My subconscious scares me

I rarely ever remember dreams. When I was seeing a therapist a long time ago, she tried various things to help me remember them, but they never worked. I'm glad, though, that I can't, because they are almost always very scary, if not outright nightmares. When I do remember them, I'm usually sorry that I do. Even ones that start out well end in disturbance. But every once in a while I get these celebrity dreams that make even less sense to me than the nightmares. The few I remember (which do, if I'm not wakened, end up scary eventually) have almost universally involved sex. When it's Michael Biehn or David Duchovny or something, I cannot complain too much (except for the ooky endings). But they're just... weird. I don't understand what they could possibly mean. This morning, before my alarm went off, I dreamed about offering a blow-job to a leather-clad Clive Owen. Now, this in itself is not disturbing, because he looked pretty hot, let me tell you. But I was gardening, for one thing, out in the alley that was my alley behind the house but not really my alley because it was dark and had a fence. And the other thing was that while we almost got started, next thing I know we're racing around in danger and something dire will happen and there was action, but no sex. Darn.

And why Clive, right now, I wonder? Because I've been in the throes of Fast and the Furious vid farr so I'm not sure why Brian or Dom are never in my dreams, as they ought to be when I spend that much time squinting at them. I'm a little over halfway there, but having trouble deciding what I want to do. I've done some things with an unusual musical bridge that while I like them, I'm not sure the clips wouldn't work better elsewhere, and I should use the garage confessional scene just because it's so... I don't know, fitting with the music. I like that Final Cut lets me experiment, but I just get so tired sometimes, about halfway through a vid, that I often won't experiment with other sequences. Anyways, I like a lot of the rest of it, though I'm waffling on whether I want, or it needs, more effects and if that means I should buy the plugin I was eyeballing. In a way I feel as if I have to "compete" with all the techy kids out there, and that a vid without many effects is somehow less cool... I hate this feeling. Like I'm back at square one in the VCR days. But I forced myself to walk away from it last night and take a break, watch a movie, so that I can get some perspective.

Anyhow. Usage post tomorrow, I hope. Nothing new in the fic realm, though.