If I were a rich man
Dec. 5th, 2004 04:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynI would buy Apple and crowd all the developers and promo people in a room and beat them soundly with a really large, spiked stick. Because I bought Final Cut Express and then today I went to install it and when I opened it up (with great fear, because reading through the usage booklet scared the shit out of me) and it tells me I don't have enough RAM. Now, I always thought I had plenty of RAM, even though I don't know what RAM is, but it's not good enough for Apple, goddammit. And I have no idea what to buy, because I don't even know if RAM is memory and how you're supposed to know what to get (and this means I have to spend even more money than ever) and most of all how the fuck to install it, because I haven't got a clue about hardware and hardware scares me pissless. And I'm kind of stuck because you can never really return software, and goddammit I spent all this money and just fuck them all for doing this. I'm so frustrated and at this rate there is no possible way I can make a vid in time for Escapade.
Everyone is doing the wishlist thing but I haven't because this is the kind of thing I wish for but cannot have -- that I can be smart enough to solve my computer troubles or rich enough to actually buy the freaking things I need without getting big red error messages telling me my RAM isn't up to snuff and I know I can't afford to fix the problem. Plus my basic belief in life is to always expect the worst, because then anything good is a pleasant surprise, and wishlists sort of set you up for disappointment even if you can find things that are wish-fulfillable and not about being smarter. But then![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
movies_michelle yelled at me the other night (she did! she yelled!) that if I wished for a fic but I never said anything then how would anyone ever be able to fulfill my wish and basically told me I was a stupid git. The thing is, most of the stuff I do wish for is either really expensive (which is why I don't have it already) or something no one could ever or would ever grant. And then I think you put the wish out there that no one would want to grant you because you're not someone worthy of wish-fulfillment, and you're just bound for even more depression and disappointment. Which is what she hollered at me about. So I'm not really doing the wish meme (unless I can find someone's wish that I can actually fulfill, but so far, I haven't found any I have the power -- insert disco song here -- to grant). But if I was doing it, this is what I'd wish for:
- For more paid LJ time, since mine is running out
- To have someone who could help me solve my computer problems right here in River City (because all my Mac vidder user friends are far away and really busy)
- To magically be able to make the kind of vid I envision but never can make because I'm limited in my tools and also too stupid to use complex software (and apparently, under-RAMmed)
- Feedback, especially for vids or my F&F fic, which, aside from a teeny group of people, I never hear anything about and yet see tons of comments elsewhere on other people's sites so I'm constantly wondering what I must be doing wrong, because I never hear anything about it (what *am* I doing wrong?)
- World peace. Seriously.
- For one of my favorite vidders and old vidding friends to actually get into one of my fandoms/pairings and make a vid with my peeps (since the people whose work I love the most never share my fandoms/pairings)
- For someone to write me a really good, meaty, complex story with Brian and Dom that also happens to be sexy and maybe also a bit melancholy or dark (or, barring that, a story where Dom is imprisoned Gladiator-style and forced into cage matches, preferably with chains involved)
- For a really pretty icon with my F&F boys (I have ideas in my head, but I can't make them real)
- To be pain-free for a whole week
- People to actually request my LFN and XF vid disc that I worked so hard on to make and would love to share and make it worth all that incredible time and effort but almost no one wants
- For enough money to buy more space on my vid site hosting, because I'm going to have to take some vids offline as I'm running out of space (not that at this rate I'll ever vid again)
- For enough time to actually read a book again, because all my time is taken up with writing and/or vidding when I'm not working or commuting
- For job security ha ha ha and to not be unemployed again and destitute
- To actually be able to stop talking myself out of not writing my novel because I'm convinced there's no point and I suck
- Something from my Amazon wishlist which is under gwyneth rhys but it's filled with all the expensive stuff like iPods and things I can't afford, so I know other people can't either!
- For my wonderful friends who write so fantastically, yet can't seem to get arrested by publishers who are too cretinous to see their brilliance, to get published and big book contracts and fame and fortune (and yeah, I'm especially looking at you, Kelly)
- Most of all, for my sister to not suffer any more and get better and be healthy forever after and this was just a glitch in the system that will never return; and for me to be able to afford that genetic test so I can find out if I'm doomed or already have cancer and I just don't know about it.
And yeah, world peace. Because seriously...
Everyone is doing the wishlist thing but I haven't because this is the kind of thing I wish for but cannot have -- that I can be smart enough to solve my computer troubles or rich enough to actually buy the freaking things I need without getting big red error messages telling me my RAM isn't up to snuff and I know I can't afford to fix the problem. Plus my basic belief in life is to always expect the worst, because then anything good is a pleasant surprise, and wishlists sort of set you up for disappointment even if you can find things that are wish-fulfillable and not about being smarter. But then
movies_michelle yelled at me the other night (she did! she yelled!) that if I wished for a fic but I never said anything then how would anyone ever be able to fulfill my wish and basically told me I was a stupid git. The thing is, most of the stuff I do wish for is either really expensive (which is why I don't have it already) or something no one could ever or would ever grant. And then I think you put the wish out there that no one would want to grant you because you're not someone worthy of wish-fulfillment, and you're just bound for even more depression and disappointment. Which is what she hollered at me about. So I'm not really doing the wish meme (unless I can find someone's wish that I can actually fulfill, but so far, I haven't found any I have the power -- insert disco song here -- to grant). But if I was doing it, this is what I'd wish for:- For more paid LJ time, since mine is running out
- To have someone who could help me solve my computer problems right here in River City (because all my Mac vidder user friends are far away and really busy)
- To magically be able to make the kind of vid I envision but never can make because I'm limited in my tools and also too stupid to use complex software (and apparently, under-RAMmed)
- Feedback, especially for vids or my F&F fic, which, aside from a teeny group of people, I never hear anything about and yet see tons of comments elsewhere on other people's sites so I'm constantly wondering what I must be doing wrong, because I never hear anything about it (what *am* I doing wrong?)
- World peace. Seriously.
- For one of my favorite vidders and old vidding friends to actually get into one of my fandoms/pairings and make a vid with my peeps (since the people whose work I love the most never share my fandoms/pairings)
- For someone to write me a really good, meaty, complex story with Brian and Dom that also happens to be sexy and maybe also a bit melancholy or dark (or, barring that, a story where Dom is imprisoned Gladiator-style and forced into cage matches, preferably with chains involved)
- For a really pretty icon with my F&F boys (I have ideas in my head, but I can't make them real)
- To be pain-free for a whole week
- People to actually request my LFN and XF vid disc that I worked so hard on to make and would love to share and make it worth all that incredible time and effort but almost no one wants
- For enough money to buy more space on my vid site hosting, because I'm going to have to take some vids offline as I'm running out of space (not that at this rate I'll ever vid again)
- For enough time to actually read a book again, because all my time is taken up with writing and/or vidding when I'm not working or commuting
- For job security ha ha ha and to not be unemployed again and destitute
- To actually be able to stop talking myself out of not writing my novel because I'm convinced there's no point and I suck
- Something from my Amazon wishlist which is under gwyneth rhys but it's filled with all the expensive stuff like iPods and things I can't afford, so I know other people can't either!
- For my wonderful friends who write so fantastically, yet can't seem to get arrested by publishers who are too cretinous to see their brilliance, to get published and big book contracts and fame and fortune (and yeah, I'm especially looking at you, Kelly)
- Most of all, for my sister to not suffer any more and get better and be healthy forever after and this was just a glitch in the system that will never return; and for me to be able to afford that genetic test so I can find out if I'm doomed or already have cancer and I just don't know about it.
And yeah, world peace. Because seriously...
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-07 08:21 am (UTC)The truth is I've just been avoiding the isnurance co. like the plague. I find it impossible to deal with them and it's all voice mail hell anyway. So for the past two months when I should have been dealing with this I have avoided it. Stupid, I know, especially with my insurance running out soon. They barely cover anything so I'm sure they won't, even with a doctor's request, do this genetic test. I feel discouraged by the whole thing. Since she's my twin, my sister's experience should make it more imperative, but I don't believe in the insurance people seeing the light on that.