Whew

[gwyn]

Last night I wrote the last sentence of the first draft of the last part of Ciudad de Estrellas. (Try saying that three times fast.) I am relieved, but of course the harder work of editing it into shape comes now. It has been very hard for me to work on the WIPs I began in what I call the Before; two of them have been going on for far too long, before sis_r got sick, even, and I want them out of my hair, off my shoulders, out of my brain. Since Ciudad was closer to being finished than Measure of a Man, my Buffyverse WIP, I decided to focus my attention on forcing myself to finish that so I can turn my attention to Measure and close that one out, too. But the ending of that is a lot farther away.

I say force because I don't want to leave anything unfinished, which was why I began posting them in parts as I wrote, something I'd never done before. But I don't have any feeling for them anymore. It's not that I don't still love the characters and the fandoms; I do, very very much, even as all my friends seem to be vanishing from both. And it's not that I don't love the stories; I'm proud of both of them. It's that they are very disconnected from me -- I can still feel the characters in my heart, still hear their voices, know where I want them to go, and yet it is all still something here in the After that started at a time when I was a very different person. Personal cataclysms can't help but affect what you've done in the past, and what you create in the present and future.

I know there are still a handful of readers left, at least with Ciudad I seem to get weekly emails either cajoling, demanding, whining, or begging for the rest of the story that many are convinced already exists but I'm just refusing to share with them for some perverted reason of my own. But both places are different in the fandom, and different in my heart, now.

At any rate, at least it's on its way to the finish. I'm really glad to move on. Writing fanfic is still hard, and it doesn't hold the same pull for me now that vidding seems to, even though I hate the tedium of getting ready to vid. But things feel newer and different in vidding, where finishing the WIPs is disconnected. I want to make them the best they can be and then send them on their way, no longer in progress, finished in the After.

Comments

[movies-michelle.livejournal.com]

Yay for Ciudad! I look forward to reading it. *g*

[maygra.livejournal.com]

YAY! and congrats. I knew (and you said) you'd get to it when you were ready to, but I'm very, very glad it will be sooner rahter than later. And who knows...part of my involvement in any fandom, I've come to realize is directly related to how many other people are active or writing things I want to read. I'm not very good at playing alone.

Still, I'm sorry you feel disconnected from it.

[brandil.livejournal.com]

You just made my day. Thank you for finishing this fic.

[mlyn.livejournal.com]

Any progress is progress, yeah? I'm glad you've gotten this far. Congratulations. :)

[mackiemesser.livejournal.com]

While I'm happy to hear there's more Ciudad, it also makes perfect sense to me that it's hard to go back to it. I'm sincerely impressed that you're able to find a way to it at all.

[jodiac.livejournal.com]

Just to say that I've really enjoyed reading Measure of a Man and think that it's one of the best Buffy fic I've ever read. Thanks. :)

[black-bird-777.livejournal.com]

that odd thumping noise is me doing the happy dance. In addition to greatly looking forward to the story when it's done, I hope it helps you to get beyond what you need to pass, even if it means no longer writing in the fandom.