I'm in leerrrve...

Spoilers for Miracles, The Patient

Honestly. I feel like such a slut, but I'm totally in love with Skeet Ulrich on Miracles. He just gets twitchier and sweeter and cuter every week. When he asked Raina if he could kiss her at the end, I was all giggly and overcome by his innocence and sweetness. And those huge, haunted eyes! Sigh.

The episode was somewhere in the middle between that incredible pilot and the second episode -- it had a lot of strong stuff, and a very definite X-Files feeling, maybe even moreso than the other two. I'm a complete sucker for those guardian angel/hitchhiker ghost stories, so the ending made me extremely happy. I'd had a feeling she would turn out to be a spirit of some kind; I'm glad that she turned out to be a benign one and that the evil possession was in the patient. For a moment they had me on the line with Raina, wondering if she would turn out to be causing the mischief, so I'm glad that it turned out to be some evil entity ("merry prankster!" -- Angus cracks me up)taking up residence in the patient.

Again visually they're doing wonderful things with cues and color. Each episode seems to get darker and grainier, and I wonder if that's intentional to signal Paul's getting deeper into the "darkness" that everyone referred to last night. But the episode gave more fullness to his character -- they're allowing him to show humor now, and Keen and Evelyn too, and there's more of a sense that they're really working with each other and are more human characters, rather than stock figures spouting lines about the coming apocalypse.

I know this show is doomed, but I'm just nuts for it.

Spoilers for Veritas

The cheese factor keeps getting upped a notch here. This was so funny -- gods hanging around, keeping track of glass skulls (and that the gods take the form of one of my favorite bad actors, the guy who played Gallo on Witchblade, among other shows), and all the attendant nonsense. But it played so well! You can tell everyone is caught up in the goofy mayhem. I can't stand the actress they were trying to pass off as a Lara Croft type in this ep, and pray they don't bring her back if the show survives, but it probably won't last that long for me to worry. She was just so annoying; there was nothing charming or cool about her.

I loved that when they held up the crystal skulls, sometimes you could see the mold seams from where they poured the resin. That was too, too funny. And it's a hoot to see all the La Femme Nikita locations show up again, after Witchblade, but it's even funner that some of the shots on these locations are almost block for block how they were used in LFN. Good old Toronto.

And anyway, I just want the show to concentrate on the damn slashiness between Solomon and Vincent! Alex Cross and Arnold Vosloo are great together, and they have a total Dr. Quest and Race Bannon committed-life partners-in-adventure vibe going. So screw the damn Johnny Quest replacement (does that mean his tutor is Hadji? And where's Bandit to round out the troupe?) by 86'ing the kid and let Dr. Q and Race have some fund with mustache-twirling, badly accented bad guys, I say.

Angsting...

I've never felt like this before. And I don't even have any place or anyone I can talk to about this, so I guess I'm working out my issues here. Sorry. :-)

Today we got word from our main office that there were definitely going to be more layoffs -- we'd all been expecting it, those of us on the skeleton crew who have no more work to do since the last of the jobs trickled through here and our old boss stole all the upcoming work away from us. They started doing this thing recently where they actually tell you that they're going to lay off X number of people, and offering volunteer layoff status -- all the "bennies" of layoff, but none of the waiting and unpleasant meeting with the too-tanned oily guy who runs things.

The thing is, it's so unlikely I won't be laid off, that taking it now seems the logical move. I've seen freelance jobs available for someone with my skill set on some lists I'm on, only I couldn't take them without knowing I'd have income, even in the form of unemployment, until they actually axed me from here. But the market is awful for editors in Seattle. And I don't want to do the hell commute to Microsoft every day, assuming I could even get hired at the Evil Empire. And the evil ex-boss who stole our accounts keeps pinging me to come contract for him, so even though I think he's a sleaze and I dislike him intensely and the place he works, it's at least a good source to start with.

And I would be away from my supervisor, who has grown so mean and dispiriting lately (she was always mean, but had a nice side when she was in a good mood) that I loathe coming to work, aside from working in the pit of Seattle: Pioneer Square. Not that I'm guaranteed better situations as a freelancer, but I could leave if I had to. So in a lot of respects, volunteering to be laid off makes a lot of sense.

And yet I feel miserable because I'm so scared of losing my house, of not being able to make payments on things. Of being actually not half the editor I've been told I am, and not getting work because people are disappointed in me. There's this niggling thought that I might be spared the axe, especially if the other editor here leaves, which I'm pretty sure he's going to do. Like, maybe they'll be so desperate for my help! But of course, they could hire me as a freelancer, even though I haven't a clue how that all works.

I've once before been asked to make a life-altering decision in a very short time-frame, and that was when my mother's life hung in the balance during her cancer surgery -- and I was all alone, forced to make a decision that might kill her immediately or ultimately. I feel that same pressure right now, that lack of knowledge of outcomes, of panic in the immediate and panic in the long-term. I have no idea which way to go -- let the decision play out, or take action to change my life. In some ways, it will be nice to finally start the next chapter of my life. In others, it's terrifying.

And here I was, worried about how on earth to categorize my two new pieces of fanfic. har har.

My feelings are changeable, but intense

Spoilers for Buffy episode First Date, ahoy!

I approached this episode with a lot of trepidation, for a number of reasons: threat to my little stupid Spuffy heart, doubts about Wood’s character, uncertainty about how the changes would affect Spike considering his recent state of being, and mostly, the dating a supervisor thing. ME did a great job of allaying most of those issues for me, although I do still have some doubts as to Wood’s character (more on that later).

This was a classic Jane Espenson episode -- lots of witty one-liners, a definite feel for Spike, an understanding of how the characters interact, a good solid story. Lines like “bidet of evil” and “dress for the ambiguity”, Giles’s ongoing stodginess and his hysterical flashcards (someone once made LJ icons of the drawings he made for Hush; has anyone put these in icons yet? I really want one!), the constant riffing on Xander’s unfortunate attraction for demons, and the lots of little touches of humanity that I’ve always thought Jane did better than almost anyone except Joss himself. And it’s especially gratifying now that the whole thing with Giles is settled so we’re not being teased anymore, and we can get real Giles-like interaction and brilliance. Jane writes wonderful Giles. God I love that man.

His scene with Buffy regarding Spike and the chip, and their relationship, was in some ways everything I’d been expecting and hoping for. While we’d been denied his discovery about Spike’s soul, at least we were allowed to see his reactions to something as important as the chip removal. On some place I play, either a list or a board, I remember at some point saying that I could see Giles having issues with Spike being part of the gang and of him being unchipped, if that’s what would come to pass. Some folks had taken issue with it; however, I felt that Giles would naturally be concerned because of exactly the things he stated. Everything he said was reasonable and from the viewpoint of an advisor and a more experienced adult; what I loved most, though, was that for the first time in a long time, Buffy was as reasonable and prepared in her arguments for her position as he was. She had strong points, not completely based on emotional, romantic feelings, and her line about not having to be evil to defeat it was one of the more profound and affecting things she’s said since... well, forever, to me. This was the kind of insightful and intuitive remark that has often gone to other characters -- others always being the wiser or the more objective, etc. In fact, it’s the kind of remark most often given to Willow in the past, if it didn’t come from Giles, and to hear Buffy say it, especially in defense of Spike not because of a romantic attachment but because of a deeper understanding of what he is capable of, was enough to really hit me in the gut and make this one of my more higher-rated episodes. I’ve always thought the Initiative’s plan was heinous; it was gratifying to hear Buffy put paid to that once and for all, and in defense of someone who managed to rise above what they did.

Xander has come so far in so many ways, with his understanding of what he did to Anya and his willingness to take responsibility now, but what I liked here was that he also was willing to move on. His awkwardness reminded me so much of old season 2 Xander, although I must say he’s not quite the same guy with his shirt off as he was then. ;-) He had a nice rapport with Ashanti, who didn’t do half bad acquitting herself here. Willow and Dawn are clearly in a holding pattern until what looks like next week, but that’s okay, because we know we’ll get there.

I had a lot of doubts about Andrew last week -- his easy corruptibility and his tendency towards being attracted to the worst in people because he had no identity of his own is being addressed, and I’m so grateful to Jane for doing such a nice job of it. He’s believably torn, as he should be, until he clearly makes his own fateful decisions, and it’s long overdue. In some ways I’d have liked to see him after the choices he made, but at least we got to see some development in the strength of his character. Regarding Wood, though, I’m still not so sure I buy into him just being the slayer’s kid and thus on the side of good. Why did he have a bloody knife -- whose blood? A demon’s? We don’t know yet -- and why is he leading Buffy sloooowly down a dark alley where vamps just happen to attack? I can’t help but think there’s something else going on; of course his ease in accepting the FE’s fingering of Spike is understandable, but I also wonder why he might be so willing to listen to that comment of the FE’s, yet not the others. I’m hoping he has more reserves... or possibly that there is something else more complicated than what he’s showing. I liked the fact that Willow isn’t hanging all over Kennedy -- she’s enjoying the flirtation, but clearly Kennedy is the one who’s more intent on the relationship. This works for me because I do think that Will still has mixed-up feelings here, and is probably happy to feel that kind of giddy romance again, but she’s clearly a little more distant, a little more business-like than Kennedy.

And the Spike/Buffyness... I can’t help it, I’m sorry. This is who I am, a big fat sap for them. From her defense of him to the scene on the couch, this left me so happy. In some respects, this is the Spuffyness I always wanted -- friendship, trust, belief, his respect for her, while still unhappy about the date, and his understanding that she may need things from him she’s not willing to admit to (even going so far as to leave town), shows such an interesting side of him. He’s always had that ability to understand when he tried, even when he was mister gleeful killer -- his ability to see things in people probably made him better at being a killer. He often doesn’t get it right, but you can see this subtle shift in him as he moves towards a more complete understanding, especially of Buffy -- and of himself. And if this wasn’t leading up to someday she’ll tell you... geez peez, I don’t know what could. For her to admit she needs him and wants him nearby, and to be more concerned about him after a fight than Xander (not that poor Xander didn’t deserve her concern, just that I felt this action of Buffy’s was hugely telling) made my heart go pitty-pat.

I’m going into next week’s open-minded and eager. If they could win me over after so many concerns this week, I can’t wait to see what they’re going to serve up next week.