Wearing my tiara

[gwyn]

Somedays I guess I really have earned the Bitch Queen from Hell tiara. A while ago a person wrote to me about my Buffy novel Somniloquy, which was nice. Even if they don't say anything specific, feedback's a rarity for me so I cherish them, and I was very flattered that she asked if she could include it in a new archive she was building. But I don't like to be archived -- I had some seriously bad experiences with archives, including people stealing stories and archiving stories in bad condition, when I was in XF fandom. These days it's just safest, I feel, to have a blanket policy -- links okay, archive not.

The only place I've ever allowed anyone to archive the stories was at allaboutspike.com, mostly because I felt like the archiver (hey, L!) did a really good job and that she presented the material in a way that wouldn't encourage the kind of mistreatment that the XF stories got (and I realize that the Net's changed a hell of a lot since those incredibly early days, but I still don't trust it). And also, she didn't insist I put warnings and keywords and ratings, which I can't stand at all. Otherwise I politely decline, and tell people that links are okay, though. I mean, I'm as flattered as the next person when someone wants to rec or keep a story -- maybe even more so than the next person, because many of the next persons I know of are the best writers in fandom. ;-)

But I declined first, then got a mail thanking me for allowing her to archive my fic, so I sent another mail hoping to clarify my position, which I never got a response to. Then I finaly got a response today, but she was again thanking me for allowing her to archive, requesting I send future fics, and also, please put ratings and other things I hate on the fic. So I put my tiara on and sent a really curt, blunt mail saying to please remove my fic from the list of stories to archive. And reierating that links are okay, but archive is most emphatically not.

I really hate being in that prima donna diva position. I'm not trying to be a big snob about it, I just want to have some phony sense of control over things. Being able to decide where and when things get archived. I still have this itching feeling that I'm going to yank all my stories some day, just out of a sense of panic or dread or something. I never know why I have that feeling, but I do. Like I'm going to bail on fan writing or something. I won't, it's just that it gives me a (admittedly false) sense of control. And calling me a control freak is such an understatement it's like saying the Pope goes to church sometimes.

Now I feel like I've made an enemy of probably a nice person, and I'm going to get a rep as a total bitch monster, the same way I had a rep in XF fandom and slash fandom years ago. I'm definitely not the nicest person, I admit, but I hate being put in that position. I wish she would have at least acknowledged my earlier post, but she's sending out what looks like boilerplate mail, and so she's obviously not paying attention to me. I just know that when this archive goes live, my story will probably be there, and then I'll have to send a really nasty mail. Grrrr.

Comments

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

If she doesn't understand that it's your fic and yours to decide where it lives and how it's presented, it's really no loss, is it? There are plenty of authors who are link-only at the Sandlot, for reasons you state above as well as other very good ones. Any archivist who can't respect author privilege isn't someone you need to have as an advocate anyway!

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

I know you're right... but I'm so doofy that I still worry about building yet another bad reputation. This is the kind of time where I need people to slap me upside the haid. ;-)

Re:

[chrisjournal.livejournal.com]

/me slaps Gwyn upside the head with a trout...

[xanphibian.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's definitely *not* being a bitch. If someone completely ignores your right to control where your own work goes, they completely deserve to be taken to task.

[onetwomany.livejournal.com]

I certainly don’t think you’re being a bitch. The person in the wrong here is the person who went ahead and archived your story without your permission. That’s just wrong, not to mention incredibly rude. You have every right to demand your work be removed from her site, stat. If I was in a position to pick and choose where my stuff was archived, then I’d do exactly the same thing you did, and probably less politely. And I like to think that I am a nice person ;) (and, fwiw, you've always seemed like a nice person to me!).

Anyways, it’s your fic and your intellectual property and you have every right to have to archived, or not, as you please. I don’t think exercising that makes you look bad at all, just savvy. And it’s completely understandable given all the bad experiences you’ve had before. Which, in short, really means I think you did the right thing on all accounts. And if the fic is there when the site go live, the webmistress is asking for a really nasty email.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think it will really make a difference if a) it's on the site once it goes live and b) I actually heard back with something that didn't sound totally boilerplate. I'm just realy feeling like she's not reading the mails at all. I got into a horrid fight once with someone over something like this, and I think I'm always expecting the worst, when I should try to expect the best. I'm hoping this last one did the trick.

[batdina.livejournal.com]

Yo, Gwyn, my "bitch on demand" services continue to be available to you. Any time, any place.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

ROTFL!!! I totaly forgot about that -- and man, it would be great if need be to have you on point! You're the woman.

[tiashome.livejournal.com]

You're not being a bitch at all -- it's your fic and you have every right to decide where and how it's archived. And the fact that she didn't even take the time to read through your emails? Good grief.

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

When did it become rude, bitchy, and impolite to remind someone that they ignored your specific request? Seems to me that the rude and impolite person is the one who asked for permission and then ignored your answer.

Don't think you earned your tiara with this one.

[gwyn-r.livejournal.com]

And yeah, now I have Jo to sic on her! Heee.

I sometimes wonder about how we're socialized that we think we're being horrible for standing up for ourselves. I mean, I know that many people don't understand my weird archive feelings, and that's okay, but it's always something I feel like I have to apologize for -- because I've always been taught that it's wrong for me to not accommodate someone else. Way too many years of conditioning to get over easily, but I keep trying.

[leela-cat.livejournal.com]

Jo is very good at that.

I've wondered about that socialisation myself. I'm good at standing up for other people. I can stand up for myself if I need to do it, but then I have to deal with massive guilt feelings afterwards, especially if I lose my temper.

The odd thing is that I don't know that I was taught to accommodate other people. My mother was certainly not like that. She was very good at getting other people to accommodate her. That's something that just got even worse after she became ill.

Hmmm... you think that's part of it? At least for me?

[umbo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

It doesn't sound like you acted in any way out of line.

[monanotlisa.livejournal.com]

Even if they don't say anything specific, feedback's a rarity for me so I cherish them

Really don't get that. & :-) When I recommended Somniloquy over on BBF, there even were enthusiastic responses from utter non-Spuffys...which, knowing the OTP wars here, is really saying a lot.

And no, you're not a Diva or worse for wanting to determine the fate of your very own fiction-- it's no one else's, and if you like to share...good for us, of course.

Which reminds me...I can see your point from a mile away, but thing is, if you allowed more archiving in high quality places you can trust, more people would be exposed to the angsty loveliness that's your fiction-- you've jumped from zero into the range of my top five writers in this fandom after I read your fiction by chance, having stumbled upon it on one of my rare cruises for fanfiction.

Of course, I don't want to look stupid by acting up as your #1 fan-- too late?--, but as you really deserve more recognition (hee. Don't we all?), I think the word should be spread in any way that preserves the dignity of your work. And your own mental comfort, I concede.

Just my two Euro cents. I suspect you actually KNOW all of this just as well...

[rusty_halo.livejournal.com]

Just seconding what everyone else said: it is not, in any way, rude or bitchy for you to try to protect your own work. It's absolutely outrageous that this archivist sent you a form letter and completely ignored what you said. She's the one out of line, not you, and you shouldn't feel bad for standing up for yourself.

[darkwoods.livejournal.com]

Just thirding what everyone has said. Your writing is your property. Maybe she didn't read your e-mails or maybe she didn't like your answer to her request to archive them. In any case, youse is in the right baby. I would love to see you gain as wide a readership as you feel comfortable with. I love your stuff.