I've earned a holiday at L'hotel du Pillow (it's a four-star in the Zagat's, you know).

I shall sit quietly with my cup of tea in the corner, and pretend I am alone. Unless someone wants to come in and join me. Make knocking noises, because pillows don't conduct sound.

Comments

Pillows Are Good

[morgandawn.livejournal.com]

Will be there right with ya, with my container of mint chocolate ice cream.

not ruined at all, not to me...

[selenak.livejournal.com]

...and if you need some additional pillows in the form of positive reviews (of the episodes and the show in general), I humbly point to my own livejournal.

Incidentally, Elz also wrote an inspired rebuttal of the ridiculous "Spike the cool destroyer" article.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

I care too much about this show and its meaning in my own heart and head to let everyone make it worse for me.

I know what you feel...when a pillow fort sounds like a good idea, it's a sure sign of deep melancholy in the Buffy fandom...

And still. We'll keep going. Read my little Spuffy Manifesto (http://www.livejournal.com/users/monanotlisa/15295.html#cutid1) a few days back in The Ultimate Spike Post? You'll feel better. I hope.

& :-)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Actually, I hadn't read that! Thank you for pointing it out to me. I guess it is a sign of the times that I'm spending less and less time reading things, so I'm missing the good bits as well as the bad. If I tried to write an ultimate Spike post, I think I'd get booted off LJ for size issues. ;-)

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Hee. I'd love to read it nevertheless!

Actually, Deepa's and my post is pretty long, too...

Another ostrich, here

[superplin.livejournal.com]

Mind if I join you?
I'm finding it more and more depressing to read Buffy-related forums, articles, posts and comments. It saddens me how harsh people are becoming as the end draws near. Instead of relishing every second, it seems nearly everyone has an agenda, and has decided that the show is crap if that agenda isn't followed, or isn't front-and-center. I suppose it sounds very kum-bay-yah-ish to say I wish people could focus instead on the affection they feel for this show and its characters (and if they don't feel it anymore, I don't get why they're still watching).

I've considered isolating myself completely, too, but one of the things I love about Buffy is discussing it with other people, so I hate to do that. But I am avoiding all of the people and places that I know are just going to tear me down (I'm feeling very fragile!), which leaves me with depressingly few options.

So... got any extra pillows? Or, I can bring my own, since extra padding is always a good thing. Feather pillows, even.

Re: Another ostrich, here

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Oh god, word word word to everything you just said here. I don't understand how, even if it isn't the way we want it, we can't just try to enjoy it as best we can when this is all we've got. And those people saying that if JM were to end up on Angel would destroy the show for them, so they're gone, they'd never see Spike again because they hate Angel... blah blah. It's all so weird to me -- if Angel can weather the things that have been done to it before, then it could weather their Spike hate... and if Buffy can weather stuff like Adam and Riley, then certainly, might it not be able to weather the mistakes they made this and last year, and give us something good? Oh hell, I just can talk myself in circles with this, so I'll just say, yes, the pillow door is open!

[elina.livejournal.com]

I'm not convinced the last couple of episodes aren't going to suck, but I will always love Spike and always root for whatever plot development gets him onscreen, preferably shirtless. I'm also sick of the bitterness and cynicism that seem to have pervaded certain TWoPpish segments of the fandom, so I will be staying faaaaaar, far away from them, as much as humanly possible.

[caille.livejournal.com]

I'm in the happy place. I'm ridin' the Joy Train. Now it really is about getting the ice cream and building the pillow fort. Later we can start giving things names.

I think people feel it might hurt less if they mess it up. You know? "This swimming hole is now off-limits!" Okay, fine. Let's nuke it. Didn't like it anyway.

This is not my style. I mean, I have no style, not really, but this is one of the styles I can affirmatively reject.

It wouldn't hurt if you couldn't feel anything. Do I really want to live like that? (**checks her watch**) No!

Hugs

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Sadly, my style is to get overemotional and childish. I have big emotions. It's my downfall -- when I'm down, I'm really down, when I'm happy, I'm ecstatic, and when I'm angry... scary. And like a lot of people with big emotions, I tend to pick up on others' feelings way too much. Negativity can really make me twice as negative and miserable. It's something I have to be very careful of, and I constantly fail.

I want to treasure as much as I can, even if I feel it's going to suck. That's all I want.

[superplin.livejournal.com]

And like a lot of people with big emotions, I tend to pick up on others' feelings way too much. Negativity can really make me twice as negative and miserable. It's something I have to be very careful of, and I constantly fail.

Are you sure you're not me?

[sweet-ali.livejournal.com]

Dear, dear, gwyneth, this is why i beta for you. Not only because i enjoy what you write, but because i enjoy what you say and how you say it. I've built my own fort and have only allowed the small few enter it on oocasion, you being one of them. I've given up really reading lists, and like you, I've been hard with people who i admire, people write some amazing fic that i admire, being completely down on the show that brought them into this fandom in the first place. Cause, wow, is it easy to kick someone when their down and they are taking full opportunity.

But always know that a safe haven is my LJ as well, and hey, care to truck around Crumbling Walls, we try to keep the atmosphere pretty calm and positive there.

~Ali<<--who's so very glad that she will have your fanfic when the show comes to a close:)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Speaking of which... ;-) I actually have the first chapter of this incredibly long Spike as human thing I talked about last week or whenever almost ready. I wanted to check if you might be available, but I've been away from my home mail with your address since forever (I inadvertently disable my internet connection, ahem), so I might be able to send something as early as this weekend, if I get a chance to format and all. I fear you're in indentured servitude now, so if you can't or need a break from all this crap I'm churning out, let me know!

Re:

[sweet-ali.livejournal.com]

I fear you're in indentured servitude now, so if you can't or need a break from all this crap I'm churning out, let me know!

LOL! Not at all, my dear. In fact, i welcome it. So, whenever it's ready, send it this way.

[batdina.livejournal.com]

You know what? I think a wall of pillows is the way I'm going to go too. At Escapade, Mfae and I decided that we didn't need to get into the arguments and be taught to feel crappy about things we liked. We'd put in our dues years ago, and if it wasn't fun to watch everyone else argue, we were giving ourselves permission not to watch them.

Then again, there's something in the air because EVERYONE is depressed and being noisy about it. I mean you know you're in trouble when people are bitching about shows that were renewed (how dare they make more of a show you like!), how interviews with producers are bad because they're canon (in who's universe?) and naming guest stars is a spoiler worthy of the kind of acrimony that generally accompanies accusations of eviceration.

If you need me, I'm hiding under my pillows in the back bedroom.

Cyn

Whoa. Deja Vu.

[denyeverything1.livejournal.com]

Wandered in from a friend's friends list -- I hope you don't mind. It's just that I could have so easily written this post last year. I bailed on "Buffy" in the middle of season 5 but stuck with (and mostly loved) the X-Files to the very end -- and if that's not enough to make one feel isolated in fandom, I'm not sure what is.

By the time that end rolled around, I'd isolated myself from reading much of anything in XF fandom I'd read before -- newsgroups, lists, you name it. I refused to isolate myself from my good friends -- even the ones I wholeheartedly disagreed with about the show, though, and we hashed things out and I'm glad we did. But lists and articles and all the other hoohah? Yes, I'm with you -- who needs them?

I'm not saying it won't be easy, and I'm not saying it won't sting, even years later (it does still with me, every time I read the off-hand smacks at TXF that pop up) but this sort of ending is survivable. Have a nice cozy time in your pillow fort (a wonderful idea -- I wish I'd thought of it), revel in what *you* enjoy about the show and good luck!

Re: Whoa. Deja Vu.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Hey, no, it's cool to meet a fellow die-hard of the XF world. Sigh.

It's sort of like having earned the hardest of the Scout merit badges, isn't it?

Re: Whoa. Deja Vu.

[denyeverything1.livejournal.com]

It's sort of like having earned the hardest of the Scout merit badges, isn't it?

*L* Suddenly I'm wondering what to put on such a badge and am thinking maybe... a stake crossed with a really big flashlight? (Though me, I'd only merit the flashlight. *g*)

[rashaka.livejournal.com]

Down with this. As you probably know. I have a pillow-fort too. It's already been errected and is keeping me nice and safe.

[corilannam.livejournal.com]

Got referred here through friends who have been listening to me rant in the same vein for days now, and just gotta say, hell yes. I've got a suite down the hall at L'hotel du Pillow, and I'm staying there for at least the next couple of weeks.

I definitely understand fannish disillusionment (I was an X-Phile, too), but all the negativity about Buffy, and particularly about Spike and their relationship, is really starting to make me twitch. The last couple of days I've just wanted to stand up in the town square and shout, "I don't just like Spike for the pretty, I don't just like the Spuffy for the pretty, I still love this show for everything it is and could be, so just leave me alone to grieve in peace!"

So I whimper and burrow a little further into the pillows when I spot tell-tale signs of negative ranting, though I haven't stopped reading entirely. Then I'd miss out on finding people who are still on the same page as I am, and that always makes me feel better. :-)

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I've convinced the management to offer a special package for Denial Suites. Just give them the code SPIKE2003 for the special discount rate. There's fluffy robes and everything. ;-) I'm glad you stopped by!