Tired and sappy
Nov. 28th, 2005 08:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gwynThank you so much to all the wonderful people in LJ land and in email who have sent me thoughts and birthday wishes today. It has been a tough day in many ways, that is true, but the thoughtfulness of so many of you has made it much easier. And if it wasn't enough to come home from my little trip today and see all the nice wishes, I also see that ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mlyn and maygra wrote lovely posts about getting to know each other, and I got all sniffly because they were so much nicer than I could have deserved. But just when I was getting tired and couldn't go back anymore on my skip flist, I saw that killabeez wrote a Deadwood Seth/Sol story called Each Star in Its Heaven for me, and my heart went boom. To have a story written for you is a magnificent, rare gift, anyway, but to have that story written by the incredible Killa is like... just about the best thing you could ever come up with in the wildest imaginings you're capable of. It is lovely and bittersweet (the best kind) and so Seth and Sol... if you haven't read it, you should. Now.
I am tired and sappy tonight (warning! warning! danger Will Robinson) because people have been sweet and my sister's friends sent me pictures of her at the birthday party they had last year, when we had hope that things were going to work out. And it was a long drive back from Vancouver, though not nearly as stressful as it could have been since we left mid-day instead of later, like usual, and so we could stop at our leisure. I guilt trippedblack_bird_777 into coming up to Vancouver with me, since she has become my regular Vancouver pal when we drive up to meet friends and such. We stayed at a posh hotel (oh, so posh and it was really lovely and we swiped all the L'Occitane bathroom products they provided and criminy, they made for a great stay) and went to this incredible sort of new-wave Indian restaurant for dinner, and of course ate lunch at my favorite sushi place, where I'd taken my sister quite a few years ago. I went to her favorite shops and even bought a few things that she liked (and blackbird actually bought a top at a fashionable store! Yeah, pigs flew by the window shortly afterward, if you were wondering). The pricey stores are a lot of fun, even when the sales people give you the evil eye. I adore flouting their expectations by buying things they believe I can't afford.
It was cold, and apparently is going to snow tonight, but it stayed dry throughout our stay, which was very nice. When we drove into town, there were people wandering around painted green, and I couldn't figure it out till the doorman at the hotel told us it was the Grey Cup, the Canadian football Super Bowl. I'd had no idea it was in Vancouver, and suddenly my inability to get a room became clear. It was fun seeing people enjoying themselves and being loud, but I realized that... media fans are scorned because we love TV shows so much, and yet no one scorns sports fans for being wackjobs who paint themselves colors and wear bizarre outfits and drive around town screaming out car windows. I don't like this double standard! But it nearly made the town a ghost town in some places, and the most amazing part was that... there was no traffic at the border. None. There was one car in front of us. I have been up to Vancouver maybe 125-150 times in my life, and in all those border crossings, I've never gone up there, even in the middle of the night, without a wait to get into Canada. The guy didn't even look at our passports. All the traffic was Yanks coming home from the weekend away on the other side, and we just sailed into town on the fastest trip up I've ever had. We boggled at that the whole time. They didn't even take our passports.
Then we got home, tired and sated from all the crap we bought at the duty free crossing (which was busy, but still moved fast and they waved us through so quickly we didn't even have time to declare our purchases), and I was able to pick up the laptop that was supposed to have been repaired, got home, and it... wasn't. So I had to schlep it back up there, and they sort of fixed it (Jay, expect mail from me asking you to splain it all), and then the Mac internet connection disappeared and wouldn't come back and I was nearly in tears because I was freaked out about what to do tomorrow for work. The leaking shower faucet is so bad that the plumber has to come tomorrow morning (more unexpected expenses, yay!), and basically I have had hot water running at a trickle for 5 days now. My utility bill will also be a joy. But it means I can't go to dad's to work, so the internet problem has to be solved, otherwise I'm hosed for work -- so I repaired all the permissions, shut down everything, unplugged, replugged... and eventually the mac worked but I'm so doubtful about the laptop that I won't even turn it off tonight. I'm that nervous.
Wasn't exactly the end to the day I wanted, but at least the rest of it was okay. I'm sad, and it is very hard not to talk to my sister today -- on the maybe half a dozen birthdays we spent apart, we always talked to each other about three times during the day, so it is strange and empty. I feel such pain for what she lost; I think most people expect you to feel bad for your own loss, but that isn't what eats at me. I hope that the silly spendthrift things I did this weekend would have made her happy; they eased the ache a little bit, and everything is something that will make me think of her as days go by.
mlyn and maygra wrote lovely posts about getting to know each other, and I got all sniffly because they were so much nicer than I could have deserved. But just when I was getting tired and couldn't go back anymore on my skip flist, I saw that killabeez wrote a Deadwood Seth/Sol story called Each Star in Its Heaven for me, and my heart went boom. To have a story written for you is a magnificent, rare gift, anyway, but to have that story written by the incredible Killa is like... just about the best thing you could ever come up with in the wildest imaginings you're capable of. It is lovely and bittersweet (the best kind) and so Seth and Sol... if you haven't read it, you should. Now.I am tired and sappy tonight (warning! warning! danger Will Robinson) because people have been sweet and my sister's friends sent me pictures of her at the birthday party they had last year, when we had hope that things were going to work out. And it was a long drive back from Vancouver, though not nearly as stressful as it could have been since we left mid-day instead of later, like usual, and so we could stop at our leisure. I guilt tripped
black_bird_777 into coming up to Vancouver with me, since she has become my regular Vancouver pal when we drive up to meet friends and such. We stayed at a posh hotel (oh, so posh and it was really lovely and we swiped all the L'Occitane bathroom products they provided and criminy, they made for a great stay) and went to this incredible sort of new-wave Indian restaurant for dinner, and of course ate lunch at my favorite sushi place, where I'd taken my sister quite a few years ago. I went to her favorite shops and even bought a few things that she liked (and blackbird actually bought a top at a fashionable store! Yeah, pigs flew by the window shortly afterward, if you were wondering). The pricey stores are a lot of fun, even when the sales people give you the evil eye. I adore flouting their expectations by buying things they believe I can't afford.It was cold, and apparently is going to snow tonight, but it stayed dry throughout our stay, which was very nice. When we drove into town, there were people wandering around painted green, and I couldn't figure it out till the doorman at the hotel told us it was the Grey Cup, the Canadian football Super Bowl. I'd had no idea it was in Vancouver, and suddenly my inability to get a room became clear. It was fun seeing people enjoying themselves and being loud, but I realized that... media fans are scorned because we love TV shows so much, and yet no one scorns sports fans for being wackjobs who paint themselves colors and wear bizarre outfits and drive around town screaming out car windows. I don't like this double standard! But it nearly made the town a ghost town in some places, and the most amazing part was that... there was no traffic at the border. None. There was one car in front of us. I have been up to Vancouver maybe 125-150 times in my life, and in all those border crossings, I've never gone up there, even in the middle of the night, without a wait to get into Canada. The guy didn't even look at our passports. All the traffic was Yanks coming home from the weekend away on the other side, and we just sailed into town on the fastest trip up I've ever had. We boggled at that the whole time. They didn't even take our passports.
Then we got home, tired and sated from all the crap we bought at the duty free crossing (which was busy, but still moved fast and they waved us through so quickly we didn't even have time to declare our purchases), and I was able to pick up the laptop that was supposed to have been repaired, got home, and it... wasn't. So I had to schlep it back up there, and they sort of fixed it (Jay, expect mail from me asking you to splain it all), and then the Mac internet connection disappeared and wouldn't come back and I was nearly in tears because I was freaked out about what to do tomorrow for work. The leaking shower faucet is so bad that the plumber has to come tomorrow morning (more unexpected expenses, yay!), and basically I have had hot water running at a trickle for 5 days now. My utility bill will also be a joy. But it means I can't go to dad's to work, so the internet problem has to be solved, otherwise I'm hosed for work -- so I repaired all the permissions, shut down everything, unplugged, replugged... and eventually the mac worked but I'm so doubtful about the laptop that I won't even turn it off tonight. I'm that nervous.
Wasn't exactly the end to the day I wanted, but at least the rest of it was okay. I'm sad, and it is very hard not to talk to my sister today -- on the maybe half a dozen birthdays we spent apart, we always talked to each other about three times during the day, so it is strange and empty. I feel such pain for what she lost; I think most people expect you to feel bad for your own loss, but that isn't what eats at me. I hope that the silly spendthrift things I did this weekend would have made her happy; they eased the ache a little bit, and everything is something that will make me think of her as days go by.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 05:22 am (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 05:25 am (UTC)I'm so glad you go to Vancouver and back without a hitch. I didn't hear about the freaking 30-car pile-up on I-5 until today, and then I was worried you'd gotten involved in that. (*Two* people I know personally were in it.) I was thinking of calling you and checking up, but then I reloaded my flist and found this post, so yay.
Um...yeah. I'm a dork. *hug*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 06:08 am (UTC)I'm so glad you indulged yourself today.
::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 08:29 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 10:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 12:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 01:03 pm (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 01:47 pm (UTC){{hugs}}
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 02:31 pm (UTC)Happy belated birthday.
I'm glad you were able to create comfort for yourself in the middle of what must have been an incredibly awkward and strange day.
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 03:41 pm (UTC)*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 04:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 04:36 pm (UTC)HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GWYN!!
You're one of my most beloved LJers, and I just wish life would treat you better, the way you deserve it -- with love and care and all the good things.
::hugs::
no subject
Date: 2005-11-29 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-11-30 01:08 am (UTC)I hope the days get a little easier as this year passes.
Oh, and I downloaded and watched both of your vids, and they are *lovely*, and I will be sending proper feedback soon. But I wanted you to know that I noticed them. My life is batshit crazy right now, but I will always make time for your vids.