gwyn | (no subject)

So, I just got home. I was laid off this afternoon, completely unexpectedly. I mean, I knew the new head guy hated me, like he hates most of the people who work in the productin department, but I wasn't expecting this at all because I've been so busy and doing fairly high level stuff. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for Escapade, let alone get to Vividcon this year. And I'm sick to my stomach and in tears because I sent home all my goof-off files -- stories, travel confirmations, etc, and they were all embargoed, apparently because they shut off my e-mail. Even my unsubscribe command to the copyediting list didn't go out. I lost the experimental Buffy piece I was working on. The last copy I had of it here was ancient, and all the work I did in the past few days is gone. I can't possibly recreate it because it's so odd and all about meter and structure and such. And apparently it's just gone.

I wrote and told my boss that I didn't send myself anything confidential or companyish. I don't know if she can get them to release the emails or not. Even if they're not vanished. So it's not just bad enough to feel like your whole life has fallen into the toilet, but you've lost tons of personal creative stuff too... Lesson for everyone -- pay better attention to the HR guy when he's telling you you can't do anything with e-mail as you're getting your pink slip.

I'm trying not to cry, but it's hard. I've put so much work into this place that has treated us shabbily for so long. There's little work for editors in Seattle, and what there is is unreliable and grossly underpaid. I won't be able to afford benefits, but I have health problems. I'm poorer now than I've been in years. And my computer is giving me major problems. Just when I needed this job most, it's taken away from me. I really hated the new guy, and now I guess I hate him even more. My boss is more upset than I am, I think, and freaking that I would never take a freelance job from her if it came up. Mostly I want to crawl into a hole and die. I feel humiliated and small and hopeless.

Oh well, i guess I'll have lots of time to catch up on my Netflix gift subscription, and make my dad's video.