Cognitive dissonance

[gwyn]

I spoke at a conference Saturday, the preparation for which had me tied up in knots for days and days. I just could not write my presentation (about Miss Thistlebottomishness in editing, and why/when we should lighten up or when to be sticklers, and basic misunderstandings of what is "correct" in English and what isn't), even though I've written a lot about the basic concepts here in my usage posts of yore. I finally managed to put something stupid together by Friday afternoon. The conference was good in that I got to see some of my favorite people in editing, including someone from San Francisco I met years ago and who I really like but never get to see. I made a few good connections, and a bunch of the organizers and presenters had dinner afterward that was on the Guild's tab, so yay.

But when I was talking, I kept seeing these bored or annoyed faces, and I felt like I was floundering badly. That often happens when I'm a guest speaker at classes, too, and it affects my presentation because I feel like I'm not communicating and that people are bored or frustrated. I am a really extemporaneous speaker, too, and use a lot of humor (usually self-deprecating), so if I feel like people aren't enjoying it, it turns me into a reading automaton just trying to get through my notes.

But then afterward, one woman came up to me and asked me if I taught any classes outside of the one I do at the University of Washington, because I was so much fun and such a great lecturer. I was all, "buh? Are you talking to me?" And then a couple people behind her nodded in agreement and said thanks. I was completely flummoxed. It didn't help that my program was the last of the day, so people were leaving early, which made me think I was out of time and got even more discombobulated. A couple people told me they enjoyed my talk later, too. So I was bemused and confused and other -useds by the time I went home. Please, but bewildered.

Along the same lines, the VVC auction went live today and I am officially for sale. I clicked on the link this morning to see just how bad it was and how humiliated I would be, and there was a $400 bid for me and for Sandy and Rache, both from kadymae. I'm fairly certain that had to be an error. Either that, or Kady, you got some splainin' to do! I mean, that's just not right.

I've spent so much of my life having people tell me directly and indirectly that I am worthless and a rotten person and etc., that I am having cognitive dissonance to the Nth degree.

Comments

[kadymae.livejournal.com]

I clicked on the link this morning to see just how bad it was and how humiliated I would be, and there was a $400 bid for me and for Sandy and Rache, both from kadymae. I'm fairly certain that had to be an error. Either that, or Kady, you got some splainin' to do! I mean, that's just not right.

Both those bids are 100% legit. Money is standing by.

[ixchel55.livejournal.com]

I've spent so much of my life having people tell me directly and indirectly that I am worthless and a rotten person and etc....

Lady, you've obviously been hanging out with the wrong people for far too long. I haven't talked with you very much directly but I have with mlyn and she doesn't hang out with worthless rotten people. I've seen directly the you're incredibly talented: your writing and your vids and - hell! I could eat off of your kitchen floor, the whole room you designed is so beautiful!

And I see that kadymae also thinks a great deal of you. You just need more hugs in your life, but then hell, who doesn't?

*smishes you hard*

[merryish.livejournal.com]

*SMACK*

PEOPLE LOVE YOU. YOU DORK. =)

*hug*

[jackiekjono.livejournal.com]

I bid $200 but was rapidly out-bid. Still debating about bidding her up.

*cries*

[lapillus]

Let's hope that the cognitive dissonance is the start of a needed paradigm shift! Because, seriously, your lovely and smart and do great work both with text and with video.

*goes to talk with roommate about the upbid

[brynnmck.livejournal.com]

YAY for positive reinforcement! :)

[sobelle.livejournal.com]

I am in agreement with the comments that you've obviously been hanging out with the wrong people (and I know that we sometimes have no choice in that)...

But I sure hope that you get to experience more of that fantastic cognitive dissonance until it becomes obvious (even to you!) that you are awesome!