(no subject)

[gwyn]

I'm in San Diego again. For once my flight was not that late, and we arrived early, which was a good thing, as when we opened the door to my sister's house we heard her crying out. She had tried to get up because the person who was supposed to be with her wasn't there, and she can't get up on her own, and she had slid back on the bed when her feet came out from under her; she was twisted in pain and unable to get herself righted. The nurse who was coming to change her bag and dressing was outside, unable to get into the house, thinking of calling 911 when we arrived.

It was the most horrible thing, reminding me of how helplessly my mom had asked, when she was vomiting blood, if she was dying. My poor sister, so bossy and so direct and so strong, reduced to crying out in fear and pain and no one there to help her. She has gone downhill so fast it's frightening. And really between the time they entered the doctor's office last Friday and when they left, she had gone downhill, her friends say. They took away the hope that was keeping her alive -- that something, anything, could be done. Now she has nothing to put her back up against, and she's given up. She's a husk of a person. Sad and confused. She has all the symptoms of liver cancer, so it's just a matter of days now. I'm not even sure she will last long enough for me to leave on Thursday, and for her dearest friend to arrive from Seattle to take care of her over the weekend. All her hopes and dreams have been stolen from her, and she's so depressed. All that crap about people going gently into that good night, or facing death with dignity? What a lot of crap, when someone still had so much ahead of them to do.

I came down here with the intention of getting hospice care arranged, whether her caregiving friends wanted it or not. Fortunately this episode shook them up so much that they called the doctor, and I talked with the hospice people today. They're sending someone tomorrow morning and we'll assess the situation, find out what insurance will pay for, etc. Her friends are talking about having a fundraiser becuase there are so many outstanding things insurance won't pay for. I hope they can. It weights heavy on her mind, when she's lucid.

I'd planned to log in to work this afternoon but the episode shook me up so much I couldn't. But her friends were all here at one point, and she joked that she would sleep while we went and talked about her. We signed the wills and the important papers. She's unhappy about my dad coming down, but I figured out something for him to do that will help her -- her taxes and paying off her car. He's a business whiz, so if he can take care of her taxes, I think it will make her rest much easier.

I don't know if I can stand saying goodbye though. I don't think I can watch her go, but I feel that out of twinship, I have to be here for the bitter end. I don't know what to do.

I gotta go with my beloved Richard B. Riddick here: I believe in God, and I absolutely hate the fucker.

Gosh I'm so much fun to have on a friends list, huh? Even though I would never use that ditto thing, I can imagine people getting so fed up with my sister updates that they'd defriend me anyway.

Comments

[ann1962]

Hugs, hugs, hugs. Please take care and my thoughts are with you and your family.

[thisisbone.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that if you can be there, we can be here listening.

My mom had Hospice for the last few days of her life, and they were able to do a miraculous thing -- relieve her anxiety with a cream they massaged into her skin. Her veins were unusable, and she couldn't swallow well, so somehow the Hospice folks rigged a medication that worked through the skin. She wasn't able to talk much while on it, but it stopped the anxious fretting/repetition/confusion.

Most places, Hospice doesn't provide 24-hour care, so your sister's friends can still play their critical role, but Hospice can be of help with things like pain management...and grief counseling for family members.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jems_/]

I'm so sorry, I hope you make it through this week okay.

[kassrachel.livejournal.com]

Oh, Gwyn. I wish there were some comfort I could offer.

Please, of all things, don't worry about how much "fun" you are to read. Your friends want to know what's going on in your life; right now that's a lot of suffering, and as painful as that is for you, you certainly don't need to add to your stress level by self-censoring.

I hope your sister's passing is as painless as possible, and we'll all be here to help in whatever we can as you move through this grieving process.

[minim_calibre]

I'm so sorry, and wish there was something I could do to make things easier for you right now. There's no good in a situation like this, only bad, worse, and over. It's horrible.

From where I'm standing, I'd rather have the updates than not know how you're doing.

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

All that crap about people going gently into that good night, or facing death with dignity? What a lot of crap, when someone still had so much ahead of them to do.>>

Which is the point of the famous Dylan Thomas poem, actually.

Speaking from experience I know how awful it is to watch somebody have a long slow death and it's not an experience I'd wish on another. I'm grieved that you, sis_r, and dad_r are suffering so much right now.

I can't think of any graceful words of comfort, so I'll leave you with the been there done that truth: the only way out is through.

We're here for you.

[meko00.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry, and I wish life didn't have to be this way. I hope you'll find strength somehow. I'll still be here, reading.

[gchick.livejournal.com]

I only wish I could do anything at all to comfort you through this -- even, you know, actually know you as more than a voice I've come to know and care about in LJ. You have all my sympathies, sadness, shock, commiseration, and wishes. It can't be easy, but at least she has you there, as well as others who will do the best they can.

[tavella.livejournal.com]

I haven't had much to say, because there isn't much to say except what you've already said: if there's a god, he's a fucker. But know that my thoughts are with you.

[spasticat.livejournal.com]

I'm sure others have said this but please...vent away. Do not feel ever that in your own LJ you can't talk about your sister and what this cancer is doing to her, to you, to her friends. I wish I could send all of you strength and a cure, I wish that these things could be put in an envelope and sent overnight. Instead all I can do as someone you've never met is offer an ear to listen. I'll never understand what you guys are going through but I can listen (or read).

[falzalot.livejournal.com]

Oh Gwen, I'm so sorry.

[kirbyfest.livejournal.com]

I wish I could help, somehow. Or say something really wise.

I can't, so I'll just be here thinking of you and your family.

[jidabug.livejournal.com]

I wish there were words to adequately convey how much my heart hurts for you right now. And I know there's nothing anyone can say to ease the pain that you all are going through. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your sister.

[rainkatt.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.

[maubast.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're letting me/us know how you are, what's going on. I think about you and your sister every single day. We are here for you.

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

Looks like anything eloquent I could possibly think up has already been said. I'm personally honored to see updates about your sister, and to have been able to talk to you on the phone about her. It makes me feel like I'm actually good enough to confide in, however misplaced that emotion might be.

I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts this week, as always. *Hugs*

[maygra.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. For you, for her, for your dad, for her friends. there's nothing easy or pretty about any of this and I'm sorry you're having to go through it again, but I agree with the folks up thread -- we can't be with you physically but we can be here for you share your thoughts, your grief and your anger with.

I'm not sure if this will help but the hospice we used for my mother, took what insurance assignments there were but even had she had none, they would have taken her. I know God is not your thing but this particular organization was faith funded and the facility (and the care) were wonderful. They sent people to the house the last ten days and then we put her in their facility for about the last week. I'd have never made it through that without them.

[blue-larkspur.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[batdina.livejournal.com]

phone number and other stuff coming via email.

[minotaurs.livejournal.com]

If you need to get away for a bit while you're here in San Diego, give me a shout via email - we'll meet for coffee or something.

[cy-girl.livejournal.com]

I came to the conclusion long ago that the saying "god doesn't give you more than you can handle" is total crap. We do get more than we can handle all the time and that's why we have family and friends to share the load with us.

A few years ago a good friend of my father's died a slow painful death from prostate cancer. Hospice care was of great help and comfort to him in his final days and I pray that it will be for your sister.


:::big virtual hug:::

[dine.livejournal.com]

so many wise people have already said what's important - that we feel for you (and sis_r and dad_r), care about what you're going through, and hope you don't censor your posts. the important stuff doesn't always = fun; I am glad you feel comfortable sharing all of what's going on in your life, hard though this time is.

*hugs* for you; you're in my heart

[nwhepcat.livejournal.com]

I'm so, so sorry. I hope your sister can get some relief, from pain and anxiety and everything tormenting her. It's good that her family and friends are sensitive to ways of easing things for her, even something like doing taxes to set her mind at ease.

Thinking of you and her and your family. ::hugs::

Time is such a precious commodity...

[ixchel55.livejournal.com]

Gosh I'm so much fun to have on a friends list, huh? Even though I would never use that ditto thing, I can imagine people getting so fed up with my sister updates that they'd defriend me anyway.

Oh Gwyn, friends aren't only there for the fun times, not real friends. A real friend is someone who's there...period. And if the only support we can give you right now is a place to vent and some heart-felt, long distance support well, that's damn little to do and I wish it could be more.

Our hearts and thoughts are with you and your family.

[sandy-s.livejournal.com]

*HUGS you* You're in my thoughts and prayers, dear. I can't imagine what you're going through...

And as for being fun on LJ...you don't need to be...it's a place we can all be real...ourselves. *HUGS again*