Footloose

[gwyn]

Today was my last day at the magazine. I was doing pretty good until after I sent a "bye" mail to the whole mag, and said goodbey to the copy desk, and my copy chief wrote me a mail that made me all sniffly. She mentioned that she didn't think she'd have had the grace to handle all this as well as I have, and that a number of writers and editors have written to her telling her how disappointed they are that I'm being let go.

The rest of the desk insisted on having a conference call today to say goodbye, since they couldn't do the usual thing and take me to lunch, since I'm out here all alone. I really would have rather had a gift certificate and taken myself out to lunch! I'm both regretful and relieved, and I don't know which one I feel more strongly. Relieved to be away from a bunch of East coast prep school summer in the Hamptons fucking snobs, and to get away from the constant barrage of unpleasant news. I can go back to sticking my head in the political sand.

But regretful that I'm leaving some really wonderful people. There aren't a lot of them on staff, but the ones who are good are very very good (and the ones who aren't are horrid). During the conference call, I felt like I was at my own funeral. Everybody had to take time to say one good thing about me, in that sort of "and now we will remember Gwyn" way, and I felt really uncomfortable. Not to mention disgusted when my boss had to go on about how great a copyeditor I am and how I will be missed. Then she did it again in the all-magazine conf call moments later. Gah.

I had lunch yesterday with the managing editor of a local press, and I came away feeling positive again that maybe I'll be able to at least try my hand at freelancing and see how well it goes. I have some agencies to sign up with, as well, to see if there's a possibility of short term work at design and ad firms, an environment I'm pretty comfortable in. Ideally I'd like to mix it up. But books have always interested me, and I have such a strange background, with history in a couple areas local publishers are very strong in, that I hope I can turn this into something fruitful. Sometimes I wonder if people believe in me more than I am worth. But I won't know till I try.

I'm sort of looking forward to doing something different, and mining my contacts, and I really actually enjoy taking my contacts out for lunch or coffee -- so this schmoozing thing is kinda fun. I hadn't seen kate in a couple of years, and it's fun to catch up. Some of the other people I'm meeting I haven't talked to in ages.

I think some of today's bad feelings were also because they were giving me such crap about sending my computer back that I wished I'd never brought it up (I doubt anyone would have noticed I hadn't sent it back). I should have just stuck it in a drawer until someday down the line they discovered it wasn't there.

Yesterday, my dad brought me peach/orange roses. He's so not the kind of guy to do that, so it was nice. And I got a valentine in the mail from dine -- thank you! And on top of that, I got candy hearts from sweet_ali. Gestures like that can really make hard weeks a lot easier. I'm looking forward now to sleeping later, and to Escapade, and maybe even to feeling like, after not being chained to my desk all day, I can write again, and won't feel so pressured when I vid.

Comments

[sherrold.livejournal.com]

I say you're being en 'effing saint to them, and Fuck them twice. I think being forced to endure the "well meaning" conference call would have killed me on my last day.

You are going to do wonderfully, and they definitely are going to miss you. Ha on them, I say.

[dine.livejournal.com]

the way they kicked you loose was shameful, but now you get to use your contacts and amazing skills and build a better future. it's scary, but I'm positive you'll be aces.

glad the valentine helped cheer - that's my goal!