Statis

[gwyn]

Boy, I'm not sure what I think about this new posting interface. I think it's the inability to tab to the entry window that bothers me most. I like having the options at the bottom all lined up, but... I suppose I could get a client, but I mostly post from elsewhere than my own computer, so it never seemed worth it.

Anyway, I leave for home tonight and am feeling guilty. It hardly seems as though I've done anything at all except expose my sister to a bad cold, and if she gets sick when I leave I'll feel even worse. I really didn't get much done besides hoover the carpet, clean up a little, and run errands. It's such a struggle for her to get up the energy to do anything, even sometimes get out of bed. That's the big worry right now -- even after the first treatment, she was low on some of the important counts, and considering how much surgery took out of her (literally and figuratively) and her extreme weight loss (and she didn't exactly have much weight to lose, the skinny minnie!), it's tough for her to keep going. She's been really depressed the past few days, as well -- feeling like she's a burden on her friends, on everyone. The hard part for me is that she just looks so old. I've always been fortunate in that I don't look my age, and she looked a bit older than me, but now it's like she's 20 years older or something.

And for some reason, it never occurred to me that she would be in a forced menopause -- that since they gave her a radical hysterectomy, she'd be having hot flashes and all the other unpleasant changes associated with that. They can't give her hormones because of the chemo, so it's a tough thing for her. She's taking black cohosh and that helps, but not much. We're going to look into bioidentical hormones for when she finishes treatment in December. I was telling her she should get one of those little handheld fans, and lo and behold, someone sent her one in the mail! I feel like history is repeating too much -- everyone said chemo is better now and that it wouldn't be as bad as it was for my mom, but it looks like so far it's every bit as bad except she isn't throwing up as much as mom did. She's every bit as frail and wasted as my mom was. So I'm not sure what I believe any more.

Because of the cold I didn't get much writing done. Well, that and the leaping off the uncomfortable chair all the time when she needed help. Only about a little over a thousand words on the F&F story, and nothing but a snippet on the Measure chapter. Sigh. But Sis_r gave me a nice little toy -- a thumb drive, about 256 MB -- and so I was able to slap those on the drive to take home with me! Very cool. Apparently this is one of the things she does at work -- distribution of electronics. So she had a bunch sitting around and gave me one! Nifty damn toy.

I do love San Diego, though. I think a lot lately about moving to So Cal for the warmth, and I think this would be the place I'd want to be (since I can't ever afford to live in Santa Barbara!). Hate the creepy-ass spiders down here, but otherwise, I really like this city.

Comments

[ann1962]

Hugs to both you and your sister. I think it is incredible what you are doing. You are giving her much much more than a cold.

You might have her try eating soy products. A friend of mine put off all of her menopausal symptoms by eating tofu and soy milk. They all went away. She was very surprised.

Take care of yourself too. My heart goes out to your whole family during this hard time.

[twistedchick]

References books for hot flashes and other menopause symptoms:

Women's Health, Women's Wisdom, by Dr. Christiane Northrup (she's Harvard-trained, wholistic, big on alternatives and her suggestions worked for me when nothing else did.)

New Menopausal Years, The Wise Woman Way, alternative approaches for women 30-90, by Susun L. Weed. (herbs, with lots of research, lots of alternatives. Her other books are also excellent.)

I have also found raspberry leaf tea helps control the headaches, flashesand so on, and you can drink as much of it as you want. Black cohosh helps greatly, but it's a limited-dose sort of thing. Might be helpful until the bioidentical hormones are available.

Lots of good wishes from here. My mother went through this without help when she was 40, after surgery. Nobody should do that.

[umbo.livejournal.com]

I'm sure your vacuuming and errands were an *enormous* help, and I'm so glad you were able to go. I second Kit's recommendation of Susun Weed; Northrup is sometimes helpful, sometimes not, IMO.

*hugs*

[mystic-savage.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* *Flowers* *Hot tea* *Good pizza*

What you're doing there on the physical level isn't nearly as important as the love/support you offer. Having you able to be there now means that your phone calls will be more connected and more meaningful, because you'll have all kinds of context and details for the talking you'll do.

But don't move. At least, not until I can afford to buy your house.

VL

[fishsanwitt]

I think all the little things you've done for her count for a lot :)

When my mother died, my friend came over, gave the keys to her car to Jim ('cuz we didn't have one then and he needed to get to work to let them know), vacuumed for me, brought flowers, a casserole - and took out my garbage.

All that time, I sat on the couch, stunned, with my friend Betty, who stayed with me the entire week.

So, you see, little things mean *so* very much. I've never forgotten Joy's kindness to take care of the house when I was unfit to think.

I'm keeping you both in my prayers and I'm sending good thoughts and vibes :)

[klia.livejournal.com]

As others have said, I'm sure your sis appreciated the fact that you were there lending moral support. I can't imagine going through something like that alone. I hope her other treatments go well, and she's on the road to a speedy recovery after that.

I think a lot lately about moving to So Cal for the warmth, and I think this would be the place I'd want to be (since I can't ever afford to live in Santa Barbara!).

Yeah, you'll laugh, but I've considered it, myself, especially last Feb. when we went there to see the Surprise. Northern CA isn't Chicago, but it's still freaking cold (and *very* wet) in the winter.

[claudia-yvr.livejournal.com]

You and your sister have my sympathy. As tough as the visit was, it's good that you went. For both of you.

The DVDs arrived today. Thank you for thinking of me amidst all of this.

::hugs::

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

Those everyday things are just the sort of thing you don't want to deal with when you can hardly get out of bed. When my aunt was widowed, friends would say, "If there's anything I can do, let me know." She said, "You could do the dishes," and then they'd laugh and say how cool it was she'd kept her sense of humor. Only she MEANT it.

As for your sister feeling like a burden, she shouldn't. Ram Dass wrote in his book about his stroke that one of the important things he learned from it was that it can be a gift to let the people who love you take care of you, though it can be a hard thing to do. I'm sure it helped you feel better in some way to do something physical with your worries and love.

::hugs::