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miss mary sunshine my ass
Jan. 5th, 2004 04:47 pmYou know, I'm not the nicest person in the world, and I know that. There are certain people -- family, fellow fans -- who love to tell me I'm a horrid bitch and that something needs to be done about me. Which is fine, you know, I'm okay with that, we all have out little problems, and if accepting one's Bitch status is enough for Lilah, then it's good enough for me.
But a little over a year ago, I decided that even gafiating largely from fandom hadn't made me any happier than being in it, and I was going to have to change my 'tude a little if I wanted to stop being so miserable. There were people in fandom I really disliked, and I decided I would find a way to get along with them. And weirdly, it worked to some degree; and in a couple cases I found a really nice friendship with those people. Not everything's perfect, but hey, it's better than before.
And I decided that if I wanted to change my relationships with fans and not always be getting into fights, I had to show a different face to people -- the nice face that I thought I had, but that none of the people I knew ever seemed to acknowledge or talk about. They only ever talked about the bitch face. So I started getting involved on e-mail lists again, and posting, and when I posted, I wanted to be more postive. A lot of times it worked, to my surprise. People who didn't know me actually sometimes thought I wasn't Evil. Again, it didn't always work, but I know few people who are 100% positive, and I learned a quick lesson that some of the lists where I felt I was among friends were the most dangerous to post honestly to. Lesson learned, moved on.
And I discovered a couple things in doing all this -- one was that, people get to know you one way, and they are reluctant to change their minds about you. Very few people will give you a chance to prove yourself otherwise in their eyes. Another thing I learned is that there's a hell of a lot of folks who think that if you're not the way they are, and the way they believe you should be, then all the change in the world won't matter -- you still suck. But you can't do anything about those folks.
And the last thing I learned is that you can be as positive as you want to, encouraging as you want to, and it doesn't matter when you find yourself up against a snot-nosed brat who's determined to be Miss Pissypants. You can't fight someone who's hell-bent on being a crappy person, no matter how much sugar you pour on them. I spent a long time framing an e-mail on a list today that I hoped would encourage someone, and her response just floored me with its spoiled-brat crappiness. There's no way to help someone be happy when they're determined to be not just unhappy, but pouty and childish about it, too. I don't know why I was so frustated; maybe because I did spend a long time trying to write that mail in a way I thought might be encouraging. It could very well be that I'd failed, and did a miserable job, I don't know -- but it just leaves me flummoxed, nonetheless.
I guess it's my weird issue with wanting to make everyone's lives run well. I want everyone to be happy in a way I haven't always had the chance to be. And I'm still often unhappy, often down and pouty and all the other things people are in regular life. But usually, if someone's trying to help me -- at least these days -- and perk me up, I try not to pee all over them for doing it. I just Do Not Understand. I'm about as Eyore-ish as a human being can get, but if you go in expecting to be pissed off and miserable, it's a pretty sure bet you'll be pissed off and miserable, non? Not every situation is going to be a happy one, but if you can tell people are trying to be supportive, why bite the hand that's feeding you some crumbs of positivity? I find this just baffling, and I know I'm going to be chewing on this on the bus ride home.
And worse, in being Miss Pissypants and staking her claim in the who's more negative sweepstakes, she insulted someone who I think is talented. Grrrr. Okay, /rant.
I'm repeating S's mantra: My, you're a pinhead, aren't you? All the way home.
But a little over a year ago, I decided that even gafiating largely from fandom hadn't made me any happier than being in it, and I was going to have to change my 'tude a little if I wanted to stop being so miserable. There were people in fandom I really disliked, and I decided I would find a way to get along with them. And weirdly, it worked to some degree; and in a couple cases I found a really nice friendship with those people. Not everything's perfect, but hey, it's better than before.
And I decided that if I wanted to change my relationships with fans and not always be getting into fights, I had to show a different face to people -- the nice face that I thought I had, but that none of the people I knew ever seemed to acknowledge or talk about. They only ever talked about the bitch face. So I started getting involved on e-mail lists again, and posting, and when I posted, I wanted to be more postive. A lot of times it worked, to my surprise. People who didn't know me actually sometimes thought I wasn't Evil. Again, it didn't always work, but I know few people who are 100% positive, and I learned a quick lesson that some of the lists where I felt I was among friends were the most dangerous to post honestly to. Lesson learned, moved on.
And I discovered a couple things in doing all this -- one was that, people get to know you one way, and they are reluctant to change their minds about you. Very few people will give you a chance to prove yourself otherwise in their eyes. Another thing I learned is that there's a hell of a lot of folks who think that if you're not the way they are, and the way they believe you should be, then all the change in the world won't matter -- you still suck. But you can't do anything about those folks.
And the last thing I learned is that you can be as positive as you want to, encouraging as you want to, and it doesn't matter when you find yourself up against a snot-nosed brat who's determined to be Miss Pissypants. You can't fight someone who's hell-bent on being a crappy person, no matter how much sugar you pour on them. I spent a long time framing an e-mail on a list today that I hoped would encourage someone, and her response just floored me with its spoiled-brat crappiness. There's no way to help someone be happy when they're determined to be not just unhappy, but pouty and childish about it, too. I don't know why I was so frustated; maybe because I did spend a long time trying to write that mail in a way I thought might be encouraging. It could very well be that I'd failed, and did a miserable job, I don't know -- but it just leaves me flummoxed, nonetheless.
I guess it's my weird issue with wanting to make everyone's lives run well. I want everyone to be happy in a way I haven't always had the chance to be. And I'm still often unhappy, often down and pouty and all the other things people are in regular life. But usually, if someone's trying to help me -- at least these days -- and perk me up, I try not to pee all over them for doing it. I just Do Not Understand. I'm about as Eyore-ish as a human being can get, but if you go in expecting to be pissed off and miserable, it's a pretty sure bet you'll be pissed off and miserable, non? Not every situation is going to be a happy one, but if you can tell people are trying to be supportive, why bite the hand that's feeding you some crumbs of positivity? I find this just baffling, and I know I'm going to be chewing on this on the bus ride home.
And worse, in being Miss Pissypants and staking her claim in the who's more negative sweepstakes, she insulted someone who I think is talented. Grrrr. Okay, /rant.
I'm repeating S's mantra: My, you're a pinhead, aren't you? All the way home.
