gwyn: (8ball wizzicons)
[personal profile] gwyn
Today's my least favorite day once again. The date I lost Miss Olive two years ago, and I'm not over it--I think about her every day, and miss her, especially now. I could really use her soft, soft fur and sweet purrs and funny little voice when she talked to me all the time. And it's the day we lost Sandy, which I'm never gonna be over, either. With Vividcon ending next year it feels even more like losing Sandy all over again.

Basically July 19 is just a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

I'm trying to get things done in anticipation of the surgery and whatnot, but it's really hard. Not only is there a lot to do, the bills are starting to come in, and I'm getting really depressed about it. I haven't had enough work so far this year, but even though I suddenly have a bunch of stuff coming in, it's not going to be paid for a while yet. Even with the ACA still hanging on, this country is majorly fucked up about health care costs, and it's pretty easy to go bankrupt even with insurance.

Last night we went to see the documentary Score, about composing music for films, at this teeeny local theatre that was the first art house in Seattle way back in the '60s. I hadn't known it was still in business--it's run by vounteers now, and the lobby is now a restaurant so the actual theatre is about one-tenth the size it used to be. The movie was great--if you have a chance to watch it, you should: there were some really good reminiscences by directors and other composers about some of the legends, and interviews with all kinds of fascinating film composers, plus a glimpse into the process of recording film scores.

My only complaints were one I shared with feochadn, which was that a guy went on and on about King Kong (the first real movie score) being cheesy and stupid, and that the music was the only thing that helped audiences get over the cheesy and stupid, which is utterly, patently false and doesn't understand the audience dynamic at the time the original King Kong was released. And my second gripe was that as they talked about modern scores and unique or avant garde approaches, they interviewed and spent quite a bit of time following the guy who did the utterly forgettable Age of Ultron score instead of spending any time with Henry Jackman, who did the Winter Soldier score, which most people I know still talk about with a certain amount of awe. Especially because I think it would have dovetailed nicely with talking about the "game-changing" soundtrack for the Social Network by Trent Reznor (I'm not one of the people who think it was game-changing, but whatever), and they did talk to Henry Jackman, but only for a microscopically short time. Plus, they didn't list Winter Soldier in his credits, and that was…weird to me. And it's not my own blind prejudice for anything related to Winter Soldier--I've read so many people talking about the amazing things he did with that score, especially regarding the Soldier himself, and it just seems like a huge missed opportunity in the modern section…and instead we got fucking Ultron. I'd defy anyone to remember anything unique or special about the music in that movie. But I still definitely recommend seeing Score if you can, and stay for the credits and James Cameron's dicussion of James Horner's score for Titanic. (It's in a couple cities right now, and rolling around other parts of the country for the next few months--you can find out where on the web site linked above.)

I wish I knew how you find a therapist. I am very lonely and depressed, and there's no one to talk to here, but I just don't know how you go about finding someone you mesh with, and who's competent, and one you can afford (the importance of either can be switched). I mean, I've met some truly shitty people in RL who I find out later are therapists and it's like O.o so the idea of going into this cold doesn't thrill me.

Date: 2017-07-20 06:33 am (UTC)
jb_slasher: text: you'll never crawl alone (ynca)
From: [personal profile] jb_slasher
I'm sorry you're having a not-good very bad day. <3

Age Of Ultron vs. Winter Soldier when it comes to scores: Winter Soldier is one of my favourites, and it is really memorable. I have no idea what AOU even sounds like.

On a random note: I went to see Inception twice, on the second time solely concentrating on the soundtrack because it was so amazing to me. (Hence I missed a few cues for laughing and probably seemed a bit slow, laughing two seconds after everyone else.)

Date: 2017-07-20 08:29 am (UTC)
batwrangler: Just for me. (Default)
From: [personal profile] batwrangler

Finding a good therapist is hard. Maybe start with whatever patient services your oncologist's office can recommend for cancer-support groups? Or if your doc isn't helpful, start by looking for local cancer-support groups?

Date: 2017-07-20 09:32 am (UTC)
ratcreature: hugs ({{{hugs}}})
From: [personal profile] ratcreature
Yeah, the cost of US health care just seems ridiculous. And that makes your country's insurance issues much more intractable.

I'm really sorry you have to worry about medical bills on top being sick.

Date: 2017-07-20 11:33 am (UTC)
kass: Eleven and Amy hug. (hug)
From: [personal profile] kass
I don't have wisdom to offer but I send love from afar.

Date: 2017-07-20 02:10 pm (UTC)
killabeez: (KS always)
From: [personal profile] killabeez
Evie had to go to two different therapists to get her letters, and I think she liked both of them. You might talk to her?

{{{{{massive hugs}}}}} We have been having a tough week, too. I'm looking forward to hugging you in person in the next couple of days. (I hope!)

Date: 2017-07-20 06:17 pm (UTC)
dorinda: Hands reach for two identical glasses, which are labeled "half empty" and "half full". (halfemptyhalffull)
From: [personal profile] dorinda
Ooh, that documentary sounds good. Though yeah, I have to agree with you guys about that wacked-out King Kong opinion, because waaat.

Date: 2017-07-20 08:24 pm (UTC)
grammarwoman: (Default)
From: [personal profile] grammarwoman
I read about Score a bit again; it definitely sounded interesting.

More *HUGS* if you'd like them - today sounds like a day where you could use them.

Date: 2017-07-21 01:10 am (UTC)
the_shoshanna: my boy kitty (Default)
From: [personal profile] the_shoshanna
When I was going to look for a therapist for the first time, I asked my father (a therapist himself) for advice. I only remember one of the questions he suggested I ask, unfortunately -- it was a long time ago -- but it was "What kinds of clients do you think you work best with?" It was a great question, sometimes for the way the potential therapist answered it, and once for the way she dodged and judged it...

Date: 2017-07-21 01:51 am (UTC)
mackiemesser: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mackiemesser
I always think of July as a turning point month, mostly because the end of it means I've survived the worst of summer and it will be less blasted hellscape from here on out. So I hope it can be that in a less specifically weather focused way for you, too.

I think there are check lists/question lists for finding a therapist out there; they mostly seem to be combination of practical--what about insurance, what if you miss an appointment, do they do phone sessions--and conceptual--what is their training/background, what are their goals as a therapist--so maybe you can find the combination of questions that addresses what will give you a starting point?

Does the movie have any Danny Elfman? Anything about film scores that doesn't include Elfman and his impact (his Batman score alone had a huge influence on action movie scores) is leaving a lot out.

Date: 2017-08-02 01:42 am (UTC)
mackiemesser: (Default)
From: [personal profile] mackiemesser
Hmmm... might have to check it out, then. Thanks for the info!

Date: 2017-07-21 01:22 pm (UTC)
przed: (Default)
From: [personal profile] przed

And Score sounds like something that would be right up my alley, even if it's flawed. (AOU vs. Winter Soldier? No contest.)


Date: 2017-08-02 01:42 pm (UTC)
anoel: anoel lioness (anoel lioness)
From: [personal profile] anoel
I hope you're doing alright and I've been thinking about you *hugs* I've been thinking about Sandy recently too and it's really sad and tough with endings. I think looking for a therapist is a good idea and from what I've been told, it takes trial and error to find a good one but I think it'll be worth the effort.

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